Day 1815 When do you stop outsourcing yourself Tyler

4 03 2018

One of the best things about writing a blog besides expressing yourself, the reach across the world you can get. I had a guy in a small Russian Village of 500 people reach out and say keep telling your story.

BTW thank you for reading and responding. It’s very cool to get responses even if you don’t like what I’m doing. On to the show.

I hired a life/business coach about a month ago. I’ve had 2 sessions with her. What am I supposed to be when I grow up is why I hired her. First session left me with a bunch or questions and a lot of deep thinking. Those things are good but as usual I wanted more, more answers, dig inside me deeper. So welcome the 2nd session on Friday. I spent 10 minutes telling about my thoughts, whats next, why I’m doing coaching. Then I told her how I was upset that Im always have to fight to be accepted and loved.  I pour myself into everyone, I bleed for them, I love them, i want more for them than I do myself, then she stopped me and said: Tyler when do you stop outsourcing yourself, you been doing it since you were 10 years old.  I paused and for some reason I started crying. I had to ask her to give me a minute. Nobody had worded that statement like that to me before. I know I’ve heard something like that many times but Friday it hit me.  I feel guilty, when I buy something for myself, I feel Im taking away from someone else. What do I like to do I like to put others first, that makes me happy but that doesn’t ever allow my tank to be filled. In relationships I’m the giver, and people take and take but don’t give back to me like I deserve. If I got paid to be a outsourcer i would be rich.

I have a plan,  baby steps, just a few hours a week. Learning to care for me but keep this heart that loves and wants people to succeed in life. I have to learn it’s not selfish to care about myself. If I don’t care for me who will. Love you





Day 1149 Im finally in an amazing realtionship

28 03 2016

Yesterday was the first big holiday without my mom. It was very different and she was missed terribly. Flashbacks of her being there, eating, laughing telling me if I didn’t use my manners she was going to shove an Easter egg down my throat and make me like it.
I would do anything to have her back, tell her I love her, and have her hug me one more time. Yesterday was just another day to remember how amazing she was and how she made everything so special.
A big thank you to my sister Meagan Wood for cooking like mom would have, but the bad part it was on time which would have never happened with my mom.

For almost 25 years I’ve been searching for someone to love ME. Not what I can do for them, or what my potential was but for me. I knew what I was capable of and for most of the relationships I was pretty decent in loving and showing love. I was broken and made a lot of wrong turns but now I made a change in my life and knew what I could be as a boyfriend and a future husband. I was ready to give up, from blind dates, to people I knew from my past, to dating websites I was ready to throw in the towel. Being a daddy, a warrior for God, speaker, and working I had accepted that I wasn’t going to find anyone else. In July of last year I saw a girl I thought was pretty sent her a message and then we started talking. She was in Austin so I thought it was just going to be something where I passed the time. We talked a lot and I was dating a few women here and there. I finally decided to go meet her. I drove down during the week thought I was crazy because I was going to get back so late for work the next day. Based on all the things I wanted in a woman she was it but we know that we all put on a good show when we meet. After dinner we were sitting there and she put her arm around my arm, 2 points for her. Physical touch is my love language, so she was a head of the game. She looked at me like nobody ever had and I wondered why.

When I left I thought I really needed to see her again but didn’t know when I was going to “TRY” again. I kept trying and we became closer and closer. Still the whole time I did everything I could to push her away. Not because I didn’t want her but because I was afraid. I mean I already said I was good being single the rest of my life and how could anyone possibly love me. She didn’t budge. I knew she thought about leaving but she has something I never had and that she was loyal. We told me from our first date that she thought that I was incredible. She hasn’t stopped since. I’m weird, I’m different, I march to the beat of my own drum, but I’m also loving, caring, a giver, loyal, a man’s man, a great father and she’s helped show me that. My mom, sister, kids, and my close friends thought she was great but for some reason I couldn’t get over me. The day before my mom died we had a serious conversation and I thought it might be over , and the next day my mom died. She got here as quick as she could. Like anyone else she had no idea what to do so she was there. Through my tears, my stories, my laughs, my deepest fears, and the hardest thing that had happened to me. I had always said before If I  ever stayed with someone forever again I had to know what she was like when shit hit the fan. Well lets just say she bought the best toilet paper and wiped it clean lol.

She had grown closer to my kids, Rock Bottom Outreach, God and me. When I think of what I wanted in woman, mother and lover she exceeds those expectations. There will never be another woman like my mom but Stephanie Lemburg is following closely. About 3 weeks ago God and I had one of our one on ones. I asked that he lets my heart accept all of her and let my heart fall truly, madly , deeply in love. God spoke to me and said don’t let her go for any reason and Tyler you deserve this woman its time to let go of your junk.

I have done that and I couldn’t be happier. Sure we have the ups and downs of getting to know one another but at the end of the day I’m not worried about her walking out on me. There may not be a better feeling for a 40-year-old man to know the love of a loyal woman and that she’s even on my side when she’s about ready to hit me with a hammer.

AS my journey changes Im glad to walk it with Stephanie. I love you Stephanie and thank you.

 





Day 600 Do you believe in me really?

17 09 2014

Trying to protect yourself from your kids and all of the other germ factories in their school is like trying to protect yourself from a rain cloud. We are all three sick. I’m better and now they are sick. With all the booggies, sneezing, Kleenex and washing hands we look like a soap opera.

We all search for the meaning in life. I’m searching for my meaning maybe when I find mine I can help you find yours. I can say I’m about as close as I will ever be. Yesterday I had the opportunity  speak to Brock  high school and Jr, high along with  30 adults.It accounted for around 425 kids.   The sense of being where your supposed to be is so peaceful to me. Sure I get nervous but it’s not for the reasons you think. I could care less what other people think of me, how they judge me or watch someone drop their jaw when I say the things I do. I get nervous because I have one shot to have the words that are needed. I pray to God that I can say the one thing that a kid or adult walks out with and sad that big bald guy said not to do this or do that.  The stories are true and I’m not lying about any of it. I just become peaceful because maybe one child walks away and their life changes and they don’t walk down the path of destruction I did. When you have a path of destruction not only do you hurt yourself but you’re dragging others along your nail ridden path too. You see kids looking at you like what a weirdo but when your done they know that they heard the truth. What they choose to do with it is up to them. When the talks were  over I got to shake a few hands and one girl named Brooke said to me. Do you believe the things you told us? I paused because I knew what I said next mattered. I said without a shadow of a doubt I  believe it and I believe in you. Whatever it is that is causing you confusion or anger you have to believe that it can change. She said I hope so and I have to go to class but thanks for pour your heart out.  I said wow and shook hands with her.

I was there in life and especially that age. I had a life nobody knew of and because the way I was wired I m not sure I believed anything except I can’t sit back and keep going down the path in life. I have to believe its going to be better and I had to believe in me. I believed I could things but wasn’t sure I could do good things. I felt her pain and wanted to do for more for her but I know she heard me. Its time like that I got in my car and prayed and thanked God that I got the chance.  Then I had a long drive back to Dallas where I questioned everything about what I said and did I make a difference. Do I believe in me?

No matter how far I’ve come I still struggle with me. The worst beatings I’ve ever had in my life I administered them to myself. I ask myself and sometimes and I always want to ask others Do you believe in me really? Sure you might say it doesn’t matter what others say. It does  and to know that someone believes in you because their not getting something from you that ,but they believe in you because they see things you can’t is an amazing feeling. Its been a long time since I believed in me and thought I had found what I should be doing. AS this journey continues to push on I ask that you pray for me to continue to believe that I can do this and that lives change because of my story and not me. God put us on this earth to help others and I finally believe  that I may be doing that.





Day 293 Kill or be killed

31 10 2013

Almost Halloween and I like Candy! I’m a fan of Kit Kat, Candy corn and The Candy Pumpkin! Also I’m sure if your old school you remember when we used to get the popcorn balls. That was greatness! Now you can’t give away popcorn balls because we all poison candy or whatever the news says we dd.For the second year in a row we made pumpkin seeds which are great just make sure you boil them first or they are horrible. I found out the first year.

Met a man yesterday at a construction site and sometimes either you have a pull to talk to someone or they feel they need to talk to you! Lucky for me he wanted to talk to me. We talked about the construction project and then he asked for me to tell him my story!  Not sure why besides the fact i looked tired. I explained my childhood, dad, marriage, kids, and hardships very condensed version and the first thing he said to me was overcome! He wanted to ask me questions but I asked for his story first! He explained divorce, the death of his son at 27, his two daughters and his new wife which her ex-husband killed their two sons and himself in front of her.  I was taken back and really started wanting to know why all of this crap happens. He then pulls out his bible. (This is very rare in the construction world I have seen more porn mags than bibles) and turns to revelations.  He has it highlighted and underlined the word overcome. It’s there 3 times and then looks at me and said besides, faith, hope and love God wants us to overcome! In my head I was like duh I know that, but then he said you know like the times you wanted to kill yourself. He probably thought I was looking at him like I saw a ghost, or when you thought about giving up your kids and moving away? (Again my Ghost face) or the time you business went away and your whole entire worth as a person was gone! I know you wanted to quit but you overcame.

This guy is probably 60 and that’s what I love about wisdom and older age. You know before you ask because all of our lives are very similar. He explained how he wanted to kill himself, his lack of worth and just being fed up with being a shitty man! He said the first part of overcoming is trying to stop understanding the unexplainable. Surround yourself with people that are good for your life, and finally count your blessings, rather than your loses. He said if you do the opposite of those your killing yourself or your going to be killed by someone else. Not in a physical way but once we give someone else the power typically that person is there to kill our soul! I needed to hear this man yesterday! I sat there think about all of my oh why me! Then I heard what I needed to hear!

If you know me I started the world in my mom’s Stomach upside down feet first (Which will be the title of my book). I started rough and it really didn’t get any smoother. People don’t care about the pain in your life because they have it too. They just want to see the baby or the painted picture of your pain. If you want to lead people or be an example you have to overcome. There really isn’t a choice! I stepped back yesterday and looked at what I had overcome since birth and where I’m at today and I’m proud! I’m not proud of some of the situations I was in but Im here and Im making a difference. I listen to the men in my men’s group and they heap tons of praise on me, I have friends  that love me and I have total strangers that tell me thank you for being vulnerable and telling you what I have overcome so they may have hope! God will bless the one that overcomes. It’s in Revelations in the bible God’s word! If anything I have learned God hasn’t lied to me yet so overcoming is all I know to do!





Day 293 Kill or be killed

30 10 2013

Almost Halloween and I like Candy! I’m a fan of Kit Kat, Candy corn and The Candy Pumpkin! Also I’m sure if your old school you remember when we used to get the popcorn balls. That was greatness! Now you can’t give away popcorn balls because we all poison candy or whatever the news says we dd.For the second year in a row we made pumpkin seeds which are great just make sure you boil them first or they are horrible. I found out the first year.

Met a man yesterday at a construction site and sometimes either you have a pull to talk to someone or they feel they need to talk to you! Lucky for me he wanted to talk to me. We talked about the construction project and then he asked for me to tell him my story!  Not sure why besides the fact i looked tired. I explained my childhood, dad, marriage, kids, and hardships very condensed version and the first thing he said to me was overcome! He wanted to ask me questions but I asked for his story first! He explained divorce, the death of his son at 27, his two daughters and his new wife which her ex-husband killed their two sons and himself in front of her.  I was taken back and really started wanting to know why all of this crap happens. He then pulls out his bible. (This is very rare in the construction world I have seen more porn mags than bibles) and turns to revelations.  He has it highlighted and underlined the word overcome. It’s there 3 times and then looks at me and said besides, faith, hope and love God wants us to overcome! In my head I was like duh I know that, but then he said you know like the times you wanted to kill yourself. He probably thought I was looking at him like I saw a ghost, or when you thought about giving up your kids and moving away? (Again my Ghost face) or the time you business went away and your whole entire worth as a person was gone! I know you wanted to quit but you overcame.

This guy is probably 60 and that’s what I love about wisdom and older age. You know before you ask because all of our lives are very similar. He explained how he wanted to kill himself, his lack of worth and just being fed up with being a shitty man! He said the first part of overcoming is trying to stop understanding the unexplainable. Surround yourself with people that are good for your life, and finally count your blessings, rather than your loses. He said if you do the opposite of those your killing yourself or your going to be killed by someone else. Not in a physical way but once we give someone else the power typically that person is there to kill our soul! I needed to hear this man yesterday! I sat there think about all of my oh why me! Then I heard what I needed to hear!

If you know me I started the world in my mom’s Stomach upside down feet first (Which will be the title of my book). I started rough and it really didn’t get any smoother. People don’t care about the pain in your life because they have it too. They just want to see the baby or the painted picture of your pain. If you want to lead people or be an example you have to overcome. There really isn’t a choice! I stepped back yesterday and looked at what I had overcome since birth and where I’m at today and I’m proud! I’m not proud of some of the situations I was in but Im here and Im making a difference. I listen to the men in my men’s group and they heap tons of praise on me, I have friends  that love me and I have total strangers that tell me thank you for being vulnerable and telling you what I have overcome so they may have hope! God will bless the one that overcomes. It’s in Revelations in the bible God’s word! If anything I have learned God hasn’t lied to me yet so overcoming is all I know to do!








Matthew Winters (Honest Thoughts from a Pastor)

The life, ministry, & thoughts of a Christ-follower, husband, dad, & minister

LifeVersePoetry

Live. Love. Write.

My True North

A certain darkness is needed to see the stars.

Megha Bose

A peek into Megha's mind

jesussocial

Christian News, Devotional, Leadership, Church, Evangelism, Conference, Worship, Pastors , Bible, Gospel Music,Gospel,Salvation, GoodNews, Disciples, Cross,Winning, Love, Mercy,Bible Study,New Testament, Church,Matthew,Mark, Luke, John,Heart, Soul, Body,Mind,Spirit,Church History, Books, Pastorso, Evangelists. Teachers, Apostles, Healing, Leadership, Grace, Salvation, Faith,Lifestyle and Entertainment,

JADIKANLAH AKU RAJA

Invite Rizky FAUZI as Speaker - 08986800220 (Chat WA) | SUPPORT HAMIKU SUCCESS with SHARE IT | Setelah DIBACA timbal baliknya harus di-SHARE soalnya gak gratis... - RIZKY FAUZI

iksperimentalist

a collision of science and comedy

This is My Story, This is My Song.

This is my journey with faith, love, acceptance, redemption through God's incredible grace and mercy!

Surviving the affair....the cheaters perspective

I cheated. Yip I did it, I am not proud of it, but that won't change a thing. This is my story of me trying to survive one day at a time. No guarantees....

Light of Darkness

Every moment of light and dark is a miracle

%d bloggers like this: