Day 828 Money wont buy your soul

4 05 2015

I had an awesome with weekend with my family. We saw the new Avengers movie, had my son’s baseball game, and the went to Mayfest in Fort Worth. Today we took my mom and sister to the horse races. We did a great job of having fun and getting along. Two points for my family. This week I will also be the father to a teenager. God help us all 🙂

Money can’t live with it and can’t live without it. It brings our the best and worst in every person and including me. I know I will get some disagreement about this but it’s the trust item I know to speak on. My the standard of the people growing up we were poor but taken care. We never had extra but we had what he needed. My parents worked their butts off like so many people’s parents and things worked out great and sometimes they didn’t. Once my father became disabled we learned what poor was. Life was taken from us and we had to  learn how to go without but still our needs were met. It’s just sometimes the needs were pushed out. I knew poor and I saw my mom and dad to go without so my sister and I didn’t go with out. I could tell you so many stories about money and what we weren’t able to do but I wont. I knew how to work hard because my parents were amazing examples but I swore I would never be poor. The journey for money was one of the biggest reasons for Rock bottom. I used greed, pride, ego and any other means so YOU would think I had money. I never had enough of it. I knew what it was like not to have any. So we drove the best, had the best and when we bought we usually bought two of everything so I never felt I was doing without. The money thing I never brought  God into my money because God didn’t understand currency and why I did what I did with my money. We even tithed to church but because I thought it would give us more. Damn was I wrong about money.

Chasing the almighty dollar brought me to my knees, literally and almost ended my life. Men are about being providers and we lose the fact that doesn’t mean piles of money and stuff. It means time and love. We work so hard to reach for something that we think because we can buy it for her or our kids that shows love and time. People and family want our time and soul. MONEY WILL NEVER BUY YOUR SOUL BUT IT WILL TAKE IT FROM YOU. I know to guys right now that are about to go bankrupt and they are filthy rich in stuff which is about to be taken and they have no idea who they are. I have met some amazing people on this journey that have lost it all, have it all but they lost  their family which is our soul. Men compare one another based on car, house, trophy wife, stuff they can donate to their kids sports team, vacation, and paying for weddings and college. What we see is what they want us to see but inside they are broken, an addict, full of rage, lost and downright hopeless. I will agree having money can buy you some freedom but it doesn’t buy happiness. I tried it and I talk to men who have money and when they get real they ALL say they would give it all up to have a sense of peace.

I’ve been reading Soul Keeping by John Ortenberg. Its one of the truest depictions of our soul and how we are driven by materialism and consumerism and try to buy our happiness. What that has caused us is to neglect the eternal and most important part of ourselves and the consequences from that.IF anyone ever tells you money will make it all better. Thats a lie from the pits of hell. MONEY cannot repair a destroyed heart and soul. You can mask it but only a close, deep down, being real with God and society can you mend that soul. This blog won’t change anyone’s thinking. If you know me you know my struggles with money and my thoughts on it. 39 years of thoughts on money are hard to change in a day. What I can tell you from experience that keep trying to find fulfillment, joy and love through money and you may be reaching out me to ask how did you build your life back after your lost everything and destroyed your soul. I’ll be the first one here to help pick you up but I want to keep you from going down that path.

When my dad died if you know my story I was embarrassed of him and the things we didn’t have. Every person that spoke of him just talked about how great of a man he was, and what he did for others. Not one time did people talk about his lack of money or stuff. It opened my eyes but not enough. Today I remember almost once a week  one of his closest friends said to me. He looked at me and I think he was thinking about his immortality and said: Inside that coffin is a great man and none of this earthly crap is in their with him. Remember that Tyler he had the greatest thing any man could ask for was family intact. I didn’t listen to him and I lost my family but Im learning and Im trying to teach you that money can never buy your soul.





Day 584 Lights are on but your not home

1 09 2014

My kids are growing up in front of me and so many times I miss them because I’m worrying about what I’m not doing right. Saturday I caught one. My kids were laughing out loud  about our dog and the voices I do for her. They both looked at me and laughed which is the best sound but My daughter just said thank you and my son said your cool daddy even though your chest is hairy. Well moments like that can stay with you for a while.

I don’t have much to blog about tonight because I have too much on my mind. This song by Staind called Realty is a very deep and thought-provoking song. I know someone reading this might need the words to get through. Music always speaks to my soul and here’s to your soul!!

The lights are on
But you’re not home
You’ve drifted off
Somewhere alone
Somewhere that’s safe
No questions here
A quiet place
Where you hide from your fears

Sometimes when you’re out of rope
The way to climb back up is clear
The walls you build around yourself
I guess they also keep you here
Are you afraid of what they think?
Whoever they happen to be
Or are you hiding from the scars of
Your own reality?

So you sedate
And drown in vain
You’ve got a pill
For every day
A suit and tie
To mask the truth
It’s ugly head
Is starting to show through

Sometimes when you’re out of rope
The way to climb back up’s unclear
The walls you build around yourself
I guess they also keep you here
Are you afraid of what they think?
Whoever they happen to be
Or are you hiding from the scars of
Your own reality?

The monster you’re feeding
Your lack of perception
The things that you do
To fulfill your addictions
The light at the end
Of your tunnel is closing
What is it that you’re so
Afraid of exposing?
You’d give it all up for
What’s there for the taking
Whatever it takes to
Keep your hands from shaking
The same things you’re thinking
Might make you feel better
The same things that probably
Got you here

Sometimes when you’re out of rope
The way to climb back up’s unclear
The walls you build around yourself
I guess they also keep you here
Are you afraid of what they think?
Whoever they happen to be
Or are you hiding from the scars of
Your own reality?

The monster you’re feeding
Your lack of perception
The things that you do
To fulfill your addictions
(Your own reality)
The light at the end
Of your tunnel is closing
What is it that you’re so
Afraid of exposing?
(Your own reality)
You’d give it all up for
What’s there for the taking
Whatever it takes to
Keep your hands from shaking
(Your own reality)
The same things you’re thinking
Might make you feel better
The same things that probably
Got you here

 





Day 77 Music and My soul

18 03 2013

We are home and tired but we got through the day pretty well. I did have a flat on my truck when we got home but I just laughed what can you do.  Im not sure whats worse the week after Spring break or Christmas. To many Zombie walkers today.  I had the server at Chick Fila drop my drink twice while getting me a refill and the lady at QT looked at me and twice and asked me what I needed. I said receipt she said its at the pump. So either people forgot caffeine or people were out of it.

I love road trips because of music. I love everything about music. The lyrics, the beat, the moment it takes me to or back to. My dad was best friends with Buddy Holly and played with the Crickets some. He was an amazing musician and so I know where I got the love of it. I never played an instrument I was to busy playing sports. I regret that more than anything now, but I’m starting to learn the piano so I can play the song by  Coldplay The Scientist.

I’m one of those who truly listens to everything. Classical, rap, R&B, hard rock, Adult Alternative, Country, Bagpipe,  Christian, you name it I listen to it. We all have that song that takes us back to that moment. Tuesday’s Gone is one of those songs, when I used to get drunk or just wanted to relax I play that song.  The Freshman from the Verve Pipe I played about 2000 times when I got drunk for 38 days straight after one of the girls I loved dumped me.  Yes 38 days in a row I was drunk. If I hear that song my mind goes back to that place. I wish it didn’t. NWA, Tu Pac,  Bone Thugs and Harmony. I hear those songs and remember some things I m not proud of but had one hellve a time. AC DC Thuderstruck makes me want to go through a wall.  anything by Jodeci makes me want to have sex. I hear Amazing Grace played by Bagpipes and remember the day my dad was laid to rest.

I know we all do but I want you to remember the words not just the beat. There are many people who write great music that you never have heard the words because you hear the beat. Aaron Lewis of Staind is an amazing writer. He had some women treat him like crap. I related and I heard his words and it was comforting to know someone else felt the way I did it also helped me to cope. Find the music that appeals to your soul feel it but hear it too. Lift a jambox over your head and play he music loud for that person you love!!








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