Day 852 Its time to let go

28 05 2015

I was sitting in a courtroom this morning and its the last place I thought I would be sitting. I wont go into details  but I was trying to get something that had belonged to me for three years. It was something that I never thought would get to this point but it did. Sooner or later you have to stand up for yourself and I did. I should have done it sooner but I can’t understand why in God’s name why this person still feels the way they do towards me, So that leads to this.

Call it forgiveness, letting go or just finding your happiness. It really doesn’t matter what someone has done or perceived done to you. If you still hold hatred, bitterness, fear, anger towards someone I’m betting they have moved on and your still holding on to it. Its like your drinking poison from a big cup but hoping the other person gets sick. They don’t get sick only you. Life will never be what you want or dream it to be if you hold onto the crap. You think if I continue to rip them apart, talk and say the worst things about them, poke holes in their weaknesses I’ll feel better and I’ll show them. It will never happen. The person being hurt is you! Again the only person hurt is you. Since we are human we are entitled to the feelings and hurting a hurt with a hurt sometimes would feel better until you do it then you realize you lowered yourself to the level of the person you can’t stand.

God forgave us all! Tyler stop talking about God you don’t understand. I do understand, what forgiveness does and you don’t forgive, you don’t get it back. Forgiveness isn’t for the other person its for you. Believe I have a list of about 5 people who if I could give a piece of my mind to I could make them cry and bring them to their knees but truthfully what does that do.  What you’re hoping for is that somebody that you loved or maybe didn’t doesn’t ever feel the way you did. I can honestly say I still care for the person and truly wish only great things for them, but seeing the feelings that they have cared with them their whole not about me but everyone from their past is downright sad.

IF your stuck and the only things you want to do is make someone like a fool in public, rip them apart on social media or talk crap to your kids about someone your truthfully the one that looks like a fool. Its time!!! Its time to let it go. Your life begins again when you realize the crap you hold onto is only poisoning you.

God gave me a 2nd chance to change my life and without forgiving my dad, and a few other people I would still be the miserable piece of crap I was. I’m living proof that forgiveness or letting go opens your eyes to life. Let go and let God. If you don’t believe in God I’m sorry but believe in something or your fall for anything!!!!

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Day 106 Why do we learn the hard way

19 04 2013

Day 106 Why do we learn the hard way.

As every day goes by we go through roller coasters in life. The high arch is great and the low low is horrible. I would love to always get on here and tell you how great I’m doing and how I haven’t made mistakes but I can’t. I made a  complete ass of myself yesterday in front of my daughter, son and their mom.

My daughter called me late yesterday afternoon and said that she wanted to go home, she missed her mom, friends, and her stuff. I always knew that this would happen but I took it personally. I can’t give her those things and it kills me. Her whole life she lived in that house and in the afternoon she has to leave her mom’s and come to an apartment where she only knows a few people. I got really upset with her and begged her to tell me what I had done wrong. She said nothing and I tried to think, but there really was nothing. She is almost 11 and her hormones are flying around and for a while Im not always going to be the greatest dad ever. Its hard when your little girl grows up right in front of your face. She has handled the divorce better than I have and the first time she doesn’t I unleash on her. Today and yesterday  I felt like the biggest asshole in the world. Then to make matters worse her mother and I try hard to get alone well but you have those days where you don’t. She was right this time about how I reacted to our daughter, but also some things were said that are my triggers. Well I pulled the trigger and said things back that I shouldn’t have and especially in front of my children.

I know better and no matter what is said, what is meant I’m the only one that controls what I do and say. I failed miserably and cried myself to sleep last night. I want to be perfect when it comes to being a parent and an ex spouse. I know I can’t but I learned yesterday that no matter how close you think you are you’re not. I  called and asked my daughter and asked her to forgive me and apologized profusely. I hope I learn and the feeling I had today sticks with me so I remember how this felt. She was amazing and forgave me and told me it was okay. I even texted her mom and apologized which was really hard but when your wrong your wrong. I got no response, but If that’s what I wanted was a response then I was wrong for even trying to apologize. So I just asked God to let her know I’m sorry.

Admit fault and I’m wrong sucks. We all hate it and most of the time we don’t. It taste worst than dirt but if your going to be a different person then you have to be a different person. Sorry I let those people down but another lesson learned.





Day 106 Why do we learn the hard way

18 04 2013

As every day goes by we go through roller coasters in life. The high arch is great and the low low is horrible. I would love to always get on here and tell you how great I’m doing and how I haven’t made mistakes but I can’t. I made a  complete ass of myself yesterday in front of my daughter, son and their mom.

My daughter called me late yesterday afternoon and said that she wanted to go home, she missed her mom, friends, and her stuff. I always knew that this would happen but I took it personally. I can’t give her those things and it kills me. Her whole life she lived in that house and in the afternoon she has to leave her mom’s and come to an apartment where she only knows a few people. I got really upset with her and begged her to tell me what I had done wrong. She said nothing and I tried to think, but there really was nothing. She is almost 11 and her hormones are flying around and for a while Im not always going to be the greatest dad ever. Its hard when your little girl grows up right in front of your face. She has handled the divorce better than I have and the first time she doesn’t I unleash on her. Today and yesterday  I felt like the biggest asshole in the world. Then to make matters worse her mother and I try hard to get alone well but you have those days where you don’t. She was right this time about how I reacted to our daughter, but also some things were said that are my triggers. Well I pulled the trigger and said things back that I shouldn’t have and especially in front of my children.

I know better and no matter what is said, what is meant I’m the only one that controls what I do and say. I failed miserably and cried myself to sleep last night. I want to be perfect when it comes to being a parent and an ex spouse. I know I can’t but I learned yesterday that no matter how close you think you are you’re not. I  called and asked my daughter and asked her to forgive me and apologized profusely. I hope I learn and the feeling I had today sticks with me so I remember how this felt. She was amazing and forgave me and told me it was okay. I even texted her mom and apologized which was really hard but when your wrong your wrong. I got no response, but If that’s what I wanted was a response then I was wrong for even trying to apologize. So I just asked God to let her know I’m sorry.

Admit fault and I’m wrong sucks. We all hate it and most of the time we don’t. It taste worst than dirt but if your going to be a different person then you have to be a different person. Sorry I let those people down but another lesson learned.








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