Day 1700 So I met this girl

9 11 2017

The journey after divorce is a roller coaster. That might be an understatement. I started out with 6 months of no dating and then I dated a lot and often. I knew within about 10 minutes of every date well this wont work. After divorce you know what you want and don’t want if you don’t you shouldn’t step into another relationship. So I learned, I got frustrated, I got hopeless then I got engaged. It was good then my mom died. I went from having one parent to no parents. I wasn’t the same, and it was difficult on her to. We parted ways and you realize people do come in for seasons and it never makes sense to me but that’s God way so we go with it. Then I met this girl!

KAS and T

Im big on smiles, I’ve learned that on my worse days seeing someone smile can change my mood. So I was on an online dating site wasting time really when I was without my kids and her smile popped up. I was like wow her smile is amazing and she is super hott! Then her first line was mom of 2 angels in Heaven and I was intrigued. So I went through the generic questions and finally just asked to text. I had to know what the 2 angels in Heaven meant. Never in a million years did I think I would hear that her ex-husband killer her 2 kids and then killed himself. To stay I was speechless was crazy but me being speechless is unheard of. So while Ill gathered my thoughts i asked generic questions trying not to cross any lines. I was expecting my mind to push away because Im really good at pushing away but especially in this situation. Something was pulling me to her and not pushing. Yes Im drawn to helping others but this was more of I could love her.

We went on a date and typically she is very shy she said and she wasn’t and she looked so amazing. I was enthralled in listening to her. Trying to understand her story, how she made it, how she didn’t take her life. I couldn’t get enough of listening to her. She is the strongest woman I know. She helps others and strives to make others lives better. Shes so funny, witty, a little bit of a smart arse, but mostly she accepts me. I’m a weird dude, who has an opinion, who loves everyone, whose striving to make my corner of life better, who wants to change stereotypes and excuses, but mostly I wanted someone to understand grief and the pain that I carry and accept it and love me through it. Don’t give up on me and see the greatness I carry. Mission accomplished!

I have never met someone so selfless, that loves at a depth I’ve never seen, I believe because of what she has lost she sees what others can’t. She reminds me so much of my mom, strong, would do anything for anyone, and loves at a depth I had never seen. Everyone loves her and that smile can light up the darkest places in the world.

I would say I’m lucky but I don’t believe in luck. I believe in blessings and you get what you deserve it maybe tomorrow or 40 years from now but Im blessed to find what I prayed for  sitting alone in my high school football stadium when I was 18 years old.

God willing we continue to grow together and take our stories to help change the world, but mostly that we love each other with a love that neither of us ever experienced.  So thank you Karen Ashley for being on this amazing journey, you help make my world a better place. I love you! Love never ends

 





Day 1488 This is why you change -866 Days and counting

20 03 2017

Hello People. 92 degrees in Texas I know its the first day of spring but Summer decided to wave hi first. I’m so thankful to have this outlet to be able to share me. I know some thinks it’s a weird way to do it but that’s okay because I know I’m weird. I’m embrace it!

I’m a single man again. Never thought I would be here again but life threw   me a huge upper cut when  my mom died. I became numb and couldn’t even fake it some days. The blended family was also a huge problem that until you’re living there is no way to know how to handle it. So in the journey again with a different path. I really need to find a path and stay on it 🙂

I’m not a glass half full, or half empty I’m just thankful something is in my glass. So writing this please know The days I get I’m so thankful for but I’m here to help so this is real talk.

Since I moved out of my old house with my ex-wife almost 5 years ago. I have missed 866 days of my kids lives. Yes that means I’ve had them for 866 days and I promise I’ve done my best to make all of that time matter. You don’t have to mess up the time like I did. We all know when something isn’t right with ourselves and our relationship. You ignore it or just say that’s the way it is then your left listening to your kids grow up on phone.

866 days of their life I missed. thank God I fought for joint custody but its hard to have your kids come home and they truly changes. The first 2 days my son is here he calls me mom, they don’t feel close, they don’t communicate as much and then its Sunday and just the time of us seems like its gone because we have to get ready for school. I learn about their day  by asking questions right before bedtime. When I want to do something with them that only comes around once a year I can’t. My flesh and blood is missing. I know I will find them but I can never get those days back. Hello, I love you, thank you sounds different on the phone.

Like I said earlier, realize a few things:. we are all screwed up, we all have a hurt, habit, or hang-up, we all have a past. Some worse than others, we had someone break us down, break our heart, we all medicate our pain some how. So you’re never alone. Never. You don’t know what I’ve done Tyler, but I know someone who has. The thing is we can’t live there anymore because living “their” allows someone else to raise your kids, and just have voice memories to carry you through.

Find your weakness, absorb, accept it, and get help, counseling, recovery group, just a voice to listen. Anyone that sits on an island by themselves will drown every time. I believe in Jesus Christ so I go there but find something. Nothing  is worse than losing everything because I said said,  I don’t know what to do. There are options everywhere. Its pride and ego that will steal your life and soul. It doesn’t have to be that way. reach out to me, do something because you are worth it and those beautiful children are too. You can drink, dope, and yell your life away but you can’t get back what you destroyed.





Day 1302 A BUT makes you a BUTT

8 09 2016

I miss writing so often but when the day ends there is not enough time or energy. I’m trying to make it a point to get back and blog. my mind needs the writers release. Even if nobody reads it, I still need it if that makes sense.

I have always defended myself even when it wasn’t necessary. I still do now because I still forget that I am worthy and I’m enough. That if I’m wrong I’m not that little boy who didn’t have his dad to guide my way so I had to be right or I was going to always make mistakes. I like to be right and who doesn’t but that’s an excuse. We were made not to be perfect but I keep thinking i have to always be perfect and if not I’ll argue with you until I am. The past 6 months have been filled with as many changes in my life than any other time. I’m trying to always be better but!!!! That word gets me always because I might agree with you but I need you to hear my side so you know that I’m okay. So Im still insecure, frightened, unsure, changing ball of a mess. I listen to God and then I stop listening and when I stop listening welcome to Tyler Wood and his interchanging “Buts”

Have you ever went and listened to yourself when you try to defend yourself. It sounds so stupid and when you’re having a good day you step back and say what in the hell did I do that for. What did it matter if I was right or wrong. I didn’t hear the other person, I probably hurt them and I didn’t listen to anything they said. All because Im so insecure, feel unloved, unattached from anyone or anything that I just need to be heard.

I was in an argument with my fiance and we were both wrong but God forbid if I actually shut up and not have to be the heavyweight champion of arguing. So I got the title that night and I hurt her feelings and made her feel that what she had to say wasn’t important. As soon as I said But i should have stopped because the moment I kept going I became a BUTT!

Im always a work in progress like we all are but if I have to  be the champion of But I will become the champion of the BUTTS too and I really don’t need another crappy crown.

We don’t always have to be right even when we are right. The BUT stops here. I hope it can stop with you too!





Day 1112 We don’t have to agree

17 02 2016

You can say  back in the day  and people say stop living in the past. There were some really good things about life back in the day and what I’m talking about tonight in not agreeing with someone else. People used to talk about everything and had their own genuine thoughts.  We were told growing up don’t talk about politics, religion, and sex. So we didn’t but when people had a conversation even about those items they talked. Sure it got heated or passionate or whatever word you want to use but when it was over everyone was still friends, respected each other and actually thought the other person was pretty intelligent. Lets fast forward to today.

If you’re having a conversation which is an oddity nowadays or a face to face its weird. Then if you have a conversation I wonder if anyone has a thought of their own. They watched a video or read an article but you ask for someone to have an original thought and they get upset. Not only do people struggle with politics, sex, religion but if you like Oreo’s and they like chips ahoy you’re an butthole for not liking what they like. The world is a better place because we have different opinions, and thoughts. Sure I will give my two cents on anything but if I don’t know I’ll tell you and we can discuss about something I don’t know.  I get passionate about a few things especially when I know what I have been through and without you going through it (whatever the situation might be) you’ll talk out the side of your mouth and tell me I’m wrong. I’ll still respect your opinion and I’ll talk but I just know the next time who I’m dealing with. I just don’t understand why we cant value someone else’s thoughts or opinions anymore. Are we so afraid we make look like a fraud,  or stupid. Guess what sometimes we are and that’s okay.

We want to be valued but can’t value someone else just talking. Who cares, about politics, religion, sex preference, dinner, a cookie, kids etc.. Why are we so mad. Sometimes we aren’t right. I learned the hard way but other people are smart and deserve to be heard. Its amazing when we open our hearts and mind what we will learn. First try having a conversation face to face, an open mind and some listening ears. You don’t have to bring a gun to every conversation because somebody is going to lose. Usually the one bringing the gun gets shot. in this case the gun is our mouth.

Source: Day 1112 We don’t have to agree





Day 1112 We don’t have to agree

16 02 2016

You can say  back in the day  and people say stop living in the past. There were some really good things about life back in the day and what I’m talking about tonight in not agreeing with someone else. People used to talk about everything and had their own genuine thoughts.  We were told growing up don’t talk about politics, religion, and sex. So we didn’t but when people had a conversation even about those items they talked. Sure it got heated or passionate or whatever word you want to use but when it was over everyone was still friends, respected each other and actually thought the other person was pretty intelligent. Lets fast forward to today.

If you’re having a conversation which is an oddity nowadays or a face to face its weird. Then if you have a conversation I wonder if anyone has a thought of their own. They watched a video or read an article but you ask for someone to have an original thought and they get upset. Not only do people struggle with politics, sex, religion but if you like Oreo’s and they like chips ahoy you’re an butthole for not liking what they like. The world is a better place because we have different opinions, and thoughts. Sure I will give my two cents on anything but if I don’t know I’ll tell you and we can discuss about something I don’t know.  I get passionate about a few things especially when I know what I have been through and without you going through it (whatever the situation might be) you’ll talk out the side of your mouth and tell me I’m wrong. I’ll still respect your opinion and I’ll talk but I just know the next time who I’m dealing with. I just don’t understand why we cant value someone else’s thoughts or opinions anymore. Are we so afraid we make look like a fraud,  or stupid. Guess what sometimes we are and that’s okay.

We want to be valued but can’t value someone else just talking. Who cares, about politics, religion, sex preference, dinner, a cookie, kids etc.. Why are we so mad. Sometimes we aren’t right. I learned the hard way but other people are smart and deserve to be heard. Its amazing when we open our hearts and mind what we will learn. First try having a conversation face to face, an open mind and some listening ears. You don’t have to bring a gun to every conversation because somebody is going to lose. Usually the one bringing the gun gets shot. in this case the gun is our mouth.





Day 891 Its time to touch the sky Tyler

5 07 2015

At midnight tonight I will start a 3 day detox from all social media. I was challenged by my counselor to try it to hear something and avoid the distractions that come with social media. I argued but there are a few issues I have to resolve and I’m at the point that I’m ready. So it may not be a big deal but I struggle with being lovable. So when I need to think about that I run to social media to see what my friends and the world is doing. Its time to be a big boy if I want to have a relationship where I love and want to be loved I have to concentrate on the issue and stop sabotaging myself. Here’s to a first for me!!

We get caught up in our lives, we do the same thing over and over and routine is a life killer. Even we when go on vacation we try to pack so much into our few days off that we need a vacation from our vacation. We never get to truly experience a sense of peace that belongs to just us. That when I get to my spot if its night or day I feel I’m touching the sky. You might be saying what a weirdo what is he talking about. I really feel bad you haven’t felt that but you still can. Maybe in your backyard, in a different county, the mountains, the beach, another country, in your car but you have to find it. It’s the place where you feel a sense of peace, that nothing is wrong, that you can talk out loud to someone that’s  1000’s miles away from you but can still hear you? Or  you connect with a loved one that’s passed or you can just sit there and nothing crosses your mind. It’s a place that God has you and nothing else. I have three of them. One is outside Boulder Colorado, One is in the Sequoia National Forest and the last is on a pier in San Diego California. All three places I have my piece of the sky, one I heard my God and my dad speak to me, one i sat down on a rock and saw the stars I never had and the last one I felt peace like never before. I felt I was going to be okay and every mistake I had made and every time I had fallen down was being handled. Each time when I got back into the car I knew that I had that moment where I felt “okay”  So what does all this mean?

I’m scraping up the money and I’m going back to one  of my places. I have to not just want to. There are some amazing things that have happened in the past 3 years. I couldn’t be more proud of my journey but I know I’m not hearing  some important things in my life. Its time to complete my family, its time to believe in my direction and that what I’m doing with my life is truly what God wants and not me. One day the love of my life can go and share in these places but not until I let whoever she is come in. So if you would pray that I find the finances, listening ear and open heart. Not my will but his.  Until my detox is over love ya!!





Day 850 Can we rid the family of this curse

26 05 2015

We are still getting rain. Many places I like to go are under water and will be until of the middle of July. The rain can move on but at least everything is green. The only good thing is people are staying in so if you’re trying to do things you can get a front row seat.  Also I’m so proud that One year ago yesterday I was baptized by a great friend Brian Hackney. Lord only knows that it hasn’t been easy and the silent battles have hurt but I’m here and better for it. I couldn’t be more thankful for the path I have chosen to listen to and follow which is not my own. It’s never easy but worth it.

Have you heard or do you every say. My family is jinxed, nothing ever goes right for my family. I grew up that way. In mainstream now its called generational or family curses. It’s a mindset that will ruin your life and it does carry down from one generation to the next. The reason why is what you believe is what will come true. Here are the things I’m talking about: idolatry,  sexual sins, drugs and addictions (often even alcohol and pain killers are thought necessary to be “confessed”), believing Satan’s lies too easily, fearfulness, unbelief and skepticism, deceit and dishonesty, pride, rebellion, anger, wishing for death (for oneself or for others), violent acts, vulgar and abusive language, bad musical tastes etc. (I took that actual list from a web page which recommends ).  I bet if we look at our families some of the things slipped down to us and we can’t help. We teach our kids by words but truly the only thing they learn from is action. Here’s an example: In my home growing up we argued, yelled and sometimes threw things.  I know all unhealthy but it’s how we rolled. I get married to someone where they got mad and just ignored each other and 6 weeks later it blew. Both ways are wrong and they say  never go to bed mad but I didn’t I said my peace but she never did. When she got mad I had forgotten already what she was mad about. The cures of how you fight or argue is carried down. Or how many of know someone who their parent was an alcoholic and your friend said I will never be an alcoholic but because what they were taught in action they became an alcoholic. Whatever you want to call it a curse, a jinx things get passed down good or bad. When you say not me yes you to. They can be crippling and if the curse isn’t broken it will continue to the end of time so what do we do………

First of all you have to realize the devil is here to steal, kill and destroy you. He’s good at it to. He can make you believe the actual crap that you truly know is false. First this is God’s battle and not yours. You can break it but you first have to admit it. This is actually true for anything in life. You admit it your chances of repair it can actually take place. Once you know your battle you can take it to God and feel like hey I can connect with God on this. You have to stop blaming other people for what you do. It doesn’t matter what you saw or continue to see. The  only person responsible for you is you. People argue this with me all the time. It doesn’t matter what anybody does to you how you speak and react to the situation is all on you.  We all know right from wrong. You do right you get right you do wrong etc… You have to forgive whoever passed down the curse in your mind, and then get some help to get the thoughts out and start working on erasing them. This is the hard part but the most rewarding. I still have those demons but I can at least recognize them and start working on what it does to my mind. Never give up hope and never think your weird or different. I mean were all weird (especially this guy) but everything can be changed if you want it to be.








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