Day 654 This guy really disgusted me

11 11 2014

Thank you Veterans. These words are not enough but I try when I see a veteran to thank them in person. Just the fact I can write this blog without persecution is just one of the many of 1000’s I can do because of you. If you have never seen Band of Brothers and what the men of the 100 1st Airborne please Watch it, Its amazing.

You meet people in your life that change you eventually. It may not matter when they came into your life but they were there for a lesson, a reminder, or just to show you how not to be. Going back  to my college days. I had some rough friends. They had good to them for sure but the side that was most shown was their nasty, angry or just down right disgusting side. Usually Thursday night in college is the night most go out because most skip on Friday or just decide that their getting ready for a great weekend early. This group of guys mostly my Rugby buddies would start drinking and having shenanigans around 9:00 by 11:00 we were all drunk and having the most fun, starting fights, or just telling stories and singing rugby songs that everyone wanted to hear. This one guy (remains anonymous) was always the center of attention, he had a commanding presence, people followed him, he told the jokes nobody would tell, he just didn’t give a crap what people thought about him. I always watched him no matter what he did, I liked him sometimes but I was stuck with him in the group so I just dealt with him. He was a jerk, depressed, a liar, disgusting, and he treated women like crap and I always thought when I saw him : if people knew him nobody would laugh at him, or listen to him. What a joke of a man. I would watch him, take women of all kinds by the hand after some words, like your so beautiful, if you had a real man like me I wold love you, give you everything, I would tell you how great you are and tell you all the things you’ve never been told and walk them to the men’s  bathroom of our Rugby bar. I knew what he did because I would go to the bathroom and listen to what he told them and them instruct them to get naked then he would have his way with them. He would buy them a beer when he was done with them. Sometimes kiss them and seriously go to the next one. Sometimes he did this three times a night. One night I stopped him when he was sitting on the curb trying not to throw up and asked him. What in the hell are you doing? Why are you doing this to these women. He looked at me and said I just want someone to love me, I want to know I’m enough, I want to be like the good-looking guys, so I feel that way for about 3 minutes and then I have to deal with what a piece of shit  I am. I patted him on the leg and said okay man. I felt so pitiful for him, I wanted to help him but had no idea what to do or say to him. So I just sat and watched him destroy himself and so many women around him and was disgusted with the man I saw everyday. Why do I tell you this today. That man was me. Thats how I lived my college days. I know its in the past thank God, I hated me and was disgusted with who I was. That is why today I tell my story so maybe just one young man will have his eyes opened and save himself and so many women from the pain and scars that I brought upon so many. Good thing I’m forgiven and I know this and I have done my best to make amends with those I effected. I stand as  a broken man of God hoping you pass this along to someone who needs to hear it and know that we can all rise from the ashes. I’m living proof.

Advertisements




Day 654 This guy really disgusted me

11 11 2014

Thank you Veterans. These words are not enough but I try when I see a veteran to thank them in person. Just the fact I can write this blog without persecution is just one of the many of 1000’s I can do because of you. If you have never seen Band of Brothers and what the men of the 100 1st Airborne please Watch it, Its amazing.

You meet people in your life that change you eventually. It may not matter when they came into your life but they were there for a lesson, a reminder, or just to show you how not to be. Going back  to my college days. I had some rough friends. They had good to them for sure but the side that was most shown was their nasty, angry or just down right disgusting side. Usually Thursday night in college is the night most go out because most skip on Friday or just decide that their getting ready for a great weekend early. This group of guys mostly my Rugby buddies would start drinking and having shenanigans around 9:00 by 11:00 we were all drunk and having the most fun, starting fights, or just telling stories and singing rugby songs that everyone wanted to hear. This one guy (remains anonymous) was always the center of attention, he had a commanding presence, people followed him, he told the jokes nobody would tell, he just didn’t give a crap what people thought about him. I always watched him no matter what he did, I liked him sometimes but I was stuck with him in the group so I just dealt with him. He was a jerk, depressed, a liar, disgusting, and he treated women like crap and I always thought when I saw him : if people knew him nobody would laugh at him, or listen to him. What a joke of a man. I would watch him, take women of all kinds by the hand after some words, like your so beautiful, if you had a real man like me I wold love you, give you everything, I would tell you how great you are and tell you all the things you’ve never been told and walk them to the men’s  bathroom of our Rugby bar. I knew what he did because I would go to the bathroom and listen to what he told them and them instruct them to get naked then he would have his way with them. He would buy them a beer when he was done with them. Sometimes kiss them and seriously go to the next one. Sometimes he did this three times a night. One night I stopped him when he was sitting on the curb trying not to throw up and asked him. What in the hell are you doing? Why are you doing this to these women. He looked at me and said I just want someone to love me, I want to know I’m enough, I want to be like the good-looking guys, so I feel that way for about 3 minutes and then I have to deal with what a piece of shit  I am. I patted him on the leg and said okay man. I felt so pitiful for him, I wanted to help him but had no idea what to do or say to him. So I just sat and watched him destroy himself and so many women around him and was disgusted with the man I saw everyday. Why do I tell you this today. That man was me. Thats how I lived my college days. I know its in the past thank God, I hated me and was disgusted with who I was. That is why today I tell my story so maybe just one young man will have his eyes opened and save himself and so many women from the pain and scars that I brought upon so many. Good thing I’m forgiven and I know this and I have done my best to make amends with those I effected. I stand as  a broken man of God hoping you pass this along to someone who needs to hear it and know that we can all rise from the ashes. I’m living proof.





Day 607 The other 183 days

25 09 2014

After a two-hour trip walking around Wal-Mart the other night I can say that you can see everything and your wildest or scariest dreams can come true there. Okay maybe nightmares but it is amazing what people wear, what they talk about and how rude people can be to one other. If you have never been to peopleofwalmart.com I highly recommend it.

I’ve wrote about this before and sometimes it rears its ugly head. I have joint custody of my two kids 7 days on and 7 days off. Roughly its 183 days out of the year give or take. I feel almost magical when I have them. Yes it is hard and there are never enough hours in a day to get everything done. Some days I don’t appreciate my kids the way I should, but I try so damn hard. Every child needs the other parent as bad as the other. How parents try to control and manipulate a situation to keep the other parent away if they are fit and able is just mind-boggling to me. Saying that I fought for my kids to make sure we had joint custody.  I didn’t want my divorce but sometimes you make your bed and you have to lay in it. One of the hardest things and most difficult things is the pain we have caused our kids. If  you have never been divorced I know your heart is in the right place but save me how you understand because you don’t. We have done our best to make co-parenting work  its and for the most part we have. Doesn’t mean that we agree on everything, or see things the same a lot of the times but we are trying. Which is better than most relationships, but then there’s the other 183 days

I get a good morning call from my daughter and sometimes my son. I get a goodnight call from both. My world stops when I get those phone calls. To hear their voice is all I got and I promise on those days its enough. You have no idea how much your children can grow up in 7 days. The voice, their vocabulary, their jokes, smiles and outlook on life. How quick their fingernails grow, their hair or you notice your children s skin, or how they smell. I will go in their room and smell their pillows when their gone just so I can have some peace. I never signed up to be part-time dad, but I had my share in the failure or my marriage so I make the best of it.

My days without are filled with work, but also Im discovering me. I forgot who I was, what made me happy, what made me laugh, what my purpose was. So I spend my 183 days doing that. I have some stories for my kids because they always want to know what I did and did I have fun. I have done things without them here that I couldn’t if they were here. Mostly I think of ways to be a better daddy and how to prepare them for the good and bad in life. I work on being an example they would be proud of and a man that both can point to later in life and say my dad is what every man should strive to believe in.  I can’t tell you though the silence, loneliness, the hurt that comes with the other 183 days but its there. What I have learned is that I can either choose to sulk and whine about it or try to make it something good. Sure I struggle but Im finally learning to to be thankful for the pitfalls.

So why do I write this today. Im struggling this week with missing my kids, but I want to offer hope to any parent male or female. If your marriage is going down a path of destruction stop right now and start making it right. If you don’t you will be where Iam at. If you get here though you can take the lemons and make lemonade or take them the lemons and make orange juice. I prefer orange juice so that’s what I do.





Day 607 The other 183 days

24 09 2014

After a two-hour trip walking around Wal-Mart the other night I can say that you can see everything and your wildest or scariest dreams can come true there. Okay maybe nightmares but it is amazing what people wear, what they talk about and how rude people can be to one other. If you have never been to peopleofwalmart.com I highly recommend it.

I’ve wrote about this before and sometimes it rears its ugly head. I have joint custody of my two kids 7 days on and 7 days off. Roughly its 183 days out of the year give or take. I feel almost magical when I have them. Yes it is hard and there are never enough hours in a day to get everything done. Some days I don’t appreciate my kids the way I should, but I try so damn hard. Every child needs the other parent as bad as the other. How parents try to control and manipulate a situation to keep the other parent away if they are fit and able is just mind-boggling to me. Saying that I fought for my kids to make sure we had joint custody.  I didn’t want my divorce but sometimes you make your bed and you have to lay in it. One of the hardest things and most difficult things is the pain we have caused our kids. If  you have never been divorced I know your heart is in the right place but save me how you understand because you don’t. We have done our best to make co-parenting work  its and for the most part we have. Doesn’t mean that we agree on everything, or see things the same a lot of the times but we are trying. Which is better than most relationships, but then there’s the other 183 days

I get a good morning call from my daughter and sometimes my son. I get a goodnight call from both. My world stops when I get those phone calls. To hear their voice is all I got and I promise on those days its enough. You have no idea how much your children can grow up in 7 days. The voice, their vocabulary, their jokes, smiles and outlook on life. How quick their fingernails grow, their hair or you notice your children s skin, or how they smell. I will go in their room and smell their pillows when their gone just so I can have some peace. I never signed up to be part-time dad, but I had my share in the failure or my marriage so I make the best of it.

My days without are filled with work, but also Im discovering me. I forgot who I was, what made me happy, what made me laugh, what my purpose was. So I spend my 183 days doing that. I have some stories for my kids because they always want to know what I did and did I have fun. I have done things without them here that I couldn’t if they were here. Mostly I think of ways to be a better daddy and how to prepare them for the good and bad in life. I work on being an example they would be proud of and a man that both can point to later in life and say my dad is what every man should strive to believe in.  I can’t tell you though the silence, loneliness, the hurt that comes with the other 183 days but its there. What I have learned is that I can either choose to sulk and whine about it or try to make it something good. Sure I struggle but Im finally learning to to be thankful for the pitfalls.

So why do I write this today. Im struggling this week with missing my kids, but I want to offer hope to any parent male or female. If your marriage is going down a path of destruction stop right now and start making it right. If you don’t you will be where Iam at. If you get here though you can take the lemons and make lemonade or take them the lemons and make orange juice. I prefer orange juice so that’s what I do.





Day 451 Smile Empty Soul

7 04 2014

Spring brings baseball and Spring has brought TBall. Watched my son yesterday in his first game. It’s so fun to watch them hit, and run and in the same breath lose total concentration and forget what they’re doing. I got to spend time with my dad’s side of the family last night and my nieces boyfriends family. I’m so thankful to reconnect with her and his family was great. They accepted my dumb jokes and humor so they can’t be that bad.I had some pretty intense conversations last night with my buddy Justin about life and the soul of as adults.  It started out why if we knew we were going to die would we decide to live our life the way it was meant to be, but now we just got to work, be parents occasionally go out but its the same thing all the time. If your honesty about we all do it. We think if we break the norm that were doing something wrong.  What its doing is killing our soul. We see people work so hard but never enjoy it, drink their way out of thinking for a while, pretend that their family is the best thing ever but truthfully their marriage is falling apart and their kids hate them. If you don’t believe me then why are their 57% of first marriages ending. Oh  I know your marriage and life is great but I’m talking (about the other ones). The ones with the perfect life that are trying so hard to get us to believe that everything is so great or they hide behind God and truthfully that’s all you have left because your soul is dead. You know all the right things to say and can also quote scripture, and having an amazing prayers to others, but when you pray to God in your quite time all you have is why me?I was one of the worlds best about you seeing my smiling empty soul. I wanted you to see the best  of me because if you saw the real me you would be like what a pitiful excuse for a man. Thats because I was but now I’m as honest as can be to the point that others are uncomfortable because I’m touching a nerve with you. Which is okay but that just means you can see things in a different way than normal. Last night as I was sitting there talking and listening I said to myself I think I forgot how  to have fun. I crack jokes and say things to make others laugh but I’ve  gotten to a point that I won’t let you see my soul unless I’m really close to you. I was having this instant message conversation with a great friend and she said told me it’s not you’re not fun anymore, but thats a part of your soul is missing. My question to her was Do we find the missing pieces of our soul? When you start searching like a great adventure is when we find them. So I have put myself in a bubble and I want to burst it. Those that are  close to me know that I lived a full throttle life. The answer for a long time was never no. I know were older now but I need my soul filled and living this  life were supposed to and not breaking routine will leave us all with just a smiling empty soul.What am I trying to say! Stop pretending, be honest and do something different. Take a different road to work, come home and don’t turn the TV on, go outside, play hopscotch with your kids, on the weekends go get lost on roads you’ve  never have been on. Maybe if were lucky will run into each other and wonder how we got here but fill a sense of life we haven’t in a while.

via Day 451 Smile Empty Soul.





Day 451 Smile Empty Soul

6 04 2014

Spring brings baseball and Spring has brought TBall. Watched my son yesterday in his first game. It’s so fun to watch them hit, and run and in the same breath lose total concentration and forget what they’re doing. I got to spend time with my dad’s side of the family last night and my nieces boyfriends family. I’m so thankful to reconnect with her and his family was great. They accepted my dumb jokes and humor so they can’t be that bad.

I had some pretty intense conversations last night with my buddy Justin about life and the soul of as adults.  It started out why if we knew we were going to die would we decide to live our life the way it was meant to be, but now we just got to work, be parents occasionally go out but its the same thing all the time. If your honesty about we all do it. We think if we break the norm that were doing something wrong.  What its doing is killing our soul. We see people work so hard but never enjoy it, drink their way out of thinking for a while, pretend that their family is the best thing ever but truthfully their marriage is falling apart and their kids hate them. If you don’t believe me then why are their 57% of first marriages ending. Oh  I know your marriage and life is great but I’m talking (about the other ones). The ones with the perfect life that are trying so hard to get us to believe that everything is so great or they hide behind God and truthfully that’s all you have left because your soul is dead. You know all the right things to say and can also quote scripture, and having an amazing prayers to others, but when you pray to God in your quite time all you have is why me?

I was one of the worlds best about you seeing my smiling empty soul. I wanted you to see the best  of me because if you saw the real me you would be like what a pitiful excuse for a man. Thats because I was but now I’m as honest as can be to the point that others are uncomfortable because I’m touching a nerve with you. Which is okay but that just means you can see things in a different way than normal. Last night as I was sitting there talking and listening I said to myself I think I forgot how  to have fun. I crack jokes and say things to make others laugh but I’ve  gotten to a point that I won’t let you see my soul unless I’m really close to you. I was having this instant message conversation with a great friend and she said told me it’s not you’re not fun anymore, but thats a part of your soul is missing. My question to her was Do we find the missing pieces of our soul? When you start searching like a great adventure is when we find them. So I have put myself in a bubble and I want to burst it. Those that are  close to me know that I lived a full throttle life. The answer for a long time was never no. I know were older now but I need my soul filled and living this  life were supposed to and not breaking routine will leave us all with just a smiling empty soul.

What am I trying to say! Stop pretending, be honest and do something different. Take a different road to work, come home and don’t turn the TV on, go outside, play hopscotch with your kids, on the weekends go get lost on roads you’ve  never have been on. Maybe if were lucky will run into each other and wonder how we got here but fill a sense of life we haven’t in a while.





Day 451 Smile Empty Soul

6 04 2014

Spring brings baseball and Spring has brought TBall. Watched my son yesterday in his first game. It’s so fun to watch them hit, and run and in the same breath lose total concentration and forget what they’re doing. I got to spend time with my dad’s side of the family last night and my nieces boyfriends family. I’m so thankful to reconnect with her and his family was great. They accepted my dumb jokes and humor so they can’t be that bad.

I had some pretty intense conversations last night with my buddy Justin about life and the soul of as adults.  It started out why if we knew we were going to die would we decide to live our life the way it was meant to be, but now we just got to work, be parents occasionally go out but its the same thing all the time. If your honesty about we all do it. We think if we break the norm that were doing something wrong.  What its doing is killing our soul. We see people work so hard but never enjoy it, drink their way out of thinking for a while, pretend that their family is the best thing ever but truthfully their marriage is falling apart and their kids hate them. If you don’t believe me then why are their 57% of first marriages ending. Oh  I know your marriage and life is great but I’m talking (about the other ones). The ones with the perfect life that are trying so hard to get us to believe that everything is so great or they hide behind God and truthfully that’s all you have left because your soul is dead. You know all the right things to say and can also quote scripture, and having an amazing prayers to others, but when you pray to God in your quite time all you have is why me?

I was one of the worlds best about you seeing my smiling empty soul. I wanted you to see the best  of me because if you saw the real me you would be like what a pitiful excuse for a man. Thats because I was but now I’m as honest as can be to the point that others are uncomfortable because I’m touching a nerve with you. Which is okay but that just means you can see things in a different way than normal. Last night as I was sitting there talking and listening I said to myself I think I forgot how  to have fun. I crack jokes and say things to make others laugh but I’ve  gotten to a point that I won’t let you see my soul unless I’m really close to you. I was having this instant message conversation with a great friend and she said told me it’s not you’re not fun anymore, but thats a part of your soul is missing. My question to her was Do we find the missing pieces of our soul? When you start searching like a great adventure is when we find them. So I have put myself in a bubble and I want to burst it. Those that are  close to me know that I lived a full throttle life. The answer for a long time was never no. I know were older now but I need my soul filled and living this  life were supposed to and not breaking routine will leave us all with just a smiling empty soul.

What am I trying to say! Stop pretending, be honest and do something different. Take a different road to work, come home and don’t turn the TV on, go outside, play hopscotch with your kids, on the weekends go get lost on roads you’ve  never have been on. Maybe if were lucky will run into each other and wonder how we got here but fill a sense of life we haven’t in a while.








Matthew Winters (Honest Thoughts from a Pastor)

The life, ministry, & thoughts of a Christ-follower, husband, dad, & minister

Lyrics, Lattes, and Life Lessons

Things That Go Bump In The Write

paytej

Let's seek the truth. Let's share in Christ.

My True North

A certain darkness is needed to see the stars.

Megha Bose

A peek into Megha's mind

jesussocial

Christian News, Devotional, Leadership, Church, Evangelism, Conference, Worship, Pastors , Bible, Gospel Music,Gospel,Salvation, GoodNews, Disciples, Cross,Winning, Love, Mercy,Bible Study,New Testament, Church,Matthew,Mark, Luke, John,Heart, Soul, Body,Mind,Spirit,Church History, Books, Pastorso, Evangelists. Teachers, Apostles, Healing, Leadership, Grace, Salvation, Faith,Lifestyle and Entertainment,

JADIKANLAH AKU RAJA

Invite Rizky FAUZI as Speaker - 08986800220 (Chat WA) | SUPPORT HAMIKU SUCCESS with SHARE IT | Setelah DIBACA timbal baliknya harus di-SHARE soalnya gak gratis... - RIZKY FAUZI

iksperimentalist

a collision of science and comedy

This is My Story, This is My Song.

This is my journey with faith, love, acceptance, redemption through God's incredible grace and mercy!

Surviving the affair....the cheaters perspective

I cheated. Yip I did it, I am not proud of it, but that won't change a thing. This is my story of me trying to survive one day at a time. No guarantees....

Light of Darkness

Every moment of light and dark is a miracle

%d bloggers like this: