Day 1629 Let’s run away

20 08 2017
School has started and I have a 10th grader and a 3rd grader. Either I’m getting old or time is passing to fast.  I know that seeing them grow up is a great feeling. Parenting is tough though. My Lord where is the manual?
We all want to run away.  Some people actually run they pack up, sell their home, and go somewhere that it will be”different”. Some people put on headphones and actually run hoping at the end of the mileage “its gone”. Some just get in the car and drive with no destination in site. Hoping when they return “its gone”. We spend hours, tears, new jobs, money, relationships, trying  to see if we can make sure “its gone”.
“Its gone” is us. Pastor TD  Jakes  says run from the garbage and people etc.. Run to what you want, problem is we usually run from the things we don’t want, not to what we do want.
I get people sending me things all the time and I was sent this:

There is no such thing as taking the right road, every time, but the road you take can turn into one you’re meant to be on. You choose whether to ‘stop’ along the way or keep going. Imperfection is part of everyone and is a part of decision making in life. Don’t let that mountain you’re traveling on crumble on top of you so that you can’t get back up. When that first rock falls, start to run and keep running until you are out of harm’s way. Stay away from the rubble.
What I take from this is that we have to be okay being imperfect! We cant run from that. We all want to be perfect and when we don’t lets run away. Now don’t get me wrong running away to break routine and getting a fresh thought is great but we have to run back.
My dad used to tell me when I was in high school that no matter where you go,  even the other end of the earth, everything will be the same because you are there. You can’t run away from you. Once the new of a person or area wheres off the person in the mirror is still you.
So run away but turn right back around because before you go trying to find this magic happiness and fulfillment stand in place and fix what is here. Then run but do it for fun quit trying to escape you because you are really great. I promise.




Day 1523 Who are you when the door closes

26 04 2017

It was 76 degrees at 9:00 am this morning. At 12:00 it was 61 and now its 52 with a low of 45. Friday it will 90. I can’t change my underwear as fast at the weather changes in the beautiful state of Texas.  If you’ve never been to Texas make sure to get some BBQ and Mexican food it may give you gas but its worth it I promise!

I hate surprises when it comes to people. I would rather you be yourself from jump than pretend to be someone you’re not. I would never ask you to be like me and just put yourself out there from the get go. If you know me I’ll say just about anything, I volunteer information you probably didn’t want to know, I’ll let you know my faults, Ill tell a joke that might cause you to gasp, if the moment calls to cry with you I can and will, if you need me to defend you, I might lose my crap and get angry. I’ve been told and asked do you try to scare people away  before they get to know you? No I just want you to get to know me sooner than later. If you don’t like me you can move on and not waste time or say this is someone I want in my life forever. I want real! In any friendship or relationship there’s always a probationary period 1 month to 9 months. You kind of get a pass but we are who we are. What do you think is going to happen when people see the real you? I mean really think  about it if you become the bride or groom of chucky after 6 months do you think your relationship is going to flourish.

I have friends right now that long relationships are ending for the following, they were a drinker and hid it, one guy had kids that he never said anything about, another a porn addiction, one she sniffs markers when her kids go got school and passes out but gets up in enough time to still be mom and get the house ready. Another had an anger problem and she never knew he had until the first time she questioned him.  When you go home and close the door who knows that person.

Do you allow people to see the real you or do you put on a show? Do you exhaust yourself so much trying to prove you’re a great Christian, or mom, dad, friend but when you get home all hell breaks loose. The door closes behind you and your Halloween costume comes on. Being real is rare. I don’t have many friends, lots of people who claim to be friend but I have heard you are like nobody I’ve ever met. I always say thank you I wear that proudly. I tried to be a famous actor, and put my Halloween costume  on for people. It drove me to the point to try to take my life. I hope never again. I want you to like me but if you don’t its okay too. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea but I might be the best cup of tea you’ve had.

PS: Your closet door is open:)

 





Day 1348 Does Im sorry work

27 10 2016

Hello again peeps. Another wonderful summer day  at the end of October with a high of 88. I really wish I knew what seasons were I read about them in the picture books but they don’t seem to be real lol. Just FYI it’s just stupid how expensive Halloween costumes are for something that kids wear one time and then goes into a box forever. At least we get candy on the 31st so score one for us kids that are adults now.

I’m sorry one set of the most powerful words in the English language. We usually mean it sometimes we hope it saves us but mostly we mean it. Are there things that we do that no matter what I’m sorry just doesn’t matter? This past Saturday I had one of the toughest days I’ve had in 5 years. You think you’ve over come your demons and sometimes they take a giant crap on your head. I didn’t hurt anyone else I promise but I did destroy myself some.  We get isolated with out thoughts and then bam. I know better, I know that if I think negative, think I’m unworthy, think Im unlovable that nobody will miss me, then your mind has nothing to do but believe what your feeding it. Lucky for so many of us we have a moment of clarity and we wake up and think what in the hell was going on there. Why did I think those thoughts, why lead me to here. Why would I do that to the people I love. The reason is that were human and sometimes we believe the devil more than we believe Jesus. After the people you’re close to find out your thoughts you say your sorry and you mean it but then the question comes do they believe your sorry.

It’s not like the boy crying wolf its more they know your sorry but its easier not to accept the apology because then you don’t have to feel hurt by them again.  Nobody likes to repeat their mistakes but we do. Sorry is great to hear when it’s not the same mistake but when it becomes 1, 2, 3 times does I’m sorry fall on deaf ears. I really have no answer to this because its dependent on the person being apologize to.

Anyway I wanted to blog and that was my thought for that moment. Until the next crazy mind thought comes through: Love you





Day 881 This is really hard sometimes

25 06 2015

My buddy Jim and I went to the Texas Rangers game last night for dollar hot-dog night. I was so pumped to eat so many hot dogs I threw up. Well I’m sad to report that I ate 3. Yep only three it’s just a sign Im getting old and hot dog are not what I imagined them to be. Rangers lost 8-2 and I laughed a bunch and that’s all that matters..

I can speak for the people close to me and my family within Rock Bottom life is a journey. Some of it has been simply amazing, the day I was married, the day my daughter and son were laid in my arms the first time, the day I got my first job out of college, when my dad said he was proud of me, when my daughter said I could stop apologizing and she was proud of me. Those are just a few of the great moments in my life but like I said its a journey. I spent more of my life in the valley, grabbing a hold of rocks and slipping down the hill, left in my own tears, watching them lower my father into the ground, telling my kids we were getting a divorce, finding out my mom had Parkinson’s, walking out of the courthouse the day of my divorce, pulling up to the hill in Aubrey Texas to take my life. I would go back further but not to bore you. Many days I wake up having no clue what I’m doing or why I’m doing it. I just trust that I’m hearing God right and let him guide me because when I followed my own way I feel into a pit and sometimes I do still. Sometimes when I hot publish on this blog, I know my trolls are about to attack. I know when I speak or post on my Facebook page Im going to get good and bad. When I speak on the radio some person is not going to agree and the verbal and personal jabs are going to hurt. Then comes yesterday!

I posted the following yesterday: Show a man his failures without Jesus, and the result will be found in a roadside gutter. Give a man religion without reminding him of his filth, and the result will be arrogance in a three-piece suit. But get the two in the same heart – get sin to meet Savior and Savior to meet sin – and the result might just be another Pharisee turned preacher who sets the world on fire.
Max Lucado
Romans 10:9-10 (NASU)
That if you confess with your mouth Jesus as Lord, and believe in your heart that God raised Him from the dead, you will be saved; for with the heart a person believes, resulting in righteousness, and with the mouth he confesses, resulting in salvation.

Two people who I have been friends with over 30 years began an onslaught of things from my past: You’re a lying fool, I remember when you pulled a gun, when you passed drugs to someone, when you beat up that guy, etc.. He pulled all my past and then stated your “Jesus” didn’t save your marriage  or the things that went with it, like your dad, your business etc.. He said I listened to your radio show on Monday and just laughed you and everyone with Rock bottom are just a bunch of attention seeking whores that are just going to hurt more than you help. I didn’t say much more than you must be trying to find something because you listened to the show and you follow me closer than most. I said I all I can do is pray for you and love. He said no need I wont be a part of your crap anymore. 30 minutes later A girl I “dated” on and off for 2 years from high school to college texted me and I got the same words essentially.  She left me these words do remember what you did to me how many more did it happen to or now. It’s like they were talking over coffee and said let’s get this SOB. That they did!

So what did it do? It made me question me more than I ever have. Yes I know it’s not the truth and its two broken people trying to attack someone in a place they can’t be right now. Very true they know my past garbage but I’m not that man anymore. I know Im not perfect and Im not trying to be. God didn’t say don’t sin, he said confess your sins. Rick with Rock bottom and I talk often how we are held to a standard of perfection and we will never be able to do that. When we don’t I promise I beat myself up enough. I am convicted now and that’s better than I ever was. Jesus walked the earth and was lied about, ridicule, and eventually they beat the crap out of him , poked holes in his body and hung him to die. So why would I think I should be treated any different? I don’t, it’s just really hard sometimes when your trying to live your life right and then you get beaten down so bad.

I know what I signed up for. I would never change any of it. I wish I could make everyone I know that I hurt that I was sorry and they believed it but that’s not on me. I have said all I can say. I ask you this: If you have people in your life that are trying to better themselves please stop beating them over the head with their past. They know much better than you how they screwed up. Give them a chance to show you and listen to them be Jesus to you because it maybe the only Jesus you see in an earthly form. If what they are saying to you indirectly or directly is affecting you it might be time to listen.

Please don’t feel sorry for me I have enough warriors on my side to get me through my journey but if this bothers you and it upsets you, I always have room for more on my journey…





Day 409 I promise you this

24 02 2014

I got to start one of my purposes in life today. I got to speak my testimony with Rock Bottom Outreach! The group of people is amazing and real and I couldn’t  ask for more! It was very real received and I hope my words and being vulnerable will continue to let others not feel so isolated and  give them a sense of hope!

Besides me as anyone ever wondered what is in dog pee that would let a dog spend 2-3 minutes smelling it! It has to be magic. I honestly think my dog would sit all day and smell pee If I allowed her.  I have cleaned dog pee and I don’t get but I also don’t sit around and smell butts like dogs so I guess I just have to know I will never know the magic of dog pee.

I promise! The most wasted words in the English! Dictionary.com says the definition of a promise is: A declaration assuring that one will or will not do something; a vow.  I hear people say I promise, all the time but never follow through. It has become as common as telling someone you I love you. It becomes habit and no meaning. I can say this with certainty that I have never broken a promise. I don’t you those words unless I m going to do what I said. My dad said that all you have is your word and if you promise something to someone you better die before you don’t follow through. I can remember twice in my life where my dad said I promise and he followed through. I have carried that through as well. I promised my kids last Spring Break we would go on a trip  and we did. I have another promise coming to them as well but want to make sure I can. If you know me and like me or don’t you don’t like me you know Im a man of my word. If I promise anyone something I will deliver it come hell or high water. Think about those words before you use them. If you want to break someone apart break a promise and you become hollow to that person. Break a promise to your kid and they will never forget it. Think before you speak and when you speak stand up and follow through. When they put you in that box 6 feet under all your “stuff”doesn’t go with you just the person you were. I promise that!





Day 409 I promise you this

23 02 2014

I got to start one of my purposes in life today. I got to speak my testimony with Rock Bottom Outreach! The group of people is amazing and real and I couldn’t  ask for more! It was very real received and I hope my words and being vulnerable will continue to let others not feel so isolated and  give them a sense of hope!

Besides me as anyone ever wondered what is in dog pee that would let a dog spend 2-3 minutes smelling it! It has to be magic. I honestly think my dog would sit all day and smell pee If I allowed her.  I have cleaned dog pee and I don’t get but I also don’t sit around and smell butts like dogs so I guess I just have to know I will never know the magic of dog pee.

I promise! The most wasted words in the English! Dictionary.com says the definition of a promise is: A declaration assuring that one will or will not do something; a vow.  I hear people say I promise, all the time but never follow through. It has become as common as telling someone you I love you. It becomes habit and no meaning. I can say this with certainty that I have never broken a promise. I don’t you those words unless I m going to do what I said. My dad said that all you have is your word and if you promise something to someone you better die before you don’t follow through. I can remember twice in my life where my dad said I promise and he followed through. I have carried that through as well. I promised my kids last Spring Break we would go on a trip  and we did. I have another promise coming to them as well but want to make sure I can. If you know me and like me or don’t you don’t like me you know Im a man of my word. If I promise anyone something I will deliver it come hell or high water. Think about those words before you use them. If you want to break someone apart break a promise and you become hollow to that person. Break a promise to your kid and they will never forget it. Think before you speak and when you speak stand up and follow through. When they put you in that box 6 feet under all your “stuff”doesn’t go with you just the person you were. I promise that!








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