Day 1836 How about you kiss my ……..

25 03 2018

Hello people and hope life is going great for you. Past 4 weeks, I had to put my dog to sleep, got  a new job where I travel, a new cell-phone which there is a learning curve,  and sat in the middle seat twice on a plane. 1 st world problems but still, the middle seat!

 

One thing I do a lot of is reflect. It might be a conversation, a text, the way I reacted, my thoughts at that moment, why I didn’t do something or I did. I’m always trying to be better than I was when the alarm went off that day. Some days I’m a miserable failure on being better and some days actually proud of myself. If you know me that’s something I’ve struggle with my whole life. If I was a fighter in his prime I’m Muhammad Ali the way I beat myself up. It’s a blessing and curse because you always hold yourself to a higher standard but also I never give myself a break. So today I did a reflecting on the past year of my life. It’s still new in the year and a lot of time to have the year I want.  So why not. Why do you get angry at the smallest thing sometimes, you do realize that the 99 problems you built up in your head actually the only one you had was yourself. Why do you go to church on Sunday, sit by yourself and then leave early. I guess Jesus left the building so you thought you were on his level.  Why do you neglect texts from people all they wanted to know is how you’re doing. They probably actually cared.  I know you push a lot of people out of your life because your afraid of them but you should be proud of the few you allowed to stay.. Every time you speak to a group of total strangers and pour your heart out you are doing something great. Somebody walks away with something and if you don’t believe that God knows. The messages you post to Facebook to help encourage or offer hope you should heed those same messages. You don’t have to be perfect and you don’t have to tell everyone how horrible you were in your past. They want to know your story but who you are now is who and what they like and be comfortable in it. You can’t save everyone but you know 3 you have. You’re doing your part stop and be happy about those. Every time you knew you should have said yes but said no I hoped you learned from that.  I know you think have no clue what to do with a teenage daughter but when she kisses your forehead and says she loves you  that she really does.  When you did for yourself or went somewhere you wanted to go did you ever regret it. The answer is no and its okay to take care of yourself too. When you get by urself and you  cry that’s God just getting me to cleanse myself so I can see what I  forget. You are not broken anymore, your glued back and your beautiful. Yes mom and dad are proud of who you are. You work so hard to be a great parent. Finally you’re a really good man, worthy of the most love, patience, grace and hope from another. Every morning you tell yourself that because as flawed and broken as you are and were you’re an  example and very few can wake up every morning and say that.

Just throwing out my thoughts because thats what a blog is for. Happy Easter and eat a cadbuy for me. Oh and you dont have to kiss my …. I just liked the title





Day 950 What I would have told myself yesterday

3 09 2015

It’s that time of when the air starts to get crisp and the leaves are staring to change. You can feel the people starting to get in a better mood because its getting cooler. Then you realize you live in Texas and today I got a sunburn on the top of my head because I was standing outside for 10 minutes. Im sure people thought it was a BBQ but no my head. Im ready for it to get cooler and also starting eating and drinking more pumpkin stuff. My man card might just have lost points but Im willing to take that chance.

Ont thing I do a lot of is reflect. It might be a conversation, a text, the way I reacted, my thoughts at that moment, why I didn’t do something or I did. I’m always trying to be better than I was when the alarm went off that day. Some days Im a miserable failure on being better and some days actually proud of myself. If you know me that’s something I’ve struggle with my whole life. If I was a fighter in his prime I’m Muhammad Ali the way I beat myself up. It’s a blessing and curse because you always hold yourself to a higher standard but also I never give myself a break. So today I did a reflecting on the past year of my life. Its the new school year and Im only 39 days away from being 40 Yikes!!!  So why not. Why do you get angry at the smallest thing sometimes, you do realize that the 99 problems you built up in your head actually the only one you had was yourself. Why do you go to church on Sunday, sit by yourself and then leave early. I guess Jesus left the building so you thought you were on his level.  Why do you neglect texts from people all they wanted to know is how you’re doing. They probably actually cared. Y I know you push a lot of people out of your life because your afraid of them but you should be proud of the few you allowed to stay.. Every time you speak to a group of total strangers and pour your heart out you are doing something great. Somebody walks away with something and if you don’t believe that God knows. The messages you post to Facebook to help encourage or offer hope you should heed those same messages. You don’t have to be perfect and you don’t have to tell everyone how horrible you were in your past. They want to know your story but who you are now is who and what they like and be comfortable in it. You can’t save everyone but you know 3 you have. You’re doing your part stop and be happy about those. Every time you knew you should have said yes but said no I hoped you learned from that.  I know you think have no clue what to do with a teenage daughter but when she kisses your forehead and says she loves you  that she really does.  When you did for yourself or went somewhere you wanted to go did you ever regret it. The answer is no and its okay to take care of yourself too. When you get by uself and you  cry that’s God just getting cleanse yourself so you can see what you forget. You are not broken anymore, your glued back and your beautiful. Yes dad is so proud of you. Mom believes that you kept your promise that you made to your dad that you would take care of her and your sister. Finally you’re a really good man, worthy of the most love, patience, grace and hope from another. Every morning you tell yourself that because as flawed and broken as you are and were you’re an  example and very few can wake up every morning and say that.

This blog was for me to go back and read when I forget about who I am. I’m sharing it with you because I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. Thank you for always reading and being supportive.





Day 950 What I would have told myself yesterday

2 09 2015

It’s that time of when the air starts to get crisp and the leaves are staring to change. You can feel the people starting to get in a better mood because its getting cooler. Then you realize you live in Texas and today I got a sunburn on the top of my head because I was standing outside for 10 minutes. Im sure people thought it was a BBQ but no my head. Im ready for it to get cooler and also starting eating and drinking more pumpkin stuff. My man card might just have lost points but Im willing to take that chance.

Ont thing I do a lot of is reflect. It might be a conversation, a text, the way I reacted, my thoughts at that moment, why I didn’t do something or I did. I’m always trying to be better than I was when the alarm went off that day. Some days Im a miserable failure on being better and some days actually proud of myself. If you know me that’s something I’ve struggle with my whole life. If I was a fighter in his prime I’m Muhammad Ali the way I beat myself up. It’s a blessing and curse because you always hold yourself to a higher standard but also I never give myself a break. So today I did a reflecting on the past year of my life. Its the new school year and Im only 39 days away from being 40 Yikes!!!  So why not. Why do you get angry at the smallest thing sometimes, you do realize that the 99 problems you built up in your head actually the only one you had was yourself. Why do you go to church on Sunday, sit by yourself and then leave early. I guess Jesus left the building so you thought you were on his level.  Why do you neglect texts from people all they wanted to know is how you’re doing. They probably actually cared. Y I know you push a lot of people out of your life because your afraid of them but you should be proud of the few you allowed to stay.. Every time you speak to a group of total strangers and pour your heart out you are doing something great. Somebody walks away with something and if you don’t believe that God knows. The messages you post to Facebook to help encourage or offer hope you should heed those same messages. You don’t have to be perfect and you don’t have to tell everyone how horrible you were in your past. They want to know your story but who you are now is who and what they like and be comfortable in it. You can’t save everyone but you know 3 you have. You’re doing your part stop and be happy about those. Every time you knew you should have said yes but said no I hoped you learned from that.  I know you think have no clue what to do with a teenage daughter but when she kisses your forehead and says she loves you  that she really does.  When you did for yourself or went somewhere you wanted to go did you ever regret it. The answer is no and its okay to take care of yourself too. When you get by uself and you  cry that’s God just getting cleanse yourself so you can see what you forget. You are not broken anymore, your glued back and your beautiful. Yes dad is so proud of you. Mom believes that you kept your promise that you made to your dad that you would take care of her and your sister. Finally you’re a really good man, worthy of the most love, patience, grace and hope from another. Every morning you tell yourself that because as flawed and broken as you are and were you’re an  example and very few can wake up every morning and say that.

This blog was for me to go back and read when I forget about who I am. I’m sharing it with you because I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. Thank you for always reading and being supportive.





Day 828 Money wont buy your soul

3 05 2015

I had an awesome with weekend with my family. We saw the new Avengers movie, had my son’s baseball game, and the went to Mayfest in Fort Worth. Today we took my mom and sister to the horse races. We did a great job of having fun and getting along. Two points for my family. This week I will also be the father to a teenager. God help us all 🙂

Money can’t live with it and can’t live without it. It brings our the best and worst in every person and including me. I know I will get some disagreement about this but it’s the trust item I know to speak on. My the standard of the people growing up we were poor but taken care. We never had extra but we had what he needed. My parents worked their butts off like so many people’s parents and things worked out great and sometimes they didn’t. Once my father became disabled we learned what poor was. Life was taken from us and we had to  learn how to go without but still our needs were met. It’s just sometimes the needs were pushed out. I knew poor and I saw my mom and dad to go without so my sister and I didn’t go with out. I could tell you so many stories about money and what we weren’t able to do but I wont. I knew how to work hard because my parents were amazing examples but I swore I would never be poor. The journey for money was one of the biggest reasons for Rock bottom. I used greed, pride, ego and any other means so YOU would think I had money. I never had enough of it. I knew what it was like not to have any. So we drove the best, had the best and when we bought we usually bought two of everything so I never felt I was doing without. The money thing I never brought  God into my money because God didn’t understand currency and why I did what I did with my money. We even tithed to church but because I thought it would give us more. Damn was I wrong about money.

Chasing the almighty dollar brought me to my knees, literally and almost ended my life. Men are about being providers and we lose the fact that doesn’t mean piles of money and stuff. It means time and love. We work so hard to reach for something that we think because we can buy it for her or our kids that shows love and time. People and family want our time and soul. MONEY WILL NEVER BUY YOUR SOUL BUT IT WILL TAKE IT FROM YOU. I know to guys right now that are about to go bankrupt and they are filthy rich in stuff which is about to be taken and they have no idea who they are. I have met some amazing people on this journey that have lost it all, have it all but they lost  their family which is our soul. Men compare one another based on car, house, trophy wife, stuff they can donate to their kids sports team, vacation, and paying for weddings and college. What we see is what they want us to see but inside they are broken, an addict, full of rage, lost and downright hopeless. I will agree having money can buy you some freedom but it doesn’t buy happiness. I tried it and I talk to men who have money and when they get real they ALL say they would give it all up to have a sense of peace.

I’ve been reading Soul Keeping by John Ortenberg. Its one of the truest depictions of our soul and how we are driven by materialism and consumerism and try to buy our happiness. What that has caused us is to neglect the eternal and most important part of ourselves and the consequences from that.IF anyone ever tells you money will make it all better. Thats a lie from the pits of hell. MONEY cannot repair a destroyed heart and soul. You can mask it but only a close, deep down, being real with God and society can you mend that soul. This blog won’t change anyone’s thinking. If you know me you know my struggles with money and my thoughts on it. 39 years of thoughts on money are hard to change in a day. What I can tell you from experience that keep trying to find fulfillment, joy and love through money and you may be reaching out me to ask how did you build your life back after your lost everything and destroyed your soul. I’ll be the first one here to help pick you up but I want to keep you from going down that path.

When my dad died if you know my story I was embarrassed of him and the things we didn’t have. Every person that spoke of him just talked about how great of a man he was, and what he did for others. Not one time did people talk about his lack of money or stuff. It opened my eyes but not enough. Today I remember almost once a week  one of his closest friends said to me. He looked at me and I think he was thinking about his immortality and said: Inside that coffin is a great man and none of this earthly crap is in their with him. Remember that Tyler he had the greatest thing any man could ask for was family intact. I didn’t listen to him and I lost my family but Im learning and Im trying to teach you that money can never buy your soul.








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