Day 850 Can we rid the family of this curse

26 05 2015

We are still getting rain. Many places I like to go are under water and will be until of the middle of July. The rain can move on but at least everything is green. The only good thing is people are staying in so if you’re trying to do things you can get a front row seat.  Also I’m so proud that One year ago yesterday I was baptized by a great friend Brian Hackney. Lord only knows that it hasn’t been easy and the silent battles have hurt but I’m here and better for it. I couldn’t be more thankful for the path I have chosen to listen to and follow which is not my own. It’s never easy but worth it.

Have you heard or do you every say. My family is jinxed, nothing ever goes right for my family. I grew up that way. In mainstream now its called generational or family curses. It’s a mindset that will ruin your life and it does carry down from one generation to the next. The reason why is what you believe is what will come true. Here are the things I’m talking about: idolatry,  sexual sins, drugs and addictions (often even alcohol and pain killers are thought necessary to be “confessed”), believing Satan’s lies too easily, fearfulness, unbelief and skepticism, deceit and dishonesty, pride, rebellion, anger, wishing for death (for oneself or for others), violent acts, vulgar and abusive language, bad musical tastes etc. (I took that actual list from a web page which recommends ).  I bet if we look at our families some of the things slipped down to us and we can’t help. We teach our kids by words but truly the only thing they learn from is action. Here’s an example: In my home growing up we argued, yelled and sometimes threw things.  I know all unhealthy but it’s how we rolled. I get married to someone where they got mad and just ignored each other and 6 weeks later it blew. Both ways are wrong and they say  never go to bed mad but I didn’t I said my peace but she never did. When she got mad I had forgotten already what she was mad about. The cures of how you fight or argue is carried down. Or how many of know someone who their parent was an alcoholic and your friend said I will never be an alcoholic but because what they were taught in action they became an alcoholic. Whatever you want to call it a curse, a jinx things get passed down good or bad. When you say not me yes you to. They can be crippling and if the curse isn’t broken it will continue to the end of time so what do we do………

First of all you have to realize the devil is here to steal, kill and destroy you. He’s good at it to. He can make you believe the actual crap that you truly know is false. First this is God’s battle and not yours. You can break it but you first have to admit it. This is actually true for anything in life. You admit it your chances of repair it can actually take place. Once you know your battle you can take it to God and feel like hey I can connect with God on this. You have to stop blaming other people for what you do. It doesn’t matter what you saw or continue to see. The  only person responsible for you is you. People argue this with me all the time. It doesn’t matter what anybody does to you how you speak and react to the situation is all on you.  We all know right from wrong. You do right you get right you do wrong etc… You have to forgive whoever passed down the curse in your mind, and then get some help to get the thoughts out and start working on erasing them. This is the hard part but the most rewarding. I still have those demons but I can at least recognize them and start working on what it does to my mind. Never give up hope and never think your weird or different. I mean were all weird (especially this guy) but everything can be changed if you want it to be.

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Day 850 Can we rid the family of this curse

25 05 2015

We are still getting rain. Many places I like to go are under water and will be until of the middle of July. The rain can move on but at least everything is green. The only good thing is people are staying in so if you’re trying to do things you can get a front row seat.  Also I’m so proud that One year ago yesterday I was baptized by a great friend Brian Hackney. Lord only knows that it hasn’t been easy and the silent battles have hurt but I’m here and better for it. I couldn’t be more thankful for the path I have chosen to listen to and follow which is not my own. It’s never easy but worth it.

Have you heard or do you every say. My family is jinxed, nothing ever goes right for my family. I grew up that way. In mainstream now its called generational or family curses. It’s a mindset that will ruin your life and it does carry down from one generation to the next. The reason why is what you believe is what will come true. Here are the things I’m talking about: idolatry,  sexual sins, drugs and addictions (often even alcohol and pain killers are thought necessary to be “confessed”), believing Satan’s lies too easily, fearfulness, unbelief and skepticism, deceit and dishonesty, pride, rebellion, anger, wishing for death (for oneself or for others), violent acts, vulgar and abusive language, bad musical tastes etc. (I took that actual list from a web page which recommends ).  I bet if we look at our families some of the things slipped down to us and we can’t help. We teach our kids by words but truly the only thing they learn from is action. Here’s an example: In my home growing up we argued, yelled and sometimes threw things.  I know all unhealthy but it’s how we rolled. I get married to someone where they got mad and just ignored each other and 6 weeks later it blew. Both ways are wrong and they say  never go to bed mad but I didn’t I said my peace but she never did. When she got mad I had forgotten already what she was mad about. The cures of how you fight or argue is carried down. Or how many of know someone who their parent was an alcoholic and your friend said I will never be an alcoholic but because what they were taught in action they became an alcoholic. Whatever you want to call it a curse, a jinx things get passed down good or bad. When you say not me yes you to. They can be crippling and if the curse isn’t broken it will continue to the end of time so what do we do………

First of all you have to realize the devil is here to steal, kill and destroy you. He’s good at it to. He can make you believe the actual crap that you truly know is false. First this is God’s battle and not yours. You can break it but you first have to admit it. This is actually true for anything in life. You admit it your chances of repair it can actually take place. Once you know your battle you can take it to God and feel like hey I can connect with God on this. You have to stop blaming other people for what you do. It doesn’t matter what you saw or continue to see. The  only person responsible for you is you. People argue this with me all the time. It doesn’t matter what anybody does to you how you speak and react to the situation is all on you.  We all know right from wrong. You do right you get right you do wrong etc… You have to forgive whoever passed down the curse in your mind, and then get some help to get the thoughts out and start working on erasing them. This is the hard part but the most rewarding. I still have those demons but I can at least recognize them and start working on what it does to my mind. Never give up hope and never think your weird or different. I mean were all weird (especially this guy) but everything can be changed if you want it to be.

 





Day 839 Is this what its like to feel loved

15 05 2015

I know what God wants me doing. I know it, feel it and its a fulfilling feeling. I got lucky to hear God and he put me in touch with people who over 2 years brought me to Rock Bottom Outreach. There is no way in my normal life I would have ever been friends with these people just through my normal walk in life. Not only do I have these amazing people in my life but I’m also allowed to share my testimony. Some people say big deal does it matter, I couldn’t do it, why do you air your dirty laundry? For those that don’t know me God gave me a gift to lead, speak and be vulnerable. When he gives you something you run with it. For me I can and will get up in front of any and everybody to share from the moment I came into the world until where I stand now and tell you how I screwed up and my story or redemption not perfection. Why do I do it, why does Rock Bottom do it because we offer hope to the weak, weary, defeated, and the ones that are ready to end their life. We need it to as a part of our journey in healing. Last night was another amazing example of when I doubt what were doing and what I’m doing that God shows up and shows out.

We spoke to a group of youth and adults in Springtown Texas at Hilltop church. When I walked in your could feel the need and I was ready. I was very emotional last night and have no idea why and asked to go last. If I wouldn’t have I would have cried my the whole time but I went last and made it. The our team rocked it with Power testimonies which each of us gets 3 minutes. Its quick but you can through a lot of life in when you’re hitting the high notes. I talk about suicide in my message. I understand it and lived. I know what its like to feel worthless, unworthy, that everything you touch turns to garbage, that life will never get better. I also know that’s a lie from the pits of hell. I tried to end my life but I got lucky and now its my turn to share and change lives. After Rock Bottom and the message we get to stay around and talk to whoever wants to talk to us. The tough part about suicide is talking about it one on one and feeling someone elses pain. Two 7th grade girls approached me and said can I talk to you about suicide. I listened intently and inside I’m dying for them. I wont tell the whole story of both but I spoke some real talk to her and then talked to the adult leadership how to help her. Sure there was teenage drama to her talk but she was serious and then the there are moments that leave you speechless. I gave both girls hugs and one girl looked at me and said is that what its like to feel loved. I stepped back and I guess she saw the confusion on my face and said the hug you just gave me. I said I hope so sweetie.  I walked away with tears running down my eyes and said thank you God. Me being open and showing I care for this girl maybe for the first time in her life felt loved.

I got in my car and said no matter what I have screwed up in my life Jesus was like carry on my good and faithful son you’re doing my work and I love you!! Thanks for reading!!





Day 839 Is this what its like to feel loved

14 05 2015

I know what God wants me doing. I know it, feel it and its a fulfilling feeling. I got lucky to hear God and he put me in touch with people who over 2 years brought me to Rock Bottom Outreach. There is no way in my normal life I would have ever been friends with these people just through my normal walk in life. Not only do I have these amazing people in my life but I’m also allowed to share my testimony. Some people say big deal does it matter, I couldn’t do it, why do you air your dirty laundry? For those that don’t know me God gave me a gift to lead, speak and be vulnerable. When he gives you something you run with it. For me I can and will get up in front of any and everybody to share from the moment I came into the world until where I stand now and tell you how I screwed up and my story or redemption not perfection. Why do I do it, why does Rock Bottom do it because we offer hope to the weak, weary, defeated, and the ones that are ready to end their life. We need it to as a part of our journey in healing. Last night was another amazing example of when I doubt what were doing and what I’m doing that God shows up and shows out.

We spoke to a group of youth and adults in Springtown Texas at Hilltop church. When I walked in your could feel the need and I was ready. I was very emotional last night and have no idea why and asked to go last. If I wouldn’t have I would have cried my the whole time but I went last and made it. The our team rocked it with Power testimonies which each of us gets 3 minutes. Its quick but you can through a lot of life in when you’re hitting the high notes. I talk about suicide in my message. I understand it and lived. I know what its like to feel worthless, unworthy, that everything you touch turns to garbage, that life will never get better. I also know that’s a lie from the pits of hell. I tried to end my life but I got lucky and now its my turn to share and change lives. After Rock Bottom and the message we get to stay around and talk to whoever wants to talk to us. The tough part about suicide is talking about it one on one and feeling someone elses pain. Two 7th grade girls approached me and said can I talk to you about suicide. I listened intently and inside I’m dying for them. I wont tell the whole story of both but I spoke some real talk to her and then talked to the adult leadership how to help her. Sure there was teenage drama to her talk but she was serious and then the there are moments that leave you speechless. I gave both girls hugs and one girl looked at me and said is that what its like to feel loved. I stepped back and I guess she saw the confusion on my face and said the hug you just gave me. I said I hope so sweetie.  I walked away with tears running down my eyes and said thank you God. Me being open and showing I care for this girl maybe for the first time in her life felt loved.

I got in my car and said no matter what I have screwed up in my life Jesus was like carry on my good and faithful son you’re doing my work and I love you!! Thanks for reading!!





Day 835 Look its the incredible hulk

10 05 2015

Happy mothers day to all of you that brought us into the world and still keep us upright. I know so many amazing mom’s but none like my mom. I appreciate her so much! She is a bad arse. To all the moms that forget how amazing you are just remember you carried another human inside of you, birthed that baby and still had the ability to remember what you needed from the grocery store! That makes you awesome!

My daughter is a teenager and I’m not sure if I feel old or feel like I need to buy so body Armour for whats coming. She had a great birthday and I’m one proud daddy of her for sure!

I never just come home on a Saturday night. I’m usually out and about but plans fell through so I headed home but before I did I stopped at BJ’s restaurant and got dessert. Sitting at the bar eating dessert a guy that used to work for me named Steven  taped me on the shoulder and said do you remember me. I said sure its been a long time but great to see you. He asked the generic questions when you talk to someone you haven’t seen a while and then he said do you remember the last time I saw you. No sorry I don’t I try not to remember a lot from that time. He said you lost your stuff in the front yard at the subs working on that job. He said you were so scary its like you became the incredible hulk but without the green guy part. He asked do you remember that now! He said I quit for that reason and do you know why you did that. I said was terribly sorry and if I could change it I would. He said you don’t have that look anymore  you seem pretty happy. I told him that once you pull the rug out from underneath you can either stay the same or change. I lost everything but I’m glad not to be the green guy anymore.

After he laughed I went to my car and asked God was that necessary to hear that tonight. I know what I did and Im trying not to be that guy anymore. I understand why. I have no idea about the collateral damage I caused around me. I knew exactly why because I needed the reminder of where I am now compared to where I was. When you walk to the bathroom mirror in the morning what do you see. Do you grab the fat around your stomach, find gray hair, push your boobs upward toward where they used to be, do you criticize every aspect of the person you see? If you do that’s what you take int the world that day, I’m ugly, I’m not worthy, nothing good ever happens to me, why would someone love me, my life will never change, I hate my job, my kids don’t love me, my spouse never did love me. That’s why I turned into the incredible hulk everyday. I still do now but maybe just once a week. You can’t walk away from that mirror with those negative thoughts going through mind and be positive about you or your surroundings. So what do you do? The crap you spewed out at the mirror you take to the world and the world sees the green guy the hulk. 5 years after seeing a guy that’s the last thoughts I left him with. 5 years and that’s the only good thing he could think.

My favorite thing about the incredible hulk is when he comes back to just being Bruce Banner they guy that isn’t angry. He seems to be loving, caring and misunderstood but okay with it. You have to find what causes you to be angry, unloved, worthless and that you will never be enough. It starts with these two things remember what God thinks and tells you in the bible and when you look in the mirror. Say something nice about yourself. What you speak about yourself is what you believe good or bad.  Try it! Just start with one thing! I know many of you that beat yourself up and if you knew how great I thought you were you would at least smile. Incredible Hulk is great on the big screen but in life he’s just a big scary green guy. I’m sorry for those I have offended in my past but now I’ll just stick to Bruce Banner!





Day 835 Look its the incredible hulk

10 05 2015

Happy mothers day to all of you that brought us into the world and still keep us upright. I know so many amazing mom’s but none like my mom. I appreciate her so much! She is a bad arse. To all the moms that forget how amazing you are just remember you carried another human inside of you, birthed that baby and still had the ability to remember what you needed from the grocery store! That makes you awesome!

My daughter is a teenager and I’m not sure if I feel old or feel like I need to buy so body Armour for whats coming. She had a great birthday and I’m one proud daddy of her for sure!

I never just come home on a Saturday night. I’m usually out and about but plans fell through so I headed home but before I did I stopped at BJ’s restaurant and got dessert. Sitting at the bar eating dessert a guy that used to work for me named Steven  taped me on the shoulder and said do you remember me. I said sure its been a long time but great to see you. He asked the generic questions when you talk to someone you haven’t seen a while and then he said do you remember the last time I saw you. No sorry I don’t I try not to remember a lot from that time. He said you lost your stuff in the front yard at the subs working on that job. He said you were so scary its like you became the incredible hulk but without the green guy part. He asked do you remember that now! He said I quit for that reason and do you know why you did that. I said was terribly sorry and if I could change it I would. He said you don’t have that look anymore  you seem pretty happy. I told him that once you pull the rug out from underneath you can either stay the same or change. I lost everything but I’m glad not to be the green guy anymore.

After he laughed I went to my car and asked God was that necessary to hear that tonight. I know what I did and Im trying not to be that guy anymore. I understand why. I have no idea about the collateral damage I caused around me. I knew exactly why because I needed the reminder of where I am now compared to where I was. When you walk to the bathroom mirror in the morning what do you see. Do you grab the fat around your stomach, find gray hair, push your boobs upward toward where they used to be, do you criticize every aspect of the person you see? If you do that’s what you take int the world that day, I’m ugly, I’m not worthy, nothing good ever happens to me, why would someone love me, my life will never change, I hate my job, my kids don’t love me, my spouse never did love me. That’s why I turned into the incredible hulk everyday. I still do now but maybe just once a week. You can’t walk away from that mirror with those negative thoughts going through mind and be positive about you or your surroundings. So what do you do? The crap you spewed out at the mirror you take to the world and the world sees the green guy the hulk. 5 years after seeing a guy that’s the last thoughts I left him with. 5 years and that’s the only good thing he could think.

My favorite thing about the incredible hulk is when he comes back to just being Bruce Banner they guy that isn’t angry. He seems to be loving, caring and misunderstood but okay with it. You have to find what causes you to be angry, unloved, worthless and that you will never be enough. It starts with these two things remember what God thinks and tells you in the bible and when you look in the mirror. Say something nice about yourself. What you speak about yourself is what you believe good or bad.  Try it! Just start with one thing! I know many of you that beat yourself up and if you knew how great I thought you were you would at least smile. Incredible Hulk is great on the big screen but in life he’s just a big scary green guy. I’m sorry for those I have offended in my past but now I’ll just stick to Bruce Banner!





Day 831 My love letter to my daughter

6 05 2015

My beautiful angel becomes a teenager tomorrow 13 years old Wow. Nobody I know has ever said a bad thing about her and everyone goes out of their way to compliment her. This is my love letter to my beautiful daughter.

When we were pregnant with you and found out you were going to be a girl no matter how excited we were I was so afraid to have a little a girl. These questions rolled around in my head… What do you do with a girl? What if I squeeze her to hard, I don’t know what to do with hair, how do you play dolls, how do I do makeup, what about her period. Does she know I’m going to beat up all the boys that talk to her. Does she know I don’t want to screw her up? I tried my best to be a good daddy but I had so many of my issues with worth and being afraid that I pushed some responsibilities on your mom that I should have taken care of. I always made sure you dressed well, I even changed 29 diapers when you had the ROTO virus, I l put dresses on your stuffed animals and held you in my lap, I even laid on the floor and let you put make up on me one time. I look back on the years when you were a little girl and a lot of it was a blur. No matter how much I tried to “there” my body was there but my mind was not. I have pictures and you look happy in them but I wasn’t and I know I messed up a lot. I wanted to be better but didn’t know how. No matter what I did you loved me and always told me. When your mom and I fought around you and yelled I never knew the damage we were doing but I didn’t know either because I was to busy worrying about myself.

Fast forward to after our divorce. I knew the only way you would ever feel the loved you and your brother deserved was for me to wake up and become the man and father you needed and deserved. If I didn’t you would find someone like I was and that made me sick. I started getting help and started seeing  how important I was for you. If I could love you and show you that the chances of you being healthy and not looking for a crappy hairy legged guy your chances would be better. I remember the day I moved out of the house and I looked at you and my heart swelled with pride. I looked at you and said that’s my daughter, that’s my blood and wow she is all the best of me. Your gorgeous, your eyes and how you carry yourself would make any parent proud, Your tall, striking and you carry a presence, your independent and at the same time you don’t tolerate crap you’re so accepting of others and what they go through. You took your recess at school and helped the challenged kids and loved them and hugged them when I was afraid of them. Your heart breaks when any animal is hurt, when you see a story about people hurting your heart hurts. You go to the adult  rehab with  your mom and you change the older people’s day by loving them and telling them how special they are. You do everything for your brother. Yes you slap him around a bit but you tell him you love him and watch over him with the most love. I never knew what I would want in a girl but with 13 years of life with you: You are it. God could have never painted a better picture and brought it to life with you.

Finally Morgan Elizabeth Wood: Thank you for giving me a second chance to be your daddy. I wake up every morning knowing nothing is more important than you and your brother. No matter what I did or do you accept me and  you know I m doing my best. I feel it in my heart and see it in your eyes. I will and would die for you at any moment. There is not a bigger cheerleader for you than me. I will be here in your best and your darkest moments. No man will ever love you as much as your daddy. Don’t worry a few months ago when you told me you were proud of me my heart skipped a beat and got stronger because of you. Your truly amazing! Happy 13th birthday Morgan

I love you daddy!!!








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