Day 729 My crockpot life

26 01 2015

Rock Bottom Outreach one of the best things that has happened to me.  To see so many broken people glue the pieces back and give so much of them of  themselves. The only place I feel normal is with this group of truly not normal but amazing people. We got to volunteer twice this weekend. Give to the homeless again today. We gave out over 300 sleeping bags the last two weeks and today over 100 meals.  Just amazing because we have up given up ourselves for others and we get the benefit of it.

Being a single parent you want to cook homemade meals. There is not time sometimes no matter how much planning was done. The one thing you can always count on is the crock pot to save your bottom when you know time is limited. Sure you could microwave something but come on really.

The microwave, cooks the edges but the middle is cold, or it never cooks anything. It can explode in the microwave causing a mess you don’t want to clean up or it can burn your popcorn. So what the point my life used to a be the microwave. I burned so much of my life relationships, friends, ideas, church, sometimes I cooked the edges but the middle was cold. That was me I looked great from the outside but inside I was cold and dead. Every time I microwaved my life I made it explode and the cleanup was too much. So I just left it there hoping someone else would come clean up my mess. I set the timer for God to hurry up and the timer never went off when I wanted it to.

My life is a crock pot now. Doesn’t mean I don’t try to microwave my  life at times but when I do. I over cook, under cook or it explodes in my face. Since I try to and believe me I fail often,  I still am using the crock pot of life. As long as I plug it and turn it on God is going to do to my life what it should be. Its going to smell good and be amazing at the end of it. God doesn’t see time and when I quit trying to fast forward my life (microwave it) what should turn out will. Just like the crock pot I can take anything and throw it in the crock pot and it tastes good. You just have to give it time. If you throw everything in the crock put and don’t plug it in or turn it on it wont cook. I still have no idea about many aspects of my life but God has never let me down. Slow and steady  will cook everything to the right degree but only if I let it finish.

So what am I saying: Stop using the microwave it burns, it under cooks, or over cooks and causes things to explode. Choose God ,choose life, chose the crock pot. I’m not done yet but man am I glad to have my life where it’s supposed to be and not where I choose it.





Day 729 My crockpot life

25 01 2015

Rock Bottom Outreach one of the best things that has happened to me.  To see so many broken people glue the pieces back and give so much of them of  themselves. The only place I feel normal is with this group of truly not normal but amazing people. We got to volunteer twice this weekend. Give to the homeless again today. We gave out over 300 sleeping bags the last two weeks and today over 100 meals.  Just amazing because we have up given up ourselves for others and we get the benefit of it.

Being a single parent you want to cook homemade meals. There is not time sometimes no matter how much planning was done. The one thing you can always count on is the crock pot to save your bottom when you know time is limited. Sure you could microwave something but come on really.

The microwave, cooks the edges but the middle is cold, or it never cooks anything. It can explode in the microwave causing a mess you don’t want to clean up or it can burn your popcorn. So what the point my life used to a be the microwave. I burned so much of my life relationships, friends, ideas, church, sometimes I cooked the edges but the middle was cold. That was me I looked great from the outside but inside I was cold and dead. Every time I microwaved my life I made it explode and the cleanup was too much. So I just left it there hoping someone else would come clean up my mess. I set the timer for God to hurry up and the timer never went off when I wanted it to.

My life is a crock pot now. Doesn’t mean I don’t try to microwave my  life at times but when I do. I over cook, under cook or it explodes in my face. Since I try to and believe me I fail often,  I still am using the crock pot of life. As long as I plug it and turn it on God is going to do to my life what it should be. Its going to smell good and be amazing at the end of it. God doesn’t see time and when I quit trying to fast forward my life (microwave it) what should turn out will. Just like the crock pot I can take anything and throw it in the crock pot and it tastes good. You just have to give it time. If you throw everything in the crock put and don’t plug it in or turn it on it wont cook. I still have no idea about many aspects of my life but God has never let me down. Slow and steady  will cook everything to the right degree but only if I let it finish.

So what am I saying: Stop using the microwave it burns, it under cooks, or over cooks and causes things to explode. Choose God ,choose life, chose the crock pot. I’m not done yet but man am I glad to have my life where it’s supposed to be and not where I choose it.





Day 722 You dont need permission to get out

19 01 2015

It was one of those weekends I was down. We accomplished a lot but I felt I should be hearing something and I missing it. I do know this when I’m  giving I feel complete. Today my kids, nephew and the Rock Bottom Outreach crew gave away 130 sleeping bags to the homeless in 12 minutes. Watching people with so little be so happy over a sleeping bag makes me be grateful but also just thankful that those I love are making a difference. Watching my kids help a total stranger and that stranger giving them a hug is what life is about.

I’m not writing this to anyone in particular. If you think I’m talking about you then we need to talk. I’ve been in two situations in the past week  and here is what I do know. In our lives we are responsible for everyone, everything and place in our lives. That is good and bad. I believe no matter how smart or not you are, how much common sense you have or don’t have we all have that feeling. This person, situation, or place is bad or is great for me. We all have that gut feeling sometimes we follow it and sometimes we don’t. Based on our insecurity, fear, want, loneliness we make a decision. If we listen to our gut 99% of the time it works out but when we let the things mentioned above overrun our gut we wind up in our little or big hell. We want to blame someone and that someone is never us. It’s always the other person, place or things problem we couldn’t possibly been wrong. Just know this and this is one of the biggest truths we all have to learn. WE ARE THE ONLY PERSON RESPONSIBLE FOR US! No matter what has happened only us. My dad said this to me all time. The answer to all your problems is when you point the finger , turn it around and point it at yourself and all the answers appear. Okay Tyler stop rambling and get to the point!

You need nobody’s permission who you let in and out of your life. If you’re looking at someone to say: Hey you should really let that person, place or thing in our out Then your already failing. Whoever you let in or out is your business. doesn’t matter who “talked you into it” because you’re the decision maker in your life. Start taking charge and be responsible for the permission given in your life. We all want people to like our decisions but guess what, no matter how good or bad or choices are some jackass is going to beat you down about it. I know 2 people right now that if Jesus was sitting in my living room they would be bitching about: he thinks he knows everything, he’s going to let you down etc… He thinks he walks on water. blah blah. Just remember tonight when you lay down you made the decision, you made some good ones and some bad ones. I just want to offer you a book of permission slips to write to yourself so you know you have all the power now.





Day 722 You dont need permission to get out

18 01 2015

It was one of those weekends I was down. We accomplished a lot but I felt I should be hearing something and I missing it. I do know this when I’m  giving I feel complete. Today my kids, nephew and the Rock Bottom Outreach crew gave away 130 sleeping bags to the homeless in 12 minutes. Watching people with so little be so happy over a sleeping bag makes me be grateful but also just thankful that those I love are making a difference. Watching my kids help a total stranger and that stranger giving them a hug is what life is about.

I’m not writing this to anyone in particular. If you think I’m talking about you then we need to talk. I’ve been in two situations in the past week  and here is what I do know. In our lives we are responsible for everyone, everything and place in our lives. That is good and bad. I believe no matter how smart or not you are, how much common sense you have or don’t have we all have that feeling. This person, situation, or place is bad or is great for me. We all have that gut feeling sometimes we follow it and sometimes we don’t. Based on our insecurity, fear, want, loneliness we make a decision. If we listen to our gut 99% of the time it works out but when we let the things mentioned above overrun our gut we wind up in our little or big hell. We want to blame someone and that someone is never us. It’s always the other person, place or things problem we couldn’t possibly been wrong. Just know this and this is one of the biggest truths we all have to learn. WE ARE THE ONLY PERSON RESPONSIBLE FOR US! No matter what has happened only us. My dad said this to me all time. The answer to all your problems is when you point the finger , turn it around and point it at yourself and all the answers appear. Okay Tyler stop rambling and get to the point!

You need nobody’s permission who you let in and out of your life. If you’re looking at someone to say: Hey you should really let that person, place or thing in our out Then your already failing. Whoever you let in or out is your business. doesn’t matter who “talked you into it” because you’re the decision maker in your life. Start taking charge and be responsible for the permission given in your life. We all want people to like our decisions but guess what, no matter how good or bad or choices are some jackass is going to beat you down about it. I know 2 people right now that if Jesus was sitting in my living room they would be bitching about: he thinks he knows everything, he’s going to let you down etc… He thinks he walks on water. blah blah. Just remember tonight when you lay down you made the decision, you made some good ones and some bad ones. I just want to offer you a book of permission slips to write to yourself so you know you have all the power now.

 





Day 687 Im sorry to my babies

14 12 2014

Another amazing volunteering experience today for Rock Bottom Outreach. We served meals at Beautiful Feet Ministries. It’s a homeless ministry. We served 237 meals at breakfast and 181 at dinner. It’s so good to help and the appreciation that the people showed us. We cooked over 20 dozen eggs today so I’m not really hungry for eggs for a long time.

I’m sorry is something as parents that we are not good at telling our kids. It a crucial part of being a successful parent. There is no manual to parenting. We usually learn from our parents which can be both good and bad. Just because were a parent and we say so doesn’t mean were not wrong. We have to let our kids know its okay to make mistakes and we blow. Once we do we cannot be so prideful and not let our kids know we blew it. No take it being a single parent.

If you have never been a single parent I hope it never happens to you. Also please don’t tell someone you understand because you have a friend or family member that is a single parent. I did that in my past life and its in the moments that you don’t see is when you don’t understand being a single parent. It’s those moments we have to apologise for. Don’t say your sorry for the other parent either. It’s not your job if the other parent did something that’s their burden let them handle it. Here is what I have and will to say Im sorry for.

To my babies: I’m sorry for the divorce and you know that but Im sorry that you have two homes, Im sorry you cant have your stuff in one place, that your friends parents who are married  don’t understand what its like to be divorced, that you have a harder time because I’m a single dad having your friends spend the night with me than your mom. People just think differently when you a dad than single when you a mom. Im sorry that were in an apartment still but we will have a house soon. I’m sorry I cant cook as good as your mom, the crock-pot is our friend. Im  sorry I don’t understand girl stuff but I try, I don’t understand makeup but I know you aren’t wearing a lot, I don’t understand bras, panties but I know you’re wearing them,  the clothes I pick for you, the times I remind you about deodorant and how you need to carry yourself I’m only sorry I tell you so many times but its only because I know whats best for you. I hug you both all the time and tell I love you 100 times a day and I’m sorry that I don’t tell you 150 times a day. I’m sorry I lost my temper when you dropped your cup of water on the carpet because it didn’t mean anything. I’m sorry I seem overwhelmed at times, I struggle to know Im a great daddy and when I feel Im not you can see it in my face. When we are about to walk out the door in the morning for school and you still have toothpaste on your face and your breakfast on your shirt I have to sound frustrated and you ask why its such a big deal. Im sorry after I thought I explained something so well and you tell you don’t understand I get upset. Im sorry I don’t have someone to share my life with and I cant explain it but I don’t want to have to say Im sorry if I screw it up again. I tell you Im sorry because I want you to know how much I love you and I would die for both of you at any time. Im sorry for the mistakes I make but not the effort because you have no idea how important it is to me to be the best daddy for you both. I hope your see it and know that your both mean the world to me and I will never be sorry for that.





Day 203 Homeless Church is humbling

31 07 2013

I spent Saturday and Sunday morning in Austin. I was feeling pretty down missed my buddy and didn’t want to come home. I was trying to get tot he Tattoo convention in downtown and there were all of these people at the end of 6th street. I’m always curious so I rolled down my window and said what was that. The guy said that’s the bums of Austin and the light turned green.  So I got a great parking spot on 6th street but that’s because it was 10:00am and I got out of the car and started walking over. The smell was pretty overwhelming if the wind caught your nose right. I really didn’t know what to do except walk and try to hide behind one of the pillars. This church takes place outside under 35 and has food, worship and homeless of all shapes, sizes, colors, and a few outsiders like me. When walking up I wanted to hide  because I didn’t know what to do, but also because I’m ashamed of myself for the way I always thought of homeless. I know they didn’t know my feelings from my past but I bet I wore it on my face. So trying to hide a black guy named Trey came up to me while I’m trying to hide and said I used to play Rugby (I had my Denton Rugby shirt on) he gave me the brother hug and I hug him. He was homeless I knew from the weather-beaten skin and tattered cloths but he was so friendly and outgoing. He said laughing did you get lost? I said no I’m just curious so he gave me the walk through and then said this is my normal on Sundays like yours. How did you know I go to church? He said you can see in your eyes you’re a good man and you walked over not knowing anyone. I didn’t know what to say except thank you and what do I do now? He introduced me to what looked like “Church people” who were leading the worship and about to be service.Katy who was probably my age welcomed me and asked was I there to help? I said no I was about to go to the convention center and I got curious what this was. She said it is what normal people call homeless church. I asked why here and how did you get so many to come. She said a lot pass out after leaving 6th street and it was a great place to bring the spirit of the Lord since all the people were already there. I bet there were 500 hundred homeless, some worshiping, some smoking cigarettes, some shooting the breeze, some ignoring, and some watching me. Katy had to sing but told me not to leave and she would be back. I listened and for the first time in a long time I heard the worship song without going through the motions and I was upset that I go every Sunday to church and just go through the motions. One of the really cool things is right after worship and before the message they passed the cup and money was put in the cup. Yes homeless people were putting money in the cup. They have nothing but still take what little they have pennies, quarters or dollars and stuffed the cup. I tithe but sometimes I complain to myself that maybe this time I won’t. Talk about being humbled!

Message starts and more people are paying attention the message was  about giving thanks! I wanted to leave right then. I knew I would get stared at but that was just my guilty conscience beating me up. The message started off with your alive so give thanks because you have a chance to live out what God wants from us! I swallowed hard because I was whining that I have to get up and go to work Monday. I could right forever about the message it was only 10 minutes but I heard the echo all day. Why do we stop giving thanks and just complain. I saw  the homeless and pity them at first but I’m sure many could see I needed the pity. Why pity me because I really don’t appreciate what I have Im sure they saw that.  Why someone got in the situation doesn’t matter but they are there and just in the 35 minutes I stood there I saw, felt more hope than I had in years. We were all alive and that means we can do what God wants us to still. I had to go three hours away and walk in a very unfamiliar scary place at first to hear what God was trying to say. I heard you now please help me to carry through.

http://onethousandsingledays.com/  One of my favorite bloggers posted this video from her blog about being down and out please watch and feel what the homeless man feels.

Feel this homeless man





Day 203 Homeless Church is humbling

30 07 2013

I spent Saturday and Sunday morning in Austin. I was feeling pretty down missed my buddy and didn’t want to come home. I was trying to get tot he Tattoo convention in downtown and there were all of these people at the end of 6th street. I’m always curious so I rolled down my window and said what was that. The guy said that’s the bums of Austin and the light turned green.  So I got a great parking spot on 6th street but that’s because it was 10:00am and I got out of the car and started walking over. The smell was pretty overwhelming if the wind caught your nose right. I really didn’t know what to do except walk and try to hide behind one of the pillars. This church takes place outside under 35 and has food, worship and homeless of all shapes, sizes, colors, and a few outsiders like me. When walking up I wanted to hide  because I didn’t know what to do, but also because I’m ashamed of myself for the way I always thought of homeless. I know they didn’t know my feelings from my past but I bet I wore it on my face. So trying to hide a black guy named Trey came up to me while I’m trying to hide and said I used to play Rugby (I had my Denton Rugby shirt on) he gave me the brother hug and I hug him. He was homeless I knew from the weather-beaten skin and tattered cloths but he was so friendly and outgoing. He said laughing did you get lost? I said no I’m just curious so he gave me the walk through and then said this is my normal on Sundays like yours. How did you know I go to church? He said you can see in your eyes you’re a good man and you walked over not knowing anyone. I didn’t know what to say except thank you and what do I do now? He introduced me to what looked like “Church people” who were leading the worship and about to be service.Katy who was probably my age welcomed me and asked was I there to help? I said no I was about to go to the convention center and I got curious what this was. She said it is what normal people call homeless church. I asked why here and how did you get so many to come. She said a lot pass out after leaving 6th street and it was a great place to bring the spirit of the Lord since all the people were already there. I bet there were 500 hundred homeless, some worshiping, some smoking cigarettes, some shooting the breeze, some ignoring, and some watching me. Katy had to sing but told me not to leave and she would be back. I listened and for the first time in a long time I heard the worship song without going through the motions and I was upset that I go every Sunday to church and just go through the motions. One of the really cool things is right after worship and before the message they passed the cup and money was put in the cup. Yes homeless people were putting money in the cup. They have nothing but still take what little they have pennies, quarters or dollars and stuffed the cup. I tithe but sometimes I complain to myself that maybe this time I won’t. Talk about being humbled!

Message starts and more people are paying attention the message was  about giving thanks! I wanted to leave right then. I knew I would get stared at but that was just my guilty conscience beating me up. The message started off with your alive so give thanks because you have a chance to live out what God wants from us! I swallowed hard because I was whining that I have to get up and go to work Monday. I could right forever about the message it was only 10 minutes but I heard the echo all day. Why do we stop giving thanks and just complain. I saw  the homeless and pity them at first but I’m sure many could see I needed the pity. Why pity me because I really don’t appreciate what I have Im sure they saw that.  Why someone got in the situation doesn’t matter but they are there and just in the 35 minutes I stood there I saw, felt more hope than I had in years. We were all alive and that means we can do what God wants us to still. I had to go three hours away and walk in a very unfamiliar scary place at first to hear what God was trying to say. I heard you now please help me to carry through.

http://onethousandsingledays.com/  One of my favorite bloggers posted this video from her blog about being down and out please watch and feel what the homeless man feels.

Feel this homeless man





Day 170 Truth laid down with me

26 06 2013

I spent Sunday night going back through all of my blogs and I caught up with a friend of 20 years that we had not spoken but more than  twice in that time frame. Wow i really put myself out there in my blogs. I really don’t remember it all. I sit down in front of the computer and something different comes over me. It’s a cool feeling but at the same time I know when I push send the fear of a teenager comes back. I set the fire, watch it burn and wait to see what happens when it burns out. The past two years I felt alive, I felt dead, I felt like curling in a ball, I felt on was on top of the world, Ive cried like the first time I got a shot, I hit my knees more than ever, I have reached up for someone and their was an empty hand, I tried to love me, I tried to hate me, I sat in my apartment with nothing but the sound of my breath, I fought with me and talked to myself a lot, I sat in fields and admired the stars, I went to a hospital and watched the babies sleep, I drove past my old house and wondered what happened, I drove half way across the country trying to find myself, I drank myself silly wondering can I be loved, I gave two people all I had left, I questioned God, I loved God I acted like everything was okay. I looked someone in the eyes and told them I was a scared little boy, I pushed at least 6 people out of my life and told them I wasn’t good enough for them, I sat at the Rugby field and wondered why my athletic career was over, I went to the Casino and went to be close to people but not to close, I stopped a domestic abuse situation, I held a homeless man, I finally went back to my dad;s grave, I baptized my daughter, I held my son over my head like he was a baby, I stopped the car and picked a piece of cotton, I went to the animal shelter and told the animals that it was going to be okay you won’t always be alone, I looked my ex in the eye and told myself you were flawed but remember the good.

Truth is last night I sat in my bed listening to music and turned it off. I looked at the ceiling of my apartment and truth laid next to me. You’re a good man and there are many that think the same thing. You have changed lives for the better. I know your heart-broken for many reasons but your almost there. See the good remember the bad and stop living in it. For the first time in probably 5 years I heard me say thank you  before I went to sleep God and truth thank you  because I am a good man  and Im almost there.

 





Day 170 Truth laid down with me

25 06 2013

I spent Sunday night going back through all of my blogs and I caught up with a friend of 20 years that we had not spoken but more than  twice in that time frame. Wow i really put myself out there in my blogs. I really don’t remember it all. I sit down in front of the computer and something different comes over me. It’s a cool feeling but at the same time I know when I push send the fear of a teenager comes back. I set the fire, watch it burn and wait to see what happens when it burns out. The past two years I felt alive, I felt dead, I felt like curling in a ball, I felt on was on top of the world, Ive cried like the first time I got a shot, I hit my knees more than ever, I have reached up for someone and their was an empty hand, I tried to love me, I tried to hate me, I sat in my apartment with nothing but the sound of my breath, I fought with me and talked to myself a lot, I sat in fields and admired the stars, I went to a hospital and watched the babies sleep, I drove past my old house and wondered what happened, I drove half way across the country trying to find myself, I drank myself silly wondering can I be loved, I gave two people all I had left, I questioned God, I loved God I acted like everything was okay. I looked someone in the eyes and told them I was a scared little boy, I pushed at least 6 people out of my life and told them I wasn’t good enough for them, I sat at the Rugby field and wondered why my athletic career was over, I went to the Casino and went to be close to people but not to close, I stopped a domestic abuse situation, I held a homeless man, I finally went back to my dad;s grave, I baptized my daughter, I held my son over my head like he was a baby, I stopped the car and picked a piece of cotton, I went to the animal shelter and told the animals that it was going to be okay you won’t always be alone, I looked my ex in the eye and told myself you were flawed but remember the good.

Truth is last night I sat in my bed listening to music and turned it off. I looked at the ceiling of my apartment and truth laid next to me. You’re a good man and there are many that think the same thing. You have changed lives for the better. I know your heart-broken for many reasons but your almost there. See the good remember the bad and stop living in it. For the first time in probably 5 years I heard me say thank you  before I went to sleep God and truth thank you  because I am a good man  and Im almost there.

 





Day 170 Truth laid down with me

25 06 2013

I spent Sunday night going back through all of my blogs and I caught up with a friend of 20 years that we had not spoken but more than  twice in that time frame. Wow i really put myself out there in my blogs. I really don’t remember it all. I sit down in front of the computer and something different comes over me. It’s a cool feeling but at the same time I know when I push send the fear of a teenager comes back. I set the fire, watch it burn and wait to see what happens when it burns out. The past two years I felt alive, I felt dead, I felt like curling in a ball, I felt on was on top of the world, Ive cried like the first time I got a shot, I hit my knees more than ever, I have reached up for someone and their was an empty hand, I tried to love me, I tried to hate me, I sat in my apartment with nothing but the sound of my breath, I fought with me and talked to myself a lot, I sat in fields and admired the stars, I went to a hospital and watched the babies sleep, I drove past my old house and wondered what happened, I drove half way across the country trying to find myself, I drank myself silly wondering can I be loved, I gave two people all I had left, I questioned God, I loved God I acted like everything was okay. I looked someone in the eyes and told them I was a scared little boy, I pushed at least 6 people out of my life and told them I wasn’t good enough for them, I sat at the Rugby field and wondered why my athletic career was over, I went to the Casino and went to be close to people but not to close, I stopped a domestic abuse situation, I held a homeless man, I finally went back to my dad;s grave, I baptized my daughter, I held my son over my head like he was a baby, I stopped the car and picked a piece of cotton, I went to the animal shelter and told the animals that it was going to be okay you won’t always be alone, I looked my ex in the eye and told myself you were flawed but remember the good.

Truth is last night I sat in my bed listening to music and turned it off. I looked at the ceiling of my apartment and truth laid next to me. You’re a good man and there are many that think the same thing. You have changed lives for the better. I know your heart-broken for many reasons but your almost there. See the good remember the bad and stop living in it. For the first time in probably 5 years I heard me say thank you  before I went to sleep God and truth thank you  because I am a good man  and Im almost there.








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