Day 1665 Divorce and things you don’t know

27 09 2017
I deal with divorce trying to help people and people asking me what do I do. It takes both sides to make it work for sure. It’s so easy now with roadside signs offering $250 divorce, divorce not being taboo, divorce being big business for lawyers and social media allowing you to hide and find a past relationship. Most people have lost their fight. Everything says run so most do.
I will say this first so i can cut you off before you tell me divorce is necessary.
I know for so many it is and was but to those still married, and those considering divorce let me tell you things you don’t know yet.
Kids are resilient and they be okay.  Sure as long as we are alive we will be okay but Please listen to this divorce will affect your kids in a negative way, no matter what you think. 2 different homes. My childhood wasn’t great but I always knew where my home was. Kids want both parents happy so they accept things that they shouldn’t. You have made an example that quitting is okay, that wedding vows are really only good when its working the way we want. I could go on but just know there is a consequence.
Divorce is one lonely  sob. You might hop into another relationship immediately  ( my opinion its the dumbest thing you can do.  You’re  bringing all ur garbage to someone who doesn’t deserve it, ur unhealed but ur trying to find happiness in someone else and you’re not happy)
Not saying my way is best but healing, and dealing with past hurts is lonely.  It’s a lonely you have never felt. If you split your kids up you don’t know lonely until  YOU eat by yourself and do things by yourself because of ur friends are in relationship and cant just drop everything to hang with you.
Everyone divorced has baggage. Yes even you. You base relationships on what you know, so your past lets u think well everyone is the same. Which in truth everyone has some if not the same characteristics its just ur not healed so everyone seems the same
You feel out paperwork and says in case if emergency or who do u put in ur will, who gets my money. If something happens to me what am I going to do.
I wish people would understand that divorce is a death without a funeral. It represents the end of something that started out with so much promise and hope and it’s painful when that hope dies. Sometimes I think that divorce has become so routine that it’s not taken seriously enough and that devalues marriage.
If you’re not a happy person now you wont be in a new relationship. Divorce teaches you that your own happiness is, in fact, important, and that you can’t be accountable for someone else’s. You learn that you can’t change yourself in order to make someone else happy.
Thanks for listening to my rant. I just would love to see families stay together. Old school in this case wasn’t so bad if you think about it.
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Day 852 Its time to let go

27 05 2015

I was sitting in a courtroom this morning and its the last placed I thought I would be sitting. I wont go into details  but I was trying to get something that had belonged to me for three years. It was something that I never thought would get to this point but it did. Sooner or later you have to stand up for yourself and I did. I should have done it sooner but I can’t understand why in God’s name why this person still feels the way they do towards me, So that leads to this.

Call it forgiveness, letting go or just finding your happiness. It really doesn’t matter what someone has done or perceived done to you. If you still hold hatred, bitterness, fear, anger towards someone I’m betting they have moved on and your still holding on to it. Its like your drinking poison from a big cup but hoping the other person gets sick. They don’t get sick only you. Life will never be what you want or dream it to be if you hold onto the crap. You think if I continue to rip them apart, talk and say the worst things about them, poke holes in their weaknesses I’ll feel better and I’ll show them. It will never happen. The person being hurt is you! Again the only person hurt is you. Since we are human we are entitled to the feelings and hurting a hurt with a hurt sometimes would feel better until you do it then you realize you lowered yourself to the level of the person you can’t stand.

God forgave us all! Tyler stop talking about God you don’t understand. I do understand, what forgiveness does and you don’t forgive, you don’t get it back. Forgiveness isn’t for the other person its for you. Believe I have a list of about 5 people who if I could give a piece of my mind to I could make them cry and bring them to their knees but truthfully what does that do.  What you’re hoping for is that somebody that you loved or maybe didn’t doesn’t ever feel the way you did. I can honestly say I still care for the person and truly wish only great things for them, but seeing the feelings that they have cared with them their whole not about me but everyone from their past is downright sad.

IF your stuck and the only things you want to do is make someone like a fool in public, rip them apart on social media or talk crap to your kids about someone your truthfully the one that looks like a fool. Its time!!! Its time to let it go. Your life begins again when you realize the crap you hold onto is only poisoning you.

God gave me a 2nd chance to change my life and without forgiving my dad, and a few other people I would still be the miserable piece of crap I was. I’m living proof that forgiveness or letting go opens your eyes to life. Let go and let God. If you don’t believe in God I’m sorry but believe in something or your fall for anything!!!!





Day 828 Money wont buy your soul

3 05 2015

I had an awesome with weekend with my family. We saw the new Avengers movie, had my son’s baseball game, and the went to Mayfest in Fort Worth. Today we took my mom and sister to the horse races. We did a great job of having fun and getting along. Two points for my family. This week I will also be the father to a teenager. God help us all 🙂

Money can’t live with it and can’t live without it. It brings our the best and worst in every person and including me. I know I will get some disagreement about this but it’s the trust item I know to speak on. My the standard of the people growing up we were poor but taken care. We never had extra but we had what he needed. My parents worked their butts off like so many people’s parents and things worked out great and sometimes they didn’t. Once my father became disabled we learned what poor was. Life was taken from us and we had to  learn how to go without but still our needs were met. It’s just sometimes the needs were pushed out. I knew poor and I saw my mom and dad to go without so my sister and I didn’t go with out. I could tell you so many stories about money and what we weren’t able to do but I wont. I knew how to work hard because my parents were amazing examples but I swore I would never be poor. The journey for money was one of the biggest reasons for Rock bottom. I used greed, pride, ego and any other means so YOU would think I had money. I never had enough of it. I knew what it was like not to have any. So we drove the best, had the best and when we bought we usually bought two of everything so I never felt I was doing without. The money thing I never brought  God into my money because God didn’t understand currency and why I did what I did with my money. We even tithed to church but because I thought it would give us more. Damn was I wrong about money.

Chasing the almighty dollar brought me to my knees, literally and almost ended my life. Men are about being providers and we lose the fact that doesn’t mean piles of money and stuff. It means time and love. We work so hard to reach for something that we think because we can buy it for her or our kids that shows love and time. People and family want our time and soul. MONEY WILL NEVER BUY YOUR SOUL BUT IT WILL TAKE IT FROM YOU. I know to guys right now that are about to go bankrupt and they are filthy rich in stuff which is about to be taken and they have no idea who they are. I have met some amazing people on this journey that have lost it all, have it all but they lost  their family which is our soul. Men compare one another based on car, house, trophy wife, stuff they can donate to their kids sports team, vacation, and paying for weddings and college. What we see is what they want us to see but inside they are broken, an addict, full of rage, lost and downright hopeless. I will agree having money can buy you some freedom but it doesn’t buy happiness. I tried it and I talk to men who have money and when they get real they ALL say they would give it all up to have a sense of peace.

I’ve been reading Soul Keeping by John Ortenberg. Its one of the truest depictions of our soul and how we are driven by materialism and consumerism and try to buy our happiness. What that has caused us is to neglect the eternal and most important part of ourselves and the consequences from that.IF anyone ever tells you money will make it all better. Thats a lie from the pits of hell. MONEY cannot repair a destroyed heart and soul. You can mask it but only a close, deep down, being real with God and society can you mend that soul. This blog won’t change anyone’s thinking. If you know me you know my struggles with money and my thoughts on it. 39 years of thoughts on money are hard to change in a day. What I can tell you from experience that keep trying to find fulfillment, joy and love through money and you may be reaching out me to ask how did you build your life back after your lost everything and destroyed your soul. I’ll be the first one here to help pick you up but I want to keep you from going down that path.

When my dad died if you know my story I was embarrassed of him and the things we didn’t have. Every person that spoke of him just talked about how great of a man he was, and what he did for others. Not one time did people talk about his lack of money or stuff. It opened my eyes but not enough. Today I remember almost once a week  one of his closest friends said to me. He looked at me and I think he was thinking about his immortality and said: Inside that coffin is a great man and none of this earthly crap is in their with him. Remember that Tyler he had the greatest thing any man could ask for was family intact. I didn’t listen to him and I lost my family but Im learning and Im trying to teach you that money can never buy your soul.





Day 772 Why would you ever treat me that way

9 03 2015

I had a great weekend. I got to gamble a bit , I got to relax Saturday night which is a rarity and last night I got to see one of my favorite Comedians Jo Koy. I haven’t laughed so hard for a prolonged period in my life. He just let the show come to him and used the audience. He also went 35 minutes longer than he should have. It’s so true that laughing really does make you feel better.

One of my points to push me over the edge is cheating. If you want to see me angry then lets walk down that road together. Bottom-line: It is NEVER okay. I don’t care how you grew up, if your parents did it, if it was done to you, or you just can’t  deal with life or people, and you feel your just going to do it. It always starts, well Im not attracted to you anymore, I don’t love you anymore, you just don’t get me. The problem  with cheaters is that nothing will make them happy. Until they realize that they deserve love, willing to be loved and stop blaming everyone else for their problems they will stay that way. PEOPLE DO NOT MAKE OTHER PEOPLE HAPPY. NEVER EVER! they can enhance your life but you’re the only person in charge of your joy or happiness. When you start thinking that the flawed,broken, scared person you are with is going to not let you down, or make mistakes. Then when they do you decide well here’s another person always not loving me or letting me down.

I will be the first to say I have never cheated on anyone. I could never imagine going behind someones back destroying trust, loyalty, faith and love because I was such a miserable sack of crap that I couldn’t be honest and tell the person that I lost my feelings for you and we need to end it. I have never heard one person say. I’m so glad I cheated because when I had to look that person in the eye and tell them what I did it was so much easier telling them after the fact than before I did it. I understand pain! Physical mental and emotional pain. I have absorbed it all and dealt more of it out so I understand why people do dumb dumb crap.

I saw this twice this weekend. One person said to me please don’t judge me. Judge you no but you’re an asshole and what does it solve. Even it was happening on the other side two wrongs never made a right. Here’s what I always find the funniest. Do you actually think the cheater isn’t going to cheat on you one day. One you start its easy to keep going. Do you really believe that in the midst of a relationship and when it gets real that your so special that your worth not cheating on. If so I have the winning lottery numbers you can buy from me. You mask it, say the right thing etc.. People cheat because they can’t stand themselves. Sure you made mistakes but the cheater is miserable and they throw it on everyone because it’s what they know. If a cheater gets cheated on they are absolutely floored and astonished like how could this happen to me.

I wish I could solve this problem. I have two good friends going through this. It breaks my heart because the pain is horrible. No matter what you blame yourself and no matter you never get away with it. All I can ask if this: If your cheating stop right now and ask God to save your sorry butt, pray like you never have. Then go get help for your problems not your partners problem because all you can change is you. Finally if your about to pull those pants down pull them up, go to your partner and tell them I have lost feelings for you and I’m not interested in making it better between us but before I do something stupid we need to divorce. breakup etc.. That will hurt but not nearly has bad as a bold face lie and slap in the face. The scars that cheaters create run deep but they affect everyone around you especially. you think its hard to tell your spouse after the fact wait until you have to look your kids in the eye and tell them what a piece of crap you are. God always forgives, people not so much. Zip your pants and tighten your belt please.





Day 772 Why would you ever treat me that way

9 03 2015

I had a great weekend. I got to gamble a bit , I got to relax Saturday night which is a rarity and last night I got to see one of my favorite Comedians Jo Koy. I haven’t laughed so hard for a prolonged period in my life. He just let the show come to him and used the audience. He also went 35 minutes longer than he should have. It’s so true that laughing really does make you feel better.

One of my points to push me over the edge is cheating. If you want to see me angry then lets walk down that road together. Bottom-line: It is NEVER okay. I don’t care how you grew up, if your parents did it, if it was done to you, or you just can’t  deal with life or people, and you feel your just going to do it. It always starts, well Im not attracted to you anymore, I don’t love you anymore, you just don’t get me. The problem  with cheaters is that nothing will make them happy. Until they realize that they deserve love, willing to be loved and stop blaming everyone else for their problems they will stay that way. PEOPLE DO NOT MAKE OTHER PEOPLE HAPPY. NEVER EVER! they can enhance your life but you’re the only person in charge of your joy or happiness. When you start thinking that the flawed,broken, scared person you are with is going to not let you down, or make mistakes. Then when they do you decide well here’s another person always not loving me or letting me down.

I will be the first to say I have never cheated on anyone. I could never imagine going behind someones back destroying trust, loyalty, faith and love because I was such a miserable sack of crap that I couldn’t be honest and tell the person that I lost my feelings for you and we need to end it. I have never heard one person say. I’m so glad I cheated because when I had to look that person in the eye and tell them what I did it was so much easier telling them after the fact than before I did it. I understand pain! Physical mental and emotional pain. I have absorbed it all and dealt more of it out so I understand why people do dumb dumb crap.

I saw this twice this weekend. One person said to me please don’t judge me. Judge you no but you’re an asshole and what does it solve. Even it was happening on the other side two wrongs never made a right. Here’s what I always find the funniest. Do you actually think the cheater isn’t going to cheat on you one day. One you start its easy to keep going. Do you really believe that in the midst of a relationship and when it gets real that your so special that your worth not cheating on. If so I have the winning lottery numbers you can buy from me. You mask it, say the right thing etc.. People cheat because they can’t stand themselves. Sure you made mistakes but the cheater is miserable and they throw it on everyone because it’s what they know. If a cheater gets cheated on they are absolutely floored and astonished like how could this happen to me.

I wish I could solve this problem. I have two good friends going through this. It breaks my heart because the pain is horrible. No matter what you blame yourself and no matter you never get away with it. All I can ask if this: If your cheating stop right now and ask God to save your sorry butt, pray like you never have. Then go get help for your problems not your partners problem because all you can change is you. Finally if your about to pull those pants down pull them up, go to your partner and tell them I have lost feelings for you and I’m not interested in making it better between us but before I do something stupid we need to divorce. breakup etc.. That will hurt but not nearly has bad as a bold face lie and slap in the face. The scars that cheaters create run deep but they affect everyone around you especially. you think its hard to tell your spouse after the fact wait until you have to look your kids in the eye and tell them what a piece of crap you are. God always forgives, people not so much. Zip your pants and tighten your belt please.





Day 764 Im good, Im okay

1 03 2015

We made it through Ice Armageddon 2015. It was  bad and we had 4 inches of snow. We made real snowman not made of grass and we made snow ice cream that wasn’t yellow.  I enjoy the snow but I swear people’s IQ drops 100 points. Its more dangerous of the idiots that wont drive right than the ones that don’t know how. Anyway here we are with spring around the corner. Bring on the heat!!!

We are taught to always let people now we are okay. Since we were children. If someone asks you’re doing great or okay. You could have been crying in the car but you were told to dry it up and act like you were okay. We take that into adult hood and no matter how much we want to reach out we get the question: How you doing? We always say I’m good, I’m okay. The answer infuriates me even when I know your not okay or good. Guess what I’m the worst at giving you the generic answer of I’m good and I’m okay. WHy do we do it!!

I have a few reasons. One people truly don’t care how you are. They ask because were supposed too. It becomes the customary thing to say. Have you ever told someone besides the customary answer and they freak out. Honestly I’m bad today and  They have no response. They just want to move on and hope that they never ask you again how you’re doing.

Reason two: We have no idea how were doing. We aren’t good, bad, we are lost in our thoughts. We want to tell you something but were hurting too much, we are just lost or we truly we don’t know. When I was getting divorced if you caught me at the right time I might cry on you and it was just safer

Reason three: You haven’t earned the right to know how I’m doing. I give you a generic answer because you haven’t put in on my life and honestly you’re not important enough to know how I’m doing. Since I know your asking because it’s the right thing to do not because you care I’ll reserve the right not to share. If I decided to share with you and you turn away, then in my moment of sharing , you crushed my spirits either good or bad.

Reason four: We actually maybe good and I don’t want you to rain on my parade. Some people may be happy for you but most times in life people get upset at others people’s success or happiness. You share it with the wrong person and your good moment turns to crap. So you just say I’m okay and go tell someone who really cares.

Reason five: People don’t know how to be real. Do you know if you spoke what you felt or when someone pays you a compliment at that time you ask. people really want to communicate with you they just don’t know how. They try one time it doesn’t work out and they will never do it again. We know people who just lost a relative, spouse and child and because we are trained to ask we say How are you? Then we get I’m okay. We want to slap ourselves for asking but what if they answer.  All I’m saying is do what I do sometimes. If someone asks how are you,  say are you sure you want to know. It gives them an out but it also gives you an in. Share your heart sometimes what comes out on the other side is pretty good or I guess okay 🙂

 

 





Day 645 I can’t love you Tyler

3 11 2014

Halloween is such an interesting holiday. There are way to many people who think clowns are funny and I for one think not. I would rather punch a clown in its funny nose that look at it. I know I have issues but I’m a work in progress. One of the houses I took my son to give away full size candy bars. I decided to be there best friend.

Please do not feel sympathy, pity, whatever for this blog. I m writing my feelings and I know how others feel I hope someone can feel like their not on an island and it helps to bring healing. 3 weeks ago I had a friend in my mens group say do you even know what love is. I was really pissed when he first asked and I said yes for sure. He said put it on paper and let me know. Its taking me three weeks and here is what I’ve come up with. The past two weeks have been a struggle for me and I mean big time. I think it’s a lot to do with being in a relationship and falling in love again. I know men don’t share their feelings like I do so men and women will both bash me and tell me that its weird. Its okay I’ll build a bridge and you decide if you want to walk over it.

One of the statements that still wrecks my mind sometimes from my marriage   is “I can’t  love you Tyler” in my mind i kept telling her yes you can you just stopped trying. I know I made mistakes but so did you and I’m changing so you can love me. That never happened and you know the rest. I’m 3 years separated/ divorced and the words haunt me. No matter what I know about God and his power, my counseling etc.. I live like I can’t be loved. I will tell you what you need to hear and what I want to hear but my actions are different from that. This is where I beat myself up more than any other aspect of my life. I don’t want to hear that there aren’t good men and women out there  because it’s a lie. We attract who we are so we are the problem and the solution. The reason I’m single is because I believe the lies of my mangled heart. I finally realized that it is  a mangled mess and since is a decision and not a feeling I know that whoever she is can either love me or not, cheat on me or not,  or just decide that you not enough and just walk away. So armed with that info I have a line and if you cross it I will mark you out of my life and never choose to see you again. It’s not I have a  lack of knowledge I have plenty of that. Knowledge without action is like eating a shit sandwich it doesn’t taste good and you really can’t give it to anyone either. I have thought a long time about what I really want and I think this is correct for me:

I need someone Im attracted to for sure. Lets get the generic crap out-of-the-way. I need someone who doesn’t smoke, Affectionate giving and  receiving, funny and will laugh at herself  and me, has some sort of relationship with her family, will communicate about everything yes even that. Here is this stuff that matters. The more you see my brokenness you want to get closer,  you will let me take care of you because Im wired that way, not control you but take care of you, that if you or I walk out the door we know that were coming back, that when nobody in the world understand you try, you put me in my place but out of love, you’ll let me do all the sappy, crazy things you hear about but have never seen, we Really don’t go to bed mad, that we can show each other grace when it’s not deserved,  that my fears become your fears and mine yours so we can break through them together, when I throw a fit you know it’s not often and you find out why rather than trying to break me, that we are both okay not saying a word but that it’s so many words being spoken, when I fail you will get mad but remember the man I am not the man I was, when I want to get in the car and drive you don’t ask where, that when I don’t understand your hormones Ill try and wont always blame it on your hormones, that when we lay next to each other I do just want to hold you, that you will let me be your biggest fan not because I should but because I want to, when I try to shake it all off and pretend its okay you call me out, that you will see my greatness when I can’t, when I do something for you it’s not because I want something but because you deserve it and you accept it as such. Finally you and I know that wherever and whatever is going there is someone out there that understands.

So I know what works for me. You see this picture of a mangled car: You also see the car fixed. I know God will fix my mangled heart but it will also take someone who is strong and will love like they never have. If she chooses to do that then they will get what she always thought was not able to be attained.

ollision_repair_before_and_after

So as I struggle through this it will workout it just takes me trusting and believing again, praying to God for his will and not mine, and opening my eyes when they have been closed. Mangled heart and all Im an amazing catch and someone will get this one day. Until then here’s to putting my puzzle back together.








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