Day 314 My losses really don’t mean crap

20 11 2013

A great weekend because it was a Rugby weekend! We played our first game that counted and won 49-9. I got to play 35 minutes and I played well and feel “okay” I love the sport and looking forward to this year I think we are really good!

IF your single and reading this I know the holiday season is tough and lonely but please surround yourself with people who you love and love you! Don’t sit around and be by yourself. Enjoy the season its our holiday too! I read a lot of other blogs about being single during the holidays which I will share. Just keep working to a happy holiday.

Have your ever not been able to shake your losses.I was told today that you have done a great job getting to the point of where you have overcome but you have to change your focus because really your losses don’t matter anymore. They shaped who you are but that crap is over now! If you want true positive change you have to do what the great Socrates said!

Socrates

To be honest I suck at it! I have overcome a lot but I have stopped building the new. I have no idea why maybe fear, anxiety, worth, acceptance not sure but it has to start now or I will look up and 10 years from now being doing the exact same thing!

 

So today I hear this from a friend of mine and then I read this from Evan Sanders: The Bettermanprojects! He said exactly what I needed to. I have heard it twice so now I need to get off my arse!

Responsibility

What truly changed my entire life was realizing that I was indeed responsible for my own life. Of course there will be things in life that are completely out of your control. You have no ability to see them coming and when they happen they completely pull the rug out from under you. Were things truly turned around for me was when I realized that I had the power to act…not react. Action: the difference between movement and progress. I can tell you, there were moments that I thought I really wasn’t going to make it out. I would say to myself, “I don’t foresee any possible solution to this. How is this going to turn around.” Well it did…but that only came with the realization that taking responsibility for my own life was the only answer. The only way I could get myself into a better position was to create it. The only way to get to where I wanted to go was to build a foundation based off of my pride and determination. It’s in that moment when you bet on yourself when the script is flipped. Tighten your belt and string up your boots.

I’m going to give you an analogy.

And here comes another baseball analogy. When you are reacting to life…you are standing at the plate, bat on your shoulder, watching the balls and strikes come in…and waiting to be walked or struck out. You don’t swing…you just let the pitcher determine whether or not you are going to be successful that game. You are just watching and your reaction will be whatever the pitcher decides its going to be. However, when you are in action, you are sitting on your pitch and adjusting your strategy as the at bat moves along. You are waiting for your moment, hands ready, and when that pitch comes you try to make the best contact you can.

Life works in a very similar way. If you wait for your pitch, and you are prepared to hit it, you increase your chances of doing something great. But if you sit around and wait for things to happen, that is exactly what you are going to get: a lot of sitting around. I believe that whatever may be above us is watching to see what we do with what we have been given…what we can create…what we can make with our minds and our hands. Because those are the two greatest tools that we will ever have. We have the infinite capacity to either love or hate. We have the ability to send out incredible amounts of positive energy into this world…or choose to darken it…to dim the lights…to spread pain.

Life becomes a series of actions then…and with every action there is a result. When you choose to text someone and tell them that you miss them and that you care about them…you are doing out of love. When you choose to help someone in need, or pick someone up when they are down, you are making a choice…a positive choice. And that love and those choices have a ripple effect on the rest of the world. If we can all make those positive choices, starting with taking responsibility for our own lives and the things we decide to do – that is when this ship is going to truly set sail for a better place.

I choose, and I hope you will join me, to spread love every single day. I chose this path because that is what was done for me and brought me out of the worst. If you make that choice…you will become infectious – and for the best reason in the world: love.

– Evan Sanders

 





Day 314 My losses really don’t mean crap

19 11 2013

A great weekend because it was a Rugby weekend! We played our first game that counted and won 49-9. I got to play 35 minutes and I played well and feel “okay” I love the sport and looking forward to this year I think we are really good!

IF your single and reading this I know the holiday season is tough and lonely but please surround yourself with people who you love and love you! Don’t sit around and be by yourself. Enjoy the season its our holiday too! I read a lot of other blogs about being single during the holidays which I will share. Just keep working to a happy holiday.

Have your ever not been able to shake your losses.I was told today that you have done a great job getting to the point of where you have overcome but you have to change your focus because really your losses don’t matter anymore. They shaped who you are but that crap is over now! If you want true positive change you have to do what the great Socrates said!

Socrates

To be honest I suck at it! I have overcome a lot but I have stopped building the new. I have no idea why maybe fear, anxiety, worth, acceptance not sure but it has to start now or I will look up and 10 years from now being doing the exact same thing!

 

So today I hear this from a friend of mine and then I read this from Evan Sanders: The Bettermanprojects! He said exactly what I needed to. I have heard it twice so now I need to get off my arse!

Responsibility

What truly changed my entire life was realizing that I was indeed responsible for my own life. Of course there will be things in life that are completely out of your control. You have no ability to see them coming and when they happen they completely pull the rug out from under you. Were things truly turned around for me was when I realized that I had the power to act…not react. Action: the difference between movement and progress. I can tell you, there were moments that I thought I really wasn’t going to make it out. I would say to myself, “I don’t foresee any possible solution to this. How is this going to turn around.” Well it did…but that only came with the realization that taking responsibility for my own life was the only answer. The only way I could get myself into a better position was to create it. The only way to get to where I wanted to go was to build a foundation based off of my pride and determination. It’s in that moment when you bet on yourself when the script is flipped. Tighten your belt and string up your boots.

I’m going to give you an analogy.

And here comes another baseball analogy. When you are reacting to life…you are standing at the plate, bat on your shoulder, watching the balls and strikes come in…and waiting to be walked or struck out. You don’t swing…you just let the pitcher determine whether or not you are going to be successful that game. You are just watching and your reaction will be whatever the pitcher decides its going to be. However, when you are in action, you are sitting on your pitch and adjusting your strategy as the at bat moves along. You are waiting for your moment, hands ready, and when that pitch comes you try to make the best contact you can.

Life works in a very similar way. If you wait for your pitch, and you are prepared to hit it, you increase your chances of doing something great. But if you sit around and wait for things to happen, that is exactly what you are going to get: a lot of sitting around. I believe that whatever may be above us is watching to see what we do with what we have been given…what we can create…what we can make with our minds and our hands. Because those are the two greatest tools that we will ever have. We have the infinite capacity to either love or hate. We have the ability to send out incredible amounts of positive energy into this world…or choose to darken it…to dim the lights…to spread pain.

Life becomes a series of actions then…and with every action there is a result. When you choose to text someone and tell them that you miss them and that you care about them…you are doing out of love. When you choose to help someone in need, or pick someone up when they are down, you are making a choice…a positive choice. And that love and those choices have a ripple effect on the rest of the world. If we can all make those positive choices, starting with taking responsibility for our own lives and the things we decide to do – that is when this ship is going to truly set sail for a better place.

I choose, and I hope you will join me, to spread love every single day. I chose this path because that is what was done for me and brought me out of the worst. If you make that choice…you will become infectious – and for the best reason in the world: love.

– Evan Sanders

 





Day 136 Yesterday my life changed

22 05 2013

Well what a sad state in this  country with the destruction. We can pray and give to Red Cross and try to be better to each other and that’s all I know to say to that.

Yesterday was when my life changed. It was the day one year ago that she said that she “wasn’t working on it” anymore, that I wasn’t worth it and she was better off with out me. Im not a quitter and never have been but I threw the towel in. We had tried for about a year and I finally agreed. 14 years of life was gone just like that. It happened in our master closet which is a weird place for a marriage to end but our lives had been in a closet anyway and so why change now. Unless you hear someone who loved you say the things to you I did you can’t grasp how bad it hurts and what lies ahead. So what do you do when the words Im done with you happen: You take a deep breath and say holy shit now what. My entire past, present and future is in your face and with absolutely no idea which way to turn. So I went to my beside table and cleaned out the drawer because that’s what you do when you get divorced right? Now I had been in counseling now for 8 months and I get to apply what I learned. Oh fing great I was so excited. (That was sarcasm). I didn’t think great I get to be single, and go drink, and live in my own place and have sex when I wanted to. My thoughts were what about our kids, what about people are going to think, can I do this on my own, oh and I hate women, why did I ever get married. You mean after 14 years someone says your not worth it you get tossed aside like a bucket of piss, and they hate you.  Then the pity who would want a wounded, broken, verbal abuser who doesn’t want to love. So the next day I think I walked everywhere with a quivering leg. I told my two friends and my mom and asked them what to do and they were very reassuring. Well we will get through. Really we will get through it ( my first thought was WTF and kiss my ass) I called Brain the first thing Monday morning and he made time for me and then it started.  He said its time to move on and you have to get into divorce care and get right so you don’t hate her, but I already did for just a short time.

Divorce care started in June and it was the best 14 weeks of my life, I grew to understand her and not hate her. I grew to understand that it wasn’t just me, that there always two parties, that we are all broken and someone will love me again. Mostly I learned not to judge.

Here is what has happened since that day 1 year and 1 day ago.

1. I m an amazing dad. I love my kids and know how important I am in their life and Im responsible for how they will treat others.

2. People are amazing and just because we aren’t the same or have different views they are amazing!

3. I can be loved, Im one hell of a man, Im honest, I can communicate and there are really women who want a man like me.

4. Its okay to say your sorry, there is always time if you do it now to love someone.

5. Love with no conditions, people are going to hurt you but not personally

I wish I could change things but all I can do is to let people that I hurt that Im sorry and to give me another chance.

I can cry and that makes me a man too. If I don’t forgive my life will always be the same. The road is going  to be bumpy and curvy but enjoy it. Honesty is going to hurt others but do it anyway

What Im working on: I have to learn to trust, give someone a chance to love me, God didn’t forget about me,  and finally some pudding isn’t that bad.

 

 





Day 136 Yesterday my life changed

21 05 2013

Well what a sad state in this  country with the destruction. We can pray and give to Red Cross and try to be better to each other and that’s all I know to say to that.

Yesterday was when my life changed. It was the day one year ago that she said that she “wasn’t working on it” anymore, that I wasn’t worth it and she was better off with out me. Im not a quitter and never have been but I threw the towel in. We had tried for about a year and I finally agreed. 14 years of life was gone just like that. It happened in our master closet which is a weird place for a marriage to end but our lives had been in a closet anyway and so why change now. Unless you hear someone who loved you say the things to you I did you can’t grasp how bad it hurts and what lies ahead. So what do you do when the words Im done with you happen: You take a deep breath and say holy shit now what. My entire past, present and future is in your face and with absolutely no idea which way to turn. So I went to my beside table and cleaned out the drawer because that’s what you do when you get divorced right? Now I had been in counseling now for 8 months and I get to apply what I learned. Oh fing great I was so excited. (That was sarcasm). I didn’t think great I get to be single, and go drink, and live in my own place and have sex when I wanted to. My thoughts were what about our kids, what about people are going to think, can I do this on my own, oh and I hate women, why did I ever get married. You mean after 14 years someone says your not worth it you get tossed aside like a bucket of piss, and they hate you.  Then the pity who would want a wounded, broken, verbal abuser who doesn’t want to love. So the next day I think I walked everywhere with a quivering leg. I told my two friends and my mom and asked them what to do and they were very reassuring. Well we will get through. Really we will get through it ( my first thought was WTF and kiss my ass) I called Brain the first thing Monday morning and he made time for me and then it started.  He said its time to move on and you have to get into divorce care and get right so you don’t hate her, but I already did for just a short time.

Divorce care started in June and it was the best 14 weeks of my life, I grew to understand her and not hate her. I grew to understand that it wasn’t just me, that there always two parties, that we are all broken and someone will love me again. Mostly I learned not to judge.

Here is what has happened since that day 1 year and 1 day ago.

1. I m an amazing dad. I love my kids and know how important I am in their life and Im responsible for how they will treat others.

2. People are amazing and just because we aren’t the same or have different views they are amazing!

3. I can be loved, Im one hell of a man, Im honest, I can communicate and there are really women who want a man like me.

4. Its okay to say your sorry, there is always time if you do it now to love someone.

5. Love with no conditions, people are going to hurt you but not personally

I wish I could change things but all I can do is to let people that I hurt that Im sorry and to give me another chance.

I can cry and that makes me a man too. If I don’t forgive my life will always be the same. The road is going  to be bumpy and curvy but enjoy it. Honesty is going to hurt others but do it anyway

What Im working on: I have to learn to trust, give someone a chance to love me, God didn’t forget about me,  and finally some pudding isn’t that bad.

 








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