Day 180 I can’t do this one more day

7 07 2013

One emotional weekend! My baby girl took her first flight by herself  to Arizona yesterday. I dropped my son off with my mom and my daughter and I spent the day together. My daughter has so much prospective and perception. We talked about so many things some I didn’t want to hear and some I had to. The whole time my stomach is churning because I won’t be able to protect my daughter on the flight or for the next two weeks. I know its part of the process and everybody goes through it, but still doesn’t make me hurt less.

For those that are divorced here is a piece of advice: You are wrong in many things you do to your ex and kids never forget that, but also remember stand firm in what you know is right no matter how many lies, hurts, stabs, jabs. There are nights you go to bed full of uncomfortable silence, loss of words, pain and confusion. Remember to bite your tongue because I promise it will all work out in the end and your kids will know the truth. Wish good on your ex because if you wish bad it comes back on you too. Let your kids always see you doing the right thing because we all know in life things go wrong it’s how we react to them. Everything we do or say  kids see and hear. That’s just a free Public Service Announcement.

I believe my purpose in life is to be honest to each and every person. Doesn’t matter if you want to hear it or not the truth could set you free. Having someone who can possibly feel the same as you but just need to hear it that’s why I’m here. We parked at gate E5 last night and needed to be at gate E37 so my daughter and I walked a long ways down but I had to come back. When I left my daughter I was appalled at event that happened when I left her with her mom so I loved on her and left. I walked back to E5 and I had to go to the restroom so I did then came back and sat and people watched. A girl maybe 30 sat down next to me mascara smeared,  tears streaming and the last thing she said was FU to the person on the other end of the phone. I looked at her and said hello and she ignored me then she said I can’t do this one more day! I take a deep breath (she wasn’t talking to me just speaking out loud) I said yes you can. She looked at me and said excuse me and I said yes you can do it. I have been there where I can’t do it one more day. I said please tell me about it. Just know if you don’t listen and just start talking  people don’t care what you have to say until they know you care about them and what they have to say.

She tells me a bunch but bottom line: She said Im supposed to go to Sacramento to be with my husband but he just informed me he wants a divorce and now what do I do. I love him  and I  tried but he has a girlfriend there that’s why he “worked so much” in Sacramento. What do I tell our kids, what do I tell my friends and family. What do I do next.  I asked her what she wanted from me and she said tell me about your divorce. I first told her to take your focus off of him no matter how hard and only concentrate on you and what you did right and wrong. I asked her what her strengths and weaknesses were in her marriage. She knew both very quickly and that’s where I told her to start and then I told her some of my story and yes the crappy part. I explained that I wanted to kill myself that I actually had planned and I did this over somebody who doesn’t want me.  I’ll kill myself that will show them. I told her that you can’t drink a cup of poison in front of someone else and expect them to get sick!

Here is what I know: There is a God and there is a devil. God doesn’t allow bad the devil does and it’s going to happen no matter what you do. Its how we react to it. There are so many days you say I just can’t do this one more day. yes you can the same way you did yesterday. It will hurt but the ending will be amazing. Name the last time you got something good out of something easy. It doesn’t happen. Don’t you dare give up. I know you may not believe it but your amazing! I know I m learning to practice what I preach but we all are. People do and will love you when you let them. I have the best people in my life and they hurt when I hurt but if I never tell them they can’t love on me. I learned that people really do care about our hurts and warts and will be there for you at any time. You can and will do it one more day because that’s all we got. Love ya!





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