Day 1836 How about you kiss my ……..

Hello people and hope life is going great for you. Past 4 weeks, I had to put my dog to sleep, got  a new job where I travel, a new cell-phone which there is a learning curve,  and sat in the middle seat twice on a plane. 1 st world problems but still, the middle seat!

 

One thing I do a lot of is reflect. It might be a conversation, a text, the way I reacted, my thoughts at that moment, why I didn’t do something or I did. I’m always trying to be better than I was when the alarm went off that day. Some days I’m a miserable failure on being better and some days actually proud of myself. If you know me that’s something I’ve struggle with my whole life. If I was a fighter in his prime I’m Muhammad Ali the way I beat myself up. It’s a blessing and curse because you always hold yourself to a higher standard but also I never give myself a break. So today I did a reflecting on the past year of my life. It’s still new in the year and a lot of time to have the year I want.  So why not. Why do you get angry at the smallest thing sometimes, you do realize that the 99 problems you built up in your head actually the only one you had was yourself. Why do you go to church on Sunday, sit by yourself and then leave early. I guess Jesus left the building so you thought you were on his level.  Why do you neglect texts from people all they wanted to know is how you’re doing. They probably actually cared.  I know you push a lot of people out of your life because your afraid of them but you should be proud of the few you allowed to stay.. Every time you speak to a group of total strangers and pour your heart out you are doing something great. Somebody walks away with something and if you don’t believe that God knows. The messages you post to Facebook to help encourage or offer hope you should heed those same messages. You don’t have to be perfect and you don’t have to tell everyone how horrible you were in your past. They want to know your story but who you are now is who and what they like and be comfortable in it. You can’t save everyone but you know 3 you have. You’re doing your part stop and be happy about those. Every time you knew you should have said yes but said no I hoped you learned from that.  I know you think have no clue what to do with a teenage daughter but when she kisses your forehead and says she loves you  that she really does.  When you did for yourself or went somewhere you wanted to go did you ever regret it. The answer is no and its okay to take care of yourself too. When you get by urself and you  cry that’s God just getting me to cleanse myself so I can see what I  forget. You are not broken anymore, your glued back and your beautiful. Yes mom and dad are proud of who you are. You work so hard to be a great parent. Finally you’re a really good man, worthy of the most love, patience, grace and hope from another. Every morning you tell yourself that because as flawed and broken as you are and were you’re an  example and very few can wake up every morning and say that.

Just throwing out my thoughts because thats what a blog is for. Happy Easter and eat a cadbuy for me. Oh and you dont have to kiss my …. I just liked the title

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Day 950 What I would have told myself yesterday

It’s that time of when the air starts to get crisp and the leaves are staring to change. You can feel the people starting to get in a better mood because its getting cooler. Then you realize you live in Texas and today I got a sunburn on the top of my head because I was standing outside for 10 minutes. Im sure people thought it was a BBQ but no my head. Im ready for it to get cooler and also starting eating and drinking more pumpkin stuff. My man card might just have lost points but Im willing to take that chance.

Ont thing I do a lot of is reflect. It might be a conversation, a text, the way I reacted, my thoughts at that moment, why I didn’t do something or I did. I’m always trying to be better than I was when the alarm went off that day. Some days Im a miserable failure on being better and some days actually proud of myself. If you know me that’s something I’ve struggle with my whole life. If I was a fighter in his prime I’m Muhammad Ali the way I beat myself up. It’s a blessing and curse because you always hold yourself to a higher standard but also I never give myself a break. So today I did a reflecting on the past year of my life. Its the new school year and Im only 39 days away from being 40 Yikes!!!  So why not. Why do you get angry at the smallest thing sometimes, you do realize that the 99 problems you built up in your head actually the only one you had was yourself. Why do you go to church on Sunday, sit by yourself and then leave early. I guess Jesus left the building so you thought you were on his level.  Why do you neglect texts from people all they wanted to know is how you’re doing. They probably actually cared. Y I know you push a lot of people out of your life because your afraid of them but you should be proud of the few you allowed to stay.. Every time you speak to a group of total strangers and pour your heart out you are doing something great. Somebody walks away with something and if you don’t believe that God knows. The messages you post to Facebook to help encourage or offer hope you should heed those same messages. You don’t have to be perfect and you don’t have to tell everyone how horrible you were in your past. They want to know your story but who you are now is who and what they like and be comfortable in it. You can’t save everyone but you know 3 you have. You’re doing your part stop and be happy about those. Every time you knew you should have said yes but said no I hoped you learned from that.  I know you think have no clue what to do with a teenage daughter but when she kisses your forehead and says she loves you  that she really does.  When you did for yourself or went somewhere you wanted to go did you ever regret it. The answer is no and its okay to take care of yourself too. When you get by uself and you  cry that’s God just getting cleanse yourself so you can see what you forget. You are not broken anymore, your glued back and your beautiful. Yes dad is so proud of you. Mom believes that you kept your promise that you made to your dad that you would take care of her and your sister. Finally you’re a really good man, worthy of the most love, patience, grace and hope from another. Every morning you tell yourself that because as flawed and broken as you are and were you’re an  example and very few can wake up every morning and say that.

This blog was for me to go back and read when I forget about who I am. I’m sharing it with you because I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. Thank you for always reading and being supportive.

Day 950 What I would have told myself yesterday

It’s that time of when the air starts to get crisp and the leaves are staring to change. You can feel the people starting to get in a better mood because its getting cooler. Then you realize you live in Texas and today I got a sunburn on the top of my head because I was standing outside for 10 minutes. Im sure people thought it was a BBQ but no my head. Im ready for it to get cooler and also starting eating and drinking more pumpkin stuff. My man card might just have lost points but Im willing to take that chance.

Ont thing I do a lot of is reflect. It might be a conversation, a text, the way I reacted, my thoughts at that moment, why I didn’t do something or I did. I’m always trying to be better than I was when the alarm went off that day. Some days Im a miserable failure on being better and some days actually proud of myself. If you know me that’s something I’ve struggle with my whole life. If I was a fighter in his prime I’m Muhammad Ali the way I beat myself up. It’s a blessing and curse because you always hold yourself to a higher standard but also I never give myself a break. So today I did a reflecting on the past year of my life. Its the new school year and Im only 39 days away from being 40 Yikes!!!  So why not. Why do you get angry at the smallest thing sometimes, you do realize that the 99 problems you built up in your head actually the only one you had was yourself. Why do you go to church on Sunday, sit by yourself and then leave early. I guess Jesus left the building so you thought you were on his level.  Why do you neglect texts from people all they wanted to know is how you’re doing. They probably actually cared. Y I know you push a lot of people out of your life because your afraid of them but you should be proud of the few you allowed to stay.. Every time you speak to a group of total strangers and pour your heart out you are doing something great. Somebody walks away with something and if you don’t believe that God knows. The messages you post to Facebook to help encourage or offer hope you should heed those same messages. You don’t have to be perfect and you don’t have to tell everyone how horrible you were in your past. They want to know your story but who you are now is who and what they like and be comfortable in it. You can’t save everyone but you know 3 you have. You’re doing your part stop and be happy about those. Every time you knew you should have said yes but said no I hoped you learned from that.  I know you think have no clue what to do with a teenage daughter but when she kisses your forehead and says she loves you  that she really does.  When you did for yourself or went somewhere you wanted to go did you ever regret it. The answer is no and its okay to take care of yourself too. When you get by uself and you  cry that’s God just getting cleanse yourself so you can see what you forget. You are not broken anymore, your glued back and your beautiful. Yes dad is so proud of you. Mom believes that you kept your promise that you made to your dad that you would take care of her and your sister. Finally you’re a really good man, worthy of the most love, patience, grace and hope from another. Every morning you tell yourself that because as flawed and broken as you are and were you’re an  example and very few can wake up every morning and say that.

This blog was for me to go back and read when I forget about who I am. I’m sharing it with you because I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. Thank you for always reading and being supportive.

Day 772 Why would you ever treat me that way

I had a great weekend. I got to gamble a bit , I got to relax Saturday night which is a rarity and last night I got to see one of my favorite Comedians Jo Koy. I haven’t laughed so hard for a prolonged period in my life. He just let the show come to him and used the audience. He also went 35 minutes longer than he should have. It’s so true that laughing really does make you feel better.

One of my points to push me over the edge is cheating. If you want to see me angry then lets walk down that road together. Bottom-line: It is NEVER okay. I don’t care how you grew up, if your parents did it, if it was done to you, or you just can’t  deal with life or people, and you feel your just going to do it. It always starts, well Im not attracted to you anymore, I don’t love you anymore, you just don’t get me. The problem  with cheaters is that nothing will make them happy. Until they realize that they deserve love, willing to be loved and stop blaming everyone else for their problems they will stay that way. PEOPLE DO NOT MAKE OTHER PEOPLE HAPPY. NEVER EVER! they can enhance your life but you’re the only person in charge of your joy or happiness. When you start thinking that the flawed,broken, scared person you are with is going to not let you down, or make mistakes. Then when they do you decide well here’s another person always not loving me or letting me down.

I will be the first to say I have never cheated on anyone. I could never imagine going behind someones back destroying trust, loyalty, faith and love because I was such a miserable sack of crap that I couldn’t be honest and tell the person that I lost my feelings for you and we need to end it. I have never heard one person say. I’m so glad I cheated because when I had to look that person in the eye and tell them what I did it was so much easier telling them after the fact than before I did it. I understand pain! Physical mental and emotional pain. I have absorbed it all and dealt more of it out so I understand why people do dumb dumb crap.

I saw this twice this weekend. One person said to me please don’t judge me. Judge you no but you’re an asshole and what does it solve. Even it was happening on the other side two wrongs never made a right. Here’s what I always find the funniest. Do you actually think the cheater isn’t going to cheat on you one day. One you start its easy to keep going. Do you really believe that in the midst of a relationship and when it gets real that your so special that your worth not cheating on. If so I have the winning lottery numbers you can buy from me. You mask it, say the right thing etc.. People cheat because they can’t stand themselves. Sure you made mistakes but the cheater is miserable and they throw it on everyone because it’s what they know. If a cheater gets cheated on they are absolutely floored and astonished like how could this happen to me.

I wish I could solve this problem. I have two good friends going through this. It breaks my heart because the pain is horrible. No matter what you blame yourself and no matter you never get away with it. All I can ask if this: If your cheating stop right now and ask God to save your sorry butt, pray like you never have. Then go get help for your problems not your partners problem because all you can change is you. Finally if your about to pull those pants down pull them up, go to your partner and tell them I have lost feelings for you and I’m not interested in making it better between us but before I do something stupid we need to divorce. breakup etc.. That will hurt but not nearly has bad as a bold face lie and slap in the face. The scars that cheaters create run deep but they affect everyone around you especially. you think its hard to tell your spouse after the fact wait until you have to look your kids in the eye and tell them what a piece of crap you are. God always forgives, people not so much. Zip your pants and tighten your belt please.

Day 772 Why would you ever treat me that way

I had a great weekend. I got to gamble a bit , I got to relax Saturday night which is a rarity and last night I got to see one of my favorite Comedians Jo Koy. I haven’t laughed so hard for a prolonged period in my life. He just let the show come to him and used the audience. He also went 35 minutes longer than he should have. It’s so true that laughing really does make you feel better.

One of my points to push me over the edge is cheating. If you want to see me angry then lets walk down that road together. Bottom-line: It is NEVER okay. I don’t care how you grew up, if your parents did it, if it was done to you, or you just can’t  deal with life or people, and you feel your just going to do it. It always starts, well Im not attracted to you anymore, I don’t love you anymore, you just don’t get me. The problem  with cheaters is that nothing will make them happy. Until they realize that they deserve love, willing to be loved and stop blaming everyone else for their problems they will stay that way. PEOPLE DO NOT MAKE OTHER PEOPLE HAPPY. NEVER EVER! they can enhance your life but you’re the only person in charge of your joy or happiness. When you start thinking that the flawed,broken, scared person you are with is going to not let you down, or make mistakes. Then when they do you decide well here’s another person always not loving me or letting me down.

I will be the first to say I have never cheated on anyone. I could never imagine going behind someones back destroying trust, loyalty, faith and love because I was such a miserable sack of crap that I couldn’t be honest and tell the person that I lost my feelings for you and we need to end it. I have never heard one person say. I’m so glad I cheated because when I had to look that person in the eye and tell them what I did it was so much easier telling them after the fact than before I did it. I understand pain! Physical mental and emotional pain. I have absorbed it all and dealt more of it out so I understand why people do dumb dumb crap.

I saw this twice this weekend. One person said to me please don’t judge me. Judge you no but you’re an asshole and what does it solve. Even it was happening on the other side two wrongs never made a right. Here’s what I always find the funniest. Do you actually think the cheater isn’t going to cheat on you one day. One you start its easy to keep going. Do you really believe that in the midst of a relationship and when it gets real that your so special that your worth not cheating on. If so I have the winning lottery numbers you can buy from me. You mask it, say the right thing etc.. People cheat because they can’t stand themselves. Sure you made mistakes but the cheater is miserable and they throw it on everyone because it’s what they know. If a cheater gets cheated on they are absolutely floored and astonished like how could this happen to me.

I wish I could solve this problem. I have two good friends going through this. It breaks my heart because the pain is horrible. No matter what you blame yourself and no matter you never get away with it. All I can ask if this: If your cheating stop right now and ask God to save your sorry butt, pray like you never have. Then go get help for your problems not your partners problem because all you can change is you. Finally if your about to pull those pants down pull them up, go to your partner and tell them I have lost feelings for you and I’m not interested in making it better between us but before I do something stupid we need to divorce. breakup etc.. That will hurt but not nearly has bad as a bold face lie and slap in the face. The scars that cheaters create run deep but they affect everyone around you especially. you think its hard to tell your spouse after the fact wait until you have to look your kids in the eye and tell them what a piece of crap you are. God always forgives, people not so much. Zip your pants and tighten your belt please.

Day 613 STOP CHEATING NOW

After always trying to make people laugh I will try again. What kind of roads do ghosts hunt? Dead Ends. Thats funny I don’t care who you are. Are you aware that tomorrow is the greatest month on the calendar. You know why because my mom and I were born in October. I know you understand now.

Besides the death of significant other there is nothing more painful than cheating. I would argue that cheating is worse because there is never an end to the thoughts of why. The pain runs deep and you can never say anything that makes it better. You fall in love with who you think will be your everything, you will be together forever, and you never think that this person that stood with you and said they wanted to be with you forever can just leave you and not really have an other emotion or word than I’m sorry!

There is nothing you can say or do to fix it. Whats done is done. There is not any way you can explain it away. You can’t tell your kids when there older this is why I did it. Your reasons suck because it’s this simple. I don’t love you anymore and if we stay together I don’t trust myself to not do something stupid. Why do people think that if I never say anything I will get away with it. You will get caught and after you get caught the damage is so much worse than just standing up and being real at the beginning. If you have been cheated on you know the pain and if you were the cheater then you have no idea what you have done to the other person and kids if you have them. I have heard but I did itt because blah blah this and blah blah that. My questions to them was if they did and said that to you would you except that. Nobody has ever said yes that acceptable.

I want you to forgive the cheater and make it work, but I understand that many times that’s a fairy tail. The guilt, the I don’t give a shit, or just the pain of someones past, keeps them from making it better. This is a hot button for me because three people dumped on me yesterday. One who was cheated on, two that did the cheating. The two that did the cheating asked me in June and July to help them, give them advice. I did and I said if you get alone with this person you will fall. So yesterday both of them came to me and said I messed up bad. How do I fix it. One of them a lady asked me to come sit with her when she tells her husband. I almost laughed that she would drag me into it. I understand the other person is at fault for not fulfilling your needs and is flawed but THERE IS NEVER A REASON TO CHEAT.

The grass is greener on the other side of the fence is the dumbest thing ever said. If you would stop looking over there and water your own grass its pretty damn green on your side too. See what the cheater doesn’t understand while your cheating is the following: The other person that is “so great” is flawed, your only seeing their best side, you don’t know how loud they snore, their nasty habits, why their cheating with you, their anger, their past, family. All you get is the lies and the stories they want you to hear. the divorce rate for second marriage is 87% good lord wake up and realize that it’s just not worth it.  I know their there are many reason to divorce but to cheat never. You’re a coward and its all comes back and bites you in the ass later so your playing roulette and you will lose.

If you’re seeing that person at work,  gym, church (yes church), starbucks and you start having that person telling you what you want to hear and you’re doing the same to them. get up and cut it off now. If you are cheating STOP NOW! Go fess up and deal with the broken crashed life that is coming but do it because remember you used to love that person and release both of you from  your hell. Or fess up and get on your knees and beg for forgiveness and get yourself some help and pray to God that the person takes your sorry butt back. I have seen relationships heal. It can and will happen but only by Gods grace. Rant is over !!!!

Day 613 STOP CHEATING NOW

After always trying to make people laugh I will try again. What kind of roads do ghosts hunt? Dead Ends. Thats funny I don’t care who you are. Are you aware that tomorrow is the greatest month on the calendar. You know why because my mom and I were born in October. I know you understand now.

Besides the death of significant other there is nothing more painful than cheating. I would argue that cheating is worse because there is never an end to the thoughts of why. The pain runs deep and you can never say anything that makes it better. You fall in love with who you think will be your everything, you will be together forever, and you never think that this person that stood with you and said they wanted to be with you forever can just leave you and not really have an other emotion or word than I’m sorry!

There is nothing you can say or do to fix it. Whats done is done. There is not any way you can explain it away. You can’t tell your kids when there older this is why I did it. Your reasons suck because it’s this simple. I don’t love you anymore and if we stay together I don’t trust myself to not do something stupid. Why do people think that if I never say anything I will get away with it. You will get caught and after you get caught the damage is so much worse than just standing up and being real at the beginning. If you have been cheated on you know the pain and if you were the cheater then you have no idea what you have done to the other person and kids if you have them. I have heard but I did itt because blah blah this and blah blah that. My questions to them was if they did and said that to you would you except that. Nobody has ever said yes that acceptable.

I want you to forgive the cheater and make it work, but I understand that many times that’s a fairy tail. The guilt, the I don’t give a shit, or just the pain of someones past, keeps them from making it better. This is a hot button for me because three people dumped on me yesterday. One who was cheated on, two that did the cheating. The two that did the cheating asked me in June and July to help them, give them advice. I did and I said if you get alone with this person you will fall. So yesterday both of them came to me and said I messed up bad. How do I fix it. One of them a lady asked me to come sit with her when she tells her husband. I almost laughed that she would drag me into it. I understand the other person is at fault for not fulfilling your needs and is flawed but THERE IS NEVER A REASON TO CHEAT.

The grass is greener on the other side of the fence is the dumbest thing ever said. If you would stop looking over there and water your own grass its pretty damn green on your side too. See what the cheater doesn’t understand while your cheating is the following: The other person that is “so great” is flawed, your only seeing their best side, you don’t know how loud they snore, their nasty habits, why their cheating with you, their anger, their past, family. All you get is the lies and the stories they want you to hear. the divorce rate for second marriage is 87% good lord wake up and realize that it’s just not worth it.  I know their there are many reason to divorce but to cheat never. You’re a coward and its all comes back and bites you in the ass later so your playing roulette and you will lose.

If you’re seeing that person at work,  gym, church (yes church), starbucks and you start having that person telling you what you want to hear and you’re doing the same to them. get up and cut it off now. If you are cheating STOP NOW! Go fess up and deal with the broken crashed life that is coming but do it because remember you used to love that person and release both of you from  your hell. Or fess up and get on your knees and beg for forgiveness and get yourself some help and pray to God that the person takes your sorry butt back. I have seen relationships heal. It can and will happen but only by Gods grace. Rant is over !!!!