Day 948 Man I have bad luck

31 08 2015

7 days of no soda as of today and Ive calmed down. A few days last week I was sure I was going to rip someone’s head off. Now I’m like a butterfly flying tree to tree. Okay if you know me you know that’s never true but I feel a lot better. After 2 deaths and two memorial services I’m glad to say that last week being over is a great thing. With my heart change of life I’ve become compassionate and needless to say I shed a lot of tears but glad I could be there for the families.

Man I have bad luck or no luck at all. One of the crutch phrases for so many when things don’t go their way.  I used it all the time. I said it so much I believed it more than anything else that came out of my mouth. Here’s what I have now: Nothing good or bad luck. I don’t believe in luck. Here’s what I believe.

If I choose to follow God’s will my life will go has his plan, or when I choose the Tyler way it will go that way too. I hear man my luck is so bad, I have horrible luck with men or women, or things just always happen bad.  What if I told you that sometimes we are stupid and make bad decisions. Were imperfect and because of that bad things happen. If you drink and drive and you get arrested, guess what that wasn’t bad luck, that’s a bad decision. If you spent years druggin, thuggin, fighting, drinking, abusing others and now your bodies rebelling or your things aren’t working. The piper had to be paid and now its time the check gets cashed. No it’s not God punishing you because he doesn’t but our free will and others catches up to us. Our the person that said I have bad luck with men or women. Look its simple: We are attracted to a certain type person and if that type of person hasn’t worked for the eternity of your dating or married life for the Love of God stop going after them. People who need to be rescued, addicts, people who can’t love you because they can’t love themselves. If you find that person every time you have to stop it. That person maybe comfortable at first then they become like crumbs in your bed and eventually will just make you so upset you quit. Here’s an example for me: My whole life I have chosen to find women who I had long relationships with that were the following, not affectionate, tall, gorgeous, needing rescued, fake, hollow, and down right mean.  For me that does not work. Doesn’t make them bad women just means for me that they don’t work. My friends tell me that I could go into Cowboys stadium and there would be 50K great woman and I would walk by them all for the one I’m attracted to. I’ve learned what doesn’t work for me and if I choose them then it’s not bad luck, I’m an idiot.

I’ve read the entire bible and not once did I read about good or bad luck. What I read is following his will, that tug at your heart or the overwhelming don’t do that. When you follow his plan good things really happen, you might come into some money, or an opportunity, or your kid succeeds because you choose to teach them a lesson and not let the world teach them. Or your walk over to that stranger and start a conversation because you really wanted to but were afraid and now you’re in love. Or you send your testimony out over Facebook and when you push send you wanted to throw up because you’re afraid of the  response and 6 hours later. A total stranger tells you that they decided not to kill themselves because of what you posted. I could have taken credit for that or said what great luck I had. Nope no such thing as look good or bad. It’s about following your heart and mind. The two most powerful weapons we have in our body can be used for good or bad but not for luck.

When your about to say man my luck is good or bad stop and think: Maybe just maybe it was the decision I made and I followed God or I didn’t. Yes for the devils advocate people sometimes bad things happen to good people who didn’t deserve it. I don’t understand it either, I’m not God or Jesus and I have a list of questions I would like to ask when I get to heaven too but until then life happens with or without my approval so just deal with it as it comes.





Day 948 Man I have bad luck

31 08 2015

7 days of no soda as of today and Ive calmed down. A few days last week I was sure I was going to rip someone’s head off. Now I’m like a butterfly flying tree to tree. Okay if you know me you know that’s never true but I feel a lot better. After 2 deaths and two memorial services I’m glad to say that last week being over is a great thing. With my heart change of life I’ve become compassionate and needless to say I shed a lot of tears but glad I could be there for the families.

Man I have bad luck or no luck at all. One of the crutch phrases for so many when things don’t go their way.  I used it all the time. I said it so much I believed it more than anything else that came out of my mouth. Here’s what I have now: Nothing good or bad luck. I don’t believe in luck. Here’s what I believe.

If I choose to follow God’s will my life will go has his plan, or when I choose the Tyler way it will go that way too. I hear man my luck is so bad, I have horrible luck with men or women, or things just always happen bad.  What if I told you that sometimes we are stupid and make bad decisions. Were imperfect and because of that bad things happen. If you drink and drive and you get arrested, guess what that wasn’t bad luck, that’s a bad decision. If you spent years druggin, thuggin, fighting, drinking, abusing others and now your bodies rebelling or your things aren’t working. The piper had to be paid and now its time the check gets cashed. No it’s not God punishing you because he doesn’t but our free will and others catches up to us. Our the person that said I have bad luck with men or women. Look its simple: We are attracted to a certain type person and if that type of person hasn’t worked for the eternity of your dating or married life for the Love of God stop going after them. People who need to be rescued, addicts, people who can’t love you because they can’t love themselves. If you find that person every time you have to stop it. That person maybe comfortable at first then they become like crumbs in your bed and eventually will just make you so upset you quit. Here’s an example for me: My whole life I have chosen to find women who I had long relationships with that were the following, not affectionate, tall, gorgeous, needing rescued, fake, hollow, and down right mean.  For me that does not work. Doesn’t make them bad women just means for me that they don’t work. My friends tell me that I could go into Cowboys stadium and there would be 50K great woman and I would walk by them all for the one I’m attracted to. I’ve learned what doesn’t work for me and if I choose them then it’s not bad luck, I’m an idiot.

I’ve read the entire bible and not once did I read about good or bad luck. What I read is following his will, that tug at your heart or the overwhelming don’t do that. When you follow his plan good things really happen, you might come into some money, or an opportunity, or your kid succeeds because you choose to teach them a lesson and not let the world teach them. Or your walk over to that stranger and start a conversation because you really wanted to but were afraid and now you’re in love. Or you send your testimony out over Facebook and when you push send you wanted to throw up because you’re afraid of the  response and 6 hours later. A total stranger tells you that they decided not to kill themselves because of what you posted. I could have taken credit for that or said what great luck I had. Nope no such thing as look good or bad. It’s about following your heart and mind. The two most powerful weapons we have in our body can be used for good or bad but not for luck.

When your about to say man my luck is good or bad stop and think: Maybe just maybe it was the decision I made and I followed God or I didn’t. Yes for the devils advocate people sometimes bad things happen to good people who didn’t deserve it. I don’t understand it either, I’m not God or Jesus and I have a list of questions I would like to ask when I get to heaven too but until then life happens with or without my approval so just deal with it as it comes.





DAY 635 the marriage spiral that we have to stop

24 10 2014

Its been one busy week. I got to go to 2 concerts of bands that got me through in Green Rover Ordinance and Yellowcard. I also had been men’s group and today we (Rock Bottom Outreach) got to speak at Euless Jr High all day. I love doing it but sometimes you see kids 11-14 go through and it brings a tear to your eye. So much pain but at least we can share our stories and hopefully get someone out of their hell. Tonight I get  to hear the most beautiful little lady sing her first 7th grade choir concert. My daughter and son are amazing if I never mentioned it.

I had a pretty deep conversation the other night about marriage and where it starts and where it goes. This in no means all marriages but now the divorce rate is at 57% (which I’m not sure how that number works) but marriages stats aren’t good.

You find someone who makes your stomach full of butterflies. You want to spend every minute with them, never hang up the phone with them, the next day can’t come soon enough.  You love the smell of her hair, the way when you hold hands it fits perfectly, when she looks at you there is no other place in the world you want to be. You do anything for, you get up early make her coffee, you take care of a project for her, you buy her something only you and her know she likes. Forward: You meet her parents and she meets yours, you act like you not scare but you get that way because she thinks your family is weird and vice versa.  You have your first fight and you react in a way you never have, she says things to you that you have never heard about yourself. Life happens and she runs from and you have to go catch her? You want to change her and she wants to fix you. Your thinking is this what true love is and why are they acting this way. You really like so many things about that person but the things you don’t are really bad. You somehow forget the bad long enough to find a ring and spend a lot of money on something that you’re not sure but you lover her and you know how the process works. You surprise her and her friends think you’re the best. She says yes and now you sit back and are told to just show up to your wedding. In the meantime you start hanging out with your friends that are already married and they tell you how so much is about to change. She hears from her friends and hear this is whats going to happen and you can’t let me do these things. The day finally comes and it is amazing but you almost don’t remember any of it because you were so busy with other people. You look at her and say I have never sen such a beautiful woman and she thinks wow he is so amazingly handsome. It’s the last time you look at each other that way. Even bringing up your wedding photos you can’t remember. You both find out where you want to move get a house, car, decide to have children and then life goes into a different direction. She wants to be a mom more than anything, you want to be a dad but your so scared because you have no idea what to do. You agree and get lucky and now your pregnant. Your ready books and get the house ready and at the same time your drifting apart. Shes thinking how to be the best mom were thinking, how do you pay for all of this, what do I do. You both stopped working on your relationship. You stop dating, and really only talk about being parents.  The baby gets here and its a magical day but your so scared. Your sleep deprived, your afraid and you stop having a relationship with each other. The relationship is just about the kids. One year later at the 1 year old party you both look back put on your fake smile for everyone else and realize I have no idea who I married where did they go. You haven’t dated, you haven’t slept, bills are piling up. The guy starts coming home because (he’s working) He’s actually hiding. She stops feeling loved. You start fighting more and saying things you wouldn’t say to your worst enemy. You go to some vacations and rekindle some love but once back in your environment the relationship drifts apart. You decide to have another child to fix it (The relationship). You wake up with your second child. Your focus now is on kids, work other relationships, hobbies and you stop telling the one you love that I love you. You haven’t touched in months. You start really disliking each other. You finds ways to spend time apart and not together. You try because church or a friend knows your struggling. Your date no is what do you want to ea and time on your phone. You go home thinking I really don’t like him or her. You press on because you should but still don’t put in the effort. Your find starts drifting. Someone at work starts complimenting you. You start wish your husband or wife was like them.  Before you know it your fights are so bad you forget the kids are in the room, your drinking because its normal, and if that person lived or died you wouldn’t care. The word divorce is mentioned in a fight and right then and there life will never be the same. You stretch it out a bit more without ever working on it and now you come in and say I can’t do this anymore. You ask for a divorce they are  happy to give it. The papers are signed, kids are ripped open, you hate someone for the first time and can’t wait to be away from them or see them again. So now your one of the 57% and you decide that the other person was such an asshole that I didn’t do anything wrong in my relationship you go find another person who thinks just like you and the process starts again. Good thing is second marriage failure is 86%. This has to stop and Im only one person but the facts back it. Stop this now please. There is a lot of life left behind and hearts crushed.





DAY 635 the marriage spiral that we have to stop

23 10 2014

Its been one busy week. I got to go to 2 concerts of bands that got me through in Green Rover Ordinance and Yellowcard. I also had been men’s group and today we (Rock Bottom Outreach) got to speak at Euless Jr High all day. I love doing it but sometimes you see kids 11-14 go through and it brings a tear to your eye. So much pain but at least we can share our stories and hopefully get someone out of their hell. Tonight I get  to hear the most beautiful little lady sing her first 7th grade choir concert. My daughter and son are amazing if I never mentioned it.

 

I had a pretty deep conversation the other night about marriage and where it starts and where it goes. This in no means all marriages but now the divorce rate is at 57% (which I’m not sure how that number works) but marriages stats aren’t good.

You find someone who makes your stomach full of butterflies. You want to spend every minute with them, never hang up the phone with them, the next day can’t come soon enough.  You love the smell of her hair, the way when you hold hands it fits perfectly, when she looks at you there is no other place in the world you want to be. You do anything for, you get up early make her coffee, you take care of a project for her, you buy her something only you and her know she likes. Forward: You meet her parents and she meets yours, you act like you not scare but you get that way because she thinks your family is weird and vice versa.  You have your first fight and you react in a way you never have, she says things to you that you have never heard about yourself. Life happens and she runs from and you have to go catch her? You want to change her and she wants to fix you. Your thinking is this what true love is and why are they acting this way. You really like so many things about that person but the things you don’t are really bad. You somehow forget the bad long enough to find a ring and spend a lot of money on something that you’re not sure but you lover her and you know how the process works. You surprise her and her friends think you’re the best. She says yes and now you sit back and are told to just show up to your wedding. In the meantime you start hanging out with your friends that are already married and they tell you how so much is about to change. She hears from her friends and hear this is whats going to happen and you can’t let me do these things. The day finally comes and it is amazing but you almost don’t remember any of it because you were so busy with other people. You look at her and say I have never sen such a beautiful woman and she thinks wow he is so amazingly handsome. It’s the last time you look at each other that way. Even bringing up your wedding photos you can’t remember. You both find out where you want to move get a house, car, decide to have children and then life goes into a different direction. She wants to be a mom more than anything, you want to be a dad but your so scared because you have no idea what to do. You agree and get lucky and now your pregnant. Your ready books and get the house ready and at the same time your drifting apart. Shes thinking how to be the best mom were thinking, how do you pay for all of this, what do I do. You both stopped working on your relationship. You stop dating, and really only talk about being parents.  The baby gets here and its a magical day but your so scared. Your sleep deprived, your afraid and you stop having a relationship with each other. The relationship is just about the kids. One year later at the 1 year old party you both look back put on your fake smile for everyone else and realize I have no idea who I married where did they go. You haven’t dated, you haven’t slept, bills are piling up. The guy starts coming home because (he’s working) He’s actually hiding. She stops feeling loved. You start fighting more and saying things you wouldn’t say to your worst enemy. You go to some vacations and rekindle some love but once back in your environment the relationship drifts apart. You decide to have another child to fix it (The relationship). You wake up with your second child. Your focus now is on kids, work other relationships, hobbies and you stop telling the one you love that I love you. You haven’t touched in months. You start really disliking each other. You finds ways to spend time apart and not together. You try because church or a friend knows your struggling. Your date no is what do you want to ea and time on your phone. You go home thinking I really don’t like him or her. You press on because you should but still don’t put in the effort. Your find starts drifting. Someone at work starts complimenting you. You start wish your husband or wife was like them.  Before you know it your fights are so bad you forget the kids are in the room, your drinking because its normal, and if that person lived or died you wouldn’t care. The word divorce is mentioned in a fight and right then and there life will never be the same. You stretch it out a bit more without ever working on it and now you come in and say I can’t do this anymore. You ask for a divorce they are  happy to give it. The papers are signed, kids are ripped open, you hate someone for the first time and can’t wait to be away from them or see them again. So now your one of the 57% and you decide that the other person was such an asshole that I didn’t do anything wrong in my relationship you go find another person who thinks just like you and the process starts again. Good thing is second marriage failure is 86%. This has to stop and Im only one person but the facts back it. Stop this now please. There is a lot of life left behind and hearts crushed.





Day 444 I want to tell you a story about someone

31 03 2014

Denton Rugby acted like the Dallas Cowboys and when it mattered we got our butts kicked 37-0. We were already in the playoffs and acted like we won something. I think we learned a valuable lesson and we get to see the same team again in May in the state playoffs.  If you have kids you know there are sometimes you just shrug your shoulders. I wonder how people who have two girls do it as parents. Girls are so easy when their little and then Jr. high hits and all hell breaks loose. Girls are mean too. Boys we punch each other and then were good for a month or two.

I heard this quote last night and I’m not sure who I head it from but man it makes you think: “The biggest lie we tell ourselves is that we will have more time.” We all know it’s not true but when were laying there taking our last breathes all we do is talk about the things we should have done.

I want to tell you a story about someone I know: I ve known this fella for a long time, and he was hard nut to crack but he’s finally getting it. I remember him best from high school so that’s where I’ll start.  This guy was someone who had two personalities  and not many knew one side of his personality. People thought he was always friendly, smiling, hard worker and was an example of what to be for other kids growing up, he was a spiritual leader not only for his family but for other students he was also a fan with the women but just to be friends with like a big a brother. and did a lot for others. Which he did. What others didn’t know is that he hurt, he was rejected a lot, made fun of, poor, challenged God whenever he got the chance, would fight and enjoyed watching the blood pour from another persons body. He loved women and would search for anyone who would accept him. He lacked self-confidence but even though he stood alone as a leader was fearful people would see through him and maybe even reach out to him to help, but he was too proud. He had multiple operations before he left school which took away is only real ticket out of the mess he grew up in and now there was nothing to separate him everybody else. He was just a normal guy and that was crippling for him. He wanted to move far away after high school but he could only make his way to West Texas. All that did was get him further from his past  he thought but just made it lonely and more confusing on why his life turned in the direction it did. He thought the best way for people to like him was to fear him. His first semester of college he got beat up so bad it took 5 weeks to heal, when he did he got revenge so and that when the fight was over he pulled the urinal off the wall and beat the three guys with it and pissed on them when it was done just so they wouldn’t forget him. He would sit in the stands at night and pray for a women who would be exactly what God wanted. Yes every night!  He wouldn’t let anyone get close but he sure wanted that. He searched for friendship and love in so many of the wrong places that sometimes he found it. He left West Texas and headed back to Fort Worth to find the football life he was supposed to be. When he got to TCU he found people he didn’t fit in with, a lost passion for football mostly life. Only serious conversation he ever had with his father ended with hatred even more for his father. He also treated the people who cared for him that most like crap and asked them to leave him alone. Fast forward and he gets to UNT and joins a fraternity. This is the same guy that had never had a drink in his life but he had to fit in somewhere because he fit in nowhere. He drank and drank some more and weighed 37o lbs. Who would want that guy! One beautiful blonde did and she turned his life upside down. She did things and made him feel in ways he never had but like everybody else she left him and broke his heart into the tiniest of pieces. He loved or thought what was love and it was gone. With it came more hatred, revenge, harsh words, and pain inflected on anyone who crossed him. How he didn’t end up with a VD, in prison, or dead is beyond him. He lived this most full throttle life of anyone he knew and if you asked or dared his answer was yes.

Then in January 1998 a women walked into his life and changed his whole entire thought process. He knew 3 months into it that he was in love and would get married. He had made plans for their 30, 40 and even 80′s, but on their wedding day he knew it would never last, but said maybe it will workout. He tried to become something he wasn’t, live a life he didn’t want, and impress someone he couldn’t. He was blessed with two beautiful children that he didn’t appreciate because he didn’t appreciate anything and hated every inch of himself.  Luck would have it that again would crush him and take his dignity, family, business, friendships, marriage, and his whole being was destroyed. So much so on a Tuesday morning he planned to take his life so “others” could benefit from his life insurance and not be a burden any longer. God intervened and actually for the first time talked to him so he could here.  Since that fateful morning he has become a new man, still flawed and dead inside some days, but he his honest, fun-loving, charismatic, loves to make others laugh, would do anything for anybody, great husband material one day and an example for others to follow.

If you haven’t guessed that someone is me Tyler Wood. I was asked last night why do I blog and what do you get from it.. I blog because I have a story that has changed my life but is changing others just because I decided to open my mouth and be vulnerable. Im nobody special just a guy who almost took his life so I could  learn to help others so they won’t take theirs.

 





Day 444 I want to tell you a story about someone

31 03 2014

Denton Rugby acted like the Dallas Cowboys and when it mattered we got our butts kicked 37-0. We were already in the playoffs and acted like we won something. I think we learned a valuable lesson and we get to see the same team again in May in the state playoffs.  If you have kids you know there are sometimes you just shrug your shoulders. I wonder how people who have two girls do it as parents. Girls are so easy when their little and then Jr. high hits and all hell breaks loose. Girls are mean too. Boys we punch each other and then were good for a month or two.

I heard this quote last night and I’m not sure who I head it from but man it makes you think: “The biggest lie we tell ourselves is that we will have more time.” We all know it’s not true but when were laying there taking our last breathes all we do is talk about the things we should have done.

I want to tell you a story about someone I know: I ve known this fella for a long time, and he was hard nut to crack but he’s finally getting it. I remember him best from high school so that’s where I’ll start.  This guy was someone who had two personalities  and not many knew one side of his personality. People thought he was always friendly, smiling, hard worker and was an example of what to be for other kids growing up, he was a spiritual leader not only for his family but for other students he was also a fan with the women but just to be friends with like a big a brother. and did a lot for others. Which he did. What others didn’t know is that he hurt, he was rejected a lot, made fun of, poor, challenged God whenever he got the chance, would fight and enjoyed watching the blood pour from another persons body. He loved women and would search for anyone who would accept him. He lacked self-confidence but even though he stood alone as a leader was fearful people would see through him and maybe even reach out to him to help, but he was too proud. He had multiple operations before he left school which took away is only real ticket out of the mess he grew up in and now there was nothing to separate him everybody else. He was just a normal guy and that was crippling for him. He wanted to move far away after high school but he could only make his way to West Texas. All that did was get him further from his past  he thought but just made it lonely and more confusing on why his life turned in the direction it did. He thought the best way for people to like him was to fear him. His first semester of college he got beat up so bad it took 5 weeks to heal, when he did he got revenge so and that when the fight was over he pulled the urinal off the wall and beat the three guys with it and pissed on them when it was done just so they wouldn’t forget him. He would sit in the stands at night and pray for a women who would be exactly what God wanted. Yes every night!  He wouldn’t let anyone get close but he sure wanted that. He searched for friendship and love in so many of the wrong places that sometimes he found it. He left West Texas and headed back to Fort Worth to find the football life he was supposed to be. When he got to TCU he found people he didn’t fit in with, a lost passion for football mostly life. Only serious conversation he ever had with his father ended with hatred even more for his father. He also treated the people who cared for him that most like crap and asked them to leave him alone. Fast forward and he gets to UNT and joins a fraternity. This is the same guy that had never had a drink in his life but he had to fit in somewhere because he fit in nowhere. He drank and drank some more and weighed 37o lbs. Who would want that guy! One beautiful blonde did and she turned his life upside down. She did things and made him feel in ways he never had but like everybody else she left him and broke his heart into the tiniest of pieces. He loved or thought what was love and it was gone. With it came more hatred, revenge, harsh words, and pain inflected on anyone who crossed him. How he didn’t end up with a VD, in prison, or dead is beyond him. He lived this most full throttle life of anyone he knew and if you asked or dared his answer was yes.

Then in January 1998 a women walked into his life and changed his whole entire thought process. He knew 3 months into it that he was in love and would get married. He had made plans for their 30, 40 and even 80′s, but on their wedding day he knew it would never last, but said maybe it will workout. He tried to become something he wasn’t, live a life he didn’t want, and impress someone he couldn’t. He was blessed with two beautiful children that he didn’t appreciate because he didn’t appreciate anything and hated every inch of himself.  Luck would have it that again would crush him and take his dignity, family, business, friendships, marriage, and his whole being was destroyed. So much so on a Tuesday morning he planned to take his life so “others” could benefit from his life insurance and not be a burden any longer. God intervened and actually for the first time talked to him so he could here.  Since that fateful morning he has become a new man, still flawed and dead inside some days, but he his honest, fun-loving, charismatic, loves to make others laugh, would do anything for anybody, great husband material one day and an example for others to follow.

If you haven’t guessed that someone is me Tyler Wood. I was asked last night why do I blog and what do you get from it.. I blog because I have a story that has changed my life but is changing others just because I decided to open my mouth and be vulnerable. Im nobody special just a guy who almost took his life so I could  learn to help others so they won’t take theirs.

 





Day 444 I want to tell you a story about someone

30 03 2014

Denton Rugby acted like the Dallas Cowboys and when it mattered we got our butts kicked 37-0. We were already in the playoffs and acted like we won something. I think we learned a valuable lesson and we get to see the same team again in May in the state playoffs.  If you have kids you know there are sometimes you just shrug your shoulders. I wonder how people who have two girls do it as parents. Girls are so easy when their little and then Jr. high hits and all hell breaks loose. Girls are mean too. Boys we punch each other and then were good for a month or two.

I heard this quote last night and I’m not sure who I head it from but man it makes you think: “The biggest lie we tell ourselves is that we will have more time.” We all know it’s not true but when were laying there taking our last breathes all we do is talk about the things we should have done.

I want to tell you a story about someone I know: I ve known this fella for a long time, and he was hard nut to crack but he’s finally getting it. I remember him best from high school so that’s where I’ll start.  This guy was someone who had two personalities  and not many knew one side of his personality. People thought he was always friendly, smiling, hard worker and was an example of what to be for other kids growing up, he was a spiritual leader not only for his family but for other students he was also a fan with the women but just to be friends with like a big a brother. and did a lot for others. Which he did. What others didn’t know is that he hurt, he was rejected a lot, made fun of, poor, challenged God whenever he got the chance, would fight and enjoyed watching the blood pour from another persons body. He loved women and would search for anyone who would accept him. He lacked self-confidence but even though he stood alone as a leader was fearful people would see through him and maybe even reach out to him to help, but he was too proud. He had multiple operations before he left school which took away is only real ticket out of the mess he grew up in and now there was nothing to separate him everybody else. He was just a normal guy and that was crippling for him. He wanted to move far away after high school but he could only make his way to West Texas. All that did was get him further from his past  he thought but just made it lonely and more confusing on why his life turned in the direction it did. He thought the best way for people to like him was to fear him. His first semester of college he got beat up so bad it took 5 weeks to heal, when he did he got revenge so and that when the fight was over he pulled the urinal off the wall and beat the three guys with it and pissed on them when it was done just so they wouldn’t forget him. He would sit in the stands at night and pray for a women who would be exactly what God wanted. Yes every night!  He wouldn’t let anyone get close but he sure wanted that. He searched for friendship and love in so many of the wrong places that sometimes he found it. He left West Texas and headed back to Fort Worth to find the football life he was supposed to be. When he got to TCU he found people he didn’t fit in with, a lost passion for football mostly life. Only serious conversation he ever had with his father ended with hatred even more for his father. He also treated the people who cared for him that most like crap and asked them to leave him alone. Fast forward and he gets to UNT and joins a fraternity. This is the same guy that had never had a drink in his life but he had to fit in somewhere because he fit in nowhere. He drank and drank some more and weighed 37o lbs. Who would want that guy! One beautiful blonde did and she turned his life upside down. She did things and made him feel in ways he never had but like everybody else she left him and broke his heart into the tiniest of pieces. He loved or thought what was love and it was gone. With it came more hatred, revenge, harsh words, and pain inflected on anyone who crossed him. How he didn’t end up with a VD, in prison, or dead is beyond him. He lived this most full throttle life of anyone he knew and if you asked or dared his answer was yes.

Then in January 1998 a women walked into his life and changed his whole entire thought process. He knew 3 months into it that he was in love and would get married. He had made plans for their 30, 40 and even 80’s, but on their wedding day he knew it would never last, but said maybe it will workout. He tried to become something he wasn’t, live a life he didn’t want, and impress someone he couldn’t. He was blessed with two beautiful children that he didn’t appreciate because he didn’t appreciate anything and hated every inch of himself.  Luck would have it that again would crush him and take his dignity, family, business, friendships, marriage, and his whole being was destroyed. So much so on a Tuesday morning he planned to take his life so “others” could benefit from his life insurance and not be a burden any longer. God intervened and actually for the first time talked to him so he could here.  Since that fateful morning he has become a new man, still flawed and dead inside some days, but he his honest, fun-loving, charismatic, loves to make others laugh, would do anything for anybody, great husband material one day and an example for others to follow.

If you haven’t guessed that someone is me Tyler Wood. I was asked last night why do I blog and what do you get from it.. I blog because I have a story that has changed my life but is changing others just because I decided to open my mouth and be vulnerable. Im nobody special just a guy who almost took his life so I could  learn to help others so they won’t take theirs.








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