Day 1566 Why didn’t you just ask

8 06 2017

Hello world: On Tuesday of this week I approved my book and it went to the printer. it took me 2.5 years to decided I was worth writing a book and anyone would read it. Yes Im excited but having it my hands will feel amazing. You better buy a copy pretty please.

Why? One of the most thought-provoking questions we can ask? On the other end is the answer. Sometimes its good and sometimes it’s not. So why do we stop asking Why as an adult. A few reasons I believe: We don’t care, the answer is going to hurt, we think we already know the answer. Little kids ask why all the time yes we get tired of hearing why and finally because we said so. That doesn’t stop them though.  Brian Dodge was a speaker I heard once and he said as an adult when we stop asking why our learning is over. How scary is that? So then we go to the famous art of assuming. Every time I assumed I was wrong. Do you remember the last time someone said Why didn’t you just ask me? You say I don’t know and walk away like why didn’t I just ask?

I’ll agree that when you ask sometimes the answer is awful. I asked my ex-wife when it was over do you love me anymore. She said no. My heart dropped to me knees I felt sick but I knew I needed to hear it. In college I asked a girl who was out of my league that I flirted with forever why wouldn’t you go out with me. She looked me in the eye and said I will you just have to ask me.

Why is  gathering wisdom, understanding, caring and respect. So the next time you don’t ask why just remember this is what you’re missing out on:

Showing someone you care, asking why is letting them you took time out for them their special, To eliminate confusion, To demonstrate humility to another, To enable a person to discover answers for themselves, To gain empathy through better understanding another’s view, To begin a relationship, To strengthen a relationship, To gain a person’s attention, To solve a problem.

Why you don’t ask these things are also possible: To find a culprit, To embarrass and shame, To appear superior, to create fear, To manipulate, To play the victim, as in, “Why is this happening to me?

Every time I don’t ask why I miss out on something. If you know me I ask a lot of questions not because I’m nosy but I care. I want to know you, I want to know what makes you tick, you’re special but I don’t know why until I know you. Its called conversation which I know is a dying art, but my best relationships are the ones where I know why and Im talking the dirty why too.

Why ask why. We need to know, someone needs to know you care. Love is asking why. Sometimes you don’t want to the but you might be pleasantly surprised what the answer really is.

Advertisements




Day 766 I don’t remember you or that at all

3 03 2015

My kids are such an extension of me with their humor, thoughts and funny expressions.. AS they get older I see it and hear it. If you  complain about being a parent just remember it can and will be taken from you. Being a parent is the hardest thing you will ever do but nothing will ever compare to the joy you will get from it. I will fight to be the best father for my children and hope by accident I can motivate or catch somebody by surprise and they will too.

Last night my daughter got to take a 3 hour survey at University of North Texas. It paid her 30 and she got to give her opinion on things. Which being in the 7th grade is an awesome thing. The survey took 3 hours and my son and I ran a few errands then came back to the university. I explained to my son that where I went to college and he wanted to know about it and so we started walking around. He asked questions that 6 years old do, where do you, go what did you do, did you have fun, did you fart anywhere, stuff like that. I bet we walked a 1.5 miles for 2 hours. I truly struggled to answer some of his questions. It was foggy in my brain, I know I tried at that age to fast forward my life so much so I could be an “adult” but I left so much of it behind. I couldn’t remember buildings, I couldn’t remember classes that I took.  I had a gentleman come up to me and say are you Tyler Wood? I said yes he asked why I was there I explained all of that. He said he would always remember me for the poem and essay I did about not quitting in his class. I m sure my stare was blank and like okay. He said you don’t remember me? I said no sir and Im sorry a lot of life has happened since then. He explained to me who he was and I acted like I then knew but I didn’t. He wished me the best and then my son said who was that. I told him I had no idea but I remember later. Well I went to UNT’s page today he was my favorite professor and I had 3 classes with him. When I walked around last night it wasn’t Twilight zone but it was a very hollow feeling. I actually got pretty darn sad. That such a big part of my life is missing. I m not sure I tried to forget it on purpose but its gone.

This morning Ive thought a lot about what I can remember and what I can’t. I ve forgotten more the last 3 years than I think I could ever remember. It’s maybe all the brain cells I killed drinking, or the shots in the head from Rugby but parts of my life are gone. They say if you want to remember something go back there. I did and still nothing! So whats the point: We try to erase the bad in our minds and we can, we try to speed life up so much we miss it, we wish our kids to grow up so fast and they do. We don’t live in the moment and because of that, the moments feel like we never existed in that moment. There are parts of my life Im embarrassed of but still don’t regret because every one of them made me who I am today. Yesterday I was a ghost in a place I spent 2.5 years of my life and I wondered if people could even see me. When someone says stop and smell the roses do you? If not why? Please just try to stop and remember the moment you’re in because it wont come back and possibly you’ll never remember it again. We should have remembered and when its gone its gone. Life is about living and then in that making a memory. I’m rambling but thanks for reading!!!





Day 766 I don’t remember you or that at all

3 03 2015

My kids are such an extension of me with their humor, thoughts and funny expressions.. AS they get older I see it and hear it. If you  complain about being a parent just remember it can and will be taken from you. Being a parent is the hardest thing you will ever do but nothing will ever compare to the joy you will get from it. I will fight to be the best father for my children and hope by accident I can motivate or catch somebody by surprise and they will too.

Last night my daughter got to take a 3 hour survey at University of North Texas. It paid her 30 and she got to give her opinion on things. Which being in the 7th grade is an awesome thing. The survey took 3 hours and my son and I ran a few errands then came back to the university. I explained to my son that where I went to college and he wanted to know about it and so we started walking around. He asked questions that 6 years old do, where do you, go what did you do, did you have fun, did you fart anywhere, stuff like that. I bet we walked a 1.5 miles for 2 hours. I truly struggled to answer some of his questions. It was foggy in my brain, I know I tried at that age to fast forward my life so much so I could be an “adult” but I left so much of it behind. I couldn’t remember buildings, I couldn’t remember classes that I took.  I had a gentleman come up to me and say are you Tyler Wood? I said yes he asked why I was there I explained all of that. He said he would always remember me for the poem and essay I did about not quitting in his class. I m sure my stare was blank and like okay. He said you don’t remember me? I said no sir and Im sorry a lot of life has happened since then. He explained to me who he was and I acted like I then knew but I didn’t. He wished me the best and then my son said who was that. I told him I had no idea but I remember later. Well I went to UNT’s page today he was my favorite professor and I had 3 classes with him. When I walked around last night it wasn’t Twilight zone but it was a very hollow feeling. I actually got pretty darn sad. That such a big part of my life is missing. I m not sure I tried to forget it on purpose but its gone.

This morning Ive thought a lot about what I can remember and what I can’t. I ve forgotten more the last 3 years than I think I could ever remember. It’s maybe all the brain cells I killed drinking, or the shots in the head from Rugby but parts of my life are gone. They say if you want to remember something go back there. I did and still nothing! So whats the point: We try to erase the bad in our minds and we can, we try to speed life up so much we miss it, we wish our kids to grow up so fast and they do. We don’t live in the moment and because of that, the moments feel like we never existed in that moment. There are parts of my life Im embarrassed of but still don’t regret because every one of them made me who I am today. Yesterday I was a ghost in a place I spent 2.5 years of my life and I wondered if people could even see me. When someone says stop and smell the roses do you? If not why? Please just try to stop and remember the moment you’re in because it wont come back and possibly you’ll never remember it again. We should have remembered and when its gone its gone. Life is about living and then in that making a memory. I’m rambling but thanks for reading!!!





Day 746 Today 10 years ago I got my wish granted… My dad died

11 02 2015

At 8:20 am 10 years ago today  father passed away. Sorry if you have heard the story before but this helps me deal with it and maybe you can get something out of it. I had never been more embarrassed, disappointed, and down right sickened by a human in my life than my dad. My dad was taking 27 pills a day to stay alive. We had brought him home from the hospital about 5 weeks earlier so he could die at home. He had a variety of things wrong with him they said he died of COPD but you could have chosen 5 or 6 other things. They had given him morphine under the tongue 2 weeks before so it had been a while since I had seen him “normal”. My problems started in life at 10 when my dad said that it was time for me to be the man of the family and I wore that with a badge of honor. It is by far the worst thing anything can put on a little boy. I truly believed in my head my dad thought I could handle the pressure and that he took a step back and started the deterioration process. It’s not like he didn’t do anything but when I was 14 he became disabled and quit. I was so pissed. I m a fighter and I don’t quit and he left my mom and I to take care of him and my sister. I know he was sick and his body was failing him but he could have tried to do something. He made me a promise that if I graduated from college that he would be there and stand for me when they called my name. Well he did that in December of 1998. It was the last time I could say I was proud of him. He was there and then had to go to the car. He had to carry an oxygen tank with him but I know that day he was proud of me. AS the years went on I saw less of him. I was embarrassed and now I know I was really pissed at him. I saw the man he was becoming, he couldn’t take care of himself at all and my mother waited on him hand over fist. September 2004 I started my own business. I will never forget that day he said “( I m so proud you had the courage to do something I wouldn’t) I remember mumbling to myself yeah You could have and he wouldn’t have been so damn poor.

August 2004 my dad got the words you only have 6-9 months left to live. He started the I m sorry and started to bear his soul. He apologized to my mom and I heard  his words he was sorry and my mom waited 34 years to hear those words. He apologized to my sister and requested that she do a few things which she agreed. He then started his process with me. It took a full 5.5 months to get it all out. I learned things about him that I never knew. He was a great card player, a real sharp dresser. He owned bowling alleys and restaurants, he played with his close friend Buddy Holly in his band and some other things that I will keep to myself. At first I was so happy to hear all of this and then I became bitter that he would wait until he was gone and couldn’t do anything about it. His last words that he said to me were son I wish I was half the man you had become. It was the most powerful thing I have ever heard but it should have been me saying that to him.

The last time I saw my dad alive was February 4th 2005. They got him out of bed and sat him in his chair. He had no idea we were there but he did have enough to tell me he was proud of me. I sat in front of him and talked to him like nothing was wrong but knew it wouldn’t be long before he died. I left that night and hoped God would take him I wished for more than anything. He was a shell of a man, he was so sick and my mom deserved better. Thursday February 10 at 9:40 pm my mom called its time son. We had many false alarms but this time her voice said it was really happening. He asked my mom to go to the store and get him some juice. He knew what he was doing when she got back my dad was in a coma. I got there at 11:00 that night. It was the longest drive I had made from Denton to Cleburne.  I wanted to have something to say to calm everyone down when I got there but I didn’t. I gave my sister, my mom and the hospice nurse a hug and went into the bedroom. No matter how ready you think you are you’re not ready to see you parent laying there taking their last breaths . The nurse told me that he could hear me so talk to him but he wouldn’t respond. Probably since the first time since I was a baby I went in laid in my dads arm and didn’t say a word. I laid there about 2 hrs and nobody came in there. I guess they knew I needed my time. I talked to my dad about what I was doing in my business and how I struggled with being a dad and husband. I told him I was mad about him leaving me here but I would hold up to the end of the bargain of taking care of my mom and sister. I got up and let some other people who came by the house come by and pay their respects. I sat outside in the dark for about an hr. I just kept praying for God please take him. His lungs were filling with fluid so his breathing was like that of a drowning person. At 8:00 that morning his breaths became fewer and fewer. My mom and sister came and said goodbye and I laid next to him holding his hand. at 8:20 I heard his last breath. A very surreal moment happened and his warm body became cold and his spirit left. It was my last time that I had to be the man of the family with him there!!

December 7th 2011 I went to my father’s grave for the first time. I was going through counseling and all kinds of help try to find peace and that day in the cold, mud, and sleet I hit my knees at his tombstone. I told him I was sorry for all the things I said and would he please forgive me and I forgave him. At that moment I looked over my right shoulder to see who was grabbing my shoulder and it was the spirit of the Lord lifting the burden off of me that I had carried for 25 years. My life has never been the same. My life hit Rock Bottom but because of that simple act of forgiveness for a man who did the best he could with the knowledge he had I’m here today still a broken man but gluing it all back together. At the beginning of January this year took a trip to the Sequoia National Forest and saw the largest trees in the world. It was the most majestic and quite place I had ever been on earth. In the quite I heard my Father speak to me and tell me that he loved me and he was proud of me. I promise its worth the fight and struggle to get to a place of peace and forgiveness.

I thought because of the decade time frame  that it would be harder today , but today I’m very much at peace. I never thought I could get here but with God, forgiveness and a willing heart I’m so thankful for my dad today. AS I typed this out it brought back so many memories and tears dripping onto my computer but More than anything I know he’s in Heaven today pumping out his chest saying that’s my boy and I’m so proud of him.





Day 746 Today 10 years ago I got my wish granted… My dad died

11 02 2015

At 8:20 am 10 years ago today  father passed away. Sorry if you have heard the story before but this helps me deal with it and maybe you can get something out of it. I had never been more embarrassed, disappointed, and down right sickened by a human in my life than my dad. My dad was taking 27 pills a day to stay alive. We had brought him home from the hospital about 5 weeks earlier so he could die at home. He had a variety of things wrong with him they said he died of COPD but you could have chosen 5 or 6 other things. They had given him morphine under the tongue 2 weeks before so it had been a while since I had seen him “normal”. My problems started in life at 10 when my dad said that it was time for me to be the man of the family and I wore that with a badge of honor. It is by far the worst thing anything can put on a little boy. I truly believed in my head my dad thought I could handle the pressure and that he took a step back and started the deterioration process. It’s not like he didn’t do anything but when I was 14 he became disabled and quit. I was so pissed. I m a fighter and I don’t quit and he left my mom and I to take care of him and my sister. I know he was sick and his body was failing him but he could have tried to do something. He made me a promise that if I graduated from college that he would be there and stand for me when they called my name. Well he did that in December of 1998. It was the last time I could say I was proud of him. He was there and then had to go to the car. He had to carry an oxygen tank with him but I know that day he was proud of me. AS the years went on I saw less of him. I was embarrassed and now I know I was really pissed at him. I saw the man he was becoming, he couldn’t take care of himself at all and my mother waited on him hand over fist. September 2004 I started my own business. I will never forget that day he said “( I m so proud you had the courage to do something I wouldn’t) I remember mumbling to myself yeah You could have and he wouldn’t have been so damn poor.

August 2004 my dad got the words you only have 6-9 months left to live. He started the I m sorry and started to bear his soul. He apologized to my mom and I heard  his words he was sorry and my mom waited 34 years to hear those words. He apologized to my sister and requested that she do a few things which she agreed. He then started his process with me. It took a full 5.5 months to get it all out. I learned things about him that I never knew. He was a great card player, a real sharp dresser. He owned bowling alleys and restaurants, he played with his close friend Buddy Holly in his band and some other things that I will keep to myself. At first I was so happy to hear all of this and then I became bitter that he would wait until he was gone and couldn’t do anything about it. His last words that he said to me were son I wish I was half the man you had become. It was the most powerful thing I have ever heard but it should have been me saying that to him.

The last time I saw my dad alive was February 4th 2005. They got him out of bed and sat him in his chair. He had no idea we were there but he did have enough to tell me he was proud of me. I sat in front of him and talked to him like nothing was wrong but knew it wouldn’t be long before he died. I left that night and hoped God would take him I wished for more than anything. He was a shell of a man, he was so sick and my mom deserved better. Thursday February 10 at 9:40 pm my mom called its time son. We had many false alarms but this time her voice said it was really happening. He asked my mom to go to the store and get him some juice. He knew what he was doing when she got back my dad was in a coma. I got there at 11:00 that night. It was the longest drive I had made from Denton to Cleburne.  I wanted to have something to say to calm everyone down when I got there but I didn’t. I gave my sister, my mom and the hospice nurse a hug and went into the bedroom. No matter how ready you think you are you’re not ready to see you parent laying there taking their last breaths . The nurse told me that he could hear me so talk to him but he wouldn’t respond. Probably since the first time since I was a baby I went in laid in my dads arm and didn’t say a word. I laid there about 2 hrs and nobody came in there. I guess they knew I needed my time. I talked to my dad about what I was doing in my business and how I struggled with being a dad and husband. I told him I was mad about him leaving me here but I would hold up to the end of the bargain of taking care of my mom and sister. I got up and let some other people who came by the house come by and pay their respects. I sat outside in the dark for about an hr. I just kept praying for God please take him. His lungs were filling with fluid so his breathing was like that of a drowning person. At 8:00 that morning his breaths became fewer and fewer. My mom and sister came and said goodbye and I laid next to him holding his hand. at 8:20 I heard his last breath. A very surreal moment happened and his warm body became cold and his spirit left. It was my last time that I had to be the man of the family with him there!!

December 7th 2011 I went to my father’s grave for the first time. I was going through counseling and all kinds of help try to find peace and that day in the cold, mud, and sleet I hit my knees at his tombstone. I told him I was sorry for all the things I said and would he please forgive me and I forgave him. At that moment I looked over my right shoulder to see who was grabbing my shoulder and it was the spirit of the Lord lifting the burden off of me that I had carried for 25 years. My life has never been the same. My life hit Rock Bottom but because of that simple act of forgiveness for a man who did the best he could with the knowledge he had I’m here today still a broken man but gluing it all back together. At the beginning of January this year took a trip to the Sequoia National Forest and saw the largest trees in the world. It was the most majestic and quite place I had ever been on earth. In the quite I heard my Father speak to me and tell me that he loved me and he was proud of me. I promise its worth the fight and struggle to get to a place of peace and forgiveness.

I thought because of the decade time frame  that it would be harder today , but today I’m very much at peace. I never thought I could get here but with God, forgiveness and a willing heart I’m so thankful for my dad today. AS I typed this out it brought back so many memories and tears dripping onto my computer but More than anything I know he’s in Heaven today pumping out his chest saying that’s my boy and I’m so proud of him.








FAUZI PRESIDENT HAMIKU

Invite Rizky FAUZI as Speaker - 08986800220 (Chat WA) | SUPPORT HAMIKU SUCCESS with SHARE IT | Setelah DIBACA timbal baliknya harus di-SHARE soalnya gak gratis... - RIZKY FAUZI

iksperimentalist

a collision of science and comedy

Surviving the affair....the cheaters perspective

I cheated. Yip I did it, I am not proud of it, but that won't change a thing. This is my story of me trying to survive one day at a time. No guarantees....

Light of Darkness

There is a better place than this silence

The Time Lock

photos by amsang

simple Ula

I want to be rich. Rich in love, rich in health, rich in laughter, rich in adventure and rich in knowledge. You?

%d bloggers like this: