Day 753 Im not afraid to die

18 02 2015

I made the best pot roast ever last night in the Crock Pot. If they gave out the reward for single fathers who can crock pot cook Im hands down the best. I would be famous and be on the cooking channel and have my own show called single, bald and full of crock!! Pretty catchy I know. Honestly though I’m a great cook. The end.

I love how people  open up to me. I had a conversation yesterday it was very generic at first then he asked me about how I’m so happy after divorce. I said well I’m not always happy but I’m very content in the direction of my life and the biggest thing is I’m not co-Dependent anymore. I explained co- dependency and then out of no where he said do you want to die? I said good Lord no I don’t I want to die! He said so your afraid to die? I said do you understand the difference between the two? He looked at me puzzled so I explained.

I only wanted to die once in my life  it was a rock bottom and almost in the most selfish way decided to take my life. Where I am now its the last thing I would ever want to  happen. My kids need me and want me, I have a true relationship with God and Im changing lives. I have a purpose and I know I’m loved. I never want my mom to have to bury me, I want to see where and how my sister and nephew lives go. I have some of the best friends in  my life that I want to enjoy it with. So no I do want to die it never crosses my mind but Im also Im not afraid to die.

I have seen and held death twice in my arms. Once a car wreck victim, the other a friend got shot and died on the spot. I should have died twice I was stupid and put myself in two horrible situations and in every case I was afraid to die. I prayed to God please don’t take me I have more to do. You see I thought I was in control and I was telling God what he needed to do. Im sure he just slapped his forehead and shook his head and said you really don’t get it. Im in control and I decided remember Im God not you. If you fast forward to right now!

Im not afraid to die I don’t want to die but if it happens I know this: I have made amends to all of those I have wronged, I m not about me Im about helping others and changing their life if they want it. I have given my children the foundation they need and they know I love them more than anything and I would give my life for them in a snap of a finger, My mother can be proud of the man she raised, my sister and nephew know I have and will love them and given my heart and soul to my family. Those that interact with me know that he is a loving and giving soul and I believe most not all would have encouraging words about me. Finally My God knows me and my heart. Sure I screw up and do things wrong but I wont have to get to the gates and hear what in the name of me were you doing!!  The guy looked at me and said I definitely understand now and I have a lot of work to do because I’m scared sh%tless to die. He asked me to help him get there. So I will do my best.

I m not afraid of death anymore but I don’t want to die either. I hope I’m 80 and still blogging or whatever its called then but if not I’m okay with that too. Walk on my Good and faithful son.





Day 753 Im not afraid to die

18 02 2015

I made the best pot roast ever last night in the Crock Pot. If they gave out the reward for single fathers who can crock pot cook Im hands down the best. I would be famous and be on the cooking channel and have my own show called single, bald and full of crock!! Pretty catchy I know. Honestly though I’m a great cook. The end.

I love how people  open up to me. I had a conversation yesterday it was very generic at first then he asked me about how I’m so happy after divorce. I said well I’m not always happy but I’m very content in the direction of my life and the biggest thing is I’m not co-Dependent anymore. I explained co- dependency and then out of no where he said do you want to die? I said good Lord no I don’t I want to die! He said so your afraid to die? I said do you understand the difference between the two? He looked at me puzzled so I explained.

I only wanted to die once in my life  it was a rock bottom and almost in the most selfish way decided to take my life. Where I am now its the last thing I would ever want to  happen. My kids need me and want me, I have a true relationship with God and Im changing lives. I have a purpose and I know I’m loved. I never want my mom to have to bury me, I want to see where and how my sister and nephew lives go. I have some of the best friends in  my life that I want to enjoy it with. So no I do want to die it never crosses my mind but Im also Im not afraid to die.

I have seen and held death twice in my arms. Once a car wreck victim, the other a friend got shot and died on the spot. I should have died twice I was stupid and put myself in two horrible situations and in every case I was afraid to die. I prayed to God please don’t take me I have more to do. You see I thought I was in control and I was telling God what he needed to do. Im sure he just slapped his forehead and shook his head and said you really don’t get it. Im in control and I decided remember Im God not you. If you fast forward to right now!

Im not afraid to die I don’t want to die but if it happens I know this: I have made amends to all of those I have wronged, I m not about me Im about helping others and changing their life if they want it. I have given my children the foundation they need and they know I love them more than anything and I would give my life for them in a snap of a finger, My mother can be proud of the man she raised, my sister and nephew know I have and will love them and given my heart and soul to my family. Those that interact with me know that he is a loving and giving soul and I believe most not all would have encouraging words about me. Finally My God knows me and my heart. Sure I screw up and do things wrong but I wont have to get to the gates and hear what in the name of me were you doing!!  The guy looked at me and said I definitely understand now and I have a lot of work to do because I’m scared sh%tless to die. He asked me to help him get there. So I will do my best.

I m not afraid of death anymore but I don’t want to die either. I hope I’m 80 and still blogging or whatever its called then but if not I’m okay with that too. Walk on my Good and faithful son.

 





Day 134 Dont touch me there

19 05 2013

I want to first thank Wendy Dee: http: wyndydee.wordpress.com/2013/05/18/wonderful-team-member-award  for being nominated for a Wonderful Team Member Award for https://tywood12.wordpress.com/about// Watching the journey has been an eye-opener from a man’s point of view.  We tend to forget they get hurt just as deeply but most can’t express it.  He is doing just fine! She is a great writer, follower of my blog and a Texan.

THE DFW Metroplex felt like a hot wet sock this weekend. It’s hard to be outside when there is no deodorant that works for 94 and just showered outside weather. Had a mud bug boil with my fellow Ruggers and various other items. It was a weekend of reflection which I will write about tomorrow but this weekend was helped to be put in perspective by HOPE. It was a message a church this morning and believe me today was not a day I was excited about going to church. There was no particular reason just sometimes church is a place to go because your supposed to. I didn’t  want to be touched there today but I got it anyway. Right in my worried, broken, fragile untrusting heart. HOPE is what Pastor Toby talked about and he was on fire. Ezekiel 37 Valley of the Dry Bones

The Valley of Dry Bones

37 The hand of the Lord was on me, and he brought me out by the Spirit of the Lord and set me in the middle of a valley; it was full of bones. He led me back and forth among them, and I saw a great many bones on the floor of the valley, bones that were very dry. He asked me, “Son of man, can these bones live?”

I said, “Sovereign Lord, you alone know.”

 

Then he said to me, “Prophesy to these bones and say to them, ‘Dry bones, hear the word of the Lord! This is what the Sovereign Lord says to these bones: I will make breath[a] enter you, and you will come to life. I will attach tendons to you and make flesh come upon you and cover you with skin; I will put breath in you, and you will come to life. Then you will know that I am the Lord.’”

 

So I prophesied as I was commanded. And as I was prophesying, there was a noise, a rattling sound, and the bones came together, bone to bone. I looked, and tendons and flesh appeared on them and skin covered them, but there was no breath in them.

 

Then he said to me, “Prophesy to the breath; prophesy, son of man, and say to it, ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: Come, breath, from the four winds and breathe into these slain, that they may live.’” 10 So I prophesied as he commanded me, and breath entered them; they came to life and stood up on their feet—a vast army.

 

11 Then he said to me: “Son of man, these bones are the people of Israel. They say, ‘Our bones are dried up and our hope is gone; we are cut off.’ 12 Therefore prophesy and say to them: ‘This is what the Sovereign Lord says: My people, I am going to open your graves and bring you up from them; I will bring you back to the land of Israel. 13 Then you, my people, will know that I am the Lord, when I open your graves and bring you up from them. 14 I will put my Spirit in you and you will live, and I will settle you in your own land. Then you will know that I the Lord have spoken, and I have done it, declares the Lord.’”

There are many aspects of My life i lost HOPE. I believe God forgot about  parts of my life. Whats the point: as tears rolled down my eyes today it was again brought to my attention that God makes the impossible possible. It’s easy to forget that because Satan tries to kill our hope and when he does then he kills our life. I heard a message I needed to hear but the problem is tomorrow is Monday. Again I have to remember get busy living or get busy dying.





Day 28 Im dying my total days 13625

29 01 2013

Today was one of the weird days in Texas weather. I was driving with windows down and the wind-blown trough my scalp ( I have no hair) , then it started raining and the wind was blowing like the Wizard of OZ and I just turned my heater on a bot ago. Love Texas Weather.

I also got reprimanded for speaking about my ex here on the blog so I won’t be talking about her life and how it affects anything with me anymore.

I told all of you I was going to make amends,say I m sorry and tell people what they meant to me. I had another incredible lunch today with someone who today that I believe if I wouldn’t pushed her out of my life I would be married to her today. She was amazing and I treated her very badly but the apology was accepted very graciously. If I would just allowed people to love me I would have been a lot happier in my life. You know who you are and thank you!!

I m going to my first meetup tonight in Arlington. Wish me luck because I have no idea what this is, what to expect. At least I can tell someone new that doesn’t me all my dumb  my jokes

I’m dying and so are you I have lived 13625 Days: 20000 Days and Counting maybe one of the best books I have every read. Each chapter is 3 pages and is packed with life alternating information.  as I have said many times get busy living or get busy dying. Read the book and this will make sense. Sorry for being so dramatic.

Here are other people’s thoughts:

“I never trust anyone who claims to have all the right answers. But someone who can help me figure out all the right questions? That guy is gold. And that’s what Robert D. Smith delivers in 20,000 Days and Counting.”

— Dave Ramsey | New York Times Best-Selling Author and Nationally Syndicated Radio Host

 

“Inside these pages is a crash course in making the most of this adventure called ‘life.’ It’s simple, powerful, and perfectly reflects my neighbor in Nashville who always has a fresh way to look at any challenge I’m facing.”

— Jon Acuff | Wall Street Journal Best-Selling Author of Quitter: Closing the Gap Between Your Day Job & Your Dream Job

 

“Everything you need to know in order to create a basis for where you want to be is here in this book.”

— Andy Andrews, New York Times best-selling author of How Do You Kill 11 Million People?, The Noticer, & The Traveler’s Gift

 

“It’s no accident that this little book found its way into your hands. Don’t underestimate it. It will change forever how you think about your life. Read it. Absorb it. Live it!”

— Michael Hyatt | New York Times Best-Selling Author, Former CEO, Thomas Nelson Publishers

 

“When you’re pursuing a dream, it’s easy to be intimidated by “what you don’t know,” but Robert’s book provides practical steps on how to use “what you do know” to make your dream a reality! The principles in 20,000 Days And Counting are life changing!”

— Don Moen | Dove-Award Winning Artist, Songwriter, Musician, Producer

 

“Few people can hug your neck and kick you in the behind at the same time; Robert D. Smith is one! If you want the truth and nothing but the truth about making your life count, you want…no, you need this book now! This man gets it, and shares it powerfully with your best interests at heart. Things are about to change for the better in your life!”

— Rick Loy | Sales VP, AdvoCare International

 

“This book will make you passionate, excited, and utterly crazy about your life and the potential you possess. Be warned—people might stare!”

— Patsy Clairmont | Speaker, Author of Stained Glass Hearts

 

“20,000 Days and Counting captures the wisdom of the ages regarding how to live life on purpose.”

— Mark Miller | Vice President of Training and Development, Chick-fil-A

 

“This book will inspire readers young and old to approach their lives with enthusiasm and make every day count.”

— Carol Nygren | EVP & Managing Director, Women of Faith

 

“20,000 Days and Counting is as genuine as they come. Before writing the material, Robert D. Smith lived it.”

— Joseph G. Lake | Co-Founder, Children’s Miracle Network Hospital

 

“TheRobertD has unique and unprecedented wisdom that has made him the great accelerant to countless high-powered careers. In 20,000 Days and Counting he generously and abundantly gives you the inspiring principles to catalyze your next success. Who cares if you reach your goals? This book will guarantee you fulfill your life’s purpose.”

— Rory Vaden | Cofounder Southwestern Consulting, New York Times Best-Selling Author of Take the Stairs

 

“After reading 20,000 Days and Counting, you’ll get more out of your next 24 hours than you did out of your previous month.”

— Duane Ward | Founder/CEO Premiere International, LLC, Franklin, TN

Of all the principles shared the one that jumped out at me most was `Motivation is a myth.’ The author says:

“Believe me. You cannot motivate people to do any one thing. Even yourself. Never try to motivate yourself or anyone else to increase productivity. Instead, do the opposite: Increase your productivity, then the motivation will follow.

I reflected on my own experiences and could see the truth in this. My attempts at motivation in itself have often been very short-lived to downright failures. However, whenever I did just set my mind to it and accomplish a task, I found I was more likely to feel satisfied and attempt another.








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