Day 1507 Teach me how to live again.

9 04 2017

Happy April. One of the busiest months around. WE had NASCAR, baseball, Hockey, minor league baseball, basketball, 3 different festivals around DFW this weekend. It’s a great place to live and you can’t be bored but my Lord a ton of people live here now. There’s traffic everywhere I mean everywhere. Good thing I m sneaky and I know things and people so I can sneak around!

The life of a rock bottom person is a great story. Rising from the ashes, changing your story, ending curses, learning that there is the courage to keep going. You remember all the things that broke you, the moments where you look around and say I’m not worth it for some us the moment you write a letter saying I’m sorry but its time for me to live this world.  From those things you give hope, you love people, show people a new reality you show perseverance  when there wasn’t any.

I can only speak for me on this and my rock bottom story but I need someone to help me to live again. I hope for me its the person I will spend the rest of my life with. I’m sure some of you are asking what do you mean Tyler. I’m not sure I can put it in words but I’ll try. She has to be a strong-willed person, because I am. When my demons show themselves can either lift me up or smack me which ever one I need. Rock bottom people know relapse, we know when we feel God disappeared, (which he doesn’t) we know when we don’t feel worthy, or when we questions the comfortable pain we lived with so long. My book is almost finished said that now for 2.5 years someone who will say what are you doing. I want to read it, others will too. You have to start giving yourself credit Tyler. Someone that helps you believe in yourself when you have those moments you don’t Or when you find the courage and those are showing themselves that push you to get to the end.  She’s willing to take a chance because she believes in you enough and even if you fail, you didn’t fail you learned. That’s okay living on a thought like let’s go to California. Sometimes living life doesn’t have to make sense you just live it.

AS you get older you know outcomes better, when you screwed up so many things you play it safe. Safe sucks but you know the outcome if you do something not safe. So you live in a safe bubble trying not to recreate the mess you made. That’s not living. I’m not talking about drinking or drugging. I’m talking about seeing things you haven’t or doing things out of your comfort zone. She would take me by the hand and say I want to show you something. Your eyes open to the magic and beauty of the world you haven’t seen. It may sound like Hollywood but who cares. A lot of things in Hollywood are based on a true story and they make great movies.

She helps me focus, she’s optimistic, she shows a new reality.  The killer of life is routine, she’s okay breaking routine.  I know happiness and joy are internal works. I truly understand that and I need to find my joy again. I need help, I need someone to enhance me and see me faults and all as the great man I am.

My dad told me once that my mom made him see things that he just couldn’t. That she would believe when he wouldn’t that when he had an idea she supported him more than he supported himself.

If I died tomorrow and around me were all my hopes, dreams. I would have to apologize to them. My fears and doubts could pat me on the head say good try. I need that person that is  a dream catcher and a hope provider and loves me crap and all. If I’m asking too much then I’ll continue on my journey by myself because I want to live and one way or another I’m getting there.

Get busy living or get busy dying!

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Day 922 When you sleep in somebody elses bed

5 08 2015

A buddy yesterday texted me and said my wife and I want to know why your single you could have your pick of women. I said: over the years a few didn’t say yes and the other reason is me.  So I picked up the phone and got real. There’s so much about me that very few know. I like it that way because that is saved for the next Mrs. Wood but there are things that people need to know so they can see the outside of the puzzle. Today in counseling it was brought up again and we addressed it. I don’t trust! Most of you that read this blog know that already but it’s what people tell me all the time that drives me crazy. I hear (you that’s a lot of people in the world) tell people just forgive and forget. Forgiveness absolutely one of the most important aspects of a healthy life but stop telling people to forget. God not one time asked us to forget. He asked us to forgive.

My 3 three longest relationships in my life I was cheated on and bad in each one. I had no idea it was happening either. I was oblivious to it because never in my wildest dreams would I cheat on someone. After it happened I was so upset with everyone except me. Then I got into well you didn’t treat women right until you got married so its your punishment. I never understand why if you’re so unhappy tell that person and walk away because never will cheating be better than just being brutally honest. We all know that its stupid to believe that its better in today’s society to be honest. I mean how hard is it to look someone in the eye and say I don’t love you anymore but its easier to say I dropped my clothes on the floor and had sex with ABC.  I never heard the person respond OMG thank you for letting me know after the fact. So where am I going with this.

Love is a decision it is not or never will it be a feeling. Once the newness of a relationship wears off and the real hits you better have two things: You better have Jesus guiding and you better know without a shadow of a doubt that I will lay my life down for this person because I just said in my vows till death do us part. It didn’t say because I had a crappy Monday and he didn’t listen, or we haven’t had sex in two months, or I’m sick of being broke. No it said til death do u part. That’s one hell of a decision but I see a lot of people I know doing it.Oh and that grass is greener on the other is BS too. They still have pee and poop on their side but you forgot to look.

I know I have to trust again because if not I will be single! I will not forget what happened. How come people never say man you need to forget that really cool thing that happened to you? Why? That would be dumb. Same as telling people to forget something bad. It’s through the bad and unfortunate things in life that make us who we are today and with that I’m slowly turning over my heart to trust again and my eyes are opening.

There are some amazing people who are loyal. Not everyone is a cheater, sure capable but hasn’t yet and probably won’t. I don’t forget because it’s through not forgetting I will find what I deserve. Remember this that a cheater gets what comes to them, it’s just the way the world works. Its our job to be graceful , understanding and open with our thoughts to show a cheater that there is life on the other side. When that person sleeps in someone elses bed and it ripped your soul out don’t take it out on the next person. Start believing that people are still good, listen to what God says about us. He didn’t make us perfect but made us good.

Sorry for the little rant and my brain puking on you, but now you know.  So if someone asks why is Tyler still single send them to this blog. Save someone a phone call! Love ya





Day 885 I’m going to be famous

29 06 2015

Are you a fan of pizza? If you are I need your input on all the different types of pizza and the best ones. I never knew all the types but I got an education and now I’m ready for opinions but next blog. We had a tremendous weekend with our Rock Bottom Family and my little babies got to experience it as well. We got to go to sunny south Dallas and administer 200 backpacks and 100 hygiene packs. Mostly we got to love on people and my kids are turning into some of the best. Not only with hugs but to take the lead and love on others when society says don’t do that. I’m a super proud daddy.

After our radio show last Monday I got some of the negative feedback that rolls with doing what we do but almost all of it was positive. Two people who I would consider very good friends mentioned you’re going to be famous very soon based on your speaking and radio appearances.. I smiled and started processing that thought because that’s what I do. Most of my life I wanted to be famous either as a football, rugby player or stand-up comedian. I wanted people to worship the ground I walked on. All the names in lights, the money, the free stuff, and mostly the pick of women. I dreamed about it as a little kid, for a long time I thought it might happen then the dreams shattered and I wanted it more. I knew I was capable. How would it be to snap your fingers and get people to do what you wanted because they feared you and not respect you. At one time in my remodeling business I won Top 12 under 40 year remodelers in the United States. I thought I’m on my way. I’m going to be the go to guy, this will bring me more money, fame and you never know will it will lead.  Well it all eventually lead to my trying to take my life because of how I thought I failed. Through all of that what I wasn’t was remembered. The one thing you can’t control is being famous, I mean we have the Kardishans, the Hilton’s and various other people who have no talent and are famous. I mean grumpy cat is famous and he just was born with a grumpy face. Society dictates whose famous and its usually for the wrong reasons.

My two friends and anybody else that thinks Im going to be famous. I mean this thank you but I honestly I could care less. What I want is to be remembered. I want in my everyday walk in life for people to say that’s a tremendous man of God, he was an amazing father, one of the best husbands that walked  the earth, and real and genuine. When my funeral comes hopefully many years from now that there are so many people lined up they close down the streets to tell my children that your dad  loved God,  he was the best friend, son, brother, he believed in me when I couldn’t, he change my life, he loved me, he gave me what he didn’t have, and you should be proud of the man he was.  If that makes me famous I’ll sign up for that. The money, fame, name  in lights is about me, what I just mentioned is about God. Ill never forget when my dad passed away they talked about he did for others not the stuff he had. If I’m striving for the stuff I’ll get it but I know the outcome, if Im striving to be a warrior for God, with a broken past, foul mouth, wounded heart and people come to know Jesus through that I’ll be what I was designed for. I just want my kids to look people in the eye and say my dad was famous because he loved us and were proud of him. You can have your Hollywood I’ll take my Morgan and Brayden everyday!





Day 824 This is what its like when someone understands you

29 04 2015

Howdy yall! I just wanted to sound like a Texan for a minute. The sun is shining and almost every lake around us is full of water which hasn’t been that way for 5 years. They are lifting water restrictions so most people are ready for the heat. I am, except the top of my head which is ready to burn and smell liked cooked bacon. Stayed tuned for further burning head debates.

I have some of the best friends,. They’re real and everyone is different but everyone  is needed to make my life where it is today. This person has been my friend for 25 years now. We took  a different path to become friends but have been able to talk about any and everything even with a 10 years of not talking much.

I don’t know anybody that wouldn’t want someone who at least trys to understand them. Sometimes they get you and sometimes even if they don’t they try really hard well this person below is that person for me. I’ve been searching for 7 weeks for the words to explain to the people who love me and you my blog reader where I am at. I saw this person Saturday spent about two hours talking and I received this last night. All I could say is wow and I teared up because they hit it on the head and said everything I couldn’t. If you want to know what its like to have someone understand you here it is for me.

New Living Translation Ecclesiastes 1:18
The greater my wisdom, the greater my grief. To increase knowledge only increases sorrow.
You are such a great speaker and dynamic and winsome that it is so easy to see you and see your facade.  Not that it is all a facade, but a facade in that you KNOW life.  You are not swayed by life’s antics and you are not faked out by what the world has to offer or what the world is promoting at the moment.  But in that, you are (in my opinion) striving to reach something different.  And in that you find discontentment in the gap between your knowledge and your desires.  Being unwilling to settle leaves you as a constant sojourner.  I think your soul is weary.  Very weary.  How else could a soul so full of vitality not be able to come up with any dreams except that it is burdened beyond capacity by the dreams themselves.  You do have dreams.  You have many, but you can’t name them.  I think you can’t name them because they are buried under the rubble of your tiredness of trying to live life to the fullest.
For days I have wanted to have a thought they made sense to me about your current “state”.  I was focusing on the fact that you can’t name a dream, but this morning I heard a sermon on Psalm 23 and it hit me!  It is not that you can’t dream, it is that you are so weary.  The man who wants to bridge the gap between this dreadful world and the world that Jesus promises.  The man who stands strong for his family, gives his heart to others, speaks to share his story, donates of his time and resources, reads, studies, prays, works, searches for love, searches for a career, carries a financial burden, carries the wreckage of his divorce,  wants a better life for his kids, wants to be there for his sister, nephew, and mom, the man who would give of his last breath is completely breathless.
So what do weary people need?  They need rest and reprieve.  I looked up Psalm 23 in several translations until I found this…
The Living Bible
2-3 He lets me rest in the meadow grass and leads me beside the quiet streams. He gives me new strength.
The Message Bible   True to your word,
you let me catch my breath
and send me in the right direction.
The Amplified Bible
2 He makes me lie down in [fresh, tender] green pastures; He leads me beside the still and restful waters.
3 He refreshes and restores my life (my self);
What if you forgot all the other promises of God and just meditated on this?  What if you let go of striving and just focused on breathing?  Maybe for a week?  It is hard to not feel the burden of your knowledge. I am not suggesting it is easy, but I feel you are drowning in such a way that you don’t even realize the depth of your breathlessness.
I don’t know the answer for you, but I want you to take in a deep breathe and just let go.  Stop reading and thinking and contemplating and striving and trying to reach others.  Just breathe…
This is my prayer for you until I get something new.  I love you too much to let you wither.  =)
That my friends is what a friend is. This took time and concern. You know who you are and for that I can’t thank you enough….. For those that care now you know where my mind is, now time to find that restful spot.

 

 





Day 691 Your dreams are really stupid

18 12 2014

The time approaches for the big, jolly, guy in the red suit to pack his sleigh. Well this guy is finished shopping and all presents are wrapped. I love this time of year so much and what we can do for others. Please adopt someone and bless them. $50 dollars of gifts to some is an equal to $1000 for us. Just do something for someone else. The need is great and you need it too.

Writing this blog is hard because every dream I had been shattered by my own doing. I had many dreams some selfish but some that could have changed my part of  the world. Dreams are what make life tolerable. It’s why we get up some-days, when we feel so low its the one thing that can make us get  out of bed and just put our feet on the floor.  Just the excitement of knowing we are going to accomplish something that we thought we couldn’t do. Like I said all my previous dreams were shattered but the good thing is my life was spared and I’m starting to dream again. Not only for me, but my kids but others too. When you ask someone their dream and the spark comes back in their eye you know that you can help. Dreams are accomplished by having goals, someone to push u when you fall down, grabbing you by the hand and picking you up off the floor, and celebrating each milestone of your goal. I true believe that I’m here to help you be a dream catcher. May sound corny but when I can help I want to. Which brings me to yesterday:

I was in a coffee shop listening to two women talk. I heard more blah blah, but then this lady said you know what I dream about… A craft shop for women that have never had the time or money because of whatever life threw  at them.. It would have childcare and that all the supplies would be donated. You could see in her eyes that she had thought about it a lot and I was like how cool. Then her “friend” said to her that is one really stupid dream. I almost fell out of my chair.  the look on the woman’s face was total defeat. I continued to listen the reasons it wouldn’t work then I should have minded my own business but I didn’t. I said if your her friend why would you kill her dream. You should be encouraging her. I said because your’re a coward and you stopped dreaming doesn’t mean others have. I told the lady that her dream was awesome and go bless those other women. I put my ear buds in and I didn’t hear anything else. They left before I did and I thought what a crappy day that lady is going to have. When I got up and left they were in the parking lot talking. I went and opened my door and I got a tap on my shoulder. Sir, I’m not sure who you are but thank you. I knew my friend was going to shoot down my idea but you gave me hope, I told her don’t let anyone kill your dream and I expect to see your shop around in 2015. I got a hug and she left.

Don’t you dare kill someones dream. Just because it’s not yours doesn’t make it wrong. If they have the courage and you don’t then encourage them. Life is about hopes and dreams and doing what people say is impossible. If you stop dreaming you die. Here’s to life.





Day 691 Your dreams are really stupid

18 12 2014

The time approaches for the big, jolly, guy in the red suit to pack his sleigh. Well this guy is finished shopping and all presents are wrapped. I love this time of year so much and what we can do for others. Please adopt someone and bless them. $50 dollars of gifts to some is an equal to $1000 for us. Just do something for someone else. The need is great and you need it too.

Writing this blog is hard because every dream I had been shattered by my own doing. I had many dreams some selfish but some that could have changed my part of  the world. Dreams are what make life tolerable. It’s why we get up some-days, when we feel so low its the one thing that can make us get  out of bed and just put our feet on the floor.  Just the excitement of knowing we are going to accomplish something that we thought we couldn’t do. Like I said all my previous dreams were shattered but the good thing is my life was spared and I’m starting to dream again. Not only for me, but my kids but others too. When you ask someone their dream and the spark comes back in their eye you know that you can help. Dreams are accomplished by having goals, someone to push u when you fall down, grabbing you by the hand and picking you up off the floor, and celebrating each milestone of your goal. I true believe that I’m here to help you be a dream catcher. May sound corny but when I can help I want to. Which brings me to yesterday:

I was in a coffee shop listening to two women talk. I heard more blah blah, but then this lady said you know what I dream about… A craft shop for women that have never had the time or money because of whatever life threw  at them.. It would have childcare and that all the supplies would be donated. You could see in her eyes that she had thought about it a lot and I was like how cool. Then her “friend” said to her that is one really stupid dream. I almost fell out of my chair.  the look on the woman’s face was total defeat. I continued to listen the reasons it wouldn’t work then I should have minded my own business but I didn’t. I said if your her friend why would you kill her dream. You should be encouraging her. I said because your’re a coward and you stopped dreaming doesn’t mean others have. I told the lady that her dream was awesome and go bless those other women. I put my ear buds in and I didn’t hear anything else. They left before I did and I thought what a crappy day that lady is going to have. When I got up and left they were in the parking lot talking. I went and opened my door and I got a tap on my shoulder. Sir, I’m not sure who you are but thank you. I knew my friend was going to shoot down my idea but you gave me hope, I told her don’t let anyone kill your dream and I expect to see your shop around in 2015. I got a hug and she left.

Don’t you dare kill someones dream. Just because it’s not yours doesn’t make it wrong. If they have the courage and you don’t then encourage them. Life is about hopes and dreams and doing what people say is impossible. If you stop dreaming you die. Here’s to life.





Day 607 The other 183 days

25 09 2014

After a two-hour trip walking around Wal-Mart the other night I can say that you can see everything and your wildest or scariest dreams can come true there. Okay maybe nightmares but it is amazing what people wear, what they talk about and how rude people can be to one other. If you have never been to peopleofwalmart.com I highly recommend it.

I’ve wrote about this before and sometimes it rears its ugly head. I have joint custody of my two kids 7 days on and 7 days off. Roughly its 183 days out of the year give or take. I feel almost magical when I have them. Yes it is hard and there are never enough hours in a day to get everything done. Some days I don’t appreciate my kids the way I should, but I try so damn hard. Every child needs the other parent as bad as the other. How parents try to control and manipulate a situation to keep the other parent away if they are fit and able is just mind-boggling to me. Saying that I fought for my kids to make sure we had joint custody.  I didn’t want my divorce but sometimes you make your bed and you have to lay in it. One of the hardest things and most difficult things is the pain we have caused our kids. If  you have never been divorced I know your heart is in the right place but save me how you understand because you don’t. We have done our best to make co-parenting work  its and for the most part we have. Doesn’t mean that we agree on everything, or see things the same a lot of the times but we are trying. Which is better than most relationships, but then there’s the other 183 days

I get a good morning call from my daughter and sometimes my son. I get a goodnight call from both. My world stops when I get those phone calls. To hear their voice is all I got and I promise on those days its enough. You have no idea how much your children can grow up in 7 days. The voice, their vocabulary, their jokes, smiles and outlook on life. How quick their fingernails grow, their hair or you notice your children s skin, or how they smell. I will go in their room and smell their pillows when their gone just so I can have some peace. I never signed up to be part-time dad, but I had my share in the failure or my marriage so I make the best of it.

My days without are filled with work, but also Im discovering me. I forgot who I was, what made me happy, what made me laugh, what my purpose was. So I spend my 183 days doing that. I have some stories for my kids because they always want to know what I did and did I have fun. I have done things without them here that I couldn’t if they were here. Mostly I think of ways to be a better daddy and how to prepare them for the good and bad in life. I work on being an example they would be proud of and a man that both can point to later in life and say my dad is what every man should strive to believe in.  I can’t tell you though the silence, loneliness, the hurt that comes with the other 183 days but its there. What I have learned is that I can either choose to sulk and whine about it or try to make it something good. Sure I struggle but Im finally learning to to be thankful for the pitfalls.

So why do I write this today. Im struggling this week with missing my kids, but I want to offer hope to any parent male or female. If your marriage is going down a path of destruction stop right now and start making it right. If you don’t you will be where Iam at. If you get here though you can take the lemons and make lemonade or take them the lemons and make orange juice. I prefer orange juice so that’s what I do.








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