Day 584 Lights are on but your not home

1 09 2014

My kids are growing up in front of me and so many times I miss them because I’m worrying about what I’m not doing right. Saturday I caught one. My kids were laughing out loud  about our dog and the voices I do for her. They both looked at me and laughed which is the best sound but My daughter just said thank you and my son said your cool daddy even though your chest is hairy. Well moments like that can stay with you for a while.

I don’t have much to blog about tonight because I have too much on my mind. This song by Staind called Realty is a very deep and thought-provoking song. I know someone reading this might need the words to get through. Music always speaks to my soul and here’s to your soul!!

The lights are on
But you’re not home
You’ve drifted off
Somewhere alone
Somewhere that’s safe
No questions here
A quiet place
Where you hide from your fears

Sometimes when you’re out of rope
The way to climb back up is clear
The walls you build around yourself
I guess they also keep you here
Are you afraid of what they think?
Whoever they happen to be
Or are you hiding from the scars of
Your own reality?

So you sedate
And drown in vain
You’ve got a pill
For every day
A suit and tie
To mask the truth
It’s ugly head
Is starting to show through

Sometimes when you’re out of rope
The way to climb back up’s unclear
The walls you build around yourself
I guess they also keep you here
Are you afraid of what they think?
Whoever they happen to be
Or are you hiding from the scars of
Your own reality?

The monster you’re feeding
Your lack of perception
The things that you do
To fulfill your addictions
The light at the end
Of your tunnel is closing
What is it that you’re so
Afraid of exposing?
You’d give it all up for
What’s there for the taking
Whatever it takes to
Keep your hands from shaking
The same things you’re thinking
Might make you feel better
The same things that probably
Got you here

Sometimes when you’re out of rope
The way to climb back up’s unclear
The walls you build around yourself
I guess they also keep you here
Are you afraid of what they think?
Whoever they happen to be
Or are you hiding from the scars of
Your own reality?

The monster you’re feeding
Your lack of perception
The things that you do
To fulfill your addictions
(Your own reality)
The light at the end
Of your tunnel is closing
What is it that you’re so
Afraid of exposing?
(Your own reality)
You’d give it all up for
What’s there for the taking
Whatever it takes to
Keep your hands from shaking
(Your own reality)
The same things you’re thinking
Might make you feel better
The same things that probably
Got you here

 





Day 141 I got beat up yesterday

28 05 2013

Day 141 I got beat up yesterday.





Day 141 I got beat up yesterday

27 05 2013

A great weekend with my kids and always action packed. We spent a lot of time with our family. Last night we went to the Fort Worth Cats minor league baseball game. They just brought my childhood baseball hero Jose Canseco tot he team at the young age of 46 so I was anxious to see him. He didn’t disappoint but either did my son. My s0n can be heard from 60 miles away in a hurricane at 4 years old. The guy was selling peanuts and my son yelled I want peanuts. Well at 4 it sounded like he wanted Penis. I told him to be quiet but so many people were laughing and he thought it was great so I kept letting him yell  yet it until the guy came over. We are working on our annunciation of words.

My daughter has amazing  perspective and honesty she is not lacking. Yesterday we were washing the dog and cleaning the apartment and she stopped me and said what are you doing. I said doing laundry. She said no what is going on when were not here. I said I work and do whatever. She said you tell me your going to do this in the apartment, and you’re doing to go here and your going to date  but when we get here you haven’t done it yet. I was stopped in my tracks. I didn’t know what to say then I got this. Dad its okay to move on, you have done a great job in becoming a new daddy and guy. You have done all you can do to get better now live. I have never felt more beat up in my life. My 11-year-old sees things I don’t and you beat me up yesterday pretty good. Now she spoke the truth but what do you say. She left it at that then kind of morphed back into an 11-year-old and said I don’t want to clean anymore and then things napped back into place. Nothing else was spoken until we were driving to my sisters and she said dad I hope I didn’t make you mad but I m tired of you being alone and I heard my friends mom say you’re a great guy so please listen.

I told her I’m working on it and I appreciate her more than she will ever know. I got beat up yesterday but like every time in my life I have  learned a lesson but this one may be my best.





Day 109 Touch this

22 04 2013

Day 109 Touch this.

Ever just watch people.  I went to my first quincianera last night which was amazing I was the only white guy but it was an amazing  people event and after that I went to our Rugby bar to celebrate the bar’s 3 year anniversary. People are great with or without alcohol, but get them the drunk or tipsy and they will do anything. I saw some of the craziest dancing, eating and yelling about nothing. I listened to a couple talk about the proper way to pet a dog, two other guys talk about shaving their pubes, two girls talked about eating lipstick. I laughed a lot and sat back and wondered also why they let us drink when it causes those types of conversations.

This past week has been one of the worst I have had in two years. With what went on in the country itself  in Boston and West Texas that was enough, but my week in work was horrible, I had a blow up with my daughter and ex and on Friday a loan we were working for 3 months fell through. I also didn’t handle the week well. With anger, sadness, and all out leave me alone  attitude I m thankful that tomorrow is Monday. The one thing I haven’t experienced since my last two years of marriage and divorce is physical touch. My love language is physical touch and it’s hard to function without it. BTW if you don’t know your love language it’s imperative you find out so you know how you need to be loved. 5 Love languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. When you don’t get your love language you just don’t function in the manner designed. This week I needed the physical touch. It’s not just the sex which most people think. It the holding of hands, hugging just a simple acknowledgement.  I know I craved it this week. It was weird because I almost didn’t even know what the feeling was. Long story short find your love language that makes you tick and someone to share that with because it make a crappy day better.





Day 109 Touch this

21 04 2013

Ever just watch people.  I went to my first quincianera last night which was amazing I was the only white guy but it was an amazing  people event and after that I went to our Rugby bar to celebrate the bar’s 3 year anniversary. People are great with or without alcohol, but get them the drunk or tipsy and they will do anything. I saw some of the craziest dancing, eating and yelling about nothing. I listened to a couple talk about the proper way to pet a dog, two other guys talk about shaving their pubes, two girls talked about eating lipstick. I laughed a lot and sat back and wondered also why they let us drink when it causes those types of conversations.

This past week has been one of the worst I have had in two years. With what went on in the country itself  in Boston and West Texas that was enough, but my week in work was horrible, I had a blow up with my daughter and ex and on Friday a loan we were working for 3 months fell through. I also didn’t handle the week well. With anger, sadness, and all out leave me alone  attitude I m thankful that tomorrow is Monday. The one thing I haven’t experienced since my last two years of marriage and divorce is physical touch. My love language is physical touch and it’s hard to function without it. BTW if you don’t know your love language it’s imperative you find out so you know how you need to be loved. 5 Love languages by Dr. Gary Chapman. When you don’t get your love language you just don’t function in the manner designed. This week I needed the physical touch. It’s not just the sex which most people think. It the holding of hands, hugging just a simple acknowledgement.  I know I craved it this week. It was weird because I almost didn’t even know what the feeling was. Long story short find your love language that makes you tick and someone to share that with because it make a crappy day better.





Day 69 Okay some Mondays do suck

29 10 2012

I really try to make Monday’s a good day. Woke up this morning and my daughter went outside to walk the dog and said dad your car is gone. I have a rental because my truck is getting worked on (this is the 8th day). I thought maybe she hadn’t woke up but I called 911 and told them someone stole my car which I was informed I was towed. Okay good Monday morning feelings over. I was the only care towed that day because I didn’t have a parking sticker. I pointed out to management of the apartment complex 4 cars that never move without stickers.It just happened to be unlucky day. So to my shock and a tad bit of anger it cost me $198 to get my rental car out of tow. Well Monday continued and besides not getting anything accomplished I went to get my truck it wasn’t finished and I had to get another rental car. Monday is over and tomorrow will be better. Today is why I have no hair left.Finally when I went to put my kids to bed my dog peed all over my daughter’s bed. So with that I will blog something good tomorrow, but this is actually good. i truly hope you laugh. Good night








Matthew Winters (Honest Thoughts from a Pastor)

The life, ministry, & thoughts of a Christ-follower, husband, dad, & minister

My True North

A certain darkness is needed to see the stars.

Megha Bose

A peek into Megha's mind

jesussocial

Christian News, Devotional, Leadership, Church, Evangelism, Conference, Worship, Pastors , Bible, Gospel Music,Gospel,Salvation, GoodNews, Disciples, Cross,Winning, Love, Mercy,Bible Study,New Testament, Church,Matthew,Mark, Luke, John,Heart, Soul, Body,Mind,Spirit,Church History, Books, Pastorso, Evangelists. Teachers, Apostles, Healing, Leadership, Grace, Salvation, Faith,Lifestyle and Entertainment,

FAUZI

Invite Rizky FAUZI as Speaker - 08986800220 (Chat WA) | SUPPORT HAMIKU SUCCESS with SHARE IT | Setelah DIBACA timbal baliknya harus di-SHARE soalnya gak gratis... - RIZKY FAUZI

iksperimentalist

a collision of science and comedy

This is My Story, This is My Song.

This is my journey with faith, love, acceptance, redemption through God's incredible grace and mercy!

Surviving the affair....the cheaters perspective

I cheated. Yip I did it, I am not proud of it, but that won't change a thing. This is my story of me trying to survive one day at a time. No guarantees....

Light of Darkness

Every moment of light and dark is a miracle

%d bloggers like this: