Day 35 Money is my idol not God

24 09 2012

Getting ready for my second relationship class at Gateway church. This is so much better because its upbeat and happy I guess just part of the growing process.  A lot of people have asked have I found someone to date in this process. Actually no I m not looking. I know I have talked to a few that maybe are possible but I have a goal to get to first. At least the next time I will be prepared and ready for what the future holds.

I can say that I m so sore today that I didn’t quite know this morning how I was going to wipe. My shoulders feel like someone hit them with a bat but its a good pain. I know its weird. It the  whole warrior thing us men go through.

Also to Heather thank you for what you did today that was the nicest thing anyone has done for me in years.. I ve been blessed to meet some great people in the past months and thank you to them.

I m getting a pretty decent following of  bloggers following my blog and vice versa. This guy has some amazing photography that you can purchase it well worth going to his site and explore.


After the message in church yesterday I know this to be a true statement. Money is what I worship and not God on the same level. I know I m a Christian but when it comes to money I try to handle that on my own. I ve been poor since 6th grade. My dad was disabled and my mother was a school teacher. They did their damnedest to provide and nobody knew we were poor. All of my Christmas gifts were in pawn shops. All piggy banks were broken and the money was rolled for bread and milk at times. You get used to be poor but you never want to stay there. I used to go over to peoples house I couldn’t stand just to have a meal. I m not looking for pity but trying to detail what I mean by money is my idol.

I was going to be a doctor. I started the program and went a year and decided I didn’t want to be that smart and I needed money. So I got a decent degree and got blessed with an outstanding job out of college make at little more than 50K a year. To much money for an ignorant money minded boy who had been poor. I had always said I will never be poor but thats where I put all of my focus and guess what after filing personal bankruptcy I had followed in my parents shoes and I was broke.. I used to have a fear of running out of things we would buy two of things even though the store was close. I would throw a fit if we ran out. I was so used not to having a things that when I became it would be different. I did what poor people when they come into money I spent it. Vacations, stuff, cars etc..  I have a chair and a PS3 from those days and that’s it. So my God was money. Thats what I worshiped. I would always pray God my finances are yours until he didn’t give me what I wanted and then I took it back over. So here I m  now and I struggle with money there are so many things I want to do and people I want to help but I still try and control. If we can learn to turn it over to God and not worry we will be provided for. Name the last time you worried about something that your worry fixed it. I know this is the pot calling the kettle black, but I need someone to help hold me accountable.

Also when someone tells you that money doesn’t buy happiness that’s crap.  Money can not make you content and fulfill your life. I know when I was sitting in St. Thomas drink tequilla I was pretty damn happy. I know what the statement means but if you chase the all mighty dollar you will be miserable because you will never catch it. Change your focus put God in control of those situations and I know he will give what we deserve.

I lost all of my money money can be made again. When I have a women tell me I will love if your a janitor I laugh. Thats right until we can’t pay a bill. Women have no idea the pressure we as men put on ourselves to be a provider. Just remember if you call out a man for being a crappy provider you might just pull off his private parts and hand them to him because inside you did.


Love ya all, Pass this on.


Day 24 Look back but dont stare

14 09 2012

When I write this blog every night about my past it feels so unnatural, because I’m no longer the guy to dwell on the past. My life  has been full of peaks and valleys and because of that sometimes I have been able through this blog or other means to teach others about what is possible, but if I always look back  I could have never seen the road ahead. If your driving your car down the road intent getting to a certain  destination  it is physically impossible to look backward and drive forward. Eventually you’re going to crash. I crashed hard and we all will. The  choice then is look back or look forward. Do you know why the windshield is bigger than the back window?

When we are depressed and at our worst we feel locked up in our pain and how bad things are. We always dwell on our mistakes we have made and how OTHERS have done us wrong. The pain and confusion is multiplied because we keep looking at what happened and reliving it even when its not true. We always feel drained and hopeless because we never look forward with positive expectation. When we attach the bad from the past to the present  we are unhappy about the past, present and future. Does anyone agree or am I typing crap here.
Manufacture your happiness and its hard. People love misery and will try there best to pull you down. Smack the crap out of yourself and stop it. I wasn’t meant to broke, busted and disgusted with myself. You weren’t either.Remember happiness is just an emotion. And all emotions are manufactured and therefore can be deconstructed and made new.

I went to Flint Texas today near Tyler. It was a 2.5 hour drive there and back. Went to see a house fire and provide an estimate.  Life sucks for people when they feel there only way out is to set there house on fire to get money. I walked around the house and say the gas trail and new they were in trouble. I asked a few questions and told the lady they they had commented arson and did the fire department spend a lot of time there last night . She said they but they didn’t commit arson. I showed her why they did and then she confessed about an hours worth of info. They were dying a slow death financially. It broke my heart and I had a tear roll down my eye. I told her I feel for her and gave her a bit of my story. At the end I told her to go confess to the authorities and it would be a lot simpler. She said since it was her husband idea that she would tell the authorities that. I think she was being funny but not sure really.  I got to think a lot about them and my own situation in life. I am truly surrounded with great people in my life. I m very blessed and what those people pour into me helps me everyday. Finally I can pour back into them and this time its not a bunch of shit.

Here’s a funny joke from my daughter. Do you know why the turtle crossed the road? To get to the shell station.  I know someone just laughed. I did . My kids come back tomorrow and I couldn’t be happier. I went outside a bit ago and its 68 degrees outside. We are almost to fall and its great. I call this weather naked weather but I ‘ll stop there.

Please pass this blog along. If it helps one that’s one more than it would have. Love ya all

Matthew Winters (Honest Thoughts from a Pastor)

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