Day 631 You should be ashamed of yourself

20 10 2014

My beautiful mom turned 72 years old yesterday. The most important woman God gave me and she is such an amazing person. She sacrificed everything for us for so many years. She gives everything she has to everyone. She is what the movies portray and hallmark writes about.
Everyday mom I love you so much and thank you for being what God created you for. So yeah I’m pretty darn lucky to have her as my mom.

When I write a blog at times I write just because I think someone needs to hear it, I do it just because  or I do it for me so I can go back and read later. This one is for me today. I wrote this on my Facebook account on Thursday. It’s okay to feel shame, hate, anger, embarrassment, for something we have done. It means we still have our convictions and that’s what helps us to not repeat it. We can’t live in those things. I spent the majority of my life beating myself up and many days still do. I try to accept I’m flawed but you have to start telling yourself the good about you. Receive compliments no Matter how foreign they sound to you. GOD forgives us from the moment of our stupidity it’s time we start. We are missing so many glorious moments because we choose to believe things about ourselves that aren’t true. Let’s stop beating up our shadow. ‪#‎realtalk‬. The more I get to speak to groups and just random folks so many of us are so embarrassed and ashamed of our past. When I tell someone who its okay to feel that way the looks on their face is one of being puzzled. Why people can’t understand that WE ALL have done things to be ashamed of. Some of us on a daily basis but no matter what if we still feel convicted then we still have hope. It’s when the conviction of our heart stops that you have a lot to worry about.I could bore you with my list of failures of my past even my past being this morning but we all have them. I still beat the heck out of myself and sometimes I cripple myself with my thoughts on how horrible I am. I then get reminders sometimes suttle and sometimes a smack in the face about how good I am and where I was compared to where I am.

Be ashamed be angry, be fearful but stop living in it. Yes we learn from our past and we sometimes have to remember those things in life to be able to correct or future. You and I are not what we did in our past but if we choose to never leave that behind us we become that. God forgives the moment we decide to be stupid but we live our whole life in our past. If God forgives us don’t you think we should. I promise the days I wake up and decide that I’m okay, I pretty darn special, I’m making a difference. My day is better and my outlook is better. The days that I punch myself in every way I can I lose that day and my outlook sucks. Everyday is not going to be good no matter how great your outlook. Life happens but all that means is that one day was rough don’t stretch that day into a week, month etc..  If you want to learn how to do this start paying other people compliments and words of encouragement. Then when you hear them you start slowly believing in them and accepting them as well. I promise it works if you don’t believe it try it. No matter what you won’t lose.  PS Go Cowboys!





Day 631 You should be ashamed of yourself

19 10 2014

My beautiful mom turned 72 years old yesterday. The most important woman God gave me and she is such an amazing person. She sacrificed everything for us for so many years. She gives everything she has to everyone. She is what the movies portray and hallmark writes about.
Everyday mom I love you so much and thank you for being what God created you for. So yeah I’m pretty darn lucky to have her as my mom.

When I write a blog at times I write just because I think someone needs to hear it, I do it just because  or I do it for me so I can go back and read later. This one is for me today. I wrote this on my Facebook account on Thursday. It’s okay to feel shame, hate, anger, embarrassment, for something we have done. It means we still have our convictions and that’s what helps us to not repeat it. We can’t live in those things. I spent the majority of my life beating myself up and many days still do. I try to accept I’m flawed but you have to start telling yourself the good about you. Receive compliments no Matter how foreign they sound to you. GOD forgives us from the moment of our stupidity it’s time we start. We are missing so many glorious moments because we choose to believe things about ourselves that aren’t true. Let’s stop beating up our shadow. ‪#‎realtalk‬. The more I get to speak to groups and just random folks so many of us are so embarrassed and ashamed of our past. When I tell someone who its okay to feel that way the looks on their face is one of being puzzled. Why people can’t understand that WE ALL have done things to be ashamed of. Some of us on a daily basis but no matter what if we still feel convicted then we still have hope. It’s when the conviction of our heart stops that you have a lot to worry about.I could bore you with my list of failures of my past even my past being this morning but we all have them. I still beat the heck out of myself and sometimes I cripple myself with my thoughts on how horrible I am. I then get reminders sometimes suttle and sometimes a smack in the face about how good I am and where I was compared to where I am.

Be ashamed be angry, be fearful but stop living in it. Yes we learn from our past and we sometimes have to remember those things in life to be able to correct or future. You and I are not what we did in our past but if we choose to never leave that behind us we become that. God forgives the moment we decide to be stupid but we live our whole life in our past. If God forgives us don’t you think we should. I promise the days I wake up and decide that I’m okay, I pretty darn special, I’m making a difference. My day is better and my outlook is better. The days that I punch myself in every way I can I lose that day and my outlook sucks. Everyday is not going to be good no matter how great your outlook. Life happens but all that means is that one day was rough don’t stretch that day into a week, month etc..  If you want to learn how to do this start paying other people compliments and words of encouragement. Then when you hear them you start slowly believing in them and accepting them as well. I promise it works if you don’t believe it try it. No matter what you won’t lose.  PS Go Cowboys!





Day 631 You should be ashamed of yourself

19 10 2014

My beautiful mom turned 72 years old yesterday. The most important woman God gave me and she is such an amazing person. She sacrificed everything for us for so many years. She gives everything she has to everyone. She is what the movies portray and hallmark writes about.
Everyday mom I love you so much and thank you for being what God created you for. So yeah I’m pretty darn lucky to have her as my mom.

When I write a blog at times I write just because I think someone needs to hear it, I do it just because  or I do it for me so I can go back and read later. This one is for me today. I wrote this on my Facebook account on Thursday. It’s okay to feel shame, hate, anger, embarrassment, for something we have done. It means we still have our convictions and that’s what helps us to not repeat it. We can’t live in those things. I spent the majority of my life beating myself up and many days still do. I try to accept I’m flawed but you have to start telling yourself the good about you. Receive compliments no Matter how foreign they sound to you. GOD forgives us from the moment of our stupidity it’s time we start. We are missing so many glorious moments because we choose to believe things about ourselves that aren’t true. Let’s stop beating up our shadow. ‪#‎realtalk‬. The more I get to speak to groups and just random folks so many of us are so embarrassed and ashamed of our past. When I tell someone who its okay to feel that way the looks on their face is one of being puzzled. Why people can’t understand that WE ALL have done things to be ashamed of. Some of us on a daily basis but no matter what if we still feel convicted then we still have hope. It’s when the conviction of our heart stops that you have a lot to worry about.I could bore you with my list of failures of my past even my past being this morning but we all have them. I still beat the heck out of myself and sometimes I cripple myself with my thoughts on how horrible I am. I then get reminders sometimes suttle and sometimes a smack in the face about how good I am and where I was compared to where I am.

Be ashamed be angry, be fearful but stop living in it. Yes we learn from our past and we sometimes have to remember those things in life to be able to correct or future. You and I are not what we did in our past but if we choose to never leave that behind us we become that. God forgives the moment we decide to be stupid but we live our whole life in our past. If God forgives us don’t you think we should. I promise the days I wake up and decide that I’m okay, I pretty darn special, I’m making a difference. My day is better and my outlook is better. The days that I punch myself in every way I can I lose that day and my outlook sucks. Everyday is not going to be good no matter how great your outlook. Life happens but all that means is that one day was rough don’t stretch that day into a week, month etc..  If you want to learn how to do this start paying other people compliments and words of encouragement. Then when you hear them you start slowly believing in them and accepting them as well. I promise it works if you don’t believe it try it. No matter what you won’t lose.  PS Go Cowboys!





Day 624 Being thankful when you dont want to

13 10 2014

I celebrated my 39th birthday yesterday and I know its easy to say but this was the best one I can remember. I have a lot of people who really care about me. With the calls, messages and the people who came out to my birthday I wish I could have this day at least once a month. Besides the fact of people just being there I got some great gifts. My best buddy Jim got us a trip to the Sequoia National Park in California. We are going to road trip in January be ready Calli were coming to see you. Also the Cowboys pulled a stunner of a win against the Seahawks. My Cowboys are real.

I’ve written many times about my struggles in life and how many things that have happened to me. I have gone back and read some of my older blogs and I have seen my growth. It really is an 180 degree turn in 3 years. The toughest thing I have learned is being thankful  for the bad. It was a dumb, foreign,and hurtful thing to even think but there is no way to actually be thankful for the bad. In no way would I wish it upon myself again but I am thankful.  My time I missed with my kids being self-absorbed within myself, I was actually able to appreciate my kids and grew a love for them that I would have never known. I lost my best friend and wanted to truly run him over in my car. Now I would take a bullet for him or actually take that person that would try to run over him now. I tell him I appreciate him and I love him. Not sure I ever told him that before. I loved my mom and tried to show her but now I give her my all, I show her my life will be doing what she needs and when she can’t take care of herself she will always be taken care of. Im a real friend now. I give them my ears and not just my mouth. Im thankful for the constructive criticism but Im also learning to receive their thoughts and kind words. I would have never been able to do that without losing all my friends and maybe I didn’t need them but they taught me so much. Im thankful my dad died. I needed to be able to deal with I didn’t understand and learn to be able to forgive. Because I learned to forgive: I love, forgive, and have compassion I never had. It took me getting on my knees in a windy, cold and frozen cemetery in Cleburne Texas. Im thankful I can say no. I used to say yes to everything. Now I can say no with no worry that if you don’t get why I say no that’s on you and not me. I know my God. Not the one I created but the one that created me.  I lost being a control freak. You know when you’re a control freak you have it all figured out. Well  I don’t have it figured out and Im thankful I don’t. This is the weirdest thing I had to learn to be thankful for: Every person that has made fun of me, turned me down, belittled me, and was just down right mean. I appreciate you and I get it now. You helped me overcome me and I could never thank you enough. For the women I have asked out since I have been divorced and turned me down or just didn’t know what to do with me thank you. Every no gets me closer to my yes and teaches me my true worth is. I still have thoughts and feelings and I get hurt sad, angry etc.., but Im thankful after the fact because my life is better for my mistakes and pitfalls. When we learn that our life is about overcoming the life we have our life only get better.





Day 624 Being thankful when you dont want to

12 10 2014

I celebrated my 39th birthday yesterday and I know its easy to say but this was the best one I can remember. I have a lot of people who really care about me. With the calls, messages and the people who came out to my birthday I wish I could have this day at least once a month. Besides the fact of people just being there I got some great gifts. My best buddy Jim got us a trip to the Sequoia National Park in California. We are going to road trip in January be ready Calli were coming to see you. Also the Cowboys pulled a stunner of a win against the Seahawks. My Cowboys are real.

I’ve written many times about my struggles in life and how many things that have happened to me. I have gone back and read some of my older blogs and I have seen my growth. It really is an 180 degree turn in 3 years. The toughest thing I have learned is being thankful  for the bad. It was a dumb, foreign,and hurtful thing to even think but there is no way to actually be thankful for the bad. In no way would I wish it upon myself again but I am thankful.  My time I missed with my kids being self-absorbed within myself, I was actually able to appreciate my kids and grew a love for them that I would have never known. I lost my best friend and wanted to truly run him over in my car. Now I would take a bullet for him or actually take that person that would try to run over him now. I tell him I appreciate him and I love him. Not sure I ever told him that before. I loved my mom and tried to show her but now I give her my all, I show her my life will be doing what she needs and when she can’t take care of herself she will always be taken care of. Im a real friend now. I give them my ears and not just my mouth. Im thankful for the constructive criticism but Im also learning to receive their thoughts and kind words. I would have never been able to do that without losing all my friends and maybe I didn’t need them but they taught me so much. Im thankful my dad died. I needed to be able to deal with I didn’t understand and learn to be able to forgive. Because I learned to forgive: I love, forgive, and have compassion I never had. It took me getting on my knees in a windy, cold and frozen cemetery in Cleburne Texas. Im thankful I can say no. I used to say yes to everything. Now I can say no with no worry that if you don’t get why I say no that’s on you and not me. I know my God. Not the one I created but the one that created me.  I lost being a control freak. You know when you’re a control freak you have it all figured out. Well  I don’t have it figured out and Im thankful I don’t. This is the weirdest thing I had to learn to be thankful for: Every person that has made fun of me, turned me down, belittled me, and was just down right mean. I appreciate you and I get it now. You helped me overcome me and I could never thank you enough. For the women I have asked out since I have been divorced and turned me down or just didn’t know what to do with me thank you. Every no gets me closer to my yes and teaches me my true worth is. I still have thoughts and feelings and I get hurt sad, angry etc.., but Im thankful after the fact because my life is better for my mistakes and pitfalls. When we learn that our life is about overcoming the life we have our life only get better.





Day 354 With this ring I thee wed

30 12 2013

Getting ready to watch my Dallas Cowboys and I feel my heart is going to be broken. It’s just what the Cowboys fans have to do with! I really enjoyed Christmas and the holidays! New years is a great time but I always wonder why we can’t start changing our lives in September, or April but why just January! Oh well!I was reading a FB post from a 22 year guy writing his wedding vows and asked for help! He probably had 50 comments and you could tell that they were all from young people who have never been married! It was the Hollywood Vows the generic crap that yes sounds good but isn’t real! Now I’m not against the traditional wedding vows but I bet most people don’t remember them all but also we didn’t follow them. Here are a few of the comments: 1. We will hold hands until we can’t even pick our hands up anymore 2. Through every fight we will tell each other we love each other! 3. I will never question you or your trust! So I’m going to stop there because I truly feel sorry for the lost expectations. Please realize I would love to have the story book ,marriage or the expectations that we have when we don’t know what it takes to be married! I’m not being Debbie Downer but about 150 different people will read this blog tonight and out of that 150 75 of those will end in divorce. Do you realize the US average on marriage is 5o% of 1st marriage, 87% second marriage and 98% of third marriages end.Here are some real vows for 1st, 2nd or third marriage: I will love you when I can’t stand you! I will sacrifice for you when you don’t deserve it! I will make every attempt to like and work with your family no matter what they say about me! When I or you gain weight and look horrible I won’t lie and tell you look good. I will motivate and help you anyway get to where I or you need to be happy with our physical appearance. A good marriage is about give and take but mostly give and I will try to do that! If you’re expecting me to be perfect I won’t and I don’t expect you to be! Anything can be worked through but we can’t quit on each other! Sometimes it’s not your fault but you still have to make it right! If we don’t pray together one day we will be praying for the other one to go away! Roll with the punches and don’t throw the punches even though you will want to! If you lie to me its the beginning of the end! Tell me the truth no matter how bad its hurts because divorce will hurt a lot worse!If You want to make your marriage real and work use these vows! There are things you cannot imagine that will happen when you married! Nobody that has gone through it can even explain it! I loved being married and hope to be again one day but if you’re not realistic about it you will become a stat like me!

via Day 354 With this ring I thee wed.





Day 354 With this ring I thee wed

30 12 2013

Getting ready to watch my Dallas Cowboys and I feel my heart is going to be broken. It’s just what the Cowboys fans have to do with! I really enjoyed Christmas and the holidays! New years is a great time but I always wonder why we can’t start changing our lives in September, or April but why just January! Oh well!

I was reading a FB post from a 22 year guy writing his wedding vows and asked for help! He probably had 50 comments and you could tell that they were all from young people who have never been married! It was the Hollywood Vows the generic crap that yes sounds good but isn’t real! Now I’m not against the traditional wedding vows but I bet most people don’t remember them all but also we didn’t follow them. Here are a few of the comments: 1.  We will hold hands until we can’t even pick our hands up anymore 2. Through every fight we will tell each other we love each other! 3. I will never question you or your trust! So I’m going to stop there because I truly feel sorry for the lost expectations. Please realize I would love to have the story book ,marriage or the expectations that we have when we don’t know what it takes to be married! I’m not being Debbie Downer but about 150 different people will read this blog tonight and out of that 150 75 of those will end in divorce. Do you realize the US average on marriage is 5o% of 1st marriage, 87% second marriage and 98% of third marriages end.

Here are some real vows for 1st, 2nd or third marriage:  I will love you when I can’t stand you! I will sacrifice for you when you don’t deserve it! I will make every attempt to like and work with your family no matter what they say about me! When I or you gain weight and look horrible I won’t lie and tell you look good. I will motivate and help you anyway get to where I or you need to be happy with our physical appearance.  A good marriage is about give and take but mostly give and I will try to do that! If you’re expecting me to be perfect I won’t and I don’t expect you to be! Anything can be worked through but we can’t quit on each other! Sometimes it’s not your fault but you still have to make it right! If we don’t pray together one day we will be praying for the other one to go away! Roll with the punches and don’t throw the punches even though you will want to! If you lie to me its the beginning of the end! Tell me the truth no matter how bad its hurts because divorce will hurt a lot worse!

If You want to make your marriage real and work use these vows! There are things you cannot imagine that will happen when you married! Nobody that has gone through it can even explain it! I loved being married and hope to be again one day but if you’re not realistic about it you will become a stat like me!

 








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