Day 860 This is how I know God is real

4 06 2015

My babies  go home tomorrow but I got to spend the last week of school with them. I will have an 8th grader and a 1st grader next year. it’s passed so quick but I couldn’t be more thankful where we are in our life. Here’s to everyone having a great summer with sunburns and late nights.

February 29th 2008 (yes a leap year) the beginning of the end of a friendship. My partner in crime since 1997 who I had done everything with and that means everything. We had laughed , cried, done things to other humans that was just flat wrong but mostly what we had was trust. Back in 2003 we started a business together and we said nothing would come in the way of our friendship. Little did we know that we had put God on the back burner and we let pride, ego, fame, glory and the almighty dollar come between us and everything that mattered. We had built our families together, we shared deep dark secrets and created our own. We worked 90 hours a week, never had  priorities straight, we neglected those closest to us and we slowing then quickly  started hating everything about each other. When we had a chance to verbally hurt the other, we did, when we should have stood up for each other, we didn’t, and when both of us were unraveling we let the other unravel and took joy in it happening. So February 29th 2008 we parted ways and that part was to never speak to each other again. I’m not sure we knew at that time but that was the last time we spoke for almost 4 years. In that time frame I actually thought seriously of how I would run him over in a parking lot, beat him with a brick, or find someway to inflict the most pain I possibly could. After talking with him the thought was mutual. To think of someone who you would do anything for that you would do anything to hurt them shows just how to people can derail so far in life.

When life takes it all from you and you have no others way to go but up you start in the hell of getting better or the hell of staying the same. I had heard he had got serious about God and I was at the point of not giving a crap about God. There were times that I would think man Jim would get that joke or I wish I could just be myself around someone. One month before I officially found out my marriage was in trouble I saw a post on Facebook that Jim’s youngest son was deaf. I felt like that this was my window to reach out so I did. I just sent him a message and asked if their was anything we could. He asked if we could meet up in Dallas. So much of me wanted to say yes but I wanted to say no. In July 2011 we met at the Spring Creek barbecue in Dallas. When we met each other at the door we hugged like we had both just been brought back from the dead.. We looked at each other and said whats done is done. Lets move  forward. When my life hit the skids guess who was there it was Jim and his family. When I wanted to quit he wouldn’t allow it, when I wanted to give up it was I don’t think so. When I cried I cried to him. In turn I was able to help him heal and talk about things that he never had but was finally able to be himself. The relationship  was what I had always hoped it would be.  Things have only gotten better. there has never been a feeling of animosity or hate or disgust about our paths.

How do I know God is real: Today we made it official and proof that God allows people to change and forgive if you want it to be God’s will and not yours. I went to work for Jim today as his General Manager. We were humbled and because of that some truly amazing doors are open. I love my buddy Jim and without a shadow of a doubt I know that until my last breath I have what God wants is that Level 10 friend that I would die and he for me. From wanting to kill someone to dying to make sure he and his family are taken care of is what God is all about. If you follow God’s will not your own Just remember Jeremiah 29:11

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Day 845 Divorce is the only answer

20 05 2015

I’ve tried to tell my friends that aren’t in Texas how much we have received in two months. I know after 4 years of drought floods come but hey were good now. Lets send the rain to California. One lake was 32 feet down in February which means on 21% of it was filled. After lasts night rain it 9 feet down. The lake that is closet to us was 12 feet down and now its 6 feet above level.  What it means is that we took our rain dance to far. Milli Vanilli said it best Blame it on the rain. Okay I’m sorry I typed that out but hopefully you laughed.

If you have read my blog for very long you know I despise divorce. Not only for the adults but the kids are never the same. I could give you stats and blah blah about why about keeping you family in tact is best but I’m sure you’ve heard it all.  I’m a proponent for fighting to the bitter end (no pun intended) to save your family. I know because I did it. I wasn’t perfect in trying to plug all the wholes in the boat but when it was over I knew I did everything within what God gave me to save my marriage. I walked away with no regrets. I mean none. The church and Christians have done a horrible thing to divorcees to shame them about divorce and quoting what the bible says. I can read my bible and I know what it says about divorce but I can also show you in the bible where God dislikes bad marriage and the the life we have. God never wanted us miserable, broken or hopeless. That’s a promise! The broad paint brush that people use is so funny because if you bring up their sin they want to move on from that and just focus on what divorce is doing. I’m here to give another side.

Yes there are exceptions to every rule so lets through that out. 1.Sometimes people suck at being married. They just aren’t or won’t be capable of being faithful. Sure you can get help but they usually follow what they saw growing up and that circle hasn’t been broken yet. Just because God created us to be together doesn’t mean everyone is cut out for it. If you get married in your teens or early 20’s your destined to fail. You change so much in your 20’s that by the time you get to 30 you have no idea who the heck is the person you married is. I know this for a fact. The ones that married in there 20’s (again not all) have to trick up their life sexually etc.. with a job that travels so they didn’t see each other. 3.God has left their marriage- You got married in a church and that was the last time you were there,  or you went to church so your neighbor saw you went but God is page 20 of your newspaper.

4. Its takes two to be successful in a marriage and especially if you’re trying to repair it. YOU cannot fix a marriage if you’re the only one getting help because YOU CANT CHANGE SOMEONE ELSE. They can change but you can’t change them. If you divorce someone because the snore you’re an idiot. Everybody has things that the other person isn’t going to like. That’s the magic of marriage is taking the difference in two opposite people and make a beautiful cracked vase out of it.

If your physically being abused get out now. That typically doesn’t change and once the first punch is thrown it only gets easier to continue for you to be the punching bag of choice. Otherwise I say this, alcoholism, verbal abuse ( thats a 2 way street), drugs, family curses ,relatives, religious difference, greed, laziness, selfish etc.. With each one of these and more you don’t just leave your spouse. The vows said for better and worse. Not this is getting hard now leave. You fight your butt off to love, guide,  get counseling, direct, lead, hug, cry, fear for your spouse but sometimes after you have given your all. It’s okay to hang up and move on. People with demons won’t change, it’s always someone else  fault and I promise you have to hit Rock Bottom and lose it all to realize what you had. Some will never change and that’s not your fault. If you have given it your all God’s going to love you no matter what. He knows if you truly gave it your all or when it got tough you just quit.

Your only a failure in life when you don’t try! You get married it gets hard you quit, yes then you failed. Im tired of knowing that I have a lot of great people getting beat down because they got divorced. I know they tried and I know how bad your heart hurts, from betrayal, failed dreams, broken souls kids tears. If you have never been down the journey of being divorced it’s probably better you stay in your glass house and keep your mouth shut.  To my divorced peeps. Mend the heart, open it up again and find someone who didn’t quit and fought their butt off then ask God to show you his way and not your own.

SOAPBOX OVER.





Day 845 Divorce is the only answer

20 05 2015

I’ve tried to tell my friends that aren’t in Texas how much we have received in two months. I know after 4 years of drought floods come but hey were good now. Lets send the rain to California. One lake was 32 feet down in February which means on 21% of it was filled. After lasts night rain it 9 feet down. The lake that is closet to us was 12 feet down and now its 6 feet above level.  What it means is that we took our rain dance to far. Milli Vanilli said it best Blame it on the rain. Okay I’m sorry I typed that out but hopefully you laughed.

If you have read my blog for very long you know I despise divorce. Not only for the adults but the kids are never the same. I could give you stats and blah blah about why about keeping you family in tact is best but I’m sure you’ve heard it all.  I’m a proponent for fighting to the bitter end (no pun intended) to save your family. I know because I did it. I wasn’t perfect in trying to plug all the wholes in the boat but when it was over I knew I did everything within what God gave me to save my marriage. I walked away with no regrets. I mean none. The church and Christians have done a horrible thing to divorcees to shame them about divorce and quoting what the bible says. I can read my bible and I know what it says about divorce but I can also show you in the bible where God dislikes bad marriage and the the life we have. God never wanted us miserable, broken or hopeless. That’s a promise! The broad paint brush that people use is so funny because if you bring up their sin they want to move on from that and just focus on what divorce is doing. I’m here to give another side.

Yes there are exceptions to every rule so lets through that out. 1.Sometimes people suck at being married. They just aren’t or won’t be capable of being faithful. Sure you can get help but they usually follow what they saw growing up and that circle hasn’t been broken yet. Just because God created us to be together doesn’t mean everyone is cut out for it. If you get married in your teens or early 20’s your destined to fail. You change so much in your 20’s that by the time you get to 30 you have no idea who the heck is the person you married is. I know this for a fact. The ones that married in there 20’s (again not all) have to trick up their life sexually etc.. with a job that travels so they didn’t see each other. 3.God has left their marriage- You got married in a church and that was the last time you were there,  or you went to church so your neighbor saw you went but God is page 20 of your newspaper.

4. Its takes two to be successful in a marriage and especially if you’re trying to repair it. YOU cannot fix a marriage if you’re the only one getting help because YOU CANT CHANGE SOMEONE ELSE. They can change but you can’t change them. If you divorce someone because the snore you’re an idiot. Everybody has things that the other person isn’t going to like. That’s the magic of marriage is taking the difference in two opposite people and make a beautiful cracked vase out of it.

If your physically being abused get out now. That typically doesn’t change and once the first punch is thrown it only gets easier to continue for you to be the punching bag of choice. Otherwise I say this, alcoholism, verbal abuse ( thats a 2 way street), drugs, family curses ,relatives, religious difference, greed, laziness, selfish etc.. With each one of these and more you don’t just leave your spouse. The vows said for better and worse. Not this is getting hard now leave. You fight your butt off to love, guide,  get counseling, direct, lead, hug, cry, fear for your spouse but sometimes after you have given your all. It’s okay to hang up and move on. People with demons won’t change, it’s always someone else  fault and I promise you have to hit Rock Bottom and lose it all to realize what you had. Some will never change and that’s not your fault. If you have given it your all God’s going to love you no matter what. He knows if you truly gave it your all or when it got tough you just quit.

Your only a failure in life when you don’t try! You get married it gets hard you quit, yes then you failed. Im tired of knowing that I have a lot of great people getting beat down because they got divorced. I know they tried and I know how bad your heart hurts, from betrayal, failed dreams, broken souls kids tears. If you have never been down the journey of being divorced it’s probably better you stay in your glass house and keep your mouth shut.  To my divorced peeps. Mend the heart, open it up again and find someone who didn’t quit and fought their butt off then ask God to show you his way and not your own.

SOAPBOX OVER.





Day 764 Im good, Im okay

1 03 2015

We made it through Ice Armageddon 2015. It was  bad and we had 4 inches of snow. We made real snowman not made of grass and we made snow ice cream that wasn’t yellow.  I enjoy the snow but I swear people’s IQ drops 100 points. Its more dangerous of the idiots that wont drive right than the ones that don’t know how. Anyway here we are with spring around the corner. Bring on the heat!!!

We are taught to always let people now we are okay. Since we were children. If someone asks you’re doing great or okay. You could have been crying in the car but you were told to dry it up and act like you were okay. We take that into adult hood and no matter how much we want to reach out we get the question: How you doing? We always say I’m good, I’m okay. The answer infuriates me even when I know your not okay or good. Guess what I’m the worst at giving you the generic answer of I’m good and I’m okay. WHy do we do it!!

I have a few reasons. One people truly don’t care how you are. They ask because were supposed too. It becomes the customary thing to say. Have you ever told someone besides the customary answer and they freak out. Honestly I’m bad today and  They have no response. They just want to move on and hope that they never ask you again how you’re doing.

Reason two: We have no idea how were doing. We aren’t good, bad, we are lost in our thoughts. We want to tell you something but were hurting too much, we are just lost or we truly we don’t know. When I was getting divorced if you caught me at the right time I might cry on you and it was just safer

Reason three: You haven’t earned the right to know how I’m doing. I give you a generic answer because you haven’t put in on my life and honestly you’re not important enough to know how I’m doing. Since I know your asking because it’s the right thing to do not because you care I’ll reserve the right not to share. If I decided to share with you and you turn away, then in my moment of sharing , you crushed my spirits either good or bad.

Reason four: We actually maybe good and I don’t want you to rain on my parade. Some people may be happy for you but most times in life people get upset at others people’s success or happiness. You share it with the wrong person and your good moment turns to crap. So you just say I’m okay and go tell someone who really cares.

Reason five: People don’t know how to be real. Do you know if you spoke what you felt or when someone pays you a compliment at that time you ask. people really want to communicate with you they just don’t know how. They try one time it doesn’t work out and they will never do it again. We know people who just lost a relative, spouse and child and because we are trained to ask we say How are you? Then we get I’m okay. We want to slap ourselves for asking but what if they answer.  All I’m saying is do what I do sometimes. If someone asks how are you,  say are you sure you want to know. It gives them an out but it also gives you an in. Share your heart sometimes what comes out on the other side is pretty good or I guess okay 🙂

 

 





Day 619 It’s time to write that book

7 10 2014

Parenting is hard and some days you pray that someone would hand you a manual and say do it this way. I promise it will work. We all know it doesn’t work that but we wish. We usually focus on what our kids don’t do right rather than what they do. We beat ourselves up so much as parents and we never look and say you know I’m or we are doing a good job. Yesterday we attended our first Parent/teacher conference for my son Brayden. This is his first year in school so I was very interested in what she had to say. She said he was a good reader, and good at math etc.. Said he was very bright. She then said he is by far the nicest kid in my class. Said everyday when they go to recess he waits and sees which kid doesn’t have anyone to play with and goes and plays with that kid. I almost didn’t hear what she said and when I was walking out I said did you say everyday that he does that about playing with the kids. She said everyday I’m out there he does. I wiped a tear from my eye as I walked back to my car. I got in my car and cried. I knew he was a caring little boy but I didn’t know he would even know to do that. At football practice last night I got down to eye level and told him how proud I was of him and what the teacher said. I then asked him why he did that for the kids and without missing a beat he said ” You tell me every morning to be good to my friends and I don’t want them to be sad or cry at recess and I can play with anyone”. Im truly a lucky man to have the two kids God gave me.

Sometimes in life we think to hear from God we have to hear the deep Charleston Heston voice saying Tyler you need to do the ABC. It never works that way. It usually happens in quiet time, a song or people put in our lives for a reason. Sometimes that person is close or a stranger. I have always wanted to write a book mostly so I could be famous. God changed my life and I kind of put that on back burner. It still rings in my head every once in a while. Since I started writing my blog somebody will pop in and say you should write a book. I always ask why they think that I get because I would read, people need it, it’s a heck of a story your life, I want to know the details that aren’t in your blog. So I talked about to a few people lately and then I say do you think really people would read it, I doubt myself and said maybe one day. Last night I’m just watching practice lady comes  up to me and says your that big guy that writes that blog. She said that lady over there said to read it and I read 10 of them over the weekend. I said I hope you enjoyed them.  She said enjoy was one word but wow is what came to mind. She said I have never heard a man be so open, vulnerable, logical, and do it through the pain that you have gone through and now your here. Have you ever thought about writing a book. I chuckled and said yeah and you’re helping me make sure I do. I asked her why should I and  she said: You can change lives, people need to hear your story, women need to hear your honesty, you give me hope and you can change a generation of men if you choose to do so. I gave her a hug and told her thank you and she made me promise not to stop writing. So with that its time I write the book and fill in some details . I know at least 12 people who will read it so that’s a good start. So say some prayers that I get the direction and the door will open so I can find out how to do it. In the meantime save your money so you can buy one lol. For those that have encouraged me to this point to write the book thank you and I know Im stubborn but I heard you.





Day 619 It’s time to write that book

7 10 2014

Parenting is hard and some days you pray that someone would hand you a manual and say do it this way. I promise it will work. We all know it doesn’t work that but we wish. We usually focus on what our kids don’t do right rather than what they do. We beat ourselves up so much as parents and we never look and say you know I’m or we are doing a good job. Yesterday we attended our first Parent/teacher conference for my son Brayden. This is his first year in school so I was very interested in what she had to say. She said he was a good reader, and good at math etc.. Said he was very bright. She then said he is by far the nicest kid in my class. Said everyday when they go to recess he waits and sees which kid doesn’t have anyone to play with and goes and plays with that kid. I almost didn’t hear what she said and when I was walking out I said did you say everyday that he does that about playing with the kids. She said everyday I’m out there he does. I wiped a tear from my eye as I walked back to my car. I got in my car and cried. I knew he was a caring little boy but I didn’t know he would even know to do that. At football practice last night I got down to eye level and told him how proud I was of him and what the teacher said. I then asked him why he did that for the kids and without missing a beat he said ” You tell me every morning to be good to my friends and I don’t want them to be sad or cry at recess and I can play with anyone”. Im truly a lucky man to have the two kids God gave me.

Sometimes in life we think to hear from God we have to hear the deep Charleston Heston voice saying Tyler you need to do the ABC. It never works that way. It usually happens in quiet time, a song or people put in our lives for a reason. Sometimes that person is close or a stranger. I have always wanted to write a book mostly so I could be famous. God changed my life and I kind of put that on back burner. It still rings in my head every once in a while. Since I started writing my blog somebody will pop in and say you should write a book. I always ask why they think that I get because I would read, people need it, it’s a heck of a story your life, I want to know the details that aren’t in your blog. So I talked about to a few people lately and then I say do you think really people would read it, I doubt myself and said maybe one day. Last night I’m just watching practice lady comes  up to me and says your that big guy that writes that blog. She said that lady over there said to read it and I read 10 of them over the weekend. I said I hope you enjoyed them.  She said enjoy was one word but wow is what came to mind. She said I have never heard a man be so open, vulnerable, logical, and do it through the pain that you have gone through and now your here. Have you ever thought about writing a book. I chuckled and said yeah and you’re helping me make sure I do. I asked her why should I and  she said: You can change lives, people need to hear your story, women need to hear your honesty, you give me hope and you can change a generation of men if you choose to do so. I gave her a hug and told her thank you and she made me promise not to stop writing. So with that its time I write the book and fill in some details . I know at least 12 people who will read it so that’s a good start. So say some prayers that I get the direction and the door will open so I can find out how to do it. In the meantime save your money so you can buy one lol. For those that have encouraged me to this point to write the book thank you and I know Im stubborn but I heard you.

 

 





Day 20 A good cry anyone

10 09 2012
where to start: The birthday party yesterday was great. It was weird because i think everyone else was uncomfortable but I was very content. My son had a great time and got a lot of presents.  I ate birthday cake which is my food weakness. I m trying to be good but I broke down. We went to the UNT football game which was awesome and we won. I really like the new outfits  that women where now the boots and either skirts or shorts. Not sure when it started but it helped make the boring parts of the game  easier to bear.
My mom and nephew  came up to celebrate my son’s birthday today and went to church with me. Great message at church which I will get into shortly. After church I got my kids from m ex and we went had an awesome pizza at Mellow Mushroom and then went to my place to open presents and eat cake. We had a great time and put my son’s race track together and played. Then my ex came to get them.
My son cried and kicked and screamed that he didn’t want to go . I was so pissed at her at what she had done to our family. I told her what I thought about it to. I made up my mind that everything  I still had at her house I wanted and that she couldn’t ever come back to my place. It was to hard. We will just meet somewhere from this point forward. I went out to get my stuff I have to get away from her and only have to deal with her when its necessary. Lets just say it didn’t go well. I m getting my stuff next Sunday. I left crying and wondered why after the person I ve become why she can still say shit to me that cuts me to the core. Thanks Jim for answering my call and listening.
 
If you don’t know I m a Christian and have been since I was 7. until about 10 months ago I was a crappy christian. I m not a bible beater by any means. I just know that I tried being a fake Christian for so many years and my life sucked. I knew what to say and if you challenged my I could answer all your questions. What I was doing behind the scenes what ridiculous and I was also one of those condemning Christians. It mad me feel better about the crap I was doing. I heard a message today at church that helped me realize I m going down the right path. If your a non-christian just listen because I would here your side. You don’t have to agree just keep an open mind you never know when the truth  will set you free.
I never had heard our church so quiet today. It was really eery . Real life changes begin with Jesus. I knew that but I never changed until I started living that way. Jesus is the ONLY one that can lead us to our destination he is the only one the makes the inside whole again. He is the only one that can restore, heal and redeem. Please listen to me on this I was a piece of shit honestly. The things I said, the thoughts i had . I know I m being hard on myself but I really needed a change. I threw away my best friend and said things to  my ex that you wouldn’t say to road kill. If Jesus can heal this man he can heal and make whole anyone. Now I m a work in progress but the key word there is progress. I never allowed that. I didn’t want to live this life anymore. My whole life had crumbled around me and I still tried to fix it my way. Jesus can make the impossible possible. He did that. I wanted to die and hoped for it everyday he opened my eyes to the greatness in life. The people reading this the people that I judged and the ones that threw me to the curb. The biggest thing that he did is I no longer am defined by my failures. I thought I was the biggest failure ever. ( Shitty, son, friend, business owner, dad, christian, husband, athlete I was embarrassed to walk into a church) I know now failure is not who I am but with it I learn and grow.
The final question at church today was What am I willing to do to get people in front of Christ. I started today if anyone wants to get out of the crap you can do it. Mondays are actually good in my life now. Love you all!







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