Day 753 Im not afraid to die

18 02 2015

I made the best pot roast ever last night in the Crock Pot. If they gave out the reward for single fathers who can crock pot cook Im hands down the best. I would be famous and be on the cooking channel and have my own show called single, bald and full of crock!! Pretty catchy I know. Honestly though I’m a great cook. The end.

I love how people  open up to me. I had a conversation yesterday it was very generic at first then he asked me about how I’m so happy after divorce. I said well I’m not always happy but I’m very content in the direction of my life and the biggest thing is I’m not co-Dependent anymore. I explained co- dependency and then out of no where he said do you want to die? I said good Lord no I don’t I want to die! He said so your afraid to die? I said do you understand the difference between the two? He looked at me puzzled so I explained.

I only wanted to die once in my life  it was a rock bottom and almost in the most selfish way decided to take my life. Where I am now its the last thing I would ever want to  happen. My kids need me and want me, I have a true relationship with God and Im changing lives. I have a purpose and I know I’m loved. I never want my mom to have to bury me, I want to see where and how my sister and nephew lives go. I have some of the best friends in  my life that I want to enjoy it with. So no I do want to die it never crosses my mind but Im also Im not afraid to die.

I have seen and held death twice in my arms. Once a car wreck victim, the other a friend got shot and died on the spot. I should have died twice I was stupid and put myself in two horrible situations and in every case I was afraid to die. I prayed to God please don’t take me I have more to do. You see I thought I was in control and I was telling God what he needed to do. Im sure he just slapped his forehead and shook his head and said you really don’t get it. Im in control and I decided remember Im God not you. If you fast forward to right now!

Im not afraid to die I don’t want to die but if it happens I know this: I have made amends to all of those I have wronged, I m not about me Im about helping others and changing their life if they want it. I have given my children the foundation they need and they know I love them more than anything and I would give my life for them in a snap of a finger, My mother can be proud of the man she raised, my sister and nephew know I have and will love them and given my heart and soul to my family. Those that interact with me know that he is a loving and giving soul and I believe most not all would have encouraging words about me. Finally My God knows me and my heart. Sure I screw up and do things wrong but I wont have to get to the gates and hear what in the name of me were you doing!!  The guy looked at me and said I definitely understand now and I have a lot of work to do because I’m scared sh%tless to die. He asked me to help him get there. So I will do my best.

I m not afraid of death anymore but I don’t want to die either. I hope I’m 80 and still blogging or whatever its called then but if not I’m okay with that too. Walk on my Good and faithful son.

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Day 729 My crockpot life

26 01 2015

Rock Bottom Outreach one of the best things that has happened to me.  To see so many broken people glue the pieces back and give so much of them of  themselves. The only place I feel normal is with this group of truly not normal but amazing people. We got to volunteer twice this weekend. Give to the homeless again today. We gave out over 300 sleeping bags the last two weeks and today over 100 meals.  Just amazing because we have up given up ourselves for others and we get the benefit of it.

Being a single parent you want to cook homemade meals. There is not time sometimes no matter how much planning was done. The one thing you can always count on is the crock pot to save your bottom when you know time is limited. Sure you could microwave something but come on really.

The microwave, cooks the edges but the middle is cold, or it never cooks anything. It can explode in the microwave causing a mess you don’t want to clean up or it can burn your popcorn. So what the point my life used to a be the microwave. I burned so much of my life relationships, friends, ideas, church, sometimes I cooked the edges but the middle was cold. That was me I looked great from the outside but inside I was cold and dead. Every time I microwaved my life I made it explode and the cleanup was too much. So I just left it there hoping someone else would come clean up my mess. I set the timer for God to hurry up and the timer never went off when I wanted it to.

My life is a crock pot now. Doesn’t mean I don’t try to microwave my  life at times but when I do. I over cook, under cook or it explodes in my face. Since I try to and believe me I fail often,  I still am using the crock pot of life. As long as I plug it and turn it on God is going to do to my life what it should be. Its going to smell good and be amazing at the end of it. God doesn’t see time and when I quit trying to fast forward my life (microwave it) what should turn out will. Just like the crock pot I can take anything and throw it in the crock pot and it tastes good. You just have to give it time. If you throw everything in the crock put and don’t plug it in or turn it on it wont cook. I still have no idea about many aspects of my life but God has never let me down. Slow and steady  will cook everything to the right degree but only if I let it finish.

So what am I saying: Stop using the microwave it burns, it under cooks, or over cooks and causes things to explode. Choose God ,choose life, chose the crock pot. I’m not done yet but man am I glad to have my life where it’s supposed to be and not where I choose it.





Day 729 My crockpot life

25 01 2015

Rock Bottom Outreach one of the best things that has happened to me.  To see so many broken people glue the pieces back and give so much of them of  themselves. The only place I feel normal is with this group of truly not normal but amazing people. We got to volunteer twice this weekend. Give to the homeless again today. We gave out over 300 sleeping bags the last two weeks and today over 100 meals.  Just amazing because we have up given up ourselves for others and we get the benefit of it.

Being a single parent you want to cook homemade meals. There is not time sometimes no matter how much planning was done. The one thing you can always count on is the crock pot to save your bottom when you know time is limited. Sure you could microwave something but come on really.

The microwave, cooks the edges but the middle is cold, or it never cooks anything. It can explode in the microwave causing a mess you don’t want to clean up or it can burn your popcorn. So what the point my life used to a be the microwave. I burned so much of my life relationships, friends, ideas, church, sometimes I cooked the edges but the middle was cold. That was me I looked great from the outside but inside I was cold and dead. Every time I microwaved my life I made it explode and the cleanup was too much. So I just left it there hoping someone else would come clean up my mess. I set the timer for God to hurry up and the timer never went off when I wanted it to.

My life is a crock pot now. Doesn’t mean I don’t try to microwave my  life at times but when I do. I over cook, under cook or it explodes in my face. Since I try to and believe me I fail often,  I still am using the crock pot of life. As long as I plug it and turn it on God is going to do to my life what it should be. Its going to smell good and be amazing at the end of it. God doesn’t see time and when I quit trying to fast forward my life (microwave it) what should turn out will. Just like the crock pot I can take anything and throw it in the crock pot and it tastes good. You just have to give it time. If you throw everything in the crock put and don’t plug it in or turn it on it wont cook. I still have no idea about many aspects of my life but God has never let me down. Slow and steady  will cook everything to the right degree but only if I let it finish.

So what am I saying: Stop using the microwave it burns, it under cooks, or over cooks and causes things to explode. Choose God ,choose life, chose the crock pot. I’m not done yet but man am I glad to have my life where it’s supposed to be and not where I choose it.





Day 701 Just let me bake

29 12 2014

I get a lot of questions about what does day such and such mean on the title of your blog. It has been 701 days since I put a stake in the ground and said my life changes from this day forward. So far the old is gone and new Tyler Wood continues to form. Thank you to my friends the Goodgions. I got to see them as there dad starts chemo tomorrow. Lunch was amazing and laughing was the best. Finally laying in my bed last night I wondered why I didn’t go out. I got a very random Facebook message from a college buddy. All I know I’m thankful that I could be there at that moment. Nothing is over until you take your last breath and no matter what mistakes you make all that matters is that your here. We rise from the ashes my friend and you will too.

Those thinking by the title that I’m going to be talking about marijuana I’m sorry I’m not, that might be another blog. lol. I’ve homemade cookies before and if you haven’t but you should. If you haven’t you’ve seen it. There are 1000 of different recipes. You mix and stir and then you get the cookies on the cookie sheet to bake. Before you ever get them out of the oven you criticize, you laugh at the funny looking ones, you start telling yourself I bet these don’t taste good,you wonder what others will think if the cookies look weird or taste bad and this is all done before the cookies are finished. You really have no idea about the cookies  but your opinion is formed before they are finished. I think you see where Im going here. We are all those cookies that are being stared out and opinions formed before we are done. Where we are today is not where we will finish. Some of us have a few days some have 50 more years. To look at something based on a recipe  that we once followed and judge it or  throw it away and given up on before you even have one true chance to see the final project is just stupid. I know it happens but if someone looked at you today and said that’s it. They don’t get any better and based on some past thought or just what you see I give up on you.  You see, no matter what kind of cookie you are somebody will like your cookie and you will find your batch one day. Many people gave up on me, life long friends, enemies, and my ex-wife. If I would have continued in my path my kids would have. Just give me time to bake I’m not done yet. I might look funny now or you think that my recipe is missing an ingredient, my edges are browning but my center is still soft. I’m not done baking yet. We will be judged no matter what. Stop telling people not to judge because its like breathing it’s so hard to stop,So what if they judge you and they never get to enjoy the best cookie ever because they walked away while we were still baking. No matter where you’re at we’re not done until the timer goes off. Sorry about the cooking reference but its a good analogy I thought. Remember it’s not how you start, its how you finish that matters. Carry on my good and faithful son and daughter.





Day 701 Just let me bake

28 12 2014

I get a lot of questions about what does day such and such mean on the title of your blog. It has been 701 days since I put a stake in the ground and said my life changes from this day forward. So far the old is gone and new Tyler Wood continues to form. Thank you to my friends the Goodgions. I got to see them as there dad starts chemo tomorrow. Lunch was amazing and laughing was the best. Finally laying in my bed last night I wondered why I didn’t go out. I got a very random Facebook message from a college buddy. All I know I’m thankful that I could be there at that moment. Nothing is over until you take your last breath and no matter what mistakes you make all that matters is that your here. We rise from the ashes my friend and you will too.

Those thinking by the title that I’m going to be talking about marijuana I’m sorry I’m not, that might be another blog. lol. I’ve homemade cookies before and if you haven’t but you should. If you haven’t you’ve seen it. There are 1000 of different recipes. You mix and stir and then you get the cookies on the cookie sheet to bake. Before you ever get them out of the oven you criticize, you laugh at the funny looking ones, you start telling yourself I bet these don’t taste good,you wonder what others will think if the cookies look weird or taste bad and this is all done before the cookies are finished. You really have no idea about the cookies  but your opinion is formed before they are finished. I think you see where Im going here. We are all those cookies that are being stared out and opinions formed before we are done. Where we are today is not where we will finish. Some of us have a few days some have 50 more years. To look at something based on a recipe  that we once followed and judge it or  throw it away and given up on before you even have one true chance to see the final project is just stupid. I know it happens but if someone looked at you today and said that’s it. They don’t get any better and based on some past thought or just what you see I give up on you.  You see, no matter what kind of cookie you are somebody will like your cookie and you will find your batch one day. Many people gave up on me, life long friends, enemies, and my ex-wife. If I would have continued in my path my kids would have. Just give me time to bake I’m not done yet. I might look funny now or you think that my recipe is missing an ingredient, my edges are browning but my center is still soft. I’m not done baking yet. We will be judged no matter what. Stop telling people not to judge because its like breathing it’s so hard to stop,So what if they judge you and they never get to enjoy the best cookie ever because they walked away while we were still baking. No matter where you’re at we’re not done until the timer goes off. Sorry about the cooking reference but its a good analogy I thought. Remember it’s not how you start, its how you finish that matters. Carry on my good and faithful son and daughter.





Day 698 Merry Christmas and My Merry Go round

26 12 2014

Merry Christmas to all my friends,family and blog buddies. My kids got more stuff than I know what to do with. I got a great idea yesterday to join my kids Santa picture. They thought it was the funniest thing ever. When people asked me how I changed  or why this picture sums it up for me.I love my kids so much. I’m very lucky for another opportunity to be their father.

Wood christmas

My merry go around. Yesterday around 4 30 I dropped my kids with their mom. I went to a Christmas party and then came home and cooked had a few drinks and thought a lot. I know many parents didn’t get to see their kids at all for Christmas or just got a few hours. it makes my heart so sad. I was really sad that my kids didn’t get to wake up with me Christmas morning. You have limited years with Santa and when the magic stays in their eyes. I shed some tears this morning but I remembered this and prayed when I got up. Its my reminder to stay close to God  and remember the man I was  and will never be again. I got to get them today around 11:30. My world was complete but still doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt like hell.

For the parents  that missed their kids. i sorry. I’m never sure why the other parent is such a butt-hole and keeps the kids from the other parent. It hurts you but the kids suffer the most. I have friends this is their first year without their kids. I had no words except I love you. Here is the only advice I can give on this day or any other. Dont’ bash the other parent, no matter how right you are, Take this time to reflect and continue to get healthy with yourself, No better time to learn to pray than when your by yourself Christmas morning.

Those that don’t have to deal with this. God bless you, but don’t get high and mighty. Sometimes the rug gets pulled out from you. Work on your marriage, make divorce the last option. If two people are willing anything can be fixed. If you don’t make your spouse and kids a priority don’t worry they will become someone elses priority. Start now. It starts with I’m sorry and a consistent burning desire to never be the person you were before.In my opinion the worst part of divorce is missing out on the big life events like Christmas because your kids are with the other parent.

Finally those of us that woke up without someone to love on Christmas day. There right there under your nose. When your ready mentally it will happen. Things don’t happen in our time and if you try to make them that way this time next year you will be single again. Be patient and faithful.  I love you and to all a goodnight.





Day 698 Merry Christmas and My Merry Go round

25 12 2014

Merry Christmas to all my friends,family and blog buddies. My kids got more stuff than I know what to do with. I got a great idea yesterday to join my kids Santa picture. They thought it was the funniest thing ever. When people asked me how I changed  or why this picture sums it up for me.I love my kids so much. I’m very lucky for another opportunity to be their father.

Wood christmas

My merry go around. Yesterday around 4 30 I dropped my kids with their mom. I went to a Christmas party and then came home and cooked had a few drinks and thought a lot. I know many parents didn’t get to see their kids at all for Christmas or just got a few hours. it makes my heart so sad. I was really sad that my kids didn’t get to wake up with me Christmas morning. You have limited years with Santa and when the magic stays in their eyes. I shed some tears this morning but I remembered this and prayed when I got up. Its my reminder to stay close to God  and remember the man I was  and will never be again. I got to get them today around 11:30. My world was complete but still doesn’t mean it doesn’t hurt like hell.

For the parents  that missed their kids. i sorry. I’m never sure why the other parent is such a butt-hole and keeps the kids from the other parent. It hurts you but the kids suffer the most. I have friends this is their first year without their kids. I had no words except I love you. Here is the only advice I can give on this day or any other. Dont’ bash the other parent, no matter how right you are, Take this time to reflect and continue to get healthy with yourself, No better time to learn to pray than when your by yourself Christmas morning.

Those that don’t have to deal with this. God bless you, but don’t get high and mighty. Sometimes the rug gets pulled out from you. Work on your marriage, make divorce the last option. If two people are willing anything can be fixed. If you don’t make your spouse and kids a priority don’t worry they will become someone elses priority. Start now. It starts with I’m sorry and a consistent burning desire to never be the person you were before.In my opinion the worst part of divorce is missing out on the big life events like Christmas because your kids are with the other parent.

Finally those of us that woke up without someone to love on Christmas day. There right there under your nose. When your ready mentally it will happen. Things don’t happen in our time and if you try to make them that way this time next year you will be single again. Be patient and faithful.  I love you and to all a goodnight.








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