Day 789 Have you had sex yet

25 03 2015

One of the toughest thing about being a parent is knowing what to do when you have a daughter that is getting older and the one time of month creeps on you and her. I was married for 13 years and didn’t understand it then and I’m darn sure I have no idea what to do with a little lady who has no idea whats going on or why. I’m sure God is laughing at me saying yeah figure this one Tyler.  We also started real baseball last night for my son. Baseball is great for my son because you put a weapon (baseball bat) in his hands and tell him to swing hard. Sometimes it’s not at the baseball though so were a work in progress.

A friend of mine for the past 10 years randomly sent me a message and after the pleasantries came right out and asked are you having sex yet. She said I read your blog and you mentioned in the past you haven’t and it really bothers me. She said her and her husband were talking about me Saturday at dinner and it’s just not healthy. I told her if I m a topic of conversation at dinner you guys really need to get out more and that gross to mention me with your dinner. haha.

Before I said anything I sighed and said a small prayer. What I’m TRYING to do with sex is so far our in left field compared to society so I expect few to understand. I could get all cocky and say in my lifetime I had sex with more than most reading this combined but in that is where my lesson is and was learned. What sex was meant to be was between two people who love and care about each other and every way, that nothing could break that bond. We all know what society says it is and I did an amazing job with divide and conquer with sex. I could do my deed and move and ACT like it didn’t hurt or bother me. Then you get bored with sex and trick it up and before you know it sex is some horrible, dirty, filthy, act that you do to just fill a void because of the pathetic feeling you have about yourself. I’m not going to lie there is a 5 minute window after it’s over that you feel pretty amazing but then all the STUFF climbs in your brain. Most guys will say Tyler you’re an idiot, you have no idea what you’re talking about, your stuff must be broken.  All I can say is okay. If you want to know what it takes to be a real man then come talk to me but until then I sit on my own island with my Wilson ball and try to be the best man I can be.

So my response to her was this: Sex hurts! No not to where I need to get a pill for that but the emotional and mental connection you create with someone runs deep like it or not. That whole friends with benefits crap is like having great inexpensive health insurance benefits it just doesn’t happen. Women want to feel safe and if you can’t keep her safe and trust yourself then how is going to feel that way. SEX doesn’t fix any problems only creates them. In a committed relationship it does create intimacy, love, safety and a connection like no other. Outside of that it creates jealously, greed, hate, and a lot of inadequacy. Men are encouraged to add up the women and we give each other trophies  for the number we have laid. It’s such a false teaching because our fathers didn’t teach us and it continues and it just passes it down. The amount of STD spreading around our great little country is horrible. I have enough problems with AIDS, HIV, herpes, etc.., You can never know if she is crazy if you’re having sex. Scientifically speaking the chemicals in our body will not allow us to see them for who they are because of the things physically we are doing. Thats a true study and finally I’m truly  trying to be what God wants. I struggle with my sexual thoughts, I cuss too much, I feel sorry for myself etc.. but at least I know today I’m not hurting anybody because I’m not wham, bam thank you mam and leaving a woman behind wondering whats wrong with me.

Im writing  from my perspective and a guy because that’s what I am. I know women are as guilt but I’m writing what I know. I will tell you this. Many women I have dated thought I was rejecting them when I said no. They have said the following things: Are you gay, are you a fag, is your  d%ck broken, you probably suck in bed. My only response each time was I’m so sorry you have never been respected and you don’t know that Im trying to show you there are good, respectful men. In my past I would have sex with each one at the snap of a finger but I have watched and learned.  Later when I got an apology from 2 of them they said I thought you didn’t think I was pretty, a guy has never told me no, and its the only way I know if you like me. My point exactly and both of those women said that what you’re doing is amazing and I’m not sure how you’re doing it but thank you.

So no its been and while and its my plan to stay sex free until she comes along! No promises I can because when I feel so lonely my past thoughts creep back in that I NEED it. I literally have to stop and pray God Im not strong enough to handle this. God is the only way Im here doing this . Thank God he’s watched every sex act in my life and still loves me and knows Im to weak to control this myself.  I have no other words of advice except that if you have looked in a woman’s eyes and see the pain it caused you don’t want to see it again, I have a daughter and I know the horrible things men say and think about girls and I have to be an example for her. So if you see me sitting like a castaway on my island with my Wilson ball just wave and pass some encouragement.

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Day 789 Have you had sex yet

25 03 2015

One of the toughest thing about being a parent is knowing what to do when you have a daughter that is getting older and the one time of month creeps on you and her. I was married for 13 years and didn’t understand it then and I’m darn sure I have no idea what to do with a little lady who has no idea whats going on or why. I’m sure God is laughing at me saying yeah figure this one Tyler.  We also started real baseball last night for my son. Baseball is great for my son because you put a weapon (baseball bat) in his hands and tell him to swing hard. Sometimes it’s not at the baseball though so were a work in progress.

A friend of mine for the past 10 years randomly sent me a message and after the pleasantries came right out and asked are you having sex yet. She said I read your blog and you mentioned in the past you haven’t and it really bothers me. She said her and her husband were talking about me Saturday at dinner and it’s just not healthy. I told her if I m a topic of conversation at dinner you guys really need to get out more and that gross to mention me with your dinner. haha.

Before I said anything I sighed and said a small prayer. What I’m TRYING to do with sex is so far our in left field compared to society so I expect few to understand. I could get all cocky and say in my lifetime I had sex with more than most reading this combined but in that is where my lesson is and was learned. What sex was meant to be was between two people who love and care about each other and every way, that nothing could break that bond. We all know what society says it is and I did an amazing job with divide and conquer with sex. I could do my deed and move and ACT like it didn’t hurt or bother me. Then you get bored with sex and trick it up and before you know it sex is some horrible, dirty, filthy, act that you do to just fill a void because of the pathetic feeling you have about yourself. I’m not going to lie there is a 5 minute window after it’s over that you feel pretty amazing but then all the STUFF climbs in your brain. Most guys will say Tyler you’re an idiot, you have no idea what you’re talking about, your stuff must be broken.  All I can say is okay. If you want to know what it takes to be a real man then come talk to me but until then I sit on my own island with my Wilson ball and try to be the best man I can be.

So my response to her was this: Sex hurts! No not to where I need to get a pill for that but the emotional and mental connection you create with someone runs deep like it or not. That whole friends with benefits crap is like having great inexpensive health insurance benefits it just doesn’t happen. Women want to feel safe and if you can’t keep her safe and trust yourself then how is going to feel that way. SEX doesn’t fix any problems only creates them. In a committed relationship it does create intimacy, love, safety and a connection like no other. Outside of that it creates jealously, greed, hate, and a lot of inadequacy. Men are encouraged to add up the women and we give each other trophies  for the number we have laid. It’s such a false teaching because our fathers didn’t teach us and it continues and it just passes it down. The amount of STD spreading around our great little country is horrible. I have enough problems with AIDS, HIV, herpes, etc.., You can never know if she is crazy if you’re having sex. Scientifically speaking the chemicals in our body will not allow us to see them for who they are because of the things physically we are doing. Thats a true study and finally I’m truly  trying to be what God wants. I struggle with my sexual thoughts, I cuss too much, I feel sorry for myself etc.. but at least I know today I’m not hurting anybody because I’m not wham, bam thank you mam and leaving a woman behind wondering whats wrong with me.

Im writing  from my perspective and a guy because that’s what I am. I know women are as guilt but I’m writing what I know. I will tell you this. Many women I have dated thought I was rejecting them when I said no. They have said the following things: Are you gay, are you a fag, is your  d%ck broken, you probably suck in bed. My only response each time was I’m so sorry you have never been respected and you don’t know that Im trying to show you there are good, respectful men. In my past I would have sex with each one at the snap of a finger but I have watched and learned.  Later when I got an apology from 2 of them they said I thought you didn’t think I was pretty, a guy has never told me no, and its the only way I know if you like me. My point exactly and both of those women said that what you’re doing is amazing and I’m not sure how you’re doing it but thank you.

So no its been and while and its my plan to stay sex free until she comes along! No promises I can because when I feel so lonely my past thoughts creep back in that I NEED it. I literally have to stop and pray God Im not strong enough to handle this. God is the only way Im here doing this . Thank God he’s watched every sex act in my life and still loves me and knows Im to weak to control this myself.  I have no other words of advice except that if you have looked in a woman’s eyes and see the pain it caused you don’t want to see it again, I have a daughter and I know the horrible things men say and think about girls and I have to be an example for her. So if you see me sitting like a castaway on my island with my Wilson ball just wave and pass some encouragement.





Day 611 I have a pretty kick butt life

29 09 2014

There have been a lot of changes in life lately. Sometimes I want to blog about them and sometimes the words just aren’t there. Also there are actually things in my life I don’t talk about because its nobody’s business.  I have been told the past two weeks that my blogs have been  really good. I guess the others have sucked lol. When I speak from my heart no matter, how raw or hurtful, or deep they may go those are my best blogs. I appreciate you reading and also when I see you out in public and I had no idea you read them but you let me know.

I always get suggestions about my blog. Write about this or that. I use a lot of them and Im using one I got Friday. My friend said you never write about being happy. I know you and you’re a really happy person. It’s not that I don’t because if you follow my blog where I am at today in my life I think my blogs come across more like than I am happy than not.  I write my blog to help me but to also helps those that feel a certain way or feel in the future. I have been through hell and back and where  am at now is pretty good. So with the advice here I go.

I have the best intermediate family any man could ask for. My kids are so amazing they have overcome everything we threw at them and are still standing tall.. My mother is the best mom even with Parkinson’s you would n’t know, she has never let me down and I always can count on her.  I love her so much and Im still her little boy. My sister is a badasss. She loves and is an amazing giver. My nephew is the smartest and most athletic kid. Im a grinder, Im an over-comer. I have shed more bad crap in my life in the past 2.5 years than most will do in a lifetime. I see things that most people  cant or wont. Im vulnerable, raw open, loving, I will give the shirt off my back. Those things are new but so happy that I can finally be that way. I have the best friends in the world. They are all different in their friendship with me but bring something amazing to the to the table. I have 3 very good friends that I guess would be called secret friends because of life circumstances but they have been my rock and carried me through some tough times. I wish I could mention them but they are okay just be there for me and vice versa. I have finally found my calling in that I have Rock Bottom Outreach which is my new family. I was accepted with open arms and now we have a bond and connection that we using to change lives. This has allowed me to speak to different groups of men, women and high school kids. Since I layout it all on the line my story is helping people change themselves.

I get to blog and have tons of readers and support, Sure I have haters but haters are just people waiting to let go of themselves so they can gone my team to help others. Im learning to love again. Its so slow and somedays painful but Im taking steps. If my journey is 100 steps Im on step three. I was on step one for 36 years so that a good thing. Sure I could give a list of problems but Im choosing to live my life moving forward and not backward. That is making me happy. If you talk to me everyday you know my struggles but you also know Im great to be around and Im funny. I love-making others laugh and that makes me happy. I weigh less and look better than any other point in my life. I weigh what I did in 8th grade. So with that. Im happy and lucky to be where I am at. My life is pretty kick butt and where I struggle Im fighting it and trying to make it better. Im bring in the good and getting rid of the bad. I couldn’t ask for much more but I do, but its to do better for others When I decided that my life will be lived for others my live became pretty kick butt. I appreciate the journey and truly thankful for the pain, anguish, the lost people , the lost life I had so I could be here.  Im kicking butt and only have more planned.





Day 611 I have a pretty kick butt life

28 09 2014

There have been a lot of changes in life lately. Sometimes I want to blog about them and sometimes the words just aren’t there. Also there are actually things in my life I don’t talk about because its nobody’s business.  I have been told the past two weeks that my blogs have been  really good. I guess the others have sucked lol. When I speak from my heart no matter, how raw or hurtful, or deep they may go those are my best blogs. I appreciate you reading and also when I see you out in public and I had no idea you read them but you let me know.

I always get suggestions about my blog. Write about this or that. I use a lot of them and Im using one I got Friday. My friend said you never write about being happy. I know you and you’re a really happy person. It’s not that I don’t because if you follow my blog where I am at today in my life I think my blogs come across more like than I am happy than not.  I write my blog to help me but to also helps those that feel a certain way or feel in the future. I have been through hell and back and where  am at now is pretty good. So with the advice here I go.

I have the best intermediate family any man could ask for. My kids are so amazing they have overcome everything we threw at them and are still standing tall.. My mother is the best mom even with Parkinson’s you would n’t know, she has never let me down and I always can count on her.  I love her so much and Im still her little boy. My sister is a badasss. She loves and is an amazing giver. My nephew is the smartest and most athletic kid. Im a grinder, Im an over-comer. I have shed more bad crap in my life in the past 2.5 years than most will do in a lifetime. I see things that most people  cant or wont. Im vulnerable, raw open, loving, I will give the shirt off my back. Those things are new but so happy that I can finally be that way. I have the best friends in the world. They are all different in their friendship with me but bring something amazing to the to the table. I have 3 very good friends that I guess would be called secret friends because of life circumstances but they have been my rock and carried me through some tough times. I wish I could mention them but they are okay just be there for me and vice versa. I have finally found my calling in that I have Rock Bottom Outreach which is my new family. I was accepted with open arms and now we have a bond and connection that we using to change lives. This has allowed me to speak to different groups of men, women and high school kids. Since I layout it all on the line my story is helping people change themselves.

I get to blog and have tons of readers and support, Sure I have haters but haters are just people waiting to let go of themselves so they can gone my team to help others. Im learning to love again. Its so slow and somedays painful but Im taking steps. If my journey is 100 steps Im on step three. I was on step one for 36 years so that a good thing. Sure I could give a list of problems but Im choosing to live my life moving forward and not backward. That is making me happy. If you talk to me everyday you know my struggles but you also know Im great to be around and Im funny. I love-making others laugh and that makes me happy. I weigh less and look better than any other point in my life. I weigh what I did in 8th grade. So with that. Im happy and lucky to be where I am at. My life is pretty kick butt and where I struggle Im fighting it and trying to make it better. Im bring in the good and getting rid of the bad. I couldn’t ask for much more but I do, but its to do better for others When I decided that my life will be lived for others my live became pretty kick butt. I appreciate the journey and truly thankful for the pain, anguish, the lost people , the lost life I had so I could be here.  Im kicking butt and only have more planned.

 





Day 320 Time to be honest again like my beginning blogs

25 11 2013

I truly need a job like a weatherman! You never have to be right  and still get paid. We were supposed to have one of the worst winter storms and wound up raining! I swear the weatherman and retail places have a deal to get us paranoid so we buy all of this stuff and then nothing happens. The only good thing is that every checkout line was open at Wal-mart so I know something fishy was going on!

Denton Rugby is now 2-0 after we beat Arlington/Grandprarie 36-5 in the cold and mud! 60 minutes of playing for me leads to a happy but extremely sore old man!

I’m not sure why I stopped pouring myself out in every blog like I did when I started.  Oh there was complete sincerity and honesty in all my posts, but I also only shared those parts of me that more and more people began to praise and come for. I became this perfect specimen of a human being because I shared only those parts of me that made me seem like I was so. Even when I shared my weaknesses back then, it was usually in a way that would make me look even more awesome for sharing them. Problem with that was that I started to feel so alone! Never really feeling like I had a true connection with anyone except by laptop and fingers.  I would get encouraged by the words of praise and down when I would get attacked.  I knew the attacks were not my problem but the guilt or shame someone else was feeling and I was the only person they could take it out on! Everyone is a badarse behind the computer screen! I wanted you the reader to say wow this guy is awesome, recovered, a great catch for a women, etc.. but what I actually felt was a fart in the wind! I will say I have more good days then bad. I think on my good days wow I’m really awesome, I’m a great dad, I m an awesome giver and a voice that men and hopefully women see as someone they could look up to or maybe strive to be like. but like  everyone my bad days are bad. I’m an ahole, loner, my thoughts are self condemning, I’m afraid and mostly boring. I waste time on my phone, Facebook and wonder what in the heck am I doing with my life. I wonder why didn’t yo do more with your kids, you just went through the emotions again Why didn’t you cook dinner rather than eat out. Who did you love, why didn’t you speak something nice to someone.
So I start dating: Sometimes I have such an active and fulfilling dating life. There is hope, and potential, and good things happening. Other times, it is falling apart or just fell apart, and I know I’ll probably never find my forever someone. I think I went through all of this learning and changes and I really suck at this! SO I push it away!

Some would think they know me but you don’t probably because you don’t want to. I’m a strange a bird and different from most. I could tell I don’t care if you like me but guess what I do. I want you to just see the great part of me and overlook the crappy side! I know its impossible but we can all want. There is obviously a reason why so many people in this world (I’d even say the overwhelming majority) hide so much of themselves. The world can be hard and cruel. But even more than that, it’s not always fun to acknowledge the weaker parts of yourself, and the more douchey parts of yourself, and the more faulted parts of yourself. It’s a lot easier to forget those things and pretend like they aren’t a part of you or that they don’t always exist. am so tired of this bull crap sentiment that bloggers put themselves out there, so they should be willing to take anything that is thrown at them. That is just something said by high-pressure, highly judgmental, lousy, and hurtful jerks. There is no excuse to condemn and harshly judge others and so openly, so quit hiding behind whatever it is you’re lying to yourself about, and leave the other people in this world alone so that they can actually be okay with themselves.I am never going to be less sensitive so that you feel better about being judgmental toward me. I am not going to only put out ridiculous and constant rainbows and sunshine so that you feel better about hiding the less than ideal parts of yourself the way I did for so long. And I’m not going to pretend I’m something I’m not so that you like me more. Those days are done for me.

So what am I saying! When I write I will continue to be honest and open. Yes it hurts but I owe to myself and honestly I owe it to you! Your taking the time to read and there isn’t a lot of time in the day.  I do love each and everyone one of you and hope that something I say sticks with you and I can make you laugh, smile, angry, vomit whatever you wish  is my command! Lol! Have the best holiday! Thank you Dan Pearce, Single Dad Laughing for the motivation!








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