Day 845 Divorce is the only answer

20 05 2015

I’ve tried to tell my friends that aren’t in Texas how much we have received in two months. I know after 4 years of drought floods come but hey were good now. Lets send the rain to California. One lake was 32 feet down in February which means on 21% of it was filled. After lasts night rain it 9 feet down. The lake that is closet to us was 12 feet down and now its 6 feet above level.  What it means is that we took our rain dance to far. Milli Vanilli said it best Blame it on the rain. Okay I’m sorry I typed that out but hopefully you laughed.

If you have read my blog for very long you know I despise divorce. Not only for the adults but the kids are never the same. I could give you stats and blah blah about why about keeping you family in tact is best but I’m sure you’ve heard it all.  I’m a proponent for fighting to the bitter end (no pun intended) to save your family. I know because I did it. I wasn’t perfect in trying to plug all the wholes in the boat but when it was over I knew I did everything within what God gave me to save my marriage. I walked away with no regrets. I mean none. The church and Christians have done a horrible thing to divorcees to shame them about divorce and quoting what the bible says. I can read my bible and I know what it says about divorce but I can also show you in the bible where God dislikes bad marriage and the the life we have. God never wanted us miserable, broken or hopeless. That’s a promise! The broad paint brush that people use is so funny because if you bring up their sin they want to move on from that and just focus on what divorce is doing. I’m here to give another side.

Yes there are exceptions to every rule so lets through that out. 1.Sometimes people suck at being married. They just aren’t or won’t be capable of being faithful. Sure you can get help but they usually follow what they saw growing up and that circle hasn’t been broken yet. Just because God created us to be together doesn’t mean everyone is cut out for it. If you get married in your teens or early 20’s your destined to fail. You change so much in your 20’s that by the time you get to 30 you have no idea who the heck is the person you married is. I know this for a fact. The ones that married in there 20’s (again not all) have to trick up their life sexually etc.. with a job that travels so they didn’t see each other. 3.God has left their marriage- You got married in a church and that was the last time you were there,  or you went to church so your neighbor saw you went but God is page 20 of your newspaper.

4. Its takes two to be successful in a marriage and especially if you’re trying to repair it. YOU cannot fix a marriage if you’re the only one getting help because YOU CANT CHANGE SOMEONE ELSE. They can change but you can’t change them. If you divorce someone because the snore you’re an idiot. Everybody has things that the other person isn’t going to like. That’s the magic of marriage is taking the difference in two opposite people and make a beautiful cracked vase out of it.

If your physically being abused get out now. That typically doesn’t change and once the first punch is thrown it only gets easier to continue for you to be the punching bag of choice. Otherwise I say this, alcoholism, verbal abuse ( thats a 2 way street), drugs, family curses ,relatives, religious difference, greed, laziness, selfish etc.. With each one of these and more you don’t just leave your spouse. The vows said for better and worse. Not this is getting hard now leave. You fight your butt off to love, guide,  get counseling, direct, lead, hug, cry, fear for your spouse but sometimes after you have given your all. It’s okay to hang up and move on. People with demons won’t change, it’s always someone else  fault and I promise you have to hit Rock Bottom and lose it all to realize what you had. Some will never change and that’s not your fault. If you have given it your all God’s going to love you no matter what. He knows if you truly gave it your all or when it got tough you just quit.

Your only a failure in life when you don’t try! You get married it gets hard you quit, yes then you failed. Im tired of knowing that I have a lot of great people getting beat down because they got divorced. I know they tried and I know how bad your heart hurts, from betrayal, failed dreams, broken souls kids tears. If you have never been down the journey of being divorced it’s probably better you stay in your glass house and keep your mouth shut.  To my divorced peeps. Mend the heart, open it up again and find someone who didn’t quit and fought their butt off then ask God to show you his way and not your own.

SOAPBOX OVER.

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Day 845 Divorce is the only answer

20 05 2015

I’ve tried to tell my friends that aren’t in Texas how much we have received in two months. I know after 4 years of drought floods come but hey were good now. Lets send the rain to California. One lake was 32 feet down in February which means on 21% of it was filled. After lasts night rain it 9 feet down. The lake that is closet to us was 12 feet down and now its 6 feet above level.  What it means is that we took our rain dance to far. Milli Vanilli said it best Blame it on the rain. Okay I’m sorry I typed that out but hopefully you laughed.

If you have read my blog for very long you know I despise divorce. Not only for the adults but the kids are never the same. I could give you stats and blah blah about why about keeping you family in tact is best but I’m sure you’ve heard it all.  I’m a proponent for fighting to the bitter end (no pun intended) to save your family. I know because I did it. I wasn’t perfect in trying to plug all the wholes in the boat but when it was over I knew I did everything within what God gave me to save my marriage. I walked away with no regrets. I mean none. The church and Christians have done a horrible thing to divorcees to shame them about divorce and quoting what the bible says. I can read my bible and I know what it says about divorce but I can also show you in the bible where God dislikes bad marriage and the the life we have. God never wanted us miserable, broken or hopeless. That’s a promise! The broad paint brush that people use is so funny because if you bring up their sin they want to move on from that and just focus on what divorce is doing. I’m here to give another side.

Yes there are exceptions to every rule so lets through that out. 1.Sometimes people suck at being married. They just aren’t or won’t be capable of being faithful. Sure you can get help but they usually follow what they saw growing up and that circle hasn’t been broken yet. Just because God created us to be together doesn’t mean everyone is cut out for it. If you get married in your teens or early 20’s your destined to fail. You change so much in your 20’s that by the time you get to 30 you have no idea who the heck is the person you married is. I know this for a fact. The ones that married in there 20’s (again not all) have to trick up their life sexually etc.. with a job that travels so they didn’t see each other. 3.God has left their marriage- You got married in a church and that was the last time you were there,  or you went to church so your neighbor saw you went but God is page 20 of your newspaper.

4. Its takes two to be successful in a marriage and especially if you’re trying to repair it. YOU cannot fix a marriage if you’re the only one getting help because YOU CANT CHANGE SOMEONE ELSE. They can change but you can’t change them. If you divorce someone because the snore you’re an idiot. Everybody has things that the other person isn’t going to like. That’s the magic of marriage is taking the difference in two opposite people and make a beautiful cracked vase out of it.

If your physically being abused get out now. That typically doesn’t change and once the first punch is thrown it only gets easier to continue for you to be the punching bag of choice. Otherwise I say this, alcoholism, verbal abuse ( thats a 2 way street), drugs, family curses ,relatives, religious difference, greed, laziness, selfish etc.. With each one of these and more you don’t just leave your spouse. The vows said for better and worse. Not this is getting hard now leave. You fight your butt off to love, guide,  get counseling, direct, lead, hug, cry, fear for your spouse but sometimes after you have given your all. It’s okay to hang up and move on. People with demons won’t change, it’s always someone else  fault and I promise you have to hit Rock Bottom and lose it all to realize what you had. Some will never change and that’s not your fault. If you have given it your all God’s going to love you no matter what. He knows if you truly gave it your all or when it got tough you just quit.

Your only a failure in life when you don’t try! You get married it gets hard you quit, yes then you failed. Im tired of knowing that I have a lot of great people getting beat down because they got divorced. I know they tried and I know how bad your heart hurts, from betrayal, failed dreams, broken souls kids tears. If you have never been down the journey of being divorced it’s probably better you stay in your glass house and keep your mouth shut.  To my divorced peeps. Mend the heart, open it up again and find someone who didn’t quit and fought their butt off then ask God to show you his way and not your own.

SOAPBOX OVER.





Day 772 Why would you ever treat me that way

9 03 2015

I had a great weekend. I got to gamble a bit , I got to relax Saturday night which is a rarity and last night I got to see one of my favorite Comedians Jo Koy. I haven’t laughed so hard for a prolonged period in my life. He just let the show come to him and used the audience. He also went 35 minutes longer than he should have. It’s so true that laughing really does make you feel better.

One of my points to push me over the edge is cheating. If you want to see me angry then lets walk down that road together. Bottom-line: It is NEVER okay. I don’t care how you grew up, if your parents did it, if it was done to you, or you just can’t  deal with life or people, and you feel your just going to do it. It always starts, well Im not attracted to you anymore, I don’t love you anymore, you just don’t get me. The problem  with cheaters is that nothing will make them happy. Until they realize that they deserve love, willing to be loved and stop blaming everyone else for their problems they will stay that way. PEOPLE DO NOT MAKE OTHER PEOPLE HAPPY. NEVER EVER! they can enhance your life but you’re the only person in charge of your joy or happiness. When you start thinking that the flawed,broken, scared person you are with is going to not let you down, or make mistakes. Then when they do you decide well here’s another person always not loving me or letting me down.

I will be the first to say I have never cheated on anyone. I could never imagine going behind someones back destroying trust, loyalty, faith and love because I was such a miserable sack of crap that I couldn’t be honest and tell the person that I lost my feelings for you and we need to end it. I have never heard one person say. I’m so glad I cheated because when I had to look that person in the eye and tell them what I did it was so much easier telling them after the fact than before I did it. I understand pain! Physical mental and emotional pain. I have absorbed it all and dealt more of it out so I understand why people do dumb dumb crap.

I saw this twice this weekend. One person said to me please don’t judge me. Judge you no but you’re an asshole and what does it solve. Even it was happening on the other side two wrongs never made a right. Here’s what I always find the funniest. Do you actually think the cheater isn’t going to cheat on you one day. One you start its easy to keep going. Do you really believe that in the midst of a relationship and when it gets real that your so special that your worth not cheating on. If so I have the winning lottery numbers you can buy from me. You mask it, say the right thing etc.. People cheat because they can’t stand themselves. Sure you made mistakes but the cheater is miserable and they throw it on everyone because it’s what they know. If a cheater gets cheated on they are absolutely floored and astonished like how could this happen to me.

I wish I could solve this problem. I have two good friends going through this. It breaks my heart because the pain is horrible. No matter what you blame yourself and no matter you never get away with it. All I can ask if this: If your cheating stop right now and ask God to save your sorry butt, pray like you never have. Then go get help for your problems not your partners problem because all you can change is you. Finally if your about to pull those pants down pull them up, go to your partner and tell them I have lost feelings for you and I’m not interested in making it better between us but before I do something stupid we need to divorce. breakup etc.. That will hurt but not nearly has bad as a bold face lie and slap in the face. The scars that cheaters create run deep but they affect everyone around you especially. you think its hard to tell your spouse after the fact wait until you have to look your kids in the eye and tell them what a piece of crap you are. God always forgives, people not so much. Zip your pants and tighten your belt please.





Day 772 Why would you ever treat me that way

9 03 2015

I had a great weekend. I got to gamble a bit , I got to relax Saturday night which is a rarity and last night I got to see one of my favorite Comedians Jo Koy. I haven’t laughed so hard for a prolonged period in my life. He just let the show come to him and used the audience. He also went 35 minutes longer than he should have. It’s so true that laughing really does make you feel better.

One of my points to push me over the edge is cheating. If you want to see me angry then lets walk down that road together. Bottom-line: It is NEVER okay. I don’t care how you grew up, if your parents did it, if it was done to you, or you just can’t  deal with life or people, and you feel your just going to do it. It always starts, well Im not attracted to you anymore, I don’t love you anymore, you just don’t get me. The problem  with cheaters is that nothing will make them happy. Until they realize that they deserve love, willing to be loved and stop blaming everyone else for their problems they will stay that way. PEOPLE DO NOT MAKE OTHER PEOPLE HAPPY. NEVER EVER! they can enhance your life but you’re the only person in charge of your joy or happiness. When you start thinking that the flawed,broken, scared person you are with is going to not let you down, or make mistakes. Then when they do you decide well here’s another person always not loving me or letting me down.

I will be the first to say I have never cheated on anyone. I could never imagine going behind someones back destroying trust, loyalty, faith and love because I was such a miserable sack of crap that I couldn’t be honest and tell the person that I lost my feelings for you and we need to end it. I have never heard one person say. I’m so glad I cheated because when I had to look that person in the eye and tell them what I did it was so much easier telling them after the fact than before I did it. I understand pain! Physical mental and emotional pain. I have absorbed it all and dealt more of it out so I understand why people do dumb dumb crap.

I saw this twice this weekend. One person said to me please don’t judge me. Judge you no but you’re an asshole and what does it solve. Even it was happening on the other side two wrongs never made a right. Here’s what I always find the funniest. Do you actually think the cheater isn’t going to cheat on you one day. One you start its easy to keep going. Do you really believe that in the midst of a relationship and when it gets real that your so special that your worth not cheating on. If so I have the winning lottery numbers you can buy from me. You mask it, say the right thing etc.. People cheat because they can’t stand themselves. Sure you made mistakes but the cheater is miserable and they throw it on everyone because it’s what they know. If a cheater gets cheated on they are absolutely floored and astonished like how could this happen to me.

I wish I could solve this problem. I have two good friends going through this. It breaks my heart because the pain is horrible. No matter what you blame yourself and no matter you never get away with it. All I can ask if this: If your cheating stop right now and ask God to save your sorry butt, pray like you never have. Then go get help for your problems not your partners problem because all you can change is you. Finally if your about to pull those pants down pull them up, go to your partner and tell them I have lost feelings for you and I’m not interested in making it better between us but before I do something stupid we need to divorce. breakup etc.. That will hurt but not nearly has bad as a bold face lie and slap in the face. The scars that cheaters create run deep but they affect everyone around you especially. you think its hard to tell your spouse after the fact wait until you have to look your kids in the eye and tell them what a piece of crap you are. God always forgives, people not so much. Zip your pants and tighten your belt please.





Day 736 Shut up and change one thing already

2 02 2015

You never get to pick your family but God got it right for me. My baby sister Meagan Wood turned 34 yesterday . From the moment they brought her home in her pink onesy   I was so proud. Thank you for your giving, caring heart, infectious laugh, and that brand of humor that only a few of us get. I love you sis. Happy birthday.We also have a hedgehog now in the Wood family. He’s 6 weeks old and his name is Henry because it just is my daughter said. They have a great personality  and yes the quills hurt.
There is a punishment is our house for using the word can’t. Those words have sunk more lives, than I hate you, u suck, your an idiot. I have used those words in my life between the ages of 25-36 and guess what I didn’t. There is a difference  in I can’t and I won’t.  How in the world can u say I can’t do that  if you have never once tried? Why would you listen  to someone else who says you can’t because that idiot hadn’t and doesn’t want u to do something they haven’t done so they make u feel like crap. Can’t keeps you from change. I get so sick of people saying I can’t change, it’s just the way I am. My family was this way, my friends said that I can’t. In the words of my son that’s a bunch of boo boo. I myself said the lies that we believe I can’t change. So much so that August of 2011 all the lies I told myself and what others said  I believed and sat on top of a hill in Aubrey Texas ready to take my life. When you look at everything wrong with us as people I would agree it would seem to much to handle but I promise you it’s not if you do this:…

You have to put your problems in a bowl yes a real bowl of the things you want to change. Dont put 50 put 3-4. Then grab one out. Okay your saying that is so stupid really hows your plan working out. Just try it! Then the one you grab out tell God from this moment forward we will change this issue please Lord take this from me. Tell yourself I CANT STAY HERE ANYMORE! Then whatever you need to change that could be alcohol, drug addiction, anger, procrastination, laziness, bad spouse or parent etc.. you do whatever is necessary and find the answer. it maybe Google, support groups, new friends, pastor, Rock Bottom Outreach, counseling. The answer is there. There is never a reason not to change. The ONLY and mean only REASON you haven’t change is you don’t want to. I was that guy. He can’t change, I was a selfish, self-centered, jerk,  a hollow, excuse making man, that never cared what you had to say unless it benefited me. I was a dad but not a good one and a crappy husband until it was too late. I hit my knees and told God I will do whatever you say no matter how uncomfortable, hard, or terrified I was. There were so many people who helped and pushed me but I had to do it. I’m proud of that but if I would have looked at the toilet full of crap I had to change I would still be back there today. So what was my one thing I picked was my anger. I could snap and break your neck or belittle you before you could say hi. I promise through punching, swearing, crying and yelling at the top of my lungs we figured it out. Sure I still get angry but I see why and I don’t take it out on others. My crap is my crap and not yours. Nobody is responsible for my behavior or how I react except me. The truth is change is right in front of us and I mean blatantly right in front of us. It’s never to late to start. Dont say next week or when this happens. Just start by shutting up, and finding one thing you want to change: JUST ONE! And attack it like a fat kid would cookies.I promise the other side of change  is amazing. Once you start and do one the 2nd and 3rd are going to be so much easier.Many of you that read this don’t know me but I’m offering help. Life is too short to waste, but just know when I offer you help and you accept it I am like a fat kid on cookies so wear a bib it’s about to be an amazing ride.





Day 736 Shut up and change one thing already

1 02 2015

You never get to pick your family but God got it right for me. My baby sister Meagan Wood turned 34 yesterday . From the moment they brought her home in her pink onesy   I was so proud. Thank you for your giving, caring heart, infectious laugh, and that brand of humor that only a few of us get. I love you sis. Happy birthday.We also have a hedgehog now in the Wood family. He’s 6 weeks old and his name is Henry because it just is my daughter said. They have a great personality  and yes the quills hurt.
There is a punishment is our house for using the word can’t. Those words have sunk more lives, than I hate you, u suck, your an idiot. I have used those words in my life between the ages of 25-36 and guess what I didn’t. There is a difference  in I can’t and I won’t.  How in the world can u say I can’t do that  if you have never once tried? Why would you listen  to someone else who says you can’t because that idiot hadn’t and doesn’t want u to do something they haven’t done so they make u feel like crap. Can’t keeps you from change. I get so sick of people saying I can’t change, it’s just the way I am. My family was this way, my friends said that I can’t. In the words of my son that’s a bunch of boo boo. I myself said the lies that we believe I can’t change. So much so that August of 2011 all the lies I told myself and what others said  I believed and sat on top of a hill in Aubrey Texas ready to take my life. When you look at everything wrong with us as people I would agree it would seem to much to handle but I promise you it’s not if you do this:…

You have to put your problems in a bowl yes a real bowl of the things you want to change. Dont put 50 put 3-4. Then grab one out. Okay your saying that is so stupid really hows your plan working out. Just try it! Then the one you grab out tell God from this moment forward we will change this issue please Lord take this from me. Tell yourself I CANT STAY HERE ANYMORE! Then whatever you need to change that could be alcohol, drug addiction, anger, procrastination, laziness, bad spouse or parent etc.. you do whatever is necessary and find the answer. it maybe Google, support groups, new friends, pastor, Rock Bottom Outreach, counseling. The answer is there. There is never a reason not to change. The ONLY and mean only REASON you haven’t change is you don’t want to. I was that guy. He can’t change, I was a selfish, self-centered, jerk,  a hollow, excuse making man, that never cared what you had to say unless it benefited me. I was a dad but not a good one and a crappy husband until it was too late. I hit my knees and told God I will do whatever you say no matter how uncomfortable, hard, or terrified I was. There were so many people who helped and pushed me but I had to do it. I’m proud of that but if I would have looked at the toilet full of crap I had to change I would still be back there today. So what was my one thing I picked was my anger. I could snap and break your neck or belittle you before you could say hi. I promise through punching, swearing, crying and yelling at the top of my lungs we figured it out. Sure I still get angry but I see why and I don’t take it out on others. My crap is my crap and not yours. Nobody is responsible for my behavior or how I react except me. The truth is change is right in front of us and I mean blatantly right in front of us. It’s never to late to start. Dont say next week or when this happens. Just start by shutting up, and finding one thing you want to change: JUST ONE! And attack it like a fat kid would cookies.I promise the other side of change  is amazing. Once you start and do one the 2nd and 3rd are going to be so much easier.Many of you that read this don’t know me but I’m offering help. Life is too short to waste, but just know when I offer you help and you accept it I am like a fat kid on cookies so wear a bib it’s about to be an amazing ride.





Day 543 Why these Friday’s are so hard

25 07 2014

I wrote this in May 2013. No matter what these Friday’s always suck!

I m trying to find my purpose and slowly I think I am. I want to serve men and give them hope that they can change. We have all been told people don’t change well that’s the biggest line of crap we have ever been fed. If someone tells you that it’s the hardest thing you will ever do that may not be enough to tell someone. Last night our mens group got deep we finished talking about the Father Wound that all men/ women deal with but either don’t know that have it of if they admit it may sound weak. It got deep and we are all honest and let it all hang out I was relatively quite but then something hit me that I felt I need to say right when we were about to leave. I know a few of you who attack me will say how do you know you affected anyone? Three men cried, got 5 real hugs and Brian my counselor/friend who is also in our group said I have been in ministry 12 years and that was the powerful thing I have heard spoken to a group of men. I can’t recreate it but will give it my best shot.

We all have to face our mistakes either out loud in a blog, in our own silent hell, with a great friend or every Friday afternoon when I have dropped off my kids to go to their moms and I have the turn-key hell. Turn key hell= When I get to my apartment door and I pull my keys out and the feeling of my empty apartment I’m about to walk into without the laughing of my kids, the pushing of my kids, the no cartoons, the i don’t want to eat that, Can I have more, I m bored, I don’t want to brush my teeth and mostly the I love you daddy. It’s the worst feeling in the world and I haven’t got used to that yet. My dog greets me and she looks for the kids and I tell her no Chloe next Friday and she walks over to her bed because she to misses them. There is no women to say how was your day, the smell of a women, the we need to do this, can you go do this or a hug or kiss. So I put the key in the door and every time I hope for a different feeling but I have to stop when the door closes behind me take a deep breath and realize this is the hell you created. The great thing is I have the feeling because I will remember it. You can’t tell a women she is worthless, a bi%^h, c&(t, you don’t do this for me, or this how could you do this and not expect her to walk away. Yes I know she was guilty as well but I can only talk about me.  So men if you don’t deal with your crap, ego, your pride,  you fear and she leaves you. It was due you got what you deserved. Man up there are to many resources for you to have to say at 60 or 25 I’m sorry for what I didn’t do, because it can be done. Or keep doing what you’re doing, be separated from your kids, have the hollow empty feeling of loss that can only be stitched up, and go into the empty, quite, lonely hell that you created. It will happen you’re not one of the stats that gets away with it. I can promise that the Friday turn-key hell is worse than any hell she supposedly has put you through.

That was it in a nutshell. I don’t want anyone to feel that you can change and you can restore.

 

Day 124 Friday turn key hell.








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