Day 1665 Divorce and things you don’t know

27 09 2017
I deal with divorce trying to help people and people asking me what do I do. It takes both sides to make it work for sure. It’s so easy now with roadside signs offering $250 divorce, divorce not being taboo, divorce being big business for lawyers and social media allowing you to hide and find a past relationship. Most people have lost their fight. Everything says run so most do.
I will say this first so i can cut you off before you tell me divorce is necessary.
I know for so many it is and was but to those still married, and those considering divorce let me tell you things you don’t know yet.
Kids are resilient and they be okay.  Sure as long as we are alive we will be okay but Please listen to this divorce will affect your kids in a negative way, no matter what you think. 2 different homes. My childhood wasn’t great but I always knew where my home was. Kids want both parents happy so they accept things that they shouldn’t. You have made an example that quitting is okay, that wedding vows are really only good when its working the way we want. I could go on but just know there is a consequence.
Divorce is one lonely  sob. You might hop into another relationship immediately  ( my opinion its the dumbest thing you can do.  You’re  bringing all ur garbage to someone who doesn’t deserve it, ur unhealed but ur trying to find happiness in someone else and you’re not happy)
Not saying my way is best but healing, and dealing with past hurts is lonely.  It’s a lonely you have never felt. If you split your kids up you don’t know lonely until  YOU eat by yourself and do things by yourself because of ur friends are in relationship and cant just drop everything to hang with you.
Everyone divorced has baggage. Yes even you. You base relationships on what you know, so your past lets u think well everyone is the same. Which in truth everyone has some if not the same characteristics its just ur not healed so everyone seems the same
You feel out paperwork and says in case if emergency or who do u put in ur will, who gets my money. If something happens to me what am I going to do.
I wish people would understand that divorce is a death without a funeral. It represents the end of something that started out with so much promise and hope and it’s painful when that hope dies. Sometimes I think that divorce has become so routine that it’s not taken seriously enough and that devalues marriage.
If you’re not a happy person now you wont be in a new relationship. Divorce teaches you that your own happiness is, in fact, important, and that you can’t be accountable for someone else’s. You learn that you can’t change yourself in order to make someone else happy.
Thanks for listening to my rant. I just would love to see families stay together. Old school in this case wasn’t so bad if you think about it.

Day 691 Your dreams are really stupid

18 12 2014

The time approaches for the big, jolly, guy in the red suit to pack his sleigh. Well this guy is finished shopping and all presents are wrapped. I love this time of year so much and what we can do for others. Please adopt someone and bless them. $50 dollars of gifts to some is an equal to $1000 for us. Just do something for someone else. The need is great and you need it too.

Writing this blog is hard because every dream I had been shattered by my own doing. I had many dreams some selfish but some that could have changed my part of  the world. Dreams are what make life tolerable. It’s why we get up some-days, when we feel so low its the one thing that can make us get  out of bed and just put our feet on the floor.  Just the excitement of knowing we are going to accomplish something that we thought we couldn’t do. Like I said all my previous dreams were shattered but the good thing is my life was spared and I’m starting to dream again. Not only for me, but my kids but others too. When you ask someone their dream and the spark comes back in their eye you know that you can help. Dreams are accomplished by having goals, someone to push u when you fall down, grabbing you by the hand and picking you up off the floor, and celebrating each milestone of your goal. I true believe that I’m here to help you be a dream catcher. May sound corny but when I can help I want to. Which brings me to yesterday:

I was in a coffee shop listening to two women talk. I heard more blah blah, but then this lady said you know what I dream about… A craft shop for women that have never had the time or money because of whatever life threw  at them.. It would have childcare and that all the supplies would be donated. You could see in her eyes that she had thought about it a lot and I was like how cool. Then her “friend” said to her that is one really stupid dream. I almost fell out of my chair.  the look on the woman’s face was total defeat. I continued to listen the reasons it wouldn’t work then I should have minded my own business but I didn’t. I said if your her friend why would you kill her dream. You should be encouraging her. I said because your’re a coward and you stopped dreaming doesn’t mean others have. I told the lady that her dream was awesome and go bless those other women. I put my ear buds in and I didn’t hear anything else. They left before I did and I thought what a crappy day that lady is going to have. When I got up and left they were in the parking lot talking. I went and opened my door and I got a tap on my shoulder. Sir, I’m not sure who you are but thank you. I knew my friend was going to shoot down my idea but you gave me hope, I told her don’t let anyone kill your dream and I expect to see your shop around in 2015. I got a hug and she left.

Don’t you dare kill someones dream. Just because it’s not yours doesn’t make it wrong. If they have the courage and you don’t then encourage them. Life is about hopes and dreams and doing what people say is impossible. If you stop dreaming you die. Here’s to life.

Day 62 Screw U Grieving Process

3 03 2013

Since I have always been real its time again for that realness to come out. I ve been struggling for a week now to write this blog but its time. I never understood why somebody would read something that they knew could piss them off and still read but then in turn try to bring the writer down to their level. I have taken some horrible verbal tongue lashing lashings some deserved and some not. Tonight I m sure people will have all the answers, will make fun of me and can’t wait to attack me in my weak state of mind. I’m also sure that there are those people who will withdraw from me, stop being my friend and if you ever thought of dating me will turn tail and run. It’s okay because people have been turning their back on me now for 2 years and I’m used to that. I have a group of people who are there for me and maybe after this there will be some new folks that appreciate me for being vulnerable and honest.

I’m in  a living hell right now. Brian my counselor said to me in September I know you’re in a really good place right now but the worst is coming. I was euphoric I was happy and in an amazing place. Who wouldn’t be I just had got of out of the worst 5 years of life that I could have ever imagined. Now you SOB your telling the worst is still coming. I blew that thought process off and said I’ll show you. He was right!!!! Don’t stop me if you have heard this before but in the past few years: I lost my dad, my best friend, filed business and personal bankruptcy, lost my business, the best cat in the world, my dignity, and finally my ex-wife. Worst of all everything I believed to be true since I was 5-37 was a damn fing lie. Work hard and you will get results, if you don’t turn your back on people they will be there, be a good man and do for others and it will be returned, change and sacrifice for someone and that person will be there for forever. It’s all a damn lie. You believe what you want but put your faith in people and they will screw you.

No before all of you experts start telling me to do I know this: Your walk with God is not where it should be. Ding your right and if you’re judging me yours isn’t either, You need to get closer to God and pray more. Yes I know and so do you. I don’t need more experts and I don’t need your generic Christian BS that people tell you to feel better what I have to do is complete this season of life. “Grieving Process”

You take everything I went through and I m still grieving. No F’s and or buts about it. There are days I want to medicate (Sex alcohol, a phony relationship with someone of the opposite sex, a material position but I haven’t.) That’s what most of us do. I have tried my best to do this  with the people I care about the most and not drag others into this. It hurts and it hurts bad. I know the first response I get is he’s not over his divorce. Really no  shit. When they lay me in the dirt I will then be over it. I shared a life with another human  being and had children so yes it will always hurt because I failed.  I know in time it will get better but if you want to tell me your over yours and it never hurts you a liar. I have talked to 5 80 years old men that said no matter how hard you try to block it out it will ALWAYS be there. I’m going to take the advice from the wise of age and experience over your wisdom of a 40 year person because you want people to think your okay. Just FYI were human, broken and we are all screwed up but I know I’m have to be the worst.

Do you honestly think I want to be here hell no but here’s the greatest news. Grieving is a process and I m almost to the point where it’s time to move on. I’m just in the worst part. I thought oh well in September I was happy and not sad so I’m done grieving. You can skip steps in the process. I tried and that’s why I am here. I could explain the steps of grieving but I’ll let you try that it’s boring and in all honestly its a tad bit irritating. This isn’t about my bank account, a big house, vacation or car. It’s about right now my needs list is a lot bigger than what I accomplished. I’m not talking about doing the dishes or washing the sheets. I m talking about that list at the end of every week you either read off of a piece of paper or off your mental notes and you haven’t accomplished it yet. Doing what God wants us to do, truly helping others, seeing things the way God sees them. When you see the homeless person you say yes rather than no.  when your kid says can you read the book to me but what you’re doing is more important than them. The spouse  or friend that has asked you to do something for them or just listen but because what they may say to you is a burden you find every other thing in the world to do. I have more knowledge, ability  and gifts than I have used. It finally comes down to this. I m not done grieving. I’m a hell of a lot better than where I was but I’m not there yet. I still hate me some days, I walk by the mirror and say really, I look at others and compare myself to them. I know better because you are just as jacked up as me. (Yes you are)After counseling last Tuesday the light at other end of the forest is visible, but I got tired and sat down in mud-hole and tried to ask God to help but I was just talking, he knows what I need and knows when I’m serious. Yes I’m depressed thank you Dr. Phil and I’m a lot of other things but at least I know where I have to go. Maybe I’m being a P%^&Y for a lack of a better word but I’m healing and trying to do it the right way. I know you may think this guy has lost it. Maybe so but I also maybe writing what a lot of people think but just don’t have the ganas to say or tell anyone.
I’m here to help and this helps me. If you got anything out of this just know your not the only one screwed up and your okay.

I, not sure when I’m going to write my next blog, maybe tomorrow maybe next week. I appreciate you reading it if you did and if not thanks for thinking I’m crazy. Any response good or bad is appreciated. If I get nothing then I know everybody is crazy like me and I can sleep better at night  lol…


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