Day 1523 Who are you when the door closes

26 04 2017

It was 76 degrees at 9:00 am this morning. At 12:00 it was 61 and now its 52 with a low of 45. Friday it will 90. I can’t change my underwear as fast at the weather changes in the beautiful state of Texas.  If you’ve never been to Texas make sure to get some BBQ and Mexican food it may give you gas but its worth it I promise!

I hate surprises when it comes to people. I would rather you be yourself from jump than pretend to be someone you’re not. I would never ask you to be like me and just put yourself out there from the get go. If you know me I’ll say just about anything, I volunteer information you probably didn’t want to know, I’ll let you know my faults, Ill tell a joke that might cause you to gasp, if the moment calls to cry with you I can and will, if you need me to defend you, I might lose my crap and get angry. I’ve been told and asked do you try to scare people away  before they get to know you? No I just want you to get to know me sooner than later. If you don’t like me you can move on and not waste time or say this is someone I want in my life forever. I want real! In any friendship or relationship there’s always a probationary period 1 month to 9 months. You kind of get a pass but we are who we are. What do you think is going to happen when people see the real you? I mean really think  about it if you become the bride or groom of chucky after 6 months do you think your relationship is going to flourish.

I have friends right now that long relationships are ending for the following, they were a drinker and hid it, one guy had kids that he never said anything about, another a porn addiction, one she sniffs markers when her kids go got school and passes out but gets up in enough time to still be mom and get the house ready. Another had an anger problem and she never knew he had until the first time she questioned him.  When you go home and close the door who knows that person.

Do you allow people to see the real you or do you put on a show? Do you exhaust yourself so much trying to prove you’re a great Christian, or mom, dad, friend but when you get home all hell breaks loose. The door closes behind you and your Halloween costume comes on. Being real is rare. I don’t have many friends, lots of people who claim to be friend but I have heard you are like nobody I’ve ever met. I always say thank you I wear that proudly. I tried to be a famous actor, and put my Halloween costume  on for people. It drove me to the point to try to take my life. I hope never again. I want you to like me but if you don’t its okay too. I’m not everyone’s cup of tea but I might be the best cup of tea you’ve had.

PS: Your closet door is open:)

 





Day 831 My love letter to my daughter

6 05 2015

My beautiful angel becomes a teenager tomorrow 13 years old Wow. Nobody I know has ever said a bad thing about her and everyone goes out of their way to compliment her. This is my love letter to my beautiful daughter.

When we were pregnant with you and found out you were going to be a girl no matter how excited we were I was so afraid to have a little a girl. These questions rolled around in my head… What do you do with a girl? What if I squeeze her to hard, I don’t know what to do with hair, how do you play dolls, how do I do makeup, what about her period. Does she know I’m going to beat up all the boys that talk to her. Does she know I don’t want to screw her up? I tried my best to be a good daddy but I had so many of my issues with worth and being afraid that I pushed some responsibilities on your mom that I should have taken care of. I always made sure you dressed well, I even changed 29 diapers when you had the ROTO virus, I l put dresses on your stuffed animals and held you in my lap, I even laid on the floor and let you put make up on me one time. I look back on the years when you were a little girl and a lot of it was a blur. No matter how much I tried to “there” my body was there but my mind was not. I have pictures and you look happy in them but I wasn’t and I know I messed up a lot. I wanted to be better but didn’t know how. No matter what I did you loved me and always told me. When your mom and I fought around you and yelled I never knew the damage we were doing but I didn’t know either because I was to busy worrying about myself.

Fast forward to after our divorce. I knew the only way you would ever feel the loved you and your brother deserved was for me to wake up and become the man and father you needed and deserved. If I didn’t you would find someone like I was and that made me sick. I started getting help and started seeing  how important I was for you. If I could love you and show you that the chances of you being healthy and not looking for a crappy hairy legged guy your chances would be better. I remember the day I moved out of the house and I looked at you and my heart swelled with pride. I looked at you and said that’s my daughter, that’s my blood and wow she is all the best of me. Your gorgeous, your eyes and how you carry yourself would make any parent proud, Your tall, striking and you carry a presence, your independent and at the same time you don’t tolerate crap you’re so accepting of others and what they go through. You took your recess at school and helped the challenged kids and loved them and hugged them when I was afraid of them. Your heart breaks when any animal is hurt, when you see a story about people hurting your heart hurts. You go to the adult  rehab with  your mom and you change the older people’s day by loving them and telling them how special they are. You do everything for your brother. Yes you slap him around a bit but you tell him you love him and watch over him with the most love. I never knew what I would want in a girl but with 13 years of life with you: You are it. God could have never painted a better picture and brought it to life with you.

Finally Morgan Elizabeth Wood: Thank you for giving me a second chance to be your daddy. I wake up every morning knowing nothing is more important than you and your brother. No matter what I did or do you accept me and  you know I m doing my best. I feel it in my heart and see it in your eyes. I will and would die for you at any moment. There is not a bigger cheerleader for you than me. I will be here in your best and your darkest moments. No man will ever love you as much as your daddy. Don’t worry a few months ago when you told me you were proud of me my heart skipped a beat and got stronger because of you. Your truly amazing! Happy 13th birthday Morgan

I love you daddy!!!





Day 831 My love letter to my daughter

6 05 2015

My beautiful angel becomes a teenager tomorrow 13 years old Wow. Nobody I know has ever said a bad thing about her and everyone goes out of their way to compliment her. This is my love letter to my beautiful daughter.

When we were pregnant with you and found out you were going to be a girl no matter how excited we were I was so afraid to have a little a girl. These questions rolled around in my head… What do you do with a girl? What if I squeeze her to hard, I don’t know what to do with hair, how do you play dolls, how do I do makeup, what about her period. Does she know I’m going to beat up all the boys that talk to her. Does she know I don’t want to screw her up? I tried my best to be a good daddy but I had so many of my issues with worth and being afraid that I pushed some responsibilities on your mom that I should have taken care of. I always made sure you dressed well, I even changed 29 diapers when you had the ROTO virus, I l put dresses on your stuffed animals and held you in my lap, I even laid on the floor and let you put make up on me one time. I look back on the years when you were a little girl and a lot of it was a blur. No matter how much I tried to “there” my body was there but my mind was not. I have pictures and you look happy in them but I wasn’t and I know I messed up a lot. I wanted to be better but didn’t know how. No matter what I did you loved me and always told me. When your mom and I fought around you and yelled I never knew the damage we were doing but I didn’t know either because I was to busy worrying about myself.

Fast forward to after our divorce. I knew the only way you would ever feel the loved you and your brother deserved was for me to wake up and become the man and father you needed and deserved. If I didn’t you would find someone like I was and that made me sick. I started getting help and started seeing  how important I was for you. If I could love you and show you that the chances of you being healthy and not looking for a crappy hairy legged guy your chances would be better. I remember the day I moved out of the house and I looked at you and my heart swelled with pride. I looked at you and said that’s my daughter, that’s my blood and wow she is all the best of me. Your gorgeous, your eyes and how you carry yourself would make any parent proud, Your tall, striking and you carry a presence, your independent and at the same time you don’t tolerate crap you’re so accepting of others and what they go through. You took your recess at school and helped the challenged kids and loved them and hugged them when I was afraid of them. Your heart breaks when any animal is hurt, when you see a story about people hurting your heart hurts. You go to the adult  rehab with  your mom and you change the older people’s day by loving them and telling them how special they are. You do everything for your brother. Yes you slap him around a bit but you tell him you love him and watch over him with the most love. I never knew what I would want in a girl but with 13 years of life with you: You are it. God could have never painted a better picture and brought it to life with you.

Finally Morgan Elizabeth Wood: Thank you for giving me a second chance to be your daddy. I wake up every morning knowing nothing is more important than you and your brother. No matter what I did or do you accept me and  you know I m doing my best. I feel it in my heart and see it in your eyes. I will and would die for you at any moment. There is not a bigger cheerleader for you than me. I will be here in your best and your darkest moments. No man will ever love you as much as your daddy. Don’t worry a few months ago when you told me you were proud of me my heart skipped a beat and got stronger because of you. Your truly amazing! Happy 13th birthday Morgan

I love you daddy!!!








iksperimentalist

a collision of science and comedy

Surviving the affair....the cheaters perspective

I cheated. Yip I did it, I am not proud of it, but that won't change a thing. This is my story of me trying to survive one day at a time. No guarantees....

Sound of Silence

There is a better place than this silence

The Time Lock

photos by amsang

simple Ula

I want to be rich. Rich in love, rich in health, rich in laughter, rich in adventure and rich in knowledge. You?

%d bloggers like this: