Day 852 Its time to let go

28 05 2015

I was sitting in a courtroom this morning and its the last place I thought I would be sitting. I wont go into details  but I was trying to get something that had belonged to me for three years. It was something that I never thought would get to this point but it did. Sooner or later you have to stand up for yourself and I did. I should have done it sooner but I can’t understand why in God’s name why this person still feels the way they do towards me, So that leads to this.

Call it forgiveness, letting go or just finding your happiness. It really doesn’t matter what someone has done or perceived done to you. If you still hold hatred, bitterness, fear, anger towards someone I’m betting they have moved on and your still holding on to it. Its like your drinking poison from a big cup but hoping the other person gets sick. They don’t get sick only you. Life will never be what you want or dream it to be if you hold onto the crap. You think if I continue to rip them apart, talk and say the worst things about them, poke holes in their weaknesses I’ll feel better and I’ll show them. It will never happen. The person being hurt is you! Again the only person hurt is you. Since we are human we are entitled to the feelings and hurting a hurt with a hurt sometimes would feel better until you do it then you realize you lowered yourself to the level of the person you can’t stand.

God forgave us all! Tyler stop talking about God you don’t understand. I do understand, what forgiveness does and you don’t forgive, you don’t get it back. Forgiveness isn’t for the other person its for you. Believe I have a list of about 5 people who if I could give a piece of my mind to I could make them cry and bring them to their knees but truthfully what does that do.  What you’re hoping for is that somebody that you loved or maybe didn’t doesn’t ever feel the way you did. I can honestly say I still care for the person and truly wish only great things for them, but seeing the feelings that they have cared with them their whole not about me but everyone from their past is downright sad.

IF your stuck and the only things you want to do is make someone like a fool in public, rip them apart on social media or talk crap to your kids about someone your truthfully the one that looks like a fool. Its time!!! Its time to let it go. Your life begins again when you realize the crap you hold onto is only poisoning you.

God gave me a 2nd chance to change my life and without forgiving my dad, and a few other people I would still be the miserable piece of crap I was. I’m living proof that forgiveness or letting go opens your eyes to life. Let go and let God. If you don’t believe in God I’m sorry but believe in something or your fall for anything!!!!

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Day 776 Extend a helping hand to all who need it

13 03 2015

Rain Rain go away! I know it’s needed but we need some sun! Texans aren’t used not to seeing the sun. We are going on three weeks of pretty much sun free. Moods are changed and people are cranky! There are bigger problems in the world but lets solve them with the sun up.

I was in Theta Chi Fraternity in college. Sure we did things wrong and stupid like any college student. We were also held to a higher standard. Our mission was to extend a helping hand to all who need it. I think if God was here besides knowing him that his like mission for us would be the same.  The only time we should ever be looking down on someone is when we are extending that hand downward to pickup someone up. It’s easy for us to judge someone when there down and say I’m so thankful that Im not where there at. Think that way and one day you’ll be the one looking up for help.

I took advantage of people and used them until I didn’t need them anymore so I could fill my crap tank of hate, bitterness, selfishness that I wore around my neck. Sure I might extend my hand to help but it was only if they could give me something in return. You should never help someone expecting anything in return. It will come back to if your heart is right and if not it won’t. Just know that when you send that hand out that on the other  end of rock bottom is some of the most painful, hurt, fear, awkwardness that someone has lived with. Don’t take advantage of that person because they probably don’t trust and that may be the last time they  trust  if you drop them. Its okay not to help if you can’t provide what is needed. Just walk away save the hurt and move on to your ready. I have often thought many times if that was Jesus i was about to do something for and he knew my heart wasn’t right how would I look him in the eye and explain myself. Just be ready when you extend that you have the power to change that life good or bad. On the flip side:

I’m not good asking for help. I come across, that I have it all together and my life is a perfect puzzle which I promise it’s not. The hardest lesson I am in now is learning that sometimes extend that helping hand  upward to let someone help me. I don’t have to have all the answers, I don’t always have to say something, I can let my heart-break and my eyes cry because there’s healing in that.  So if I get myself to the point where I reach up please have the best intentions because I know what its like to extend the hand and it only be what you can do for me after I help you.  Everything you do in life matters but what you do to help with carry into eternity!!





Day 776 Extend a helping hand to all who need it

13 03 2015

Rain Rain go away! I know it’s needed but we need some sun! Texans aren’t used not to seeing the sun. We are going on three weeks of pretty much sun free. Moods are changed and people are cranky! There are bigger problems in the world but lets solve them with the sun up.

I was in Theta Chi Fraternity in college. Sure we did things wrong and stupid like any college student. We were also held to a higher standard. Our mission was to extend a helping hand to all who need it. I think if God was here besides knowing him that his like mission for us would be the same.  The only time we should ever be looking down on someone is when we are extending that hand downward to pickup someone up. It’s easy for us to judge someone when there down and say I’m so thankful that Im not where there at. Think that way and one day you’ll be the one looking up for help.

I took advantage of people and used them until I didn’t need them anymore so I could fill my crap tank of hate, bitterness, selfishness that I wore around my neck. Sure I might extend my hand to help but it was only if they could give me something in return. You should never help someone expecting anything in return. It will come back to if your heart is right and if not it won’t. Just know that when you send that hand out that on the other  end of rock bottom is some of the most painful, hurt, fear, awkwardness that someone has lived with. Don’t take advantage of that person because they probably don’t trust and that may be the last time they  trust  if you drop them. Its okay not to help if you can’t provide what is needed. Just walk away save the hurt and move on to your ready. I have often thought many times if that was Jesus i was about to do something for and he knew my heart wasn’t right how would I look him in the eye and explain myself. Just be ready when you extend that you have the power to change that life good or bad. On the flip side:

I’m not good asking for help. I come across, that I have it all together and my life is a perfect puzzle which I promise it’s not. The hardest lesson I am in now is learning that sometimes extend that helping hand  upward to let someone help me. I don’t have to have all the answers, I don’t always have to say something, I can let my heart-break and my eyes cry because there’s healing in that.  So if I get myself to the point where I reach up please have the best intentions because I know what its like to extend the hand and it only be what you can do for me after I help you.  Everything you do in life matters but what you do to help with carry into eternity!!

 

 





Day 572 I know I hurt my children with our divorce

24 08 2014

I got to do my first speaking to high school students yesterday . Such a great day. The school is inner city and I was worried what I had to say wouldn’t really apply. It went off great and our team of speakers is something Im truly proud of .

Last night I was coming home and had one of those moments that stay with you for a while. I was coming up Hwy 35 going home and on the opposite side of the road you could see a car was on fire. It had just started  and since in flight or fight I always fight. I was trying to figure out where to park/ what to do to help call 911 etc.. When I pull up the car has a small explosion Im guessing the gas tank is on fire and then I look about 20 yards down the road and there are horses everywhere. There is also a truck and trailer overturned but then I see 3 people giving CPR to a man around my age right in the middle of the highway. Nobody had answers to anything and there was no emergency personal on site yet. I went as close as I could to the car on fire to see if there was a body but no and then I just came back and watched this lady perform CPR. She was working so hard but the guy still wasn’t breathing . I kind of caught my mind and went to gather the horses back up. I got one and tied it to the trailer but I couldn’t help but think of the guy. I have no idea if he died but for some reason I put myself as that guy and hoped more than anything that he lived and hope many people loved him. I have no idea what caused me to think  that but man it was so surreal.

When you get divorced and you have children Im not sure you ever know  the true pain it causes your children. They have emotion and feelings that they have no idea how to tell you about and usually they don’t come out until there older and the anger and bitterness is revealed with it. If I could change it I would and now I know that there are things that will come up over time and I just have to learn to deal with them in the right way. Friday morning I had no idea what to do. I was trying to get Brayden dressed since somehow he got his shirt on but it was inside out and backwards. While i was helping he said Dad are you coming to my first day of school on Monday? I said you know it I wouldn’t miss it. He said no are you coming with mommy. I said yes we will both be there. He said no daddy will you be there married to mommy. I m so glad there wasn’t a picture  of my face because Im sure it was like I was about to throw up. I stood up because I was about to cry and  sat down on the floor with him and explained about his mom and I also told him I was sorry which is the first time I told him that about our divorce.. I then let him play and walked into my bathroom and cried like a child. To know that age 3 when we got divorced I left a scar on him that deep. At 5 years old that he was able to tell me that was incredible. When we were ready to leave the house he looked at me said its okay daddy just be there Monday okay.

I saw all of this to tell you. That no matter what you think divorce will scare your kids. If you can do anything to save your marriage do it. It takes work and letting go of a lot of things. Kids don’t want to see their parents in a bad marriage either but they will remember good or bad. My job and our job as parents is to always have open lines of communication and take responsibility for your marriage mistakes so hopefully our kids wont repeat them.





Day 453 I thought I killed my weeds

28 04 2014

I love Denton Texas. Its weird and its so personable.  It’s a little Austin Texas and it had started being developed the last 10 years. You can do just about anything here. Every year we have the Denton Arts and Jazz Festival. It brings on about 30 different acts Blues, Jazz, Country and some light rock. Vendors and fair type food. Our Rugby club gets to work security for the gates and I usually get to work the main stage. Last night I counted in over 5600 people of all shapes, sizes and colors but the best thing is everyone is friendly. I would say it was my good looks but I’ll stick to everyone is friendly.  If you have never been please come to  the Arts and Jazz Fest its a great time.I’m writing this blog so I can go back and read it over and over. If you happen to get something out of it I hope you can move you to make a few changes. We talked in church today about unforgiveness and bitterness. The church was pretty quite and nobody seemed to have to go tot he bathroom either. People listened even me.. No matter how far I have come I still have both bitterness and unforgiveness for people.  My list is smaller but I thought I was done with it until I heard this message today. When I had my house I loved planting a garden. The one thing I hated was those pesky weeds but I my tried hard everyday picking those weeds. If I didn’t my garden would have started to be choked out then eventually is would die. Our life is like our garden. Unforgiveness (weeds) will lead us to start growing the bad things day by day and then before you know it the good in our heart and life is gone which then develops bitterness. We have to pick those weeds and start now because once bitterness sets in  we start  saying I can’t do (forgive, we can’t love, we can’t see people for they are). We actually can but we won’t because of our harden heart . UnForgiveness and bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping for the other person to get sick. We start finding peace in the pain. We begin to believe that we are above the spiritual laws of the kingdom.I thought I was done with my weeds of unforgiveness. Sitting in church I realized I am still bitter. Its caused me to close off my heart and not to trust. You can’t love someone when you haven’t forgiven. You can’t live the life that you deserve when your bitter. You can’t believe in yourself and when the weeds start choking you we are destined to choke out and die. At least I know the weeds I need to pull. I will ask a few to hold me accountable and as usual I always have something to work on. This isn’t something Roundup works on either. You have to pull them at the root. So here’s to earning my green thumb.

 





Day 453 I thought I killed my weeds

28 04 2014

I love Denton Texas. Its weird and its so personable.  It’s a little Austin Texas and it had started being developed the last 10 years. You can do just about anything here. Every year we have the Denton Arts and Jazz Festival. It brings on about 30 different acts Blues, Jazz, Country and some light rock. Vendors and fair type food. Our Rugby club gets to work security for the gates and I usually get to work the main stage. Last night I counted in over 5600 people of all shapes, sizes and colors but the best thing is everyone is friendly. I would say it was my good looks but I’ll stick to everyone is friendly.  If you have never been please come to  the Arts and Jazz Fest its a great time.

I’m writing this blog so I can go back and read it over and over. If you happen to get something out of it I hope you can move you to make a few changes. We talked in church today about unforgiveness and bitterness. The church was pretty quite and nobody seemed to have to go tot he bathroom either. People listened even me.. No matter how far I have come I still have both bitterness and unforgiveness for people.  My list is smaller but I thought I was done with it until I heard this message today. When I had my house I loved planting a garden. The one thing I hated was those pesky weeds but I my tried hard everyday picking those weeds. If I didn’t my garden would have started to be choked out then eventually is would die. Our life is like our garden. Unforgiveness (weeds) will lead us to start growing the bad things day by day and then before you know it the good in our heart and life is gone which then develops bitterness. We have to pick those weeds and start now because once bitterness sets in  we start  saying I can’t do (forgive, we can’t love, we can’t see people for they are). We actually can but we won’t because of our harden heart . UnForgiveness and bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping for the other person to get sick. We start finding peace in the pain. We begin to believe that we are above the spiritual laws of the kingdom.

I thought I was done with my weeds of unforgiveness. Sitting in church I realized I am still bitter. Its caused me to close off my heart and not to trust. You can’t love someone when you haven’t forgiven. You can’t live the life that you deserve when your bitter. You can’t believe in yourself and when the weeds start choking you we are destined to choke out and die. At least I know the weeds I need to pull. I will ask a few to hold me accountable and as usual I always have something to work on. This isn’t something Roundup works on either. You have to pull them at the root. So here’s to earning my green thumb.





Day 453 I thought I killed my weeds

27 04 2014

I love Denton Texas. Its weird and its so personable.  It’s a little Austin Texas and it had started being developed the last 10 years. You can do just about anything here. Every year we have the Denton Arts and Jazz Festival. It brings on about 30 different acts Blues, Jazz, Country and some light rock. Vendors and fair type food. Our Rugby club gets to work security for the gates and I usually get to work the main stage. Last night I counted in over 5600 people of all shapes, sizes and colors but the best thing is everyone is friendly. I would say it was my good looks but I’ll stick to everyone is friendly.  If you have never been please come to  the Arts and Jazz Fest its a great time.

I’m writing this blog so I can go back and read it over and over. If you happen to get something out of it I hope you can move you to make a few changes. We talked in church today about unforgiveness and bitterness. The church was pretty quite and nobody seemed to have to go tot he bathroom either. People listened even me.. No matter how far I have come I still have both bitterness and unforgiveness for people.  My list is smaller but I thought I was done with it until I heard this message today. When I had my house I loved planting a garden. The one thing I hated was those pesky weeds but I my tried hard everyday picking those weeds. If I didn’t my garden would have started to be choked out then eventually is would die. Our life is like our garden. Unforgiveness (weeds) will lead us to start growing the bad things day by day and then before you know it the good in our heart and life is gone which then develops bitterness. We have to pick those weeds and start now because once bitterness sets in  we start  saying I can’t do (forgive, we can’t love, we can’t see people for they are). We actually can but we won’t because of our harden heart . UnForgiveness and bitterness is like drinking poison and hoping for the other person to get sick. We start finding peace in the pain. We begin to believe that we are above the spiritual laws of the kingdom.

I thought I was done with my weeds of unforgiveness. Sitting in church I realized I am still bitter. Its caused me to close off my heart and not to trust. You can’t love someone when you haven’t forgiven. You can’t live the life that you deserve when your bitter. You can’t believe in yourself and when the weeds start choking you we are destined to choke out and die. At least I know the weeds I need to pull. I will ask a few to hold me accountable and as usual I always have something to work on. This isn’t something Roundup works on either. You have to pull them at the root. So here’s to earning my green thumb.








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