Day 1549 so this is what its come to

22 05 2017

Remember naps, kool aid, recess, playing outside until you were so tired you came in I took a bath passed out and did it again the next day.  What about getting something in the mail,run out to the mailbox but no yet, drinking from a water hose, jumping into a pond just because, or taking your shoes off just because. trying to have fun because it was fun,  not to have fun to compensate to make yourself feel better. Anyway I’m saying being an adult is dumb and we continue to do the same thing.

Let say the stats are correct and 2% of people live they life they want. I’ll be generous and say 10% are living the life they want. So that leaves us the other 90%. Here are the things we celebrate now,

  1. I got to work on time,
  2. They canceled the meeting,
  3. Jeans day,
  4. A catered lunch,
  5. Getting to leave 5 minutes early
  6. Living to get a tax return check that we shouldn’t have paid over tot he government anyway
  7. Getting to eat a meal at home. It used to happen everyday
  8. 2 weeks of vacation to work 50 weeks. Then we dread the end of vacation because how much work we have when we get back
  9. Praying to God that the dr., lawyer or bank stay open past 5 so you can get business done so you don’t have to do everything Saturday.
  10. That someone will celebrate your birthday
  11. You go to the mailbox hoping its empty
  12. That somebody would do their laundry
  13. Can we order pizza because I don’t give a crap about anybody eating
  14. Someone body I cared about texted me but I haven’t heard their voice in 2 years
  15.  I worked to retirement YAY, now my health sucks so bad I can’t enjoy it
  16. We get 2 breaks a day to go to the bathroom
  17. Somebody waved at me. Do they like me. It used to mean people were friendly.
  18. You have to be sick to feel like you can stay in bed
  19. Someone pays you a compliment.
  20. I paid my bills for the month yes, oh crap its time to start paying them again.

 

I could go on but how freaking sad is it that life has become this. Routine is a killer of the soul. Why have we accepted this. It’s not God’s plan. ts not our plan but we stick ourselves in the butt with it and wonder why it hurts. It’s just dub, we stopped having fun, or our fun is were going to drink until we don’t remember, because Hangovers are a blast.

My boss is a dumb arse and if you don’t think you’re a dumb arse you are the boss. We live this life to get to a point to enjoy it then our health fades,  our love dies, kids move on forget about us until were dying.

Im not trying to be a pessimist but I’m sick of people not living.  Take them damn trip,  eat the food you shouldn’t , if your job sucks find another one, if you want a dog buy one. Just live because if you were giving a month to live you would start but its to late.

Oh but Tyler I don’t what to do. Okay good stop doing this stupid crap I listed that’s a good start. The only person going to make your life better is you. I mean nobody else will. Don’t blame, just do it.





Day 543 Why these Friday’s are so hard

25 07 2014

I wrote this in May 2013. No matter what these Friday’s always suck!

I m trying to find my purpose and slowly I think I am. I want to serve men and give them hope that they can change. We have all been told people don’t change well that’s the biggest line of crap we have ever been fed. If someone tells you that it’s the hardest thing you will ever do that may not be enough to tell someone. Last night our mens group got deep we finished talking about the Father Wound that all men/ women deal with but either don’t know that have it of if they admit it may sound weak. It got deep and we are all honest and let it all hang out I was relatively quite but then something hit me that I felt I need to say right when we were about to leave. I know a few of you who attack me will say how do you know you affected anyone? Three men cried, got 5 real hugs and Brian my counselor/friend who is also in our group said I have been in ministry 12 years and that was the powerful thing I have heard spoken to a group of men. I can’t recreate it but will give it my best shot.

We all have to face our mistakes either out loud in a blog, in our own silent hell, with a great friend or every Friday afternoon when I have dropped off my kids to go to their moms and I have the turn-key hell. Turn key hell= When I get to my apartment door and I pull my keys out and the feeling of my empty apartment I’m about to walk into without the laughing of my kids, the pushing of my kids, the no cartoons, the i don’t want to eat that, Can I have more, I m bored, I don’t want to brush my teeth and mostly the I love you daddy. It’s the worst feeling in the world and I haven’t got used to that yet. My dog greets me and she looks for the kids and I tell her no Chloe next Friday and she walks over to her bed because she to misses them. There is no women to say how was your day, the smell of a women, the we need to do this, can you go do this or a hug or kiss. So I put the key in the door and every time I hope for a different feeling but I have to stop when the door closes behind me take a deep breath and realize this is the hell you created. The great thing is I have the feeling because I will remember it. You can’t tell a women she is worthless, a bi%^h, c&(t, you don’t do this for me, or this how could you do this and not expect her to walk away. Yes I know she was guilty as well but I can only talk about me.  So men if you don’t deal with your crap, ego, your pride,  you fear and she leaves you. It was due you got what you deserved. Man up there are to many resources for you to have to say at 60 or 25 I’m sorry for what I didn’t do, because it can be done. Or keep doing what you’re doing, be separated from your kids, have the hollow empty feeling of loss that can only be stitched up, and go into the empty, quite, lonely hell that you created. It will happen you’re not one of the stats that gets away with it. I can promise that the Friday turn-key hell is worse than any hell she supposedly has put you through.

That was it in a nutshell. I don’t want anyone to feel that you can change and you can restore.

 

Day 124 Friday turn key hell.





Day 129: Death is a bitch

14 05 2013

So death takes someone before it was time. Yes we all have heard it and its happened to us.  We are supposed to out live our parents that’s the circle of life. Today I got a message from my friend Kim’s mom saying she passed away after cardiac arrest on Sunday. We grew up together, we danced in two plays in elementary school, I went over there after school and her mother always sewed my cloths. I was a fat kid so I always needed my cloths “altered”. She was a follower of my blog and like most people we care about from our past we lost touch. The blog brought us back together. She said she knew my past was rough but had no idea about many things but she never judged and always gave me encouragement. March 20th we Facebook messaged back and forth and I promised her in May I would come see her. Well Im not lying tomorrow I will go back and see her but she won’t see me. I’m mad at myself for doing the one thing I said I wouldn’t do in 2013 and that is put people off. I did it again. I know I’m no different from any other but why can’t we follow through with the people we care about before there gone. Sure I could give you some sappy bullshit about this is what we should do, or we should live this way but in all honesty when the memory of someone fades, or we don’t see them all the time we forget about them. So tomorrow I pay my respects and tell them family how much I love them and remember that death is a bitch catch it before it catches you.





Day 124 Friday turn key hell

9 05 2013

I m trying to find my purpose and slowly I think I am. I want to serve men and give them hope that they can change. We have all been told people don’t change well that’s the biggest line of crap we have ever been fed. If someone tells you that it’s the hardest thing you will ever do that may not be enough to tell someone. Last night our mens group got deep we finished talking about the Father Wound that all men/ women deal with but either don’t know that have it of if they admit it may sound weak. It got deep and we are all honest and let it all hang out I was relatively quite but then something hit me that I felt I need to say right when we were about to leave. I know a few of you who attack me will say how do you know you affected anyone? Three men cried, got 5 real hugs and Brian my counselor/friend who is also in our group said I have been in ministry 12 years and that was the powerful thing I have heard spoken to a group of men. I can’t recreate it but will give it my best shot.

We all have to face our mistakes either out loud in a blog, in our own silent hell, with a great friend or every Friday afternoon when I have dropped off my kids to go to their moms and I have the turn-key hell. Turn key hell= When I get to my apartment door and I pull my keys out and the feeling of my empty apartment I’m about to walk into without the laughing of my kids, the pushing of my kids, the no cartoons, the i don’t want to eat that, Can I have more, I m bored, I don’t want to brush my teeth and mostly the I love you daddy. It’s the worst feeling in the world and I haven’t got used to that yet. My dog greets me and she looks for the kids and I tell her no Chloe next Friday and she walks over to her bed because she to misses them. There is no women to say how was your day, the smell of a women, the we need to do this, can you go do this or a hug or kiss. So I put the key in the door and every time I hope for a different feeling but I have to stop when the door closes behind me take a deep breath and realize this is the hell you created. The great thing is I have the feeling because I will remember it. You can’t tell a women she is worthless, a bi%^h, c&(t, you don’t do this for me, or this how could you do this and not expect her to walk away. Yes I know she was guilty as well but I can only talk about me.  So men if you don’t deal with your crap, ego, your pride,  you fear and she leaves you got what you deserved. Man up there are to many resources for you to have to say at 60 I’m sorry for what I didn’t do, because it can be done. Or keep doing what you’re doing, be separated from your kids, have the hollow empty feeling of loss that can only be stitched up, and go into the empty, quite, lonely hell that you created. It will happen you’re not one of the stats that gets away with it. I can promise that the Friday turn-key hell is worse than any hell she supposedly has put you through.

 

That was it in a nutshell. I don’t want anyone to feel that you can change and you can restore.





Day 103 Get rid of the B&C

2 12 2012

Okay Rugby is a young man’s game. I get it now! I played yesterday for the first time I broke my Fibula and Tibia in March. I had a blast even though we lost 14-12. Today I m as sore as I have ever been playing this sport. I wouldn’t give it up for any reason but good lord my hair hurts today. I did 8 hours of sleep so I hope my body will respond better by Tuesday.

I saw the movie Lincoln today. It was really good but long. I can’t imagine the pressure that man was under with so many of his citizens dying and trying to do the right thing.

This is one thing I had to learn the hard way getting rid of the B&C. The b&C you ask? The words bitch and  punt with a (C). There may not be two more degraded words to women than those two. I still struggle with the B word sometimes. I know guys that they may act that way or make you feel that way but we have to erase those words. If you think that you’re doing good as a husband or significant other than in an argument you use those words she may not say it but you are eroding  away with how she is emotionally attached to you. It’s the same thing if they told us we have a small penis. She may not think that but she knows she can get us where it hurts the most. I m not justifying someone’s behavior just know we can say even in anger a better word than those two. In the end of my marriage I used those two words like breathing air. I was justified for my anger but not how I spoke to her. If you wouldn’t say it to your mom you  shouldn’t say it to the one you love. Men also when you get with your buddies stop saying it there be an an example. If you want you spouse or girlfriend to respond differently stop using those names. You will be surprised.

Women you don’t get to skip out on this either. I hear how you speak to your friends about someone or behind their back. You have to be an example as well. I know it’s stupid but if a man hears you say then we think it’s okay.  If you hate being called that then don’t say about someone.








iksperimentalist

a collision of science and comedy

This is My Story, This is My Song.

This is my journey with faith, love, acceptance, redemption through God's incredible grace and mercy!

Surviving the affair....the cheaters perspective

I cheated. Yip I did it, I am not proud of it, but that won't change a thing. This is my story of me trying to survive one day at a time. No guarantees....

Sound of Silence

There is a better place than this silence

The Time Lock

photos by amsang

simple Ula

I want to be rich. Rich in love, rich in health, rich in laughter, rich in adventure and rich in knowledge. You?

%d bloggers like this: