Day 736 Shut up and change one thing already

1 02 2015

You never get to pick your family but God got it right for me. My baby sister Meagan Wood turned 34 yesterday . From the moment they brought her home in her pink onesy   I was so proud. Thank you for your giving, caring heart, infectious laugh, and that brand of humor that only a few of us get. I love you sis. Happy birthday.We also have a hedgehog now in the Wood family. He’s 6 weeks old and his name is Henry because it just is my daughter said. They have a great personality  and yes the quills hurt.
There is a punishment is our house for using the word can’t. Those words have sunk more lives, than I hate you, u suck, your an idiot. I have used those words in my life between the ages of 25-36 and guess what I didn’t. There is a difference  in I can’t and I won’t.  How in the world can u say I can’t do that  if you have never once tried? Why would you listen  to someone else who says you can’t because that idiot hadn’t and doesn’t want u to do something they haven’t done so they make u feel like crap. Can’t keeps you from change. I get so sick of people saying I can’t change, it’s just the way I am. My family was this way, my friends said that I can’t. In the words of my son that’s a bunch of boo boo. I myself said the lies that we believe I can’t change. So much so that August of 2011 all the lies I told myself and what others said  I believed and sat on top of a hill in Aubrey Texas ready to take my life. When you look at everything wrong with us as people I would agree it would seem to much to handle but I promise you it’s not if you do this:…

You have to put your problems in a bowl yes a real bowl of the things you want to change. Dont put 50 put 3-4. Then grab one out. Okay your saying that is so stupid really hows your plan working out. Just try it! Then the one you grab out tell God from this moment forward we will change this issue please Lord take this from me. Tell yourself I CANT STAY HERE ANYMORE! Then whatever you need to change that could be alcohol, drug addiction, anger, procrastination, laziness, bad spouse or parent etc.. you do whatever is necessary and find the answer. it maybe Google, support groups, new friends, pastor, Rock Bottom Outreach, counseling. The answer is there. There is never a reason not to change. The ONLY and mean only REASON you haven’t change is you don’t want to. I was that guy. He can’t change, I was a selfish, self-centered, jerk,  a hollow, excuse making man, that never cared what you had to say unless it benefited me. I was a dad but not a good one and a crappy husband until it was too late. I hit my knees and told God I will do whatever you say no matter how uncomfortable, hard, or terrified I was. There were so many people who helped and pushed me but I had to do it. I’m proud of that but if I would have looked at the toilet full of crap I had to change I would still be back there today. So what was my one thing I picked was my anger. I could snap and break your neck or belittle you before you could say hi. I promise through punching, swearing, crying and yelling at the top of my lungs we figured it out. Sure I still get angry but I see why and I don’t take it out on others. My crap is my crap and not yours. Nobody is responsible for my behavior or how I react except me. The truth is change is right in front of us and I mean blatantly right in front of us. It’s never to late to start. Dont say next week or when this happens. Just start by shutting up, and finding one thing you want to change: JUST ONE! And attack it like a fat kid would cookies.I promise the other side of change  is amazing. Once you start and do one the 2nd and 3rd are going to be so much easier.Many of you that read this don’t know me but I’m offering help. Life is too short to waste, but just know when I offer you help and you accept it I am like a fat kid on cookies so wear a bib it’s about to be an amazing ride.

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Day 624 Being thankful when you dont want to

13 10 2014

I celebrated my 39th birthday yesterday and I know its easy to say but this was the best one I can remember. I have a lot of people who really care about me. With the calls, messages and the people who came out to my birthday I wish I could have this day at least once a month. Besides the fact of people just being there I got some great gifts. My best buddy Jim got us a trip to the Sequoia National Park in California. We are going to road trip in January be ready Calli were coming to see you. Also the Cowboys pulled a stunner of a win against the Seahawks. My Cowboys are real.

I’ve written many times about my struggles in life and how many things that have happened to me. I have gone back and read some of my older blogs and I have seen my growth. It really is an 180 degree turn in 3 years. The toughest thing I have learned is being thankful  for the bad. It was a dumb, foreign,and hurtful thing to even think but there is no way to actually be thankful for the bad. In no way would I wish it upon myself again but I am thankful.  My time I missed with my kids being self-absorbed within myself, I was actually able to appreciate my kids and grew a love for them that I would have never known. I lost my best friend and wanted to truly run him over in my car. Now I would take a bullet for him or actually take that person that would try to run over him now. I tell him I appreciate him and I love him. Not sure I ever told him that before. I loved my mom and tried to show her but now I give her my all, I show her my life will be doing what she needs and when she can’t take care of herself she will always be taken care of. Im a real friend now. I give them my ears and not just my mouth. Im thankful for the constructive criticism but Im also learning to receive their thoughts and kind words. I would have never been able to do that without losing all my friends and maybe I didn’t need them but they taught me so much. Im thankful my dad died. I needed to be able to deal with I didn’t understand and learn to be able to forgive. Because I learned to forgive: I love, forgive, and have compassion I never had. It took me getting on my knees in a windy, cold and frozen cemetery in Cleburne Texas. Im thankful I can say no. I used to say yes to everything. Now I can say no with no worry that if you don’t get why I say no that’s on you and not me. I know my God. Not the one I created but the one that created me.  I lost being a control freak. You know when you’re a control freak you have it all figured out. Well  I don’t have it figured out and Im thankful I don’t. This is the weirdest thing I had to learn to be thankful for: Every person that has made fun of me, turned me down, belittled me, and was just down right mean. I appreciate you and I get it now. You helped me overcome me and I could never thank you enough. For the women I have asked out since I have been divorced and turned me down or just didn’t know what to do with me thank you. Every no gets me closer to my yes and teaches me my true worth is. I still have thoughts and feelings and I get hurt sad, angry etc.., but Im thankful after the fact because my life is better for my mistakes and pitfalls. When we learn that our life is about overcoming the life we have our life only get better.





Day 624 Being thankful when you dont want to

12 10 2014

I celebrated my 39th birthday yesterday and I know its easy to say but this was the best one I can remember. I have a lot of people who really care about me. With the calls, messages and the people who came out to my birthday I wish I could have this day at least once a month. Besides the fact of people just being there I got some great gifts. My best buddy Jim got us a trip to the Sequoia National Park in California. We are going to road trip in January be ready Calli were coming to see you. Also the Cowboys pulled a stunner of a win against the Seahawks. My Cowboys are real.

I’ve written many times about my struggles in life and how many things that have happened to me. I have gone back and read some of my older blogs and I have seen my growth. It really is an 180 degree turn in 3 years. The toughest thing I have learned is being thankful  for the bad. It was a dumb, foreign,and hurtful thing to even think but there is no way to actually be thankful for the bad. In no way would I wish it upon myself again but I am thankful.  My time I missed with my kids being self-absorbed within myself, I was actually able to appreciate my kids and grew a love for them that I would have never known. I lost my best friend and wanted to truly run him over in my car. Now I would take a bullet for him or actually take that person that would try to run over him now. I tell him I appreciate him and I love him. Not sure I ever told him that before. I loved my mom and tried to show her but now I give her my all, I show her my life will be doing what she needs and when she can’t take care of herself she will always be taken care of. Im a real friend now. I give them my ears and not just my mouth. Im thankful for the constructive criticism but Im also learning to receive their thoughts and kind words. I would have never been able to do that without losing all my friends and maybe I didn’t need them but they taught me so much. Im thankful my dad died. I needed to be able to deal with I didn’t understand and learn to be able to forgive. Because I learned to forgive: I love, forgive, and have compassion I never had. It took me getting on my knees in a windy, cold and frozen cemetery in Cleburne Texas. Im thankful I can say no. I used to say yes to everything. Now I can say no with no worry that if you don’t get why I say no that’s on you and not me. I know my God. Not the one I created but the one that created me.  I lost being a control freak. You know when you’re a control freak you have it all figured out. Well  I don’t have it figured out and Im thankful I don’t. This is the weirdest thing I had to learn to be thankful for: Every person that has made fun of me, turned me down, belittled me, and was just down right mean. I appreciate you and I get it now. You helped me overcome me and I could never thank you enough. For the women I have asked out since I have been divorced and turned me down or just didn’t know what to do with me thank you. Every no gets me closer to my yes and teaches me my true worth is. I still have thoughts and feelings and I get hurt sad, angry etc.., but Im thankful after the fact because my life is better for my mistakes and pitfalls. When we learn that our life is about overcoming the life we have our life only get better.





Day 613 STOP CHEATING NOW

30 09 2014

After always trying to make people laugh I will try again. What kind of roads do ghosts hunt? Dead Ends. Thats funny I don’t care who you are. Are you aware that tomorrow is the greatest month on the calendar. You know why because my mom and I were born in October. I know you understand now.

Besides the death of significant other there is nothing more painful than cheating. I would argue that cheating is worse because there is never an end to the thoughts of why. The pain runs deep and you can never say anything that makes it better. You fall in love with who you think will be your everything, you will be together forever, and you never think that this person that stood with you and said they wanted to be with you forever can just leave you and not really have an other emotion or word than I’m sorry!

There is nothing you can say or do to fix it. Whats done is done. There is not any way you can explain it away. You can’t tell your kids when there older this is why I did it. Your reasons suck because it’s this simple. I don’t love you anymore and if we stay together I don’t trust myself to not do something stupid. Why do people think that if I never say anything I will get away with it. You will get caught and after you get caught the damage is so much worse than just standing up and being real at the beginning. If you have been cheated on you know the pain and if you were the cheater then you have no idea what you have done to the other person and kids if you have them. I have heard but I did itt because blah blah this and blah blah that. My questions to them was if they did and said that to you would you except that. Nobody has ever said yes that acceptable.

I want you to forgive the cheater and make it work, but I understand that many times that’s a fairy tail. The guilt, the I don’t give a shit, or just the pain of someones past, keeps them from making it better. This is a hot button for me because three people dumped on me yesterday. One who was cheated on, two that did the cheating. The two that did the cheating asked me in June and July to help them, give them advice. I did and I said if you get alone with this person you will fall. So yesterday both of them came to me and said I messed up bad. How do I fix it. One of them a lady asked me to come sit with her when she tells her husband. I almost laughed that she would drag me into it. I understand the other person is at fault for not fulfilling your needs and is flawed but THERE IS NEVER A REASON TO CHEAT.

The grass is greener on the other side of the fence is the dumbest thing ever said. If you would stop looking over there and water your own grass its pretty damn green on your side too. See what the cheater doesn’t understand while your cheating is the following: The other person that is “so great” is flawed, your only seeing their best side, you don’t know how loud they snore, their nasty habits, why their cheating with you, their anger, their past, family. All you get is the lies and the stories they want you to hear. the divorce rate for second marriage is 87% good lord wake up and realize that it’s just not worth it.  I know their there are many reason to divorce but to cheat never. You’re a coward and its all comes back and bites you in the ass later so your playing roulette and you will lose.

If you’re seeing that person at work,  gym, church (yes church), starbucks and you start having that person telling you what you want to hear and you’re doing the same to them. get up and cut it off now. If you are cheating STOP NOW! Go fess up and deal with the broken crashed life that is coming but do it because remember you used to love that person and release both of you from  your hell. Or fess up and get on your knees and beg for forgiveness and get yourself some help and pray to God that the person takes your sorry butt back. I have seen relationships heal. It can and will happen but only by Gods grace. Rant is over !!!!





Day 613 STOP CHEATING NOW

30 09 2014

After always trying to make people laugh I will try again. What kind of roads do ghosts hunt? Dead Ends. Thats funny I don’t care who you are. Are you aware that tomorrow is the greatest month on the calendar. You know why because my mom and I were born in October. I know you understand now.

Besides the death of significant other there is nothing more painful than cheating. I would argue that cheating is worse because there is never an end to the thoughts of why. The pain runs deep and you can never say anything that makes it better. You fall in love with who you think will be your everything, you will be together forever, and you never think that this person that stood with you and said they wanted to be with you forever can just leave you and not really have an other emotion or word than I’m sorry!

There is nothing you can say or do to fix it. Whats done is done. There is not any way you can explain it away. You can’t tell your kids when there older this is why I did it. Your reasons suck because it’s this simple. I don’t love you anymore and if we stay together I don’t trust myself to not do something stupid. Why do people think that if I never say anything I will get away with it. You will get caught and after you get caught the damage is so much worse than just standing up and being real at the beginning. If you have been cheated on you know the pain and if you were the cheater then you have no idea what you have done to the other person and kids if you have them. I have heard but I did itt because blah blah this and blah blah that. My questions to them was if they did and said that to you would you except that. Nobody has ever said yes that acceptable.

I want you to forgive the cheater and make it work, but I understand that many times that’s a fairy tail. The guilt, the I don’t give a shit, or just the pain of someones past, keeps them from making it better. This is a hot button for me because three people dumped on me yesterday. One who was cheated on, two that did the cheating. The two that did the cheating asked me in June and July to help them, give them advice. I did and I said if you get alone with this person you will fall. So yesterday both of them came to me and said I messed up bad. How do I fix it. One of them a lady asked me to come sit with her when she tells her husband. I almost laughed that she would drag me into it. I understand the other person is at fault for not fulfilling your needs and is flawed but THERE IS NEVER A REASON TO CHEAT.

The grass is greener on the other side of the fence is the dumbest thing ever said. If you would stop looking over there and water your own grass its pretty damn green on your side too. See what the cheater doesn’t understand while your cheating is the following: The other person that is “so great” is flawed, your only seeing their best side, you don’t know how loud they snore, their nasty habits, why their cheating with you, their anger, their past, family. All you get is the lies and the stories they want you to hear. the divorce rate for second marriage is 87% good lord wake up and realize that it’s just not worth it.  I know their there are many reason to divorce but to cheat never. You’re a coward and its all comes back and bites you in the ass later so your playing roulette and you will lose.

If you’re seeing that person at work,  gym, church (yes church), starbucks and you start having that person telling you what you want to hear and you’re doing the same to them. get up and cut it off now. If you are cheating STOP NOW! Go fess up and deal with the broken crashed life that is coming but do it because remember you used to love that person and release both of you from  your hell. Or fess up and get on your knees and beg for forgiveness and get yourself some help and pray to God that the person takes your sorry butt back. I have seen relationships heal. It can and will happen but only by Gods grace. Rant is over !!!!

 





Day 278 Laying in your deathbed

14 10 2013

I had an amazing birthday weekend. Im very loved  and cared about. I often forget or get a Pity Party but I m trying so hard to be positive.  My sports teams also knew it was my birthday and they all won!  The one thing about the stage of life Im in is that I have people flowing in and out of my life-like a subway! I guess if they should be here they will be if not bye bye!

 

This blog I didn’t write. It was written by Lindy Jordan and I thought it was very Profound! I agree with all of it and its time to start not preparing for the deathbed.

Nurse Reveals Top 5 Regrets People Make on Their Death Bed

someone close to me sent me this article a few days ago. 

… after reading this article it really pulled at my heart strings and got me thinking. 

Why do so many people hold the mentality that they will achieve their dreams at another time… sometime in their future? 

…What if that time doesn’t come… what is stopping you from achieving your goals and dreams NOW? 

…Why Not live the Life you truly Want from this point forward?

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Nurse reveals the top 5 regrets people make on their deathbed

For many years I worked in palliative care. My patients were those who had gone home to die. Some incredibly special times were shared. I was with them for the last three to twelve weeks of their lives. People grow a lot when they are faced with their own mortality.

I learnt never to underestimate someone’s capacity for growth. Some changes were phenomenal. Each experienced a variety of emotions, as expected, denial, fear, anger, remorse, more denial and eventually acceptance. Every single patient found their peace before they departed though, every one of them.

When questioned about any regrets they had or anything they would do differently, common themes surfaced again and again. Here are the most common five:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the life others expected of me.
This was the most common regret of all. When people realize that their life is almost over and look back clearly on it, it is easy to see how many dreams have gone unfulfilled. Most people had not honoured even a half of their dreams and had to die knowing that it was due to choices they had made, or not made.

It is very important to try to honor at least some of your dreams along the way. From the moment that you lose your health, it is too late. Health brings a freedom very few realize, until they no longer have it.

2. I wish I didn’t work so hard.
This came from every male patient that I nursed. They missed their children’s youth and their partner’s companionship. Women also spoke of this regret. But as most were from an older generation, many of the female patients had not been breadwinners. All of the men I nursed deeply regretted spending so much of their lives on the treadmill of a work existence.

By simplifying your lifestyle and making conscious choices along the way, it is possible to not need the income that you think you do. And by creating more space in your life, you become happier and more open to new opportunities, ones more suited to your new lifestyle.

3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
Many people suppressed their feelings in order to keep peace with others. As a result, they settled for a mediocre existence and never became who they were truly capable of becoming. Many developed illnesses relating to the bitterness and resentment they carried as a result.

We cannot control the reactions of others. However, although people may initially react when you change the way you are by speaking honestly, in the end it raises the relationship to a whole new and healthier level. Either that or it releases the unhealthy relationship from your life. Either way, you win.

4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
Often they would not truly realise the full benefits of old friends until their dying weeks and it was not always possible to track them down. Many had become so caught up in their own lives that they had let golden friendships slip by over the years. There were many deep regrets about not giving friendships the time and effort that they deserved. Everyone misses their friends when they are dying.

It is common for anyone in a busy lifestyle to let friendships slip. But when you are faced with your approaching death, the physical details of life fall away. People do want to get their financial affairs in order if possible. But it is not money or status that holds the true importance for them. They want to get things in order more for the benefit of those they love. Usually though, they are too ill and weary to ever manage this task. It is all comes down to love and relationships in the end. That is all that remains in the final weeks, love and relationships.

5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.
This is a surprisingly common one. Many did not realise until the end that happiness is a choice. They had stayed stuck in old patterns and habits. The so-called ‘comfort’ of familiarity overflowed into their emotions, as well as their physical lives. Fear of change had them pretending to others, and to their selves, that they were content. When deep within, they longed to laugh properly and have silliness in their life again. When you are on your deathbed, what  others think of you is a long way from your mind. How wonderful to be able to let go and smile again, long before you are dying.

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Day 252 I hate you

15 09 2013

Well I did it!  I put on my first Chuck E Cheese birthday party done by myself. My son turned 5 and we had fun with 11 kids, that ridiculous mouse, and about 200 other kids running crazy! Its was a weird feeling because this was the first family function separate.  So now I beat Chuck e cheese 1-0 goes to me.

The weeks I’m without my kids I’m beginning to struggle more. I hate being alone now. I have gone through a lot of soul-searching, researching and changes and feel like I’m ready to date, I then begin to revert back sometimes to my worth. I know it’s not true but I struggle just like every other normal human being. Difference is I let mine be known. I live in a glass house so everything I see you do to. Please don’t tell me that God will provide or one will just come to you. What if I don’t speak, what if I don’t have the courage. Good will keep from a lot of things.  In my own hell I used to live I bet I told myself I hate you Tyler at least 10 times a day. Either it was from, financial mistakes, my marriage, what I wasn’t doing as a parent or just my past. When I’m alone and this just started I heard myself twice say I really hate what you did or didn’t do Tyler. I actually looked up and said what did you just tell yourself. I knew the devil was like hey I never leave and you have always listened. When your by yourself I can get you and you suck at fighting it. Go to God Tyler he doesn’t listen to you anyway or you don’t listen. That was the dialogue I had with myself.

Have you ever heard another person tell someone they hate them. Its abrasive and makes you feel uncomfortable. So why do we tell yourselves these crappy words. This may sound stupid but we re comfortable with that. It’s weird saying Tyler your great, or awesome or you look good. Why do you think I post things on FB. I need people to like or comment in a positive way so I can feel good about myself.  Sure most days are good but the bad are bad.  Life is a process and the devil knows how to take us back. No matter how much work you put in. I hate you or I hate you did that is like a knife to the soul.

I hope that I remember to shut the hate down and I hope this helps you to remember to do the same.








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