Day 1507 Teach me how to live again.

9 04 2017

Happy April. One of the busiest months around. WE had NASCAR, baseball, Hockey, minor league baseball, basketball, 3 different festivals around DFW this weekend. It’s a great place to live and you can’t be bored but my Lord a ton of people live here now. There’s traffic everywhere I mean everywhere. Good thing I m sneaky and I know things and people so I can sneak around!

The life of a rock bottom person is a great story. Rising from the ashes, changing your story, ending curses, learning that there is the courage to keep going. You remember all the things that broke you, the moments where you look around and say I’m not worth it for some us the moment you write a letter saying I’m sorry but its time for me to live this world.  From those things you give hope, you love people, show people a new reality you show perseverance  when there wasn’t any.

I can only speak for me on this and my rock bottom story but I need someone to help me to live again. I hope for me its the person I will spend the rest of my life with. I’m sure some of you are asking what do you mean Tyler. I’m not sure I can put it in words but I’ll try. She has to be a strong-willed person, because I am. When my demons show themselves can either lift me up or smack me which ever one I need. Rock bottom people know relapse, we know when we feel God disappeared, (which he doesn’t) we know when we don’t feel worthy, or when we questions the comfortable pain we lived with so long. My book is almost finished said that now for 2.5 years someone who will say what are you doing. I want to read it, others will too. You have to start giving yourself credit Tyler. Someone that helps you believe in yourself when you have those moments you don’t Or when you find the courage and those are showing themselves that push you to get to the end.  She’s willing to take a chance because she believes in you enough and even if you fail, you didn’t fail you learned. That’s okay living on a thought like let’s go to California. Sometimes living life doesn’t have to make sense you just live it.

AS you get older you know outcomes better, when you screwed up so many things you play it safe. Safe sucks but you know the outcome if you do something not safe. So you live in a safe bubble trying not to recreate the mess you made. That’s not living. I’m not talking about drinking or drugging. I’m talking about seeing things you haven’t or doing things out of your comfort zone. She would take me by the hand and say I want to show you something. Your eyes open to the magic and beauty of the world you haven’t seen. It may sound like Hollywood but who cares. A lot of things in Hollywood are based on a true story and they make great movies.

She helps me focus, she’s optimistic, she shows a new reality.  The killer of life is routine, she’s okay breaking routine.  I know happiness and joy are internal works. I truly understand that and I need to find my joy again. I need help, I need someone to enhance me and see me faults and all as the great man I am.

My dad told me once that my mom made him see things that he just couldn’t. That she would believe when he wouldn’t that when he had an idea she supported him more than he supported himself.

If I died tomorrow and around me were all my hopes, dreams. I would have to apologize to them. My fears and doubts could pat me on the head say good try. I need that person that is  a dream catcher and a hope provider and loves me crap and all. If I’m asking too much then I’ll continue on my journey by myself because I want to live and one way or another I’m getting there.

Get busy living or get busy dying!

Day 1466 You better be good for goodness sake

26 02 2017

Good early Sunday morning.  My mind is still usually asleep  now but every now and then a good thought or at least a bunch of words pop into this brain. I miss football and pumpkin spice cookies, cardboard and any other thing in the world they made pumpkin spice.

Yesterday we had a memorial for one of our Rock Bottom brothers and speakers. In his celebration of life you see the good one person can do and it provides hope that if we continue to just what we need to do we can change our section of the world.

I was sent this today. I love when you get something from someone and it hits you right where you need it. We always want the dark to go away but there’s always a reason

I reached Wyoming’s Yellowstone Park late, much later than I had planned. The park was sprawling. I wasn’t certain how to find the lodge. I couldn’t find anyone to ask for help or directions. Tired and exhausted, I couldn’t make sense of the map. I found myself driving around and around, becoming almost frantic. Suddenly, beyond the treetops, I spotted a bright light. Good, I thought, it must be the lodge. I drove a little further, then stopped the car and stared in awe. What I saw stilled my heart, and calmed my frantic pace.

Above Yellowstone Lake, nestled between two mountain peaks, glowed a huge, white, full moon, the largest I’d ever seen it. The pines stood guard, quiet and still. A light layer of snow and ice frosted the lake’s surface. I pulled to the side of the road and watched the moon set. It was the single most beautiful, breathtaking scene of the journey.

 I would never have seen this scene in the daytime. I would never have seen this moon, had I not gotten lost. I would never have seen it, had it not been this particular time of night. So maybe I’m not lost, I thought. And maybe I’m not late. Maybe what I’m really doing is taking a beautiful evening drive.

 When we’re lost, when the way gets dark, sometimes we see things we never would have seen in the daylight. Sometimes, the lessons we learn in the darkness are breathtakingly beautiful.

 Enjoy the sunshine, but trust the darkness too. It is more than to be endured. It is to be experienced, and later cherished. I am faith-filled and fear-free because … I am diligent! I am patient! I am built for the victory!

 Bad is not going to leave you alone just because you are a good person. Bad makes its living trying to make you forget about what is good! Bad doesn’t care that you go to work on time, give to charitable organizations and help old ladies across the street. Oh no! What you call bad times, bad experiences and, sometimes, bad people are going to find their way into your life. Working its way into the lives of good people is what makes bad so bad!

 Bad is not going to pass you by because you read self-help books, have an I LOVE YOU bumper sticker on your car, own a string of prayer beads or know how to meditate. Get real! Bad is going to show up in any disguise available in an attempt to beat you up, knock you down, run you over and tear you apart. Good! Show bad that you are made of good.

 You are made of divine power! Infinite wisdom! Pure love and powerfully piercing insight! Show bad that you have unshakeable faith and staying power! Demonstrate to bad that you are put together with the unfathomable intelligence of the Chief Architect of the universe, who issued a lifetime warranty on the durability of your goodness. Ward bad off by showing it that you have everything you need, whenever you need it, to do whatever needs to be done. Demonstrate to bad that you know what to do by doing it! Put on your faith boots! Cover yourself with a faith shawl! Pull out your faith tools, and be willing to stand in the faith of good. If you feel a little weary, take a prayer break. Allow yourself to take a meditative pause. Indulge yourself with a deep breath and tune up your faith.

 Until today, you may have forgotten that you are good enough to withstand anything that you may call bad. Just for today, flex your faith muscles and shake your good fist in bad’s face. Today I am devoted to showing bad just how good I am!



Day 739 Why men buy sex!!

4 02 2015

Another week with my babies and another week of sayings and things that you don’t forget. My daughter told me Monday night that now that football is over I’ll need to work out harder to be a man since my testosterone dies after football. I just wonder what in the heck that 7th grade girls talk about at lunch. Never mind I really don’t want to know.  Also the hedgehog is an interesting creature. They have a great personality and use the bathroom more than a class of kindergartners.

The topic of buying sex came from Warren Sapp an NFL Hall of Famer and analyst got arrested for solicitation of a prostitute super bowl weekend. This isn’t about him or to Dog him he has demons like us all. Are we really one to judge since the things that go on behind our doors is pretty disgusting when you get down to it. I know this doesn’t pertain to all men but the majority of men struggle with sex, porn, prostitution etc.. I’m also writing this from a man’s perspective because  I am a man and I know  women struggle with many of the same issues but I’ll stick to what I know.

Women always want to know why: I have everything he would want. I’ll do anything for my man. Or why would my friend, dad, brother do that it’s so disgusting. Again talking about porn, sex, prostitution when I reference it here. You might ask well how do you know, stats prove it but I ask questions, I listen to men, look at what ends marriages, men’s groups, etc.. So here you go:

The computer, the prostitute doesn’t say no. You pay your money and the answer is always yes. Every man I have heard this from after the fact was disappointed, lonely, waste of money, un-filling, empty. We as men need to hear yes. We here no so often that going where the answer is yes is fulfilling until the act happens. Men are not good in relationships period. Most of our fathers didn’t know how to teach and so we carry that legacy. One of my friends  about his experience of childhood cruelty and neglect and linked this to his inability to form close ­relationships with anyone, particularly women.

I would say to its hard especially today to know how to content with a women in the usual means. You don’t have to connect with women through porn or prostitution. All the things we lack as men with feelings, and emotions, and being touch and feel that all gets to go away. We perform our act of gratitude to ourselves and the computer closes or the girl goes away. We don’t have to hold you, explain why I didn’t last that long or talk to you at all. The worst things for a man but the easiest thing to. We want our ideal prostitute not to behave like one, to role-play to be a pretend girlfriend, a casual date, not business-like or mechanical.  Then you go away. I was 20 years old and had 100 bucks and with buddies and I tried it. It was so cool until I left the room. I felt like I just paid someone to pretend to like me and she was good at pretending but now what.   I also believe that men need Validation of being desirable . This is emotionally charged, and probably very powerful, more so than what people think and finally, Objectification (ends justify the means) , however some more negative connotation along with it meaning that socially they can not see the other as being anything more than sex/money.

I know this you would be surprised who is addicted to porn and prostitution, You think the best looking guy who can get any girl wouldn’t do it false. .This has nothing to do with looks. It has everything to do with our worth, or lack there of, what we were or weren’t taught about women, that we don’t understand women, but also women don’t get us. You don’t understand the fear and doubt that men walk around with. If you suck in bed as man there’s nothing worse in a man’s eyes.  Yes even that guy that walks around cocky, arrogant, has more money than God, yeah him too.  When a woman shoots down a man in public about his lack of size, or no prowess in be d you just sent him a death sentence and now he’s going to go find what wont talk him down or make him feel inadequate.

Yes men need help, we need counseling and we need more Jesus. A lot more but Christian men struggle more than most because they have more to live up too. I promise! So how do we fix it. From the things I mentioned but also women have to start trying to understand men because were a lot more sensitive than you would ever know. Do porn and prostitution go away and in the words of my friend JB. If all men are locked up and all women die. We can just pray that men get healthy and start changing the generation below us. Not the best news and I don’t have the answers for you just the facts!


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