Day 1566 Why didn’t you just ask

8 06 2017

Hello world: On Tuesday of this week I approved my book and it went to the printer. it took me 2.5 years to decided I was worth writing a book and anyone would read it. Yes Im excited but having it my hands will feel amazing. You better buy a copy pretty please.

Why? One of the most thought-provoking questions we can ask? On the other end is the answer. Sometimes its good and sometimes it’s not. So why do we stop asking Why as an adult. A few reasons I believe: We don’t care, the answer is going to hurt, we think we already know the answer. Little kids ask why all the time yes we get tired of hearing why and finally because we said so. That doesn’t stop them though.  Brian Dodge was a speaker I heard once and he said as an adult when we stop asking why our learning is over. How scary is that? So then we go to the famous art of assuming. Every time I assumed I was wrong. Do you remember the last time someone said Why didn’t you just ask me? You say I don’t know and walk away like why didn’t I just ask?

I’ll agree that when you ask sometimes the answer is awful. I asked my ex-wife when it was over do you love me anymore. She said no. My heart dropped to me knees I felt sick but I knew I needed to hear it. In college I asked a girl who was out of my league that I flirted with forever why wouldn’t you go out with me. She looked me in the eye and said I will you just have to ask me.

Why is  gathering wisdom, understanding, caring and respect. So the next time you don’t ask why just remember this is what you’re missing out on:

Showing someone you care, asking why is letting them you took time out for them their special, To eliminate confusion, To demonstrate humility to another, To enable a person to discover answers for themselves, To gain empathy through better understanding another’s view, To begin a relationship, To strengthen a relationship, To gain a person’s attention, To solve a problem.

Why you don’t ask these things are also possible: To find a culprit, To embarrass and shame, To appear superior, to create fear, To manipulate, To play the victim, as in, “Why is this happening to me?

Every time I don’t ask why I miss out on something. If you know me I ask a lot of questions not because I’m nosy but I care. I want to know you, I want to know what makes you tick, you’re special but I don’t know why until I know you. Its called conversation which I know is a dying art, but my best relationships are the ones where I know why and Im talking the dirty why too.

Why ask why. We need to know, someone needs to know you care. Love is asking why. Sometimes you don’t want to the but you might be pleasantly surprised what the answer really is.

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Day 895 What I learned in Detox

10 07 2015

Some things you need to do to just try, sometimes you do them just because and sometimes you’re looking for answers. I went on a Detox from all social media starting Sunday night at 11 until this morning at 7. Im sure some people are like your serious you needed that. The answer is yes. Im looking for answers for a few things which I’ll mention in a bit. Detox is a detox. We all struggle with something and we all have an addiction if you admit it or not doesn’t matter its true. In May 1997 I spent 5 days in detox after being drunk for 33 days straight so I understand that and that was by far more difficult and I came out of that sober but with still a Christmas Wish list of issues. This time I feel I have some real answers and direction. I know mostly I used social media as a false companion to distract myself from thinking and avoiding what mattered. You can have your circle of Facebook friends and still have no connection at all because the only connection you can truly form with someone with  personal face to face interaction. You can hide or be somebody you’re not in Social media. I don’t want to be that

Here are somethings that I know for sure: God loves me and I’m going in his direction and not mine, no matter how many times I drop the ball Im doing really good as a dad, Im a good friend, and my heart is genuine and pure. I live for others and giving back everything I can. I did this to get away from the negativity not just to the world but to me and mostly to realize if I’m lovable. I have heard more than 20 times dude you’re a woman’s dream, why are you single, you have to let go and try. I was beginning to believe I wasn’t lovable well…. Im very love able but what Im not is trusting. I love me a lot more than I knew. Im also very proud to be in this place in my life. If you have ever experienced my love you know not only in my hug but the giving that I do is what love is. I don’t judge, and I try to love you when you don’t love yourself.  But trust and getting to the point of love I suck at. What I do understand is this: If you ready this blog you understand my relationship with my father. I never wanted to be like him and as I get older Im more like him. My dad always thought that everyone was coming at him with an angle. They don’t care about me they only want to hurt, scare, or take from me. He was cheated on and after that he punished every women in his life including the most amazing woman God created my mother. She was all about the vows and loved him when most women would have shot him.  When he became disabled she did things for him that I couldn’t fathom and even when he said please leave me she wouldn’t. After witnessing this I made a pledge to myself that I would never be my father and treat a woman the way he treated my mom because he didn’t trust. Now that Ive been single for 3 years I don’t trust! I wonder what your angle is? I hear about well this person is so loyal, caring and trusting. I nod my head but inside I’m like yeah right. You’re a liar and if I let you get close to me your going to break my heart and take another part of me that I just cant give away again. So getting off of social media you learned all of this. Yes I did and now I have a big bunch of questions of to fix it. The best is I know. I know Im a great lover ( not just sexually perverts lol), but I attract love and people. I don’t trust but if you’re in my circle be glad your there because its small. I know if I ever want to have a relationship, where my soul can be pierced and God is involved I have to trust that he will allow me to open my heart back up. My conversations with God have not been approached with kid gloves so he knows where I stand and for the first time in a while I know he always hears me but I heard him. A work in progress yes and proud of it. So if you see me on social media too much you have my permission to tell me because that means Im trying to distract myself from what I should be focusing on.  Thanks for always reading and send me more grumpy cat memes on social media because he makes me laugh. Okay don’t do that!!!!





Day 895 What I learned in Detox

9 07 2015

Some things you need to do to just try, sometimes you do them just because and sometimes you’re looking for answers. I went on a Detox from all social media starting Sunday night at 11 until this morning at 7. Im sure some people are like your serious you needed that. The answer is yes. Im looking for answers for a few things which I’ll mention in a bit. Detox is a detox. We all struggle with something and we all have an addiction if you admit it or not doesn’t matter its true. In May 1997 I spent 5 days in detox after being drunk for 33 days straight so I understand that and that was by far more difficult and I came out of that sober but with still a Christmas Wish list of issues. This time I feel I have some real answers and direction. I know mostly I used social media as a false companion to distract myself from thinking and avoiding what mattered. You can have your circle of Facebook friends and still have no connection at all because the only connection you can truly form with someone with  personal face to face interaction. You can hide or be somebody you’re not in Social media. I don’t want to be that

Here are somethings that I know for sure: God loves me and I’m going in his direction and not mine, no matter how many times I drop the ball Im doing really good as a dad, Im a good friend, and my heart is genuine and pure. I live for others and giving back everything I can. I did this to get away from the negativity not just to the world but to me and mostly to realize if I’m lovable. I have heard more than 20 times dude you’re a woman’s dream, why are you single, you have to let go and try. I was beginning to believe I wasn’t lovable well…. Im very love able but what Im not is trusting. I love me a lot more than I knew. Im also very proud to be in this place in my life. If you have ever experienced my love you know not only in my hug but the giving that I do is what love is. I don’t judge, and I try to love you when you don’t love yourself.  But trust and getting to the point of love I suck at. What I do understand is this: If you ready this blog you understand my relationship with my father. I never wanted to be like him and as I get older Im more like him. My dad always thought that everyone was coming at him with an angle. They don’t care about me they only want to hurt, scare, or take from me. He was cheated on and after that he punished every women in his life including the most amazing woman God created my mother. She was all about the vows and loved him when most women would have shot him.  When he became disabled she did things for him that I couldn’t fathom and even when he said please leave me she wouldn’t. After witnessing this I made a pledge to myself that I would never be my father and treat a woman the way he treated my mom because he didn’t trust. Now that Ive been single for 3 years I don’t trust! I wonder what your angle is? I hear about well this person is so loyal, caring and trusting. I nod my head but inside I’m like yeah right. You’re a liar and if I let you get close to me your going to break my heart and take another part of me that I just cant give away again. So getting off of social media you learned all of this. Yes I did and now I have a big bunch of questions of to fix it. The best is I know. I know Im a great lover ( not just sexually perverts lol), but I attract love and people. I don’t trust but if you’re in my circle be glad your there because its small. I know if I ever want to have a relationship, where my soul can be pierced and God is involved I have to trust that he will allow me to open my heart back up. My conversations with God have not been approached with kid gloves so he knows where I stand and for the first time in a while I know he always hears me but I heard him. A work in progress yes and proud of it. So if you see me on social media too much you have my permission to tell me because that means Im trying to distract myself from what I should be focusing on.  Thanks for always reading and send me more grumpy cat memes on social media because he makes me laugh. Okay don’t do that!!!!





Day 816 I don’t know

21 04 2015

Many of the seasons I have learned in the last 4 years is how to keep my mouth shut. I’m still not great at it but I promise I try so hard.  We as men have always been raised to fix it, have all the answers and we when we didn’t our worth as a man was shattered.

My past life I always had the answers all of them from God himself to how to plant a garden which I had never done. You asked a question either I had studied it or made it up because I wanted you to think how great, how smart, how worldly I was. In my business I would even walk away and say wow that was some pretty good made up crap!! Never in my life would I say I don’t know let me go find the answer. First of all I would never have asked for help and second I wouldn’t look vulnerable. If another men thinks you don’t know something and he does well he’ll get the last laugh. You also would never not have the answer in front of a woman. I had a great God complex because I thought I had to or did know everything. I remember once I literally went and threw a brick at a house were  working on because I gave the wrong answer. I was so arrogant I thought I had to know everything. I was a control freak and that’s what we do. We control and know everything. Funny thing is we don’t know anything and can barely control our bowels..

In the past year especially I don’t want to know everything it takes too much energy. If I’m the smartest man in the room I need to go to another room. If I don’t have the answer or if you need it now google it otherwise I truly don’t care. I’m no longer a control freak or care to be. There are plenty of other people to care that torch. The best words that I have uttered the last year of my life are I love you and I don’t know. I walk away in either situation with a full heart and empty mind.

Today was my 6th week of counseling and about 20 minutes in I wondered why I came today. Then my counselor Brian started pouring some things on me. We have the back and forth counseling role going lol. I listened more than I spoke today and all I kept saying to myself was I don’t know. About 5 minutes before we closed I looked at Brian and said I don’t know. I have no idea how to get over this hump I was in. I don’t know and I started crying. I was overcoming with emotions and I had didn’t know why, how or what the heck I was crying for or felt rudderless.  I told Brian that the past six weeks and been the crappiest 6 weeks in a long time. we paused for about 30 secs and it felt like an hour and Brian said can we pray. I just nodded. He started and said I know this is going to make Tyler more upset but the past 6 weeks was the best six weeks I had with him. Then theses words hit me like a ton of bricks If Tyler can’t make it and figure out this world then we are all screwed. We got up and hugged each other and then with a big smile said what do I owe you for this session. ………….

I’m not sure why I wrote this today except my head and heart were about to explode and I needed to get it off my chest. Is there a lesson? Yes for me “I don’t know” is okay and in the confusion of I don’t know  and my tears maybe was the answer I have been searching for. I have the answers and they are sitting with me everywhere I go. If I choose to believe in me and trust I lose the I don’t know.





Day 652 I want answers now

10 11 2014

Another beautiful and tiring weekend. My babies and I packed a ton of things in. We went to our first hockey game. They loved it and became very passionate especially during the two fights that went on. Like any kids when I asked them the favorite part the answers I got were the nachos and when I farted walking up the stairs.  Parenting fun always. Whenever you struggle as a parent sometimes you get the words when you need them. I was staring at a piece of paper on my desk and Morgan came by and sad Dad I know it’s harder for you because you’re a single parent but you’re doing great. All worries left me for a bit and when you think you’re struggling the most you hear it from a great place.

If you’re anything like me – or most people in the world – you like to know what’s coming next in your life. But how do you handle it when you want an answer and don’t get one? Maybe you’ve been praying for a specific answer about the next phase of your life – a move you need to make, an important decision, a romantic partner, or any type of change. Yet despite the fact that you’ve diligently sought an answer, it simply hasn’t come. It can be a frustrating place almost crippling at times.  Even though I’m closer to God than I ever have been I still struggle with time and answers. I try not to be this way but here it is: Hey God I’m going to lunch at 11 I’ll be back around 1:00 if I don’t hear from you I ll take it from here. I think I got so used to doing things wrong that even when I may hear from God I dismiss it as my stupid wants or needs and not his.I need answers on career, my love life or lack of one and what to do about that, what do I dream of or want. I had a real deep conversation last week about what do you want to do. That may frustrate me more than anything, Do you want to be a speaker, a home builder, do you want to be a business owner again, what are you going to do for God, are you going to buy or build a house, what happens if my mom gets worse, how  do I handle my soon to be teenage daughter. I know what many you will say, prayer harder (just FYI don’t tell people who its stupid, if you pray your praying the best you can or know how, telling people who is like when you get scared don’t breathe harder) just listen to God, Leave the world behind you, just go with your heart. I agree with all of that and this. When you’re not hearing God let the people who are close to you know what you’re struggling with. They may not have any answers but they may have all them. Just the fact they listen may get you where you want to be. I think we don’t hear ourselves when we speak and when we tell someone else, the answer was exactly in what we said.Usually answers come in the form of a song, a prayer, a friend that chooses not to talk but listen feed back your words to you. Just know God has never left us. I mean never. He is right there next to us in our homes, in the car, in our workplace. He’s not there to beat us over the head for doing wrong or being wrong just there to love and listen when we choose. Thanks to the people in my life that take the time out for a few little words in a text, a phone call, or a giant smash of reality when I need it. My answers are coming!





Day 652 I want answers now

9 11 2014

Another beautiful and tiring weekend. My babies and I packed a ton of things in. We went to our first hockey game. They loved it and became very passionate especially during the two fights that went on. Like any kids when I asked them the favorite part the answers I got were the nachos and when I farted walking up the stairs.  Parenting fun always. Whenever you struggle as a parent sometimes you get the words when you need them. I was staring at a piece of paper on my desk and Morgan came by and sad Dad I know it’s harder for you because you’re a single parent but you’re doing great. All worries left me for a bit and when you think you’re struggling the most you hear it from a great place.

If you’re anything like me – or most people in the world – you like to know what’s coming next in your life. But how do you handle it when you want an answer and don’t get one? Maybe you’ve been praying for a specific answer about the next phase of your life – a move you need to make, an important decision, a romantic partner, or any type of change. Yet despite the fact that you’ve diligently sought an answer, it simply hasn’t come. It can be a frustrating place almost crippling at times.  Even though I’m closer to God than I ever have been I still struggle with time and answers. I try not to be this way but here it is: Hey God I’m going to lunch at 11 I’ll be back around 1:00 if I don’t hear from you I ll take it from here. I think I got so used to doing things wrong that even when I may hear from God I dismiss it as my stupid wants or needs and not his.I need answers on career, my love life or lack of one and what to do about that, what do I dream of or want. I had a real deep conversation last week about what do you want to do. That may frustrate me more than anything, Do you want to be a speaker, a home builder, do you want to be a business owner again, what are you going to do for God, are you going to buy or build a house, what happens if my mom gets worse, how  do I handle my soon to be teenage daughter. I know what many you will say, prayer harder (just FYI don’t tell people who its stupid, if you pray your praying the best you can or know how, telling people who is like when you get scared don’t breathe harder) just listen to God, Leave the world behind you, just go with your heart. I agree with all of that and this. When you’re not hearing God let the people who are close to you know what you’re struggling with. They may not have any answers but they may have all them. Just the fact they listen may get you where you want to be. I think we don’t hear ourselves when we speak and when we tell someone else, the answer was exactly in what we said.Usually answers come in the form of a song, a prayer, a friend that chooses not to talk but listen feed back your words to you. Just know God has never left us. I mean never. He is right there next to us in our homes, in the car, in our workplace. He’s not there to beat us over the head for doing wrong or being wrong just there to love and listen when we choose. Thanks to the people in my life that take the time out for a few little words in a text, a phone call, or a giant smash of reality when I need it. My answers are coming!





DAY 498 WHEN ALL HELL BREAKS LOOSE

11 06 2014

My kids are so much like me in every way. I couldn’t be more thankful for the chance to start over and be their dad for real this time. My daughter and I do daddy and daughter dates that I appreciate so much. Getting to talk to my daughter without outside influences is so great. Today I got to take my son to two of the house I’m  building and what I do know for sure: ifs their dirt boys will play in it, throw it and eat it if they think it smells like something good.

I’m not an expert in anything but I damn sure can let you know where I’ve been, how I got there ,and how Im starting to get out of it.  Yesterday and today randomly two different people just wanted to talk and needed some advice. I tried listening more than I talk which Im not great at but I’m a work in progress. Question comes down to this. What happened when all hell broke loose in your life. It’s hard to really remember when they day came and I could not take it anymore. When the damns of hell broke loose and I was being swept away in my own misery, guilt, fear, anger, and sadness. I hope you have never been there but if you have you know there are only two options really at that time, give up, or stand-up. I thought for about 30 minutes and the day was August 27th 2011. There was no lower point in my life and I remember I called two friends and then when I hung up I was emotional wreck and I literally hit my knees in my bedroom in the middle of the floor. It was truthfully the first time I had ever done that because you see when there are no other options your knees work pretty good. I yelled at God, cussed him and then said please take me now. Thank God I didn’t get my wish. I told God all the things I wasn’t and how I screwed up my entire life. ( Im sure he was there just tapping his fingers waiting for me to shut-up) then I got quiet and nothing. I wanted an answer right then dammit. I got in my car and drove which is how I clear my mind and finally I heard what about your babies. It’s the first time I acknowledge I was my kids daddy. I know that sounds stupid but it was.  I said I needed answers and please show me. People started reaching out to me and I started being honest about my problems. Then for the first time ever I decide counselors weren’t stupid and I would try it. Most know the story from here but here is what I want you to know.

There is no magic formula then or now. Give up or stand up. You may  not be in that season but if you have never been there its coming and if you have been there be a voice for someone. If you feel that pull at heart to call someone do it. They need you. Call that person close to  and be honest with them for the first time. Pull open that half stitched broken heart and pour out your poison. Most importantly hit your knees and pour open you heart to the man upstairs. He already knows whats going on he’s just waiting for you like he’s always waiting on us. He has never left us even when we thought he had.  Doesn’t mean its going to be easy but it damn sure can be healed. Remember this: Light cancels out darkness ever time so when hell breaks loose let God shine that light on and in your life for the first time. Then let the people he has put in your life carry the light until you can.








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