Day 1520 The problem isn’t the problem

23 04 2017

Happy Sunday peeps. I tried Taco Bell food again today. I have to stop. It was a staple of my youth. I think for $2.00 I got full. Now I eat it and Im going to throw up. My digestive system is never going to forgive me. Going to burp gordito something for weeks. Sorry typing out loud again. Anyway on to the blog and here’sssss Tyler!!

I rarely get anything from the message at church if being honest. I go and search and pray but usually nothing. Today was different. I listened and stayed off my phone.

The problem isn’t the problem. AS always I will use my life to explain the message. We all search for more, better , best, I need a home, a new job, raise my kids better, love from someone. So we get a new home then we need more stuff in it, a got  a job finally, now I need more money, my kid got over this hurdle now I need them to just stop doing (ABC) I found someone to love me but they need to do it this way. You Can pick what fits for you! Why is nothing ever enough. Its fear of running out, a fear of having or being enough, I never felt like I was enough, even though I put the world on my shoulders and actually accomplished a lot but things I didn’t haunt me. Not being the final athlete I should, pushing on and being a Dr. So I buy a house, after I get it, it’s not big enough, I should have bought here, I need more in it. I have a job so thankful then I’m not getting paid enough, they don’t appreciate me, so you look for another one. In love you find someone to love you but then the new wears off and they don’t do this for me, or they can’t love me, Im a mess. Were all looking for validation like a child, did I do good, do you love me, but even when we have it, we think we don’t have it.

We all know alcoholics, drug users, helicopter parents, sex addicts, manipulators etc. The problem with who we are today isn’t about today its about those unresolved problems from our past. If my dad would have been capable of loving me and letting me know I was enough I wouldn’t be searching everyday to be more. I would be okay with me, , the love I have, the people in my life, the stuff I have. I already got everything I need so why more. It’s about Validation. I have never been to a funeral where someone said, man their house was so big, or he got married 4 times so he could find love, or what he made at his job. Which tells me that crap doesn’t matter. I sent my kid to all these camps and he’s so smart but you forgot to love him and now he hates you or has become an addict because you didn’t love him with time you loved him with stuff.

We then start medicating, buying more, drinking more, showing off more, trying to impress the unimpressible. All the things we already had we lost for trying to climb the mountain to attain more. How do you fix it! I started 1.5 year ago writing down 3 things Im thankful for each day. It’s never been hard to do. It’s a mindset change yes but there is so much each day. Start telling other why their enough, start loving those in your life and make sure they know first that you love them. You ask God to show you what you choose not to see. Enough is enough and always has been. Then surround yourself with grateful people! Its amazing when I hear someone say Im so thankful that I  got to have or get XYZ. Im like me too why didn’t I say thank you for that rather than expect it.

When you think why do I have this problem. It goes back to the past and not being grateful for what we do I have. So for that thank you for reading!

Advertisements




Day 1090 Why people make the difference

24 01 2016

Tonight my sister and I got together with our kids. It was the first time all of us had been together since my mom passed. We laughed at all of my moms quirks, we were sad that this was the first time we were together as a family and the glue that kept it that way wasn’t there. As our kids shared memories dust kept flying in my eye and causing water to fall out :). AS the grieving process is almost a month old I have kept my sanity because of the people in my life.

Society and the news say all people have changed and my response is duh that’s what life is about. People are still amazing. They still take time out to check on you, send a card that was handwritten, send a message through Facebook or call you and tell you cut the crap and pour out your heart. I have friends that can compare life because it’s happened to them. People still love but I truly believe this. The more you pour out the more you give. Since I’ve spent 4  years changing my life to what God wanted which is to love the unlovable I definitely have gotten in back in my hardest time in life.

Last night driving to a concert a got a text saying please call my son and help him he’s in a bad place. That usually means relapse or suicide. I didn’t call for 2 hours because honestly I didn’t want to. I hoped the lady would understand that I was hurting and needed a break. Then I remembered in my pain people didn’t turn there back on me most never want to reach out because its uncomfortable and really what do you say?

I made the call and mostly I let the guy know somebody even a complete stranger loved him and wanted to help relief the pain.  I hung up and felt better that through my crap I cared enough to try to help and make a difference.

I say that to say this. Every person that has messaged, called, texted, mailed something ,mattered. When you take time out to offer a hello, I love you, your on my mind, it matters. You  make a difference. Loving the unlovable or loving the brokenhearted is what life is about. Don’t stop. When you have that pull at your heart, don’t let the world or your small circle beliefs keep you from blessing someone.

People are still amazing and you don’t have to search that far. Actually you probably just texted someone who is amazing.  Until next time!!





Day 1071 My mom’s Eulogy

4 01 2016

Thank you so much for the outpouring of support for my family. I had no idea what a whirlwind was until now.  On Saturday we buried my beautiful mother. The ceremony was amazing, beautiful and I believe it’s exactly what my mom would have wanted. One of my closet Brian Hackney officiated along with myself. My amazing daughter also got up and through her tears read her amazing thoughts. I was so proud of her and her courage when she was so scared. Then my sister found the courage to speak. I honestly thought she wouldn’t be able to but man she did such an amazing job and spoke so much of her heart. I then got my opportunity and I took a deep breath and choked back tears then started and that’s all I can remember. I wish I could tell you more or I was lying to you but I honestly can’t remember anything. I know God took  over because I was so worried about not being able to honor my mother and I’m always so hard on myself it’s probably better that way.

When I sat down and Brian closed you with an amazing message I told myself what happened. I had a few more tears then it was time to be strong again. I felt so disappointed in myself for not knowing how I did. Then people started telling many so many things about how great it was. I’ve received messages since Saturday and they were so touching. I’m not telling you this so I can look at me but to show you another example in the midst of so much pain and loss God is and was there. One of my  dear friends sent this to me today and I thought  I would share. It made my heart feel good and she would have been honest with me good or bad but maybe in my healing I needed to hear this:

First of all, I thought your choice of Brian to officiate was excellent.  He brought in a very real and relatable message that is sometimes missing at funerals.  I loved how he spoke, but didn’t preach.  I thought the message of grieving and being supportive of the family was just perfect.
Now to you…  I have never heard a better remembrance than the one you gave of your mom.  I am in awe of how you were able to speak in the first place, but even on top of that, your words and stories brought a mix of grief, humor, and love that created a powerful testimony to who she was and also to who you are.
Though I have thought it before and said it before, you have such a gift of speaking.  And to be able to represent that gift in your own Mom’s funeral testifies to your gift.  I have never seen you speak in person before; I was absolutely moved by the presence you project.  I can only imagine how that presence comes out when you are in a different setting.  I think perhaps when your mom saw you speak and give your testimony, she was moved by your natural gitftedness as much as your story.  God has plans for you Tyler… big plans.  There is something so special and inspiring in your voice, your manner, and your story.
Believe in yourself.  You are well worth believing in!
As I blog to heal and get my thoughts down so I can go back and read them so I can see where I was. I also hope that  they help you and  someone else. The emptiness is something I never felt, I feel like a ghost just floating alone, hoping I could call my mom or she’s going to call me but realizing that shes not. I love you all so much and pray that this new journey is one you will walk with me.




Day 729 My crockpot life

26 01 2015

Rock Bottom Outreach one of the best things that has happened to me.  To see so many broken people glue the pieces back and give so much of them of  themselves. The only place I feel normal is with this group of truly not normal but amazing people. We got to volunteer twice this weekend. Give to the homeless again today. We gave out over 300 sleeping bags the last two weeks and today over 100 meals.  Just amazing because we have up given up ourselves for others and we get the benefit of it.

Being a single parent you want to cook homemade meals. There is not time sometimes no matter how much planning was done. The one thing you can always count on is the crock pot to save your bottom when you know time is limited. Sure you could microwave something but come on really.

The microwave, cooks the edges but the middle is cold, or it never cooks anything. It can explode in the microwave causing a mess you don’t want to clean up or it can burn your popcorn. So what the point my life used to a be the microwave. I burned so much of my life relationships, friends, ideas, church, sometimes I cooked the edges but the middle was cold. That was me I looked great from the outside but inside I was cold and dead. Every time I microwaved my life I made it explode and the cleanup was too much. So I just left it there hoping someone else would come clean up my mess. I set the timer for God to hurry up and the timer never went off when I wanted it to.

My life is a crock pot now. Doesn’t mean I don’t try to microwave my  life at times but when I do. I over cook, under cook or it explodes in my face. Since I try to and believe me I fail often,  I still am using the crock pot of life. As long as I plug it and turn it on God is going to do to my life what it should be. Its going to smell good and be amazing at the end of it. God doesn’t see time and when I quit trying to fast forward my life (microwave it) what should turn out will. Just like the crock pot I can take anything and throw it in the crock pot and it tastes good. You just have to give it time. If you throw everything in the crock put and don’t plug it in or turn it on it wont cook. I still have no idea about many aspects of my life but God has never let me down. Slow and steady  will cook everything to the right degree but only if I let it finish.

So what am I saying: Stop using the microwave it burns, it under cooks, or over cooks and causes things to explode. Choose God ,choose life, chose the crock pot. I’m not done yet but man am I glad to have my life where it’s supposed to be and not where I choose it.





Day 729 My crockpot life

25 01 2015

Rock Bottom Outreach one of the best things that has happened to me.  To see so many broken people glue the pieces back and give so much of them of  themselves. The only place I feel normal is with this group of truly not normal but amazing people. We got to volunteer twice this weekend. Give to the homeless again today. We gave out over 300 sleeping bags the last two weeks and today over 100 meals.  Just amazing because we have up given up ourselves for others and we get the benefit of it.

Being a single parent you want to cook homemade meals. There is not time sometimes no matter how much planning was done. The one thing you can always count on is the crock pot to save your bottom when you know time is limited. Sure you could microwave something but come on really.

The microwave, cooks the edges but the middle is cold, or it never cooks anything. It can explode in the microwave causing a mess you don’t want to clean up or it can burn your popcorn. So what the point my life used to a be the microwave. I burned so much of my life relationships, friends, ideas, church, sometimes I cooked the edges but the middle was cold. That was me I looked great from the outside but inside I was cold and dead. Every time I microwaved my life I made it explode and the cleanup was too much. So I just left it there hoping someone else would come clean up my mess. I set the timer for God to hurry up and the timer never went off when I wanted it to.

My life is a crock pot now. Doesn’t mean I don’t try to microwave my  life at times but when I do. I over cook, under cook or it explodes in my face. Since I try to and believe me I fail often,  I still am using the crock pot of life. As long as I plug it and turn it on God is going to do to my life what it should be. Its going to smell good and be amazing at the end of it. God doesn’t see time and when I quit trying to fast forward my life (microwave it) what should turn out will. Just like the crock pot I can take anything and throw it in the crock pot and it tastes good. You just have to give it time. If you throw everything in the crock put and don’t plug it in or turn it on it wont cook. I still have no idea about many aspects of my life but God has never let me down. Slow and steady  will cook everything to the right degree but only if I let it finish.

So what am I saying: Stop using the microwave it burns, it under cooks, or over cooks and causes things to explode. Choose God ,choose life, chose the crock pot. I’m not done yet but man am I glad to have my life where it’s supposed to be and not where I choose it.





Day 703 I finally have fallen in love again

30 12 2014

For all of those new Years Resolutions people here is a fresh idea. Go back to what you wanted to do last year, figure out why you didn’t accomplish those. You will never have solutions to your resolutions until you figure out why you didn’t accomplish what you wanted to from the year before. When you figure it our reevaluate. Don’t try to move forward when you haven’t moved from last year. just an idea!

Yes I have finally fallen in love again. Its been a few years coming and its so much better than before. No I haven’t fallen in love with a new woman but my children again. I know some of you thought really I had no idea you had a woman I don’t, I’m not sure if I will master that but I sure have with my kids.

My kids are growing up and they aren’t as dependent on me in different ways than when they younger. My daughter is in 7th grade my son started Kindergarten this year. They are both so smart and witty.I can carry on conversations with them about so many different things. They even make me raise my eyebrows with how smart they are and what they know.When you don’t have you kids 7 days at time one you appreciate your time with them so much more when you have them, but you also see how much they grow up in  7 days. If you your married or have your kids all the time it’s just life but you don’t see the subtle changes than when they’re not there.  When they were here for the week of Christmas we talked a lot about God, being grateful and giving back. I think I stink at teaching about those things but even my 6 year gave me examples of how I was teaching  them through my words and bringing them to Rock Bottom events.  When I dropped them back off with their mom Christmas eve I hugged them like I wouldn’t see them again I’m sure they wondered what was up. That night I spent with myself just appreciating  how far I had come as a parent. June 2012 I moved out of my house and my first thought is I can’t be a single daddy. I m going to fail so miserably. I’m going to damaged them more than I already have. Christmas eve 2014 I fell in love with them all over again. I didn’t know it was possible to love two human beings as much as I do my children. No matter what I put them through they love me, I feel it, I see it, and they reflect that.

No matter what you have done wrong as a parent kids are forgiving: spend time with your kids, tell them how amazing they are, build them up, set examples for them, and fall in love with them all over again. BTW  if you don’t believe in God and miracles Im  living proof that God can take a big pile of nothing (not true but my thoughts at one time) and transform you into changing lives mostly importantly your children’s.





Day 555 The Placebo effect

7 08 2014

I bought school supplies for my kids today. Good Lord that was expensive no I mean really expensive. I need your help please. I was selected as one of the 6 finalist  for A Free Jet Pack Trip in California by Leslie Carter and Bucketlistpublications.com but I need your vote please.

go here: //http://www.bucketlistpublications.com/portfolio-view/jpa-tyler-wood/

I heard a message about The Placebo effect on Monday. What is it? The placebo effect refers to the phenomenon in which some people experience some type of benefit after the administration of a placebo. A placebo is a substance with no known medical effects, such as sterile water, saline solution or a sugar pill. In short, a placebo is a fake treatment that in some cases can produce a very real response. The expectations of the patient play an important role in the placebo effect; the more a person expects the treatment to work, the more likely they are to exhibit a placebo response. What this means to me is that you are what you believe. If you think you are not good enough, your ugly, you don’t deserve it, you’re not worth it then guess what? You are what you think. If you don’t think the placebo effect works think about when someone gives you a compliment and how much better you feel for a short time. The problem become that  you don’t plant or use your placebo. Someone else cannot be your placebo effect. They can enhance it but not be it.

If you know me I’m the hardest critic in the world on me. Some of my thoughts: your ugly, your to big, you’re not funny, you’ll never be good enough, nobody will ever want to understand you, your not a good daddy, your average,. It hurts seeing those things typed out but its true. I try to be real but it still hurts. If I always thought things then my life would never change. So I;m really working everyday to compliment me, tell me Im good and see if the Placebo Effect work. It’s amazing how much more positive I am when I feel good about me. Here is what you have to do: You have to do it everyday and when the crap thoughts creep on you say a prayer to God and do the following:Change your mind, Don’t label yourself, Stop blaming others (you are in charge of you and everything you do and say), Guard your heart, and put on the Armour of God because when the devil has you a, your  screwed if you don’t turn to God.

This will be the hardest thing you do but I promise you it works! You are worth it so do it. Love ya








Matthew Winters (Honest Thoughts from a Pastor)

The life, ministry, & thoughts of a Christ-follower, husband, dad, & minister

paytej

Let's seek the truth. Let's share in Christ.

My True North

A certain darkness is needed to see the stars.

sandsoftime10

A peek into Megha's mind

jesussocial

Christian News, Devotional, Leadership, Church, Evangelism, Conference, Worship, Pastors , Bible, Gospel Music,Gospel,Salvation, GoodNews, Disciples, Cross,Winning, Love, Mercy,Bible Study,New Testament, Church,Matthew,Mark, Luke, John,Heart, Soul, Body,Mind,Spirit,Church History, Books, Pastorso, Evangelists. Teachers, Apostles, Healing, Leadership, Grace, Salvation, Faith,Lifestyle and Entertainment,

FAUZI PRESIDENT HAMIKU

Invite Rizky FAUZI as Speaker - 08986800220 (Chat WA) | SUPPORT HAMIKU SUCCESS with SHARE IT | Setelah DIBACA timbal baliknya harus di-SHARE soalnya gak gratis... - RIZKY FAUZI

iksperimentalist

a collision of science and comedy

This is My Story, This is My Song.

This is my journey with faith, love, acceptance, redemption through God's incredible grace and mercy!

Surviving the affair....the cheaters perspective

I cheated. Yip I did it, I am not proud of it, but that won't change a thing. This is my story of me trying to survive one day at a time. No guarantees....

Light of Darkness

Every moment of light and dark is a miracle

%d bloggers like this: