Day 1520 The problem isn’t the problem

23 04 2017

Happy Sunday peeps. I tried Taco Bell food again today. I have to stop. It was a staple of my youth. I think for $2.00 I got full. Now I eat it and Im going to throw up. My digestive system is never going to forgive me. Going to burp gordito something for weeks. Sorry typing out loud again. Anyway on to the blog and here’sssss Tyler!!

I rarely get anything from the message at church if being honest. I go and search and pray but usually nothing. Today was different. I listened and stayed off my phone.

The problem isn’t the problem. AS always I will use my life to explain the message. We all search for more, better , best, I need a home, a new job, raise my kids better, love from someone. So we get a new home then we need more stuff in it, a got  a job finally, now I need more money, my kid got over this hurdle now I need them to just stop doing (ABC) I found someone to love me but they need to do it this way. You Can pick what fits for you! Why is nothing ever enough. Its fear of running out, a fear of having or being enough, I never felt like I was enough, even though I put the world on my shoulders and actually accomplished a lot but things I didn’t haunt me. Not being the final athlete I should, pushing on and being a Dr. So I buy a house, after I get it, it’s not big enough, I should have bought here, I need more in it. I have a job so thankful then I’m not getting paid enough, they don’t appreciate me, so you look for another one. In love you find someone to love you but then the new wears off and they don’t do this for me, or they can’t love me, Im a mess. Were all looking for validation like a child, did I do good, do you love me, but even when we have it, we think we don’t have it.

We all know alcoholics, drug users, helicopter parents, sex addicts, manipulators etc. The problem with who we are today isn’t about today its about those unresolved problems from our past. If my dad would have been capable of loving me and letting me know I was enough I wouldn’t be searching everyday to be more. I would be okay with me, , the love I have, the people in my life, the stuff I have. I already got everything I need so why more. It’s about Validation. I have never been to a funeral where someone said, man their house was so big, or he got married 4 times so he could find love, or what he made at his job. Which tells me that crap doesn’t matter. I sent my kid to all these camps and he’s so smart but you forgot to love him and now he hates you or has become an addict because you didn’t love him with time you loved him with stuff.

We then start medicating, buying more, drinking more, showing off more, trying to impress the unimpressible. All the things we already had we lost for trying to climb the mountain to attain more. How do you fix it! I started 1.5 year ago writing down 3 things Im thankful for each day. It’s never been hard to do. It’s a mindset change yes but there is so much each day. Start telling other why their enough, start loving those in your life and make sure they know first that you love them. You ask God to show you what you choose not to see. Enough is enough and always has been. Then surround yourself with grateful people! Its amazing when I hear someone say Im so thankful that I  got to have or get XYZ. Im like me too why didn’t I say thank you for that rather than expect it.

When you think why do I have this problem. It goes back to the past and not being grateful for what we do I have. So for that thank you for reading!

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