Day 1098 It looks like hell

1 02 2016

Some of my best blogs have never been published. I write it I copy and paste it and let it be hidden. It’s the stuff that very few people will ever know.  Why because I ve learned that the world doesn’t like the truth. before I wrote this tonight I had a really good one about what I see when I close my eyes. It was wonderfully deep and raw but from it spawned this.

I would never try to change your beliefs. I would love to discuss but I have my own and so here it goes!  I believe in Heaven the way its been described by religion but Also my own beliefs. I know I will be reunited with every person that has died, taken their own life and misunderstood. I also believe that if you look for it there is heaven on earth. It seems as my time gets longer on earth I see more hell on earth. Let me explain!

I’ll use my life and the people in it. I wont use what society or the news says. I have had 5 people in my life that have committed suicide and all 5 were people who you would say you were shocked that it happened. One of them blew his head off and I went into the room. If you’ve never seen it all you say is why in world would this ever happen. I myself couldn’t deal with what the world was throwing at me and  went to take my own life. I watched my father rot literally in front of my eyes. HE couldn’t wipe himself, feed himself,  and didn’t know who we were. I knew a little boy who was molested for 4 years and it took 2 more years to find out. I see him now and he’s so odd and different. Can you imagine what in world he saw and what happened to him. We all know what cancer has done to someone. Car accidents that Mame or turn someone into something that doesn’t look human.

All say all of that to say this: So there is a place worse than what we see and feel on earth? I say no way! It’s why  when someone asked why I changed or why I should I always say I don’t want to be left behind here. I believe the earth is hell. It’s why when I leave this body the earth can have my body but God gets me.  What if I’m wrong. Well I go with everyone else and can irritate them “there”. In the mean time I will help has many people not feel or see the pain. I will try to find the best and the heaven that the earth does show us. Accept the truth and let’s get where we belong

Day 1095 What I learned from being Shallow

1 02 2016

AC comes back on this weekend  as we reach 80 on Sunday. I know people are so happy but those same people complain about their allergies and bugs you can’t have them both people!! Oh I also want a blizzard just one time not the kind at Dairy Queen but where you can make real snowmen.

If I typed this out and said I wasn’t shallow almost my whole life that would be a huge lie. Sure guys are more physical creatures blah blah but I was worse. Looks were actually the only thing I cared about. Oh sure I would tell the girl all the stuff I was supposed to but honestly it was physical. I told “her” every chance I had how beautiful she was and sure she liked but what about who she was. The reason you either fall in or out of love with someone. The make or break stuff. Well I knew it but I never explained it. The way I was raised or maybe I forgot to but I didn’t get Tyler you are this and that. I did get I’m proud of you but I never knew why really. So in my marriage or dating life before my marriage I was always so astounded when I complimented your looks but never told you about the important things and “she complained” I would always tear her down real well with what I didn’t like but I never filled her heart with the things that mattered. It was either I didn’t want to, didn’t know how to, or just wouldn’t.

Last year my daughter I was talking to her and told her I’m so proud of you Morgan and she asked me why. She had never done that. I always tell her everyday shes beautiful. I just told her because she was my daughter. Guess what that’s not enough!! I went into counseling and talked about it and started reading online. If we don’t want to be superficial and don’t want our kids to focus on looks then we have to teach them that. We also have to teach adults that. True there must be physical attraction if your going to date , what about what you want to find in someone. What about just a friendship. If you’re building up someone telling them all the great things about them ,they will begin to believe it. If all we concentrate on is looks then that’s all we will find. Have you ever met someone who is beautiful and after getting to know them they became just an ugly human. Or you meet someone and say they are cute  and then you get to know them and your eyes open and you see them so beautiful.

For me I’m the second. I’m cute but once you get to know me your like why isn’t he on chubby GQ. lol. I have a great responsibility to my kids and anyone in my circle to  tell them they physically look good but also what makes them so special. If we spend more time telling others to find the beautiful person inside then our relationships become more lasting and fulling.

If you have never watched Shallow Hal go rent it download it or whatever we do nowadays. I was Jack Black in the movie. If your relationships are failing then try find the beauty inside. I’ve worked so hard to let my kids know their inner beauty and it’s still a struggle because all of theirs lives I just concentrated on the outside. Especially with girls and women, society all ready beats them up enough about their looks its time for men to make a stand and teach them what matters. Relationships and marriages didn’t fail because of looks they failed because you never knew what to look for and when the newness of the looks faded you were like crap I don’t like this person. Take it from a recovering Shallow Hal looks matter but its the ones inside that last forever.


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