Day 1017 Why depression has me now

9 11 2015

Im sorry for not blogging much lately which I will explain later. Thank you for those that have checked in on me.  My family has depression that goes back at least two generations on each side. It’s hard to say it won’t happen to you until it does. Well welcome to my now and I’m not writing so you worry I’m just writing so you hopefully understand and will check on your friends and family. Life has plenty of ups and downs and the blues or sadness comes from that for sure but when you have depression sometimes there’s no reason. Here  is definition:

Sadness or downswings in mood are normal reactions to life’s struggles, setbacks, and disappointments. Many people use the word “depression” to explain these kinds of feelings, but depression is much more than just sadness.Some people describe depression as “living in a black hole” or having a feeling of impending doom. However, some depressed people don’t feel sad at all—they may feel lifeless, empty, and apathetic, or men in particular may even feel angry, aggressive, and restless.

So here I am with really no good reason to be depressed. My life is pretty good and here I am though. I’m making it through the day by coaching my self up. I’ve been here before and now that I know what it is i know I have to get it under control or the mind spirals out of control. I feel lifeless, empty at times and then in turn that makes me mad or angry. People who have never dealt with depression will tell you, just suck it up or my Christian friends you’ve allowed the devil in your life just pray it away. I sigh and want to smack them. Thats not the way it works. It’s a chemical imbalance in the brain and you have to help it. I went to the Dr last week and about to make the most about-face medical changes I have made in a while. I have to make changes to medications and change the way I eat.  I also can’t isolate or stop living my life. Its a huge damper from where I’ve been to where Im at. Its frustrating, confusing and just stupid to feel this way but I do.

This time of year is hard for so many people, especially the ones that put on a great show for you then go and hide inside themselves away from you. For me please keep praying I need all I can get but also look at your friends, ask questions. I know God can do anything but if I just sit here and do nothing, nothing is what I will get. Remember people who fight depression don’t want to feel this way and you can’t just snap your fingers and make it go away.

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4 responses

9 11 2015
KZ

Hi Tyler, I know where you’re coming from. I learned from a “professional” a couple of decades ago that depression is often “anger turned inward.” I found that to be true in most of my “episodes.” Futility, numbness and apathy… typical feelings when anger has gotten me nowhere. Sometimes, however, during the worst of it all, the emotion precedes any trigger. I have nothing to be sad about! Driving down the road, and BAM! Tears, sudden potentially bad urges! Feeling like I’ve lost the one thing that truly mattered to me, but I don’t have any idea what it is I’ve lost! I start looking for reasons to feel so bad about life… Yep, it happens to me too.

Here’s what helps. (1) Knowing that it goes away. Comes and goes, comes and goes, like the tide. It’s my “normal.” (2) I’m in a place where the people around me understand my need for retreat from time to time. They accept the absurdity of the mood swings without telling me I’m being absurd. They encourage me to come out and eat from time to time, they give me space without making me feel abandoned, they give me time. (3) — Here’s the big one — I quit talking about it. It’s like picking at a scab. It can become habitual, ritual in addition to cyclical. Yes, when in the thickness of it, talk if you can — if you want to. But as you start climbing back out — and you will — no more talking. Does an epileptic talk constantly about their seizures? Nope. Depression is physiological, like epilepsy. Keep yourself safe while you have your seizures. Know they won’t last forever. Try medication if you think it will work for you, but don’t have shame. It’s just a different kind of normal. Accept yourself and when you are strong, be your strongest. Give the best of you when you can. Don’t let depression be an excuse for not shining when you can. I’ve seen you shine, and it’s a cool thing to behold.

KZ

10 11 2015
Karen

Praying for you. I understand more than you can possibly imagine. We have the same issues in our family, and it’s taken me most of my life to figure out how it has affected me as well as other relatives. Counseling, talking to a good friend, meds if prescribed, prayer, and realizing how many people are going through the same thing — all are helpful. I love KZ’s last comments and totally agree: “Give the best of you when you can. Don’t let depression be an excuse for not shining when you can. I’ve seen you shine, and it’s a cool thing to behold.” You are so amazingly great in so many ways. Love you big time.

10 11 2015
Day 1017 Why depression has me now | My New Life

[…] Source: Day 1017 Why depression has me now […]

10 11 2015
MeRaw

Wishing you the best of everything, and the strength to get through this particular moment in time, at your own pace.
Don’t be hard on yourself.
Reach out to your support network.
Thinking of you.
x

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