Day 958 My son cried on his birthday

10 09 2015

When you’re a parent the moments you think wow I did a good job are few and far between. I’ve  always been super hard on myself and now I’ve learned to be humble I rarely say anything good about me. Its just feels weird. Most of my close friends would tell you that I should try to give myself a bit of credit. Well  I spent years of taking from life it’s just better to give back and be quite. I have learned though its good to give God what he deserves so here is one of those moments.

B birthday 1 B birthday 2 B birthday 3

yesterday my son turned 7. I remember that we found out we were pregnant it was one of the toughest times in my life. I never appreciated him the way I should. I had lost my dad a few years before, I had just kicked my best friend out of my life and I was a mess with a capital M. I was excited that he was coming but I was like oh no another kid to screw up, I hope he doesn’t become me, what do I teach him. Will he see through my crap, and  a laundry list of other stuff that was just a bunch of lies. I truly have forgotten many of his early years I was so self-absorbed in me. I have pictures that help remind me but really that’s it. If you follow my blog you know the day I attempted suicide that when I got home I made a promise to be the best father I could be and would become.  So to get on to yesterday: I spoiled him no doubt but that’s my job, parent, teach, and spoil, rinse and repeat. My family came up they spoiled him too and he got Pokeman cards, wrestling cards, a football, a wrestler, cloths, legos, a video game and Disney Infinity Three with the Yoda figurine for the game. I would explain Infinity but just google it. It’s a video game system. We went through all the presents and saved the Infinity system for last because that’s wheat he wanted the most. I teased him and told him that he had too much other stuff so he didn’t get Infinity and we just needed to be grateful. ( I only did that because my parents did it to me). We get to last 2 presents and he opens the figure then I think he realized the next present was the infinity system. He yelled Oh my Gosh daddy then he comes over and gives me the tightest hug he has ever given me. If you see the pictures above. He started crying  while hugging me and said: Daddy I didn’t deserve all of this, your such a good daddy. He cried for at least three minutes. I told him how proud I was of him, that he did deserve it, that I was thankful to be his daddy, and he was an amazing little boy. I just held him because I didn’t want that moment to end. If you see the other pics the football he smiled and the other pic shows the tears in his eyes with his Infinity.

When something like that happens I can look at all the bad I had done in my past or I can look at the here and now. My amazing family, my beautiful loving teenage daughter and my son. That was so humbled at 7 that he said that he didn’t deserve the gift and he’s sensitive enough to know its okay to cry in front of others. No matter my mistakes who I am today is what matters. The past helped shape me but my today is what makes me. I know when I pray everyday for my kids and ask God to give me wisdom. He has heard my prayers and now allows me to speak the correct words and not mine.  So yes I’m giving myself credit today. The most important job for a man is to raise his kids. If I or we don’t the world will and that leads to Rock Bottom.
To the smartest, funniest, most loving, hugging, wittiest boy I know, I love you Brayden Wood. Big thank you to my sister for snapping the photos and caring so much for us.

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