Day 950 What I would have told myself yesterday

2 09 2015

It’s that time of when the air starts to get crisp and the leaves are staring to change. You can feel the people starting to get in a better mood because its getting cooler. Then you realize you live in Texas and today I got a sunburn on the top of my head because I was standing outside for 10 minutes. Im sure people thought it was a BBQ but no my head. Im ready for it to get cooler and also starting eating and drinking more pumpkin stuff. My man card might just have lost points but Im willing to take that chance.

Ont thing I do a lot of is reflect. It might be a conversation, a text, the way I reacted, my thoughts at that moment, why I didn’t do something or I did. I’m always trying to be better than I was when the alarm went off that day. Some days Im a miserable failure on being better and some days actually proud of myself. If you know me that’s something I’ve struggle with my whole life. If I was a fighter in his prime I’m Muhammad Ali the way I beat myself up. It’s a blessing and curse because you always hold yourself to a higher standard but also I never give myself a break. So today I did a reflecting on the past year of my life. Its the new school year and Im only 39 days away from being 40 Yikes!!!  So why not. Why do you get angry at the smallest thing sometimes, you do realize that the 99 problems you built up in your head actually the only one you had was yourself. Why do you go to church on Sunday, sit by yourself and then leave early. I guess Jesus left the building so you thought you were on his level.  Why do you neglect texts from people all they wanted to know is how you’re doing. They probably actually cared. Y I know you push a lot of people out of your life because your afraid of them but you should be proud of the few you allowed to stay.. Every time you speak to a group of total strangers and pour your heart out you are doing something great. Somebody walks away with something and if you don’t believe that God knows. The messages you post to Facebook to help encourage or offer hope you should heed those same messages. You don’t have to be perfect and you don’t have to tell everyone how horrible you were in your past. They want to know your story but who you are now is who and what they like and be comfortable in it. You can’t save everyone but you know 3 you have. You’re doing your part stop and be happy about those. Every time you knew you should have said yes but said no I hoped you learned from that.  I know you think have no clue what to do with a teenage daughter but when she kisses your forehead and says she loves you  that she really does.  When you did for yourself or went somewhere you wanted to go did you ever regret it. The answer is no and its okay to take care of yourself too. When you get by uself and you  cry that’s God just getting cleanse yourself so you can see what you forget. You are not broken anymore, your glued back and your beautiful. Yes dad is so proud of you. Mom believes that you kept your promise that you made to your dad that you would take care of her and your sister. Finally you’re a really good man, worthy of the most love, patience, grace and hope from another. Every morning you tell yourself that because as flawed and broken as you are and were you’re an  example and very few can wake up every morning and say that.

This blog was for me to go back and read when I forget about who I am. I’m sharing it with you because I know I’m not the only one that feels this way. Thank you for always reading and being supportive.

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