Day 940 Its suicide season

23 08 2015

We got a final wrap on summer by taking my entire family to Great Wolf Lodge. For those that don’t know its an indoor water park. I think everyone had the same idea as me and it was packed. It was super cool place though and we even went down a scary slide. My kids are growing up so fast and this is the second time I’ve been there with them and just remembering from the last time made me emotional a bit.

I try to be pretty upbeat when I write my blog! Sometimes I don’t want to but be being positive and still keep it real helps me a lot. I’m hurting today to be honest. Yesterday and today I dealt with 5 different situations that I’m getting used to but it never gets easier. 2 calls that I am about to get a divorced what can I do, one a great man and friend died on the operating table, an addict refusing help, and a suicide.  Being a part of Rock Bottom Outreach we get to see the good  but also the bad. I don’t care who you are you just never get used to anything bad happening to anyone especially over and over. I guess my calling to help counsel people on is divorce, anger and suicide. Sometimes in that order all at once. Since I attempted suicide in 2011 I understand it and how somebody gets there. The worst part and every time it brings up the feelings I felt that August day. I was hopeless, felt that the world was better without me, my kids didn’t need me and that I was unlovable which I seemed to prove daily. Now that I’m a here I get sick when I hear about suicide. Not only for the person but the wreckage it leaves behind. Nobody ever becomes normal again especially the kids. It never makes sense unless you’re the one trying to kill yourself. Reason, and rational thought is gone. Its like the mind switched off and it’s not coming back on.

Yesterday through Facebook I got a message and honestly it shocked me. I pulled over and cried. My friend had just moved for a great opportunity for his wife  and he was going back to coaching. Last time I saw him he seemed like the same guy.  Happy about the opportunity and I just wouldn’t have thought it but……. He hung himself in a tree, his teenage son had to cut him down, and honestly his wife had no clue either. His son never gets the image out of his mind, the wife blames herself, and the other kids are left with a whole that only God and mean only God can heal. Thats 8 people this year that I was close to that had died of suicide. Then I made a Facebook just reminding them how much their loved. People think you wake up and say today  Im going to kill myself!! Thats not true at all, it takes time and hopelessness. It took me 2.5 months to make the decision. The pain that someone carried is absolutely earth shattering if you get to talk to someone who lived through it. After I made the announcement on my FB page three people reached out to me saying they were thinking about it and 4 other people said that they had friends in the past two weeks that had killed themselves. Last night before I closed my eyes I did some research! 22 % of all veterans are killing themselves and the suicide rate of Americans is up  57% for the past 2 years. Who knows if that stats are correct because stats are made up on the spot, but this is true people are  killing themselves at an  alarming rate.

Satan is real my friends and he is kicking a lot of butt now. More people are turning away from God and I have no other answer but God. The only reason I can hit these keys on the is keyboard is because of God. In a time where humans need each other more than ever we isolate more behind, our phone, or computer, when was the last time you just called someone or God forbid went to where they lived and just checked on them. The need to be in community and have a face to face conversation never ended. I think its more important now that ever. Do you remember the last time you had a face to face waked away with a hug and how great that feeling was. I bet when you sent your last text it didn’t feel that way.

Here’s what I know for me: If you have the slightest worry about someone, call them, invite them out, do something. It’s not your job to save anyone I guess but you have no idea the power of your words.

If your thinking about it: I love you, you are loved, you are not your past, you’re not your mistakes, you are a gift and you are needed. I promise you. It doesn’t matter what you thought can’t be fixed it can. Don’t isolate reach out.  If you haven’t prayed Jesus is right next to you. He never left you!

Love you!




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