Day 920 This is what I don’t have

3 08 2015

This morning one of my friends got baptized and I cried. With change comes a heart of compassion. I remember being dunked in the water last year and what it symbolized for me. My friend Chris has had his fair share of crap that he brought on but also things that he didn’t ask for. There was a  group of the churches youth up by the baptism water and a boy turned around and said sir why are you crying. I said I can’t explain it unless you’ve been there but that is what you call rising through the ashes. I hope you never get there but if you do remember God never leaves us! Pretty good little Sunday if I do say so.

This is what I don’t have!! Okay Im not going to write what I don’t have sorry to let you down but Im going to write about the good I have in my life. This blog came on from a meme that I had saved on my phone. I was looking for a little encouragement yesterday after driving around for about 3 hrs cleaning my brain. I always used to be a glass half empty guy but im learning that its better to have a little than none at all.

Remember when

Its coming up on three years since my divorce and I won’t forget the way I felt standing in that courthouse. I had no idea which way was going to be up. I didn’t know how to be a dad, how to function on my own.  I doubted my self every second of everyday. Now almost three years later, sure I still doubt but it’s so many fewer times. Every time I turn it over to God its goes the way it should. I have won so many battles but not with people because if we win those we actually lose. I’m talking about the battles of the mind that tell us you’re not lovable, worthy, your not good at ABC. 3 years ago I feared my own shadow and now I welcome its company. I was reminded last night of things I forget about myself and about who I am and what I’ve overcome. It’s always easy everyday to wake up and say I can’t do this or I haven’t made any real changes. I would beg you to start everyday listing one or two things that you have overcome,  a fear your overcoming, a battle within you that you have conquered. Your doing such an amazing job compared to what you think you are. For me, Everyday to be the best father and never be selfish,  I’m learning to love me, I have a heart for God, to do something good everyday, to help at the drop of the hat to be there for someone, my fear of not being lovable, I slowly learning that be by myself is okay. Sometimes just keeping my head above water and not tucking tail and running.  Providing you hope when you feel there is none is what I like the most. So today stop and recognize the things you have done and where you’re at compared to just one year ago. Be proud of yourself if that means  you were at your rock bottom or there now , it only goes up from here. I’m living proof that the most broken, worst self esteem, pathetic man full of excuses can change and its been so worth it.

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