Day 913 All his strings broke

27 07 2015

You have those moments when parenting when you hear something that you didn’t know you would.  Before I get my kids back, I get nervous because I want to be a super dad but also please don’t let me mess up but every time I do which is okay and because of that this made my day: We were bringing all the their stuff inside from their moms and my son says: Daddy I want to be just like you, I want to be cool and funny like  you, have your cool haircut, get into a car accident and get out okay but most daddy I want to love you the way you love me and sister. I stopped in my tracks and I told him lets please not do the car wreck thing okay, but that means so much to me. I asked him to go inside I’ll be there in a second. I just cried there in the parking lot. Knowing my 6-year-old had those thoughts of me let me know no matter how many times I think I’m blowing it he doesn’t see me the way I see myself. I walked around with a little bigger chest than normal on Friday.

Since Thursday I received 3 phone calls from folks about I think I want to commit suicide. Side note: You want to serve God believe me he will give you ample opportunity. Most of the time people have had the talk with themselves but they truly don’t want to kill themselves they just want to know if their okay, if there going to be okay and what to do next. Ive learned what to say but mostly they are lonely and want to talk. Every time I hang up the phone I remember the day I was ready to end it all and better the world without me that takes me to last night. I went and saw Paper Towns and in the first 5 minutes of character development the two main charters are riding their bikes as young kids and there is a man who shot and killed himself. She goes up to the man and says it’s so sad. It later tells in the story he was a 36-year-old man who was getting a divorce and he couldn’t stand the burden or failure ( me). so he killed himself. She then looks at the other character and says all his strings broke. I was stunned because those are the words I had been searching for since that August day to explain how I felt.

If you have ever seen a piano or guitar with every string busted it’s a mess. Your thoughts are throw it away and start over. I felt at that moment in 2011 all of my strings were broke and its time to throw it away but with no starting over. When all your strings are broke there is no God at that moment, you see every mistake you, made worse than it really was, every emotion is sad and depressing, and every person you want to love you only sees you as a pathetic, nobody that will never change. We all know that is a truly a lie from the pits of hell but I promise if you’ve never been there its true and is only justified by the people who called me this week reaching out for help. It’s funny how blogs come together for me because Thursday since I’m a big strong guy people think I like helping them move heavy things. I’m always first on the list for some reason.  My buddy asked if I could come help move his piano from the living to the garage because he couldn’t fix all the strings and he was sending it out to get a remodel a guess. When we got it into the garage I lifted the lid about half the strings were busted and rolled up and the other strings were perfect. I asked him why he didn’t finish he just said he wasn’t good at it but they looked okay but sounded horrible. Then comes the movie. To see the strings that were all busted up and rolled up into ball or just hanging there looking worthless that was my life almost 4 years ago. To see what I used to think of myself but to see the other strings my buddy fixed that were in place, looked pretty good, but maybe didn’t sound perfect that is who Tyler Wood is now. Busted, bruised, rolled into a ball and supposedly worthless, have turned into a string that could be used, and when tuned properly make a beautiful sound when all the strings are finished the piano will probably sound better, work better and be used in a way it never would have. I finally found a metaphor that works for me and I have no idea how to play the piano but I know when its working and sounds good. I beg of you to let the brokeness of your life be found in a string of something for you. God did not make mistakes, you maybe lost right now, you might feel worthless, at your rock bottom, you may feel nothing is working out at all, but all your strings are not broken, they just need to be handed over to God for a little adjustment.

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3 responses

28 07 2015
Luna Darcy

Thank you for the encouragement! This means a lot for people going through a tough time right now.

God is with us – even if we don’t feel it.

1 08 2015
dray0308

Reblogged this on Dream Big, Dream Often and commented:
Tyler at My New Life discusses life and when the strings break. Give him a read!
(comments disabled, click and comment on the original post.)

1 08 2015
jacquelineobyikocha

Amen. God is always ready to meet us and repair our broken strings only if we believe. Thank you for sharing.

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