Day 907 I blew it Saturday

21 07 2015

On Friday night my buddy Jim and I went to a concert with the bands of Pennywise and Danzig. I had made a promise to myself that if Danzig came back to Dallas I would see them. They were my band I used to get my blood flowing before any sports or other blood flowing event needed. Needless to say they didn’t let us down. We also participated in the mosh pit. I had so much fun but boy my body was not a happy camper the next day. It’s good to remember that you still have it at almost 40 but you only have it for a day. Ha ha

If you know me at all you know I’m real, not judgmental and try real hard to live a good God-fearing life. You also know I still struggle and sometimes do some really idiotic things. Most of the stupid things I do are fear based and have nothing to do with the way God sees me but the way I feel and look at myself based on the past me. Its start with a real dumb thought and the next thing you know I’m burning down my life. Then I just pray the next day I wake up and I’ve snapped out of it. Saturday night hanging out with my buddy J. and he said something that stirred a feeling about how my trust in people or lack there of comes from ex marriage. It really made me think that man I thought I had come further than that. He was right though but it kept stirring and truthfully pissed me off Not at him but me. as the night went on I acted like I was okay and I wasn’t. We then went to another venue and ran into a friend that I love to death. Heard a story about how he was doing and it made me hurt for him so much. I got actually upset at that point that I was visually and verbally losing my temper. I was having a conversation and prayed God would settle my heart down but to avail. ( I know I’m leaving out details but I have some cleaning up of what I did so I won’t mention names). I wont apologize for what I said but I will apologize for what I did. We actually got into a physical altercation in the parking . It was truly all my fault. I should have walked away but I didn’t. It was the first time in 4 years I lost my head. I know my temper and have done great keeping me under wraps. All as I can say is I’m sorry to my buddy but not sure that will work. I’m still waiting!

So where did it come from: It came from the parts of me that made me think that my opinion or thoughts didn’t matter, I wasn’t important, that maybe I wasn’t who I thought I was. Sunday I drove to Waco so I had sometime to process and clear my head. The devil is real and if you don’t always keep your guard up Satan walks in and attacks everything he knows that you fear. He can kill so much inside you and Saturday night Devil 1- Tyler-0. I’m so embarrassed by my actions but after much thought it’s another on my list of actions that I will get to the bottom of and grow from. God never said don’t sin , he asked us to be convicted of them. Here I am raising both hands knowing full well its a mistake and that won’t happen again as long as I follow his path and not mine. Sometimes the ones that are perceived to be the strongest get the least support because people believe they don’t need it. I for one accept any and all support because I can’t do this by myself.  I blew it Saturday so here’s to being the man I am not the one I used to be. Thanks!!




One response

22 07 2015

Amen to this: “The devil is real and if you don’t always keep your guard up Satan walks in and attacks everything he knows that you fear.” Each day is a new slate. Pick yourself up and move forward. Seriously, Danzig? That’s some heavy metal. Music for males. 😉

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