Day 898 I don’t need you

12 07 2015

Yesterday I attend a wedding and reception for one of the first girls I dated after my divorce. She said I was the best first date she ever had. I guess that was enough and we have stayed friends and I was lucky enough to attend yesterday. He’s a great guy and two people who have found love after divorce. We almost didn’t make it because I took my son and he said if they kiss Im going to throw up. Im proud to report they did kiss and no throw up! Something is up though because 4 girls Ive dated in the last 19 months have gotten married after me. So if you’re looking to get married go on a date with me and the man of your dreams appears right after me. LOL!

I was the worlds worst independent, I go this, I don’t need you person. If you didn’t do I would step in and get it done “the right way” I couldn’t accept help, I had to be the first, the best and sometimes the only. I was a great team player as long as I lead the team. I was even brash enough to tell God on many occasions I got this I don’t need you. I never said I was smart I said I was independent. I pretty much alienated every single person in my life away from me and when you do that Rock Bottom is just sitting there waiting for you! I reached it but in that I learned some very valuable lessons which we always do and it’s always the hard way.

Last night at the reception I heard a conversation (BTW people talk to loud sometimes) and this guy and girl who were friends but not together mentioned at least three times that they didn’t need anybody. They gave their reasons see above just like I had and I wanted to jump in the conversation so bad but I let it play out. It’s so sad that we think we got this by ourselves. We as people were destined to belong, why are there gangs, team sports, band, mothers group, AA, etc.. We were made to be with others. As iron sharpens iron one man sharpens another. You take being an alcoholic or drug user and who you hang around with is what you become. You’re a christian and you hang with atheists your probably going to become atheists. What I m trying to say is good or bad we all want to belong. We need the time by ourselves to reflect but if we stay by ourselves we don’t got it and we never will. If you were on your island you might even survive or thrive but just for a bit then you will drown either figuratively or in mind trash. It is true we don’t need certain people or persons in our life. All they do is crush our soul and spirit. Fine get rid of them but you need to surround yourself with people and different kinds that help you not to be alone. I promise you this: If you try to fix you with only you it may end is a pool of your own emotions, or blood. We  have more going on in our lives than ever before and the garbage that floats around in our mind is crippling. I’m blessed to have 4 close friends. I call them my 3 o’clock in the morning friends. If its 3 o’clock I can call them and they will be there. they might grill me but they will be there. I have my Rock Bottom family that not once have they judged me and accepted me every-time. I want you to find that as well. You can always become a part of the rock bottom family or find your peeps that are your 3 o’clock friends. You may have never needed them but you will one day I promise. The people I had in my past life left me when I needed them, I thought they were my ride or die types. When I needed them they could have cared less of I would have died. You cant and weren’t meant to be alone. So rather than saying I don’t need you say I want you please. If you want those types of people pray and God will bring them to you!

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