Day 879 The one that got away

23 06 2015

Yesterday I had a tremendous honor of being able to go with the two members of the Rock Bottom team and head down to Jennings Louisiana and do a radio show on HLE radio: hleradio.com. We were able to give our testimony and tell about what Rock bottom was doing. It was pretty amazing to find out today that 61,500 people listened to the show. Just to know by telling our story that we were able to reach that many and possibly one person could change their life is truly and amazing God story. Through that I was kind of emotional. Sometimes just knowing what you have been delivered through can bring out your emotions. Most times the encouragement is great and it was yesterday. One of my friends said man nobody really knows you. They have no clue the stories and life you had to get you to the point of telling how you were sitting in front of a microphone. You have a blog, and this outlet and its time to start sharing those stories that are an amazing part of you so people can relate to how you got here. I thought a lot about it on our 6.5 drive home and so I will start sharing a few of those in my blog. By no means can I share all of them in a public forum Lord only knows what would happen. So I’ll share the clean stuff or what clean means to me. Some of you may have heard this story in my early blog career so bear with me:

The one who got away: In 1997 I had been dating a girl who I “loved” and thought I was going to marry. We had struggles like most relationships in college, but nothing I thought we couldn’t work through. We took a trip for Spring break in March of 1997 to Puerto Vallarta Mexico. I worked three jobs to pay for it so I truly earned it. To clear up this story pretty quickly. When we got  on the plane to come she dumped me on the plane. Needless to say this didn’t go well. Once we landed I took her to my place in a tirade we got her stuff and I dumped her back at the dorm. This was the start of my downfall. I had been drunk 4 times in my life up to that point and for the next 33 days I was drunk everyday. My heart was broken because MY first love broke my heart. I woke up in a field and had no clue how I had gotten there. I was on the Deans list and honor society in college and i flunked all of my classes that semester. It’s easy to do when you don’t go. I was broken way before then but the was the topper. Some days I woke up and had no clue how I got there or why this gross girl was next to me I usually didn’t know her name and truly didn’t care. At the end of May I had ballooned up to my highest weight ever at 370 lbs and trouble walking and breathing. I had a friend named Laz that just casually mentioned man do you remember when you used to be a bad ass and now you can’t even see your feet. Something sparked in me that day and I decided I had to get better. I enrolled in Summer school and started working out again. Another friend  from high school brought me out to Rugby and over the summer I lost 100 lbs from running until I puked. I looked like I never had in my life and the girls started noticing or at least the girls I wanted to. I started summer school and to say that I tried to punish every girl who came in contact with me because how my heart was broken would be an understand statement. Between summer school and December of that year I was with over 100 women but there was one. Here name was Rebecca G. we had a biology and lab class together. She reminded me of Winnie from the wonder years. She was pre med and home for the summer taking classes. I had a natural draw to her so much she was not one of the 100. I never touched her in that way. Were different I’m an extrovert and she was an introvert, but she was so smart and willing to do the things I did to learn. Over  period of time she stopped dating this guy and she wanted to concentrate on me only. I still drank too much and did things you just shouldn’t do to people. I was a horrible human and manipulated so many women and physically hurt so many men. Rugby was my group of dudes who lived on the edge and did things that you only read about in books. My life was good I thought but still hollow. At the beginning of November she was up for the weekend and we talked and I told her that I wanted her and her only, She said that she was in but I had to stop getting drunk or I was going to kill someone or myself. I promised her and I did. She even took me to meet her parents which they loved me because all parents did. I thought I had found the one until….

I was in a fraternity too during this time and I wanted to go to my last fraternity formal in December. I actually went solo because Rebecca was studying for finals. It was in Austin and she was in Georgetown. I promised by 12 I would be back in Georgetown and we would spend the night together. After getting to the formal I hadn’t drunk in 3 weeks and hadn’t been drunk for 6 weeks. so I  passed on the alcohol but finally around 7 I took a shot of Jim Beam and a bottle and half later I was so drunk I had to be fed at the formal, and I got licks from my little brother in the fraternity and don’t remember it. They try to hurt you so I was embarrassing drunk. They took my keys and wallet from me which I’m so glad they did. I  passed out and when I woke up it was 2:45 in the morning. I never called her and when I found my phone there were 15 missed calls and 7 voice mails. The one I remember said I hope you’re not dead please don’t be dead but if your alive it’s over. I called her 5 times and she answered and I told her I was on my way. She said she didn’t care and she wouldn’t open the door. I got to her place at 4 and I was sitting outside her window crying and begging her to let me in. She finally did and told me to close the door but don’t come any closer. She said you lied to me and I thought you were dead. I’ve cried for 5 hours and you couldn’t call. I explained myself all for not and she said it was time to go. She gave me back a bag of clothes and 3 cards I had given her. I made to trip back to Denton with my heart-broken for a second time and this time no way to stitch it up.

When school started again in January I got a pic from her. It was a date we took on a carriage ride in Highland park looking at Christmas lights. It said I really loved you but your so broken you can’t be loved. I will always think about you! That was it! You know the rest of the story or maybe you don’t. I found my ex-wife in January the same month I got the picture. I thought about her a lot. She was really good to me and I think up until this point one of the very few girls that truly loved me. 3 years ago after my divorced I found her and emailed . She was the Head Pediatric Dr. at Vanderbilt University which had been her dream. My email was long and hers was very short. She said Im truly sorry about your divorce I still think about you and  have always loved you.  Thats the story about the one that got away!!

Thank you

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