Day 870 We love ourselves so conditionally

14 06 2015

You know I’m in love with my kids. My time with them is so precious and its never enough but I definitely make the most of it. Yesterday in the car we were going to Hurricane Harbor and they got quite. If their quite something is going on. What was going on was one of the best picture they have taken together. I’m one lucky daddy!

My babies 6-14-15

If you listen to others or your own life I bet you’ve said why can’t they love me. Whats wrong with me that I can’t simply be loved.  Or you here I just don’t love him or her anymore. I fell out of love with them. I was texting a friend  the other  day named Cookie and we were talking why I struggled so much to love someone or bring somebody into my life. Its the one thing I’m working on harder on than anything else is loving myself. I love myself with so many conditions that its impossible for me to love somebody else. Why. We are supposed to love ourselves, others like God sees us which is unconditionally. Definition:  I love you as you are, as you seek to find your own special way to relate to the world, or the way you feel that is right for you. It is important that you are the person you want to be and not someone who I or others think you should be..  Well I think I love others that way much better than myself. What winds up happening is that I start showing the way I love myself and then project that on someone else. I see myself that when I lose weight, make a certain amount of money, act a certain way etc.. Until I do those things then I can’t love me. So what do I do, I love myself with conditions.

Since I do that then I try putting that on someone else and guess what nobody likes that. Why are  57% of 1st marriages ending and 87% of second marriages ending. If we love ourselves with conditions all we know how to do is love someone else with conditions. Most not all were raised by performance love, or accomplishment love. When we didn’t reach those levels then we were meant to feel unloved or unwanted. We learn by seeing and not hearing then we grow into adults that love the same way. I wish I was the only person that was this way but I know that’s not true. You can go to Little league games, school performances, the mall, yes church and see conditional love at its best. I work so hard on not doing this to my kids. It is something I have to be conscious of it or I’ll fall into the trap.

If I could do anything to help you: Listen to your words, how you speak to your spouse, your kids, friends and see if that’s the way you truly feel about them or its yourself. If you want to be loved you have to love them the way they need it. If you love with conditions you will get loved with conditions. God loves us all of all the time just the way we are. It’s hard to believe that when some of the things I have done I say how could he love me. The reason he can is because he’s not me. He’s capable because I’m not. If your about to end a marriage, try to start a relationship, connect with your children again, or rekindle a friendship. You have to love them the way they are not the way you think or want them to be. Try loving someone unconditionally and see if you’re not starting to love yourself that way. Those reading this I know I’m working on it and I’m hard-headed so God’s working with in my own detention lol. What do you have to lose you know what you’ve done to this point isn’t working try something else before its to late…

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One response

15 06 2015
Pete Deakon

I think the divorce rate you quote is a bit high. The data I’ve seen of late says only about 1/3 of marriages these days end in divorce.

Pete

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