Day 839 Is this what its like to feel loved

15 05 2015

I know what God wants me doing. I know it, feel it and its a fulfilling feeling. I got lucky to hear God and he put me in touch with people who over 2 years brought me to Rock Bottom Outreach. There is no way in my normal life I would have ever been friends with these people just through my normal walk in life. Not only do I have these amazing people in my life but I’m also allowed to share my testimony. Some people say big deal does it matter, I couldn’t do it, why do you air your dirty laundry? For those that don’t know me God gave me a gift to lead, speak and be vulnerable. When he gives you something you run with it. For me I can and will get up in front of any and everybody to share from the moment I came into the world until where I stand now and tell you how I screwed up and my story or redemption not perfection. Why do I do it, why does Rock Bottom do it because we offer hope to the weak, weary, defeated, and the ones that are ready to end their life. We need it to as a part of our journey in healing. Last night was another amazing example of when I doubt what were doing and what I’m doing that God shows up and shows out.

We spoke to a group of youth and adults in Springtown Texas at Hilltop church. When I walked in your could feel the need and I was ready. I was very emotional last night and have no idea why and asked to go last. If I wouldn’t have I would have cried my the whole time but I went last and made it. The our team rocked it with Power testimonies which each of us gets 3 minutes. Its quick but you can through a lot of life in when you’re hitting the high notes. I talk about suicide in my message. I understand it and lived. I know what its like to feel worthless, unworthy, that everything you touch turns to garbage, that life will never get better. I also know that’s a lie from the pits of hell. I tried to end my life but I got lucky and now its my turn to share and change lives. After Rock Bottom and the message we get to stay around and talk to whoever wants to talk to us. The tough part about suicide is talking about it one on one and feeling someone elses pain. Two 7th grade girls approached me and said can I talk to you about suicide. I listened intently and inside I’m dying for them. I wont tell the whole story of both but I spoke some real talk to her and then talked to the adult leadership how to help her. Sure there was teenage drama to her talk but she was serious and then the there are moments that leave you speechless. I gave both girls hugs and one girl looked at me and said is that what its like to feel loved. I stepped back and I guess she saw the confusion on my face and said the hug you just gave me. I said I hope so sweetie.  I walked away with tears running down my eyes and said thank you God. Me being open and showing I care for this girl maybe for the first time in her life felt loved.

I got in my car and said no matter what I have screwed up in my life Jesus was like carry on my good and faithful son you’re doing my work and I love you!! Thanks for reading!!

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