Day 835 Look its the incredible hulk

10 05 2015

Happy mothers day to all of you that brought us into the world and still keep us upright. I know so many amazing mom’s but none like my mom. I appreciate her so much! She is a bad arse. To all the moms that forget how amazing you are just remember you carried another human inside of you, birthed that baby and still had the ability to remember what you needed from the grocery store! That makes you awesome!

My daughter is a teenager and I’m not sure if I feel old or feel like I need to buy so body Armour for whats coming. She had a great birthday and I’m one proud daddy of her for sure!

I never just come home on a Saturday night. I’m usually out and about but plans fell through so I headed home but before I did I stopped at BJ’s restaurant and got dessert. Sitting at the bar eating dessert a guy that used to work for me named Steven  taped me on the shoulder and said do you remember me. I said sure its been a long time but great to see you. He asked the generic questions when you talk to someone you haven’t seen a while and then he said do you remember the last time I saw you. No sorry I don’t I try not to remember a lot from that time. He said you lost your stuff in the front yard at the subs working on that job. He said you were so scary its like you became the incredible hulk but without the green guy part. He asked do you remember that now! He said I quit for that reason and do you know why you did that. I said was terribly sorry and if I could change it I would. He said you don’t have that look anymore  you seem pretty happy. I told him that once you pull the rug out from underneath you can either stay the same or change. I lost everything but I’m glad not to be the green guy anymore.

After he laughed I went to my car and asked God was that necessary to hear that tonight. I know what I did and Im trying not to be that guy anymore. I understand why. I have no idea about the collateral damage I caused around me. I knew exactly why because I needed the reminder of where I am now compared to where I was. When you walk to the bathroom mirror in the morning what do you see. Do you grab the fat around your stomach, find gray hair, push your boobs upward toward where they used to be, do you criticize every aspect of the person you see? If you do that’s what you take int the world that day, I’m ugly, I’m not worthy, nothing good ever happens to me, why would someone love me, my life will never change, I hate my job, my kids don’t love me, my spouse never did love me. That’s why I turned into the incredible hulk everyday. I still do now but maybe just once a week. You can’t walk away from that mirror with those negative thoughts going through mind and be positive about you or your surroundings. So what do you do? The crap you spewed out at the mirror you take to the world and the world sees the green guy the hulk. 5 years after seeing a guy that’s the last thoughts I left him with. 5 years and that’s the only good thing he could think.

My favorite thing about the incredible hulk is when he comes back to just being Bruce Banner they guy that isn’t angry. He seems to be loving, caring and misunderstood but okay with it. You have to find what causes you to be angry, unloved, worthless and that you will never be enough. It starts with these two things remember what God thinks and tells you in the bible and when you look in the mirror. Say something nice about yourself. What you speak about yourself is what you believe good or bad.  Try it! Just start with one thing! I know many of you that beat yourself up and if you knew how great I thought you were you would at least smile. Incredible Hulk is great on the big screen but in life he’s just a big scary green guy. I’m sorry for those I have offended in my past but now I’ll just stick to Bruce Banner!

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