Day 789 Have you had sex yet

25 03 2015

One of the toughest thing about being a parent is knowing what to do when you have a daughter that is getting older and the one time of month creeps on you and her. I was married for 13 years and didn’t understand it then and I’m darn sure I have no idea what to do with a little lady who has no idea whats going on or why. I’m sure God is laughing at me saying yeah figure this one Tyler.  We also started real baseball last night for my son. Baseball is great for my son because you put a weapon (baseball bat) in his hands and tell him to swing hard. Sometimes it’s not at the baseball though so were a work in progress.

A friend of mine for the past 10 years randomly sent me a message and after the pleasantries came right out and asked are you having sex yet. She said I read your blog and you mentioned in the past you haven’t and it really bothers me. She said her and her husband were talking about me Saturday at dinner and it’s just not healthy. I told her if I m a topic of conversation at dinner you guys really need to get out more and that gross to mention me with your dinner. haha.

Before I said anything I sighed and said a small prayer. What I’m TRYING to do with sex is so far our in left field compared to society so I expect few to understand. I could get all cocky and say in my lifetime I had sex with more than most reading this combined but in that is where my lesson is and was learned. What sex was meant to be was between two people who love and care about each other and every way, that nothing could break that bond. We all know what society says it is and I did an amazing job with divide and conquer with sex. I could do my deed and move and ACT like it didn’t hurt or bother me. Then you get bored with sex and trick it up and before you know it sex is some horrible, dirty, filthy, act that you do to just fill a void because of the pathetic feeling you have about yourself. I’m not going to lie there is a 5 minute window after it’s over that you feel pretty amazing but then all the STUFF climbs in your brain. Most guys will say Tyler you’re an idiot, you have no idea what you’re talking about, your stuff must be broken.  All I can say is okay. If you want to know what it takes to be a real man then come talk to me but until then I sit on my own island with my Wilson ball and try to be the best man I can be.

So my response to her was this: Sex hurts! No not to where I need to get a pill for that but the emotional and mental connection you create with someone runs deep like it or not. That whole friends with benefits crap is like having great inexpensive health insurance benefits it just doesn’t happen. Women want to feel safe and if you can’t keep her safe and trust yourself then how is going to feel that way. SEX doesn’t fix any problems only creates them. In a committed relationship it does create intimacy, love, safety and a connection like no other. Outside of that it creates jealously, greed, hate, and a lot of inadequacy. Men are encouraged to add up the women and we give each other trophies  for the number we have laid. It’s such a false teaching because our fathers didn’t teach us and it continues and it just passes it down. The amount of STD spreading around our great little country is horrible. I have enough problems with AIDS, HIV, herpes, etc.., You can never know if she is crazy if you’re having sex. Scientifically speaking the chemicals in our body will not allow us to see them for who they are because of the things physically we are doing. Thats a true study and finally I’m truly  trying to be what God wants. I struggle with my sexual thoughts, I cuss too much, I feel sorry for myself etc.. but at least I know today I’m not hurting anybody because I’m not wham, bam thank you mam and leaving a woman behind wondering whats wrong with me.

Im writing  from my perspective and a guy because that’s what I am. I know women are as guilt but I’m writing what I know. I will tell you this. Many women I have dated thought I was rejecting them when I said no. They have said the following things: Are you gay, are you a fag, is your  d%ck broken, you probably suck in bed. My only response each time was I’m so sorry you have never been respected and you don’t know that Im trying to show you there are good, respectful men. In my past I would have sex with each one at the snap of a finger but I have watched and learned.  Later when I got an apology from 2 of them they said I thought you didn’t think I was pretty, a guy has never told me no, and its the only way I know if you like me. My point exactly and both of those women said that what you’re doing is amazing and I’m not sure how you’re doing it but thank you.

So no its been and while and its my plan to stay sex free until she comes along! No promises I can because when I feel so lonely my past thoughts creep back in that I NEED it. I literally have to stop and pray God Im not strong enough to handle this. God is the only way Im here doing this . Thank God he’s watched every sex act in my life and still loves me and knows Im to weak to control this myself.  I have no other words of advice except that if you have looked in a woman’s eyes and see the pain it caused you don’t want to see it again, I have a daughter and I know the horrible things men say and think about girls and I have to be an example for her. So if you see me sitting like a castaway on my island with my Wilson ball just wave and pass some encouragement.




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