Day 766 I don’t remember you or that at all

3 03 2015

My kids are such an extension of me with their humor, thoughts and funny expressions.. AS they get older I see it and hear it. If you  complain about being a parent just remember it can and will be taken from you. Being a parent is the hardest thing you will ever do but nothing will ever compare to the joy you will get from it. I will fight to be the best father for my children and hope by accident I can motivate or catch somebody by surprise and they will too.

Last night my daughter got to take a 3 hour survey at University of North Texas. It paid her 30 and she got to give her opinion on things. Which being in the 7th grade is an awesome thing. The survey took 3 hours and my son and I ran a few errands then came back to the university. I explained to my son that where I went to college and he wanted to know about it and so we started walking around. He asked questions that 6 years old do, where do you, go what did you do, did you have fun, did you fart anywhere, stuff like that. I bet we walked a 1.5 miles for 2 hours. I truly struggled to answer some of his questions. It was foggy in my brain, I know I tried at that age to fast forward my life so much so I could be an “adult” but I left so much of it behind. I couldn’t remember buildings, I couldn’t remember classes that I took.  I had a gentleman come up to me and say are you Tyler Wood? I said yes he asked why I was there I explained all of that. He said he would always remember me for the poem and essay I did about not quitting in his class. I m sure my stare was blank and like okay. He said you don’t remember me? I said no sir and Im sorry a lot of life has happened since then. He explained to me who he was and I acted like I then knew but I didn’t. He wished me the best and then my son said who was that. I told him I had no idea but I remember later. Well I went to UNT’s page today he was my favorite professor and I had 3 classes with him. When I walked around last night it wasn’t Twilight zone but it was a very hollow feeling. I actually got pretty darn sad. That such a big part of my life is missing. I m not sure I tried to forget it on purpose but its gone.

This morning Ive thought a lot about what I can remember and what I can’t. I ve forgotten more the last 3 years than I think I could ever remember. It’s maybe all the brain cells I killed drinking, or the shots in the head from Rugby but parts of my life are gone. They say if you want to remember something go back there. I did and still nothing! So whats the point: We try to erase the bad in our minds and we can, we try to speed life up so much we miss it, we wish our kids to grow up so fast and they do. We don’t live in the moment and because of that, the moments feel like we never existed in that moment. There are parts of my life Im embarrassed of but still don’t regret because every one of them made me who I am today. Yesterday I was a ghost in a place I spent 2.5 years of my life and I wondered if people could even see me. When someone says stop and smell the roses do you? If not why? Please just try to stop and remember the moment you’re in because it wont come back and possibly you’ll never remember it again. We should have remembered and when its gone its gone. Life is about living and then in that making a memory. I’m rambling but thanks for reading!!!

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