Day 680 You have to forgive yourself for Friday night

8 12 2014

The holidays are here and we went to the ballet, yes I took my kids to see the Nutcracker. It was so cool and the work they put in is amazing. My kids enjoyed it. I’m getting cultured in my seasoned age. Remember to give, it makes your heart feel like it works better.

For all my peeps that would like to listen about my testimony and where I am at now. I will be on Power Christian talk out of Denver, Colorado this Monday and Tuesday evening. . Here are all the ways to listen.PART 1 … Will be played Monday, Dec. 8th at 7pm mtn / 8pm cst on AM 810 KLVZ … Peeps can listen all over the world online at 810KLVZ.com or on any smart phone or iPad … There’s an app called Tune In Radio … It’s like a DVR .. you can record the show and listen later.PART 1 will also play again on AM 670 KLTT at 8pm mtn / 9pm cst same way on listening …670KLTT.com or by Tune In Radio. PART 2 … same schedule but on Tuesday, Dec. 9th

I never had a clue about forgiveness. I knew the word but that’s it. I committed all of these things crappy acts in life and had no idea what to do with them. One of the toughest lessons about forgiveness is that you cannot forgive someone else unless you can forgive yourself. I heard twice this week that God doesn’t forgive people like me. I know that’s one of the biggest lies that satan teaches BUT its one of the toughest things to learn.Here is my list and the list of things that I’ve heard people say can’t be forgiven on Friday night or any night: The hate I had for my parent, the words I spoke to my spouse, the wreck I caused, my divorce, the way I ignored my children, how drunk I was and made an ass out of myself, the things I sold to get my drugs, the death I caused, the women I abandoned after I had sex with them, every lie I told, How many people I used on my way to my goals, the anger I used on everyone, I can’t love anymore, the way I abused myself, how I trust nobody, these are just a few of thousands. I do a lot of self evaluating many would say too much. No matter where I’m at with God I really suck at forgiving myself. This has been a realization that I have just discovered in myself. No matter what I thought I had done I haven’t forgiven myself for the pain I brought into the lives of my kids. I push so hard to be a great dad I miss a the small things. I beat myself up and haven’t forgiven me for all the things I did to women. Therefore I  have a hard time loving and trusting. That’s a lie I don’t love or trust at all.  Sure there are things I have forgiven but many I haven’t.I wont bore you with more. The only advice I can give and work on is prayer and actually listening to those around me. If it was just easy to do it I would. I refuse to hurt anyone else so I stick to myself which maybe wrong to,but I don’t want to hurt others like I did before. I just ask for prayer and know I pray for many of you that read this. Life is a journey and this is my long narrow road right now, Tune in tomorrow and listen to my story and redemption.

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