Day 668 Yes Im a racist

26 11 2014

Pre-thanksgiving eve to all. I hope your time with family and friends is great. I know this is a hard time for many as well and I’m thinking about you as well.

I’m don’t have to go in whats going on in our country. If I do then wake up or actually don’t its better for us if you stay under your rock. I’m writing this because one I get who I am and no I m no an idiot to anyone. I could sit and defend myself or all of “us”. I could pretend I have never said, felt, or acted an idiot when it becomes about another race. That would be a bold face lie. I could tell you about all my black friends, that I had more black friends growing up than white friends. I can give you all the excuses but here’s the truth I’m racist and a sinner. I was racist towards everyone but this is about black and white.

Racism- from Wikipedia.

Racism consists of both prejudice and discrimination based in social perceptions of biological differences between people’s. It often takes the form of social actions, practices or beliefs, or political systems that consider different races to be ranked as inherently superior or inferior to each other, based on presumed shared inheritable traits, abilities, or qualities.

Before my life crashed around me and I was humbled I would say I was a 7 on the racist scale. I was ignorant about many things, closed-minded but also my surroundings, people, books, neighborhood etc.. helped in aiding me. I saw the news, I witnessed acts with my own eyes, I heard “them” say things that I just couldn’t understand. When you are removed from a different aspects of society you get jaded, filled full of hate and stupidity and I for one did that. If my friends joked I would jump right in. I know racism goes both ways but I’m talking about what I know and see. I  had my own jokes and laughed at them. I could always be around my black friends and love them but when a dog pile took place I was right there maybe leading the way. I ve used the N word more than I can count, I talked in generalities about things that I knew nothing about. I said I would never let me daughter date a black guy, blah blah..

All the crap that we white people say. Almost every white person says I’m not racist. Well there sure is a lot of racism if I’m the only racist. Growing up I played football and on defense. Majority of the guys I played with and hung out with were black. Do I have more of an understanding about black cultural and life sure about 1%. i have been places, eaten food, watched hair be braided,  went to black church, heard parents talk about being ashy, white people when they get wet smell like wet dog etc.. So do I know a tiny bit yes. Truly I know nothing.

So why write this: From my perspective and I hope my children’s I’m sorry. I’m not apologizing for everyone else just me. I’m apologizing for every bit of my stupidity, my anger, my fear my sin, my jokes, and just me. I will never understand the life of a black person and I’m sorry I even said I did. After my life was ripped apart I was  humbled and I tried do right and I started over trying to see  everyone equal. Doesn’t mean the thoughts don’t run through my head, it means I’m retraining my brain, training my children to see everyone just as a person. Yes we all do stupid things, and I don’t agree with the violence etc.. in Ferguson but I’m trying to change me. If I change me and the way I think I can slowly start changing my section of the world. I’m not proud to say I’m a racist but I’m not a liar either. I have a bi-racial nephew, 3 of the coolest black guys that I would do anything for. I believe in turn they would do the same.If there was a fight I would fight right there with them. This isn’t for me to get a bunch of alright brother great blog, or you’re a good man. It’s to let the world know racism is a problem and I see it. I can say it and I will do my best to try to end it in my part of the world. I hope in turn people follow me. If not at least I’m raising my kids to see people and not color.

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